人們經常說我什麼都怯,什麼都不敢嘗試;629Please respect copyright.PENANA4JZOFqjt53
害怕面對新的環境,害怕結識新的朋友。629Please respect copyright.PENANANA9zG4uRCZ
我怕,只是為了保障自己和其他人不會受到傷害;629Please respect copyright.PENANAn9uzQAhAPr
哪怕我一下無意的舉動,都會殺個別人措手不及。629Please respect copyright.PENANAOCneIssi3g
亦有人說你都還未試過,你又怎會知道會否成功。629Please respect copyright.PENANAxwiQGmG2Tz
但卻正是因為我嘗試過,才令我更加的怕;629Please respect copyright.PENANAi6BSMJxPg9
更加的怕我會無意傷害到她,更加的怕別人不會接受到我。629Please respect copyright.PENANAnRROdRI5yh
那一次嘗試,就是我的初戀。
聽說,學校是戀愛的溫床。629Please respect copyright.PENANAOo03XcB4cj
很多在學校談過戀愛的,後來都會大有發展。629Please respect copyright.PENANA8hDmZe2q6k
但唯獨我,因為初戀使戀愛成為禁忌。629Please respect copyright.PENANA4B0pNziKdr
那人是誰?一位由中一至中五的同班同學——婷。629Please respect copyright.PENANAyrTEEzJO8C
我愛上她不只因為外表,而是她的性格。629Please respect copyright.PENANA5t4M2cxWfl
那是我或她遇到什麼不愉快或不開心的事情,都會跟他一起談心。629Please respect copyright.PENANAAj2B1mp7eU
功課遇到什麼難題,我們都曾一同解決。629Please respect copyright.PENANAMJlCDr5YL1
就是經過幾年初中生活的薰陶,我就漸漸愛上她。
終於,就在一次自修時,我跟她示愛。629Please respect copyright.PENANAahHPNTgmIe
她突然不知怎樣去反應,呆了一呆;629Please respect copyright.PENANAquzh3eX3yB
然後就像答應我一般點了頭,但她的表情卻是不知所措。629Please respect copyright.PENANA0zKajpya3F
那時的我就當作她默認了,便「唔」了一聲作回應。629Please respect copyright.PENANA9CNWYmB9a3
她像沒聽到似的,繼續發呆沉思。629Please respect copyright.PENANAEFDIZ3lnQ9
也許她還未準備好談戀愛,就被我二話不說的拉進了來。629Please respect copyright.PENANA0oyxIFKzlq
現在回想起來,還是覺得自己很過分。
雖然說我們在戀愛中,卻和平日沒兩樣。629Please respect copyright.PENANAfInLmMLjUS
照樣的談心事,同樣的溫習考試。629Please respect copyright.PENANAaTW5CSv7bl
那時的我卻覺得無比開心,以為這就是談戀愛。629Please respect copyright.PENANAywxEkgU4CH
還自以為得意的拖手,做些過分行為。629Please respect copyright.PENANASR7wUHGqjc
然而,原來她在我背後已另有其人。
一個下雨天,我照常地跟她一起放學。629Please respect copyright.PENANApshC6KW7kE
當我打算跟她拖手時,她突然停下了腳步;629Please respect copyright.PENANAJSaOOSaD0O
滿面愁容地跟我說:「不如⋯我哋分⋯⋯絕交啦?」629Please respect copyright.PENANACWf1KFJNsl
我愕然地跟她說:「點解呀?⋯你係咪有啲心事屈係個心?」629Please respect copyright.PENANA8dh1DUaf5S
「唔係啊唔關事啊⋯其實係因為你」629Please respect copyright.PENANA2BngrLJVOf
「我⋯?我做錯咗啲咩⋯⋯?」629Please respect copyright.PENANAu3B5hEWfgO
「我身邊啲朋友都笑我,笑同我個毒男一齊拍拖,仲同我講:『呢件咁嘅嘢你都啃得落?』」629Please respect copyright.PENANAW89664BPBr
「佢哋講笑咋⋯⋯唔使理佢哋嘅⋯⋯」629Please respect copyright.PENANALrLAXVEJN8
「講笑?依家唔好話男朋友啦,我連其他男同學都識唔到個啊!都係因為你!」629Please respect copyright.PENANAMlrkwhVE41
「對對⋯⋯對唔住呀!我都唔想呀,我又唔知道⋯⋯」629Please respect copyright.PENANAXZsRu2vODQ
「夠啦!我唔想再聽到你講廢話!由今日開始我地再無任何關係!」629Please respect copyright.PENANAMRYxvj5fgN
說完,她連同我的傘帶走;629Please respect copyright.PENANAriCTTqOOJH
剩下我一個在路中心淋雨。
其後幾個月的晚上,我開始失眠。629Please respect copyright.PENANAN9Aw9pr66j
不是想我做錯了什麼,而是想我一直以來到底傷害了多少人。629Please respect copyright.PENANAeqJubPo2Gs
結果用了好幾個月的晚上,都想不透。629Please respect copyright.PENANAjnVG3oTm8u
不知道傷害了多少人,更不知道怎樣才能避免。629Please respect copyright.PENANA2fTrcm3Wlb
於是我就只懂得怯,希望能夠逃避問題。629Please respect copyright.PENANAFsn6CV9e9P
缺少了婷的交心,我變得更加迷惘。629Please respect copyright.PENANAJIUV1rbReE
於是,我利用那唯一的途徑交心——互聯網。
跟婷絕交後,我的成績一落千丈。629Please respect copyright.PENANALjyKVsvBt1
學校裏朋友亦不多,做什麼事也不太成功。629Please respect copyright.PENANAXLnuTxbu5C
於是我決定在網上交友,至少也能交到個知心好友。629Please respect copyright.PENANACtDEuDimpR
中五那年,我就應識了另一個她——Peggy。629Please respect copyright.PENANAKvZzmrL6AA
初時,只是在一個交友群組裏面認識。629Please respect copyright.PENANAJB1DHoTInB
慢慢發現大家有共同興趣,便開始聊起個人心事。629Please respect copyright.PENANAyIn0OpgaCe
就是這樣,一段網戀開始了。
由於雙方都沒有自己樣子的頭像,所以大家只能從文字中瞭解對方的性格。629Please respect copyright.PENANATkEaJ0Mv5J
正就是這樣,我們談開始戀愛。629Please respect copyright.PENANAVnGGYfJ4yK
不止在Facebook中互加對方作情侶,還一起玩些網路遊戲。629Please respect copyright.PENANA1leKamnIMJ
大家還試過互傳一些肉麻對話,就像喝醉一般。629Please respect copyright.PENANA5szOWsPh7Y
我和她還通過無數次電話,就像我們是真正的伴侶一般。629Please respect copyright.PENANAdZ1ZiRFglg
問過大家的出生日期,知道大家的童年經歷。629Please respect copyright.PENANAqgmPmlfP7r
見不到對方的真面目,反而才令我更加安心。
但直到有一天,她要求我去一次約會。629Please respect copyright.PENANA2pTx8dToIS
她說,經過這麼多年,很想跟我去一次約會。629Please respect copyright.PENANAuOsuyQCgbj
「我都付出左我嘅初戀俾你,你可唔可以陪我出一次街咁簡單?」629Please respect copyright.PENANAhgh4FKko9p
「我真的真的很想看見你的真面目」629Please respect copyright.PENANARFWnr0fuS4
「點解次次我話想約你,你都同我講你唔得閑?」629Please respect copyright.PENANAU7O2xV6UwW
我真的答不了她,唯有每次都說我很忙碌。629Please respect copyright.PENANASDlY59utFF
我很害怕,很怕我又會傷害多一次別人。629Please respect copyright.PENANArr5XIYHyzJ
要到底怎樣,才能避免這浩劫?629Please respect copyright.PENANAiSbvCrgAU3
難道要蒙着面出外?又不是參與什麼遊行示威。629Please respect copyright.PENANA5lGtSBaNDh
但又不可能跟她分手,始終我真的很愛她。
「我警告你吖,如果你今日下晝兩點旺角恒生冇出現嘅話,我真係unfriend你架!」629Please respect copyright.PENANAaf6JAyN1iw
如今已經沒辦法再逃避,唯有硬着臉的面對。629Please respect copyright.PENANAWetj1x4V2r
我把衣櫃找了好幾遍,才能找到比較合適的衣服。629Please respect copyright.PENANAKne7bWoQVR
還故意把擦得比平時更白,還用漱口水漱口了好幾遍;629Please respect copyright.PENANAgBR13LiknK
久違的口臭完全消失,已經保證萬無一失。629Please respect copyright.PENANAlMPGC7VdMi
做盡了一切措施,終於要出門。
「準時兩點正,我已經到咗啦!」629Please respect copyright.PENANAUIQ7CcehKn
我就在恒生銀行門口,傳個訊息給她。629Please respect copyright.PENANAKkUuyW3mKf
畫面顯示着藍雙剔,但她卻久久未見人。629Please respect copyright.PENANAe5tm1EdFEF
然後我再問了她是不想我來錯了銀行,卻再也看不到藍剔。629Please respect copyright.PENANA8RFOsJeHKf
上面明明寫着「在線上」,卻像人間蒸發般再也找不到她。629Please respect copyright.PENANAAt1ScNziQW
我站在那個銀行門口,然後又走到對面那銀行;629Please respect copyright.PENANA5bqSD6JJG4
由兩點等到六點,始終還是看不見她的蹤影。629Please respect copyright.PENANA9Fn3BKzA9E
過程亦沒有任何一人跟我相認,我就像瘋子般逛來逛去。629Please respect copyright.PENANAb0FpbjRths
但是最後,還是失望而回。
「⋯⋯你仲喺唔喺度?」629Please respect copyright.PENANAOKZntCxyfJ
一日又一日的過去,她最後那短信息還是叫我出外的那段。629Please respect copyright.PENANAPpwLcqRmhP
她的Facebook封鎖了我,她的電話再也打不通。629Please respect copyright.PENANAjOgxYhTEjB
她的一切恍似就停留在那一刻,無論我送多少一發訊息給她;629Please respect copyright.PENANAOtzpkUREF3
還是跟他道歉,她還是照舊不理我。629Please respect copyright.PENANAkgWxSoPLqw
失眠期間,我又想到為何她當天沒出現。629Please respect copyright.PENANAUMrRfKGX4J
或許她早已出現,但就是因為我的出現;629Please respect copyright.PENANALYh7ybNc7t
她就完全消失,就像從沒出現過。
現在想回來,或許這一切都只是願者上釣。629Please respect copyright.PENANAxZmxQ4RF0X
或者她根本沒真心愛上我,只是我一個自作多情。629Please respect copyright.PENANAjBgFD2eWFO
但也可能她的初戀真的給了個毒男,就這樣傷害了一個少女。629Please respect copyright.PENANAmE9LOEdRG2
或許她那天是哭着回去的,就是被她的好奇心弄死。629Please respect copyright.PENANAOqqRRXFYE5
或許她還未準備好愛我,承受不了這好奇。
或許她還愛着我,還未接受到我的美。
629Please respect copyright.PENANA3PB2rbcSNj
629Please respect copyright.PENANADdOhS7hLOf
629Please respect copyright.PENANAhBKZ7gjZCg