I shake my head, struggling to get those stupid thoughts out of it; but they just keep coming back, they just keep shouting at me! “I’m not enough!” I tell myself, I believe it too, I can’t do anything right, I can’t even make the ones I care about happy, not that there’s many of those people anyways...8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMQlEwDUPD 維尼I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier

”Don’t worry, things will get better eventually..” Dark says to try and comfort me but I just don’t know anymore. My mind tells me that I can’t do any of this and I should just give up. It’s driving me crazy and I just want all this pain to go away. 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7ZnKACRxu 維尼When we see what we've become

I hate the way Dark can see straight through me like it’s nothing. Sometimes I even hate Laito a little bit just for the fact that Dark fell in love with him and not me. I’m jealous he’s the one she wants and not me but hey, why would anyone want me? 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2xiTg4S96W 維尼In the cold light of day we're a flame in the wind321Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2FCh6qqKU
Not the fire that we've begun

I’m just a reject, the one people don’t notice and don’t bother about. Why should they? I don’t deserve anything good to come to me because I’m a mistake. I can’t study well like others, I can’t play games as well as others. I can’t even do simple things like talking to people I like!!8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdhHUIcYq3 維尼Every argument, every word we can't take back

”I DONT CARE IF I DIE OKAY?!” Oh. Shit. I wasn’t supposed to say that, not now, not in front of Dark. NONONONONONO— “Azusa..” She..She’s not leaving..? I’m an idiot, I can’t even hold back my own tears. 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡc16XxJO7b3 維尼'Cause with the all that has happened

She pulls me into a hug, something I didn’t know I would need ever, I don’t know what to do. My eyes went all blurry and my cheeks were wet. I’m crying as if I was a small baby again. ‘Pathetic..’ that’s what my mind whispers, but Dark just hugs me tighter. 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpMonx9IwV 維尼I think that we both know the way that the story ends

I stare at my phone, blinking away tears of both worry and frustration at Teena’s messages;8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0wh8oWsKt 維尼

’YOUR FRIENDS ARE JERKS!’8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SjEjB79Ug 維尼

’HOW COULD HE POST SUCH A THING?!’8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QLQl4jcrm 維尼

’ITS SO RUDE YOU KNOW.’8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5qETYXCM8 維尼I want to change my mind

I ask Dark to update me on what on Earth happened and she comes back to tell me that someone leaked their messages with her and wasn’t even freaking sorry. 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡftECc4leRZ 維尼'Cause this just don't feel right to me

I feel the anger course through me like drugs in my bloodstream. I clench my fist; not caring at the sharp stinging of my nails digging into my palms or the cold numbing of my knuckles going pale and whitish as I clench it harder. 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡId0PRvyDrc 維尼I want to raise your spirits

”...I just wanted her to be happy...” I mumble to myself as I begin to shake, anger subsiding into something I’m not sure what to describe it as, that undoubtable guilt you have when someone does something wrong on your account yet you refuse to believe it was their fault at all. 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxMqMYcCh1 維尼I want to see you smile but

”I just wanted her to be happy for god’s sake!” I nearly shout, raising my voice ever so slightly as I force myself to go to sleep that night.8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyCi8SdPZ9 維尼Know that means I'll have to leave

She clenches a hand on my shoulder, seeing through my hard moulded facade. “Azu, no. You know it’ll only hurt you and get you both in trouble.” She emphasises but I can hardly care. “So what if I get in trouble or get hurt Dark?” She sighs and I panic, she’s finally gotten tired of me hasn’t she? She’s just gonna walk away like this was all nothing because I’m so annoying and all I do is disappoint— “Who’ll take care of Teena if you’re suspended? I sure as anything ain’t gonna.” She admits. Wow..I–I never thought about it that way..I just thought I’d be doing Teena a favour. I exhale and nod, agreeing with her and walking back to classes with her. 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCIrMaFugU 維尼Lately, I've been, I've been thinking

I slam my head against the desk, I can’t help it.8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqa1QFshNS 維尼

She.8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDoXtlcmG7 維尼

Just.8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLSe4Y8q9B 維尼

Won’t.8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxqldOpMq4 維尼

Get.8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9yTy6KvvKY 維尼

Out!!8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡME6XQwwqlC 維尼I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier

I lay in bed, an arm draped over my tired head and I just stare at the ceiling, not really tired or sleepy after my mom shouted at me for no reason as usual. Dark said I should just let myself think, maybe I should try to do that now..oh well..it can’t get worse can it? 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEMHG1uWDH 維尼And I'm left there with my thoughts

It’s quiet at first, then I see Teena, it’s so..nice here, she’s happy, I’m happy, we’re just hanging out on the sports courts, shooting hoops, and woah…she’s so good! Just like she is at everything, she’s amazing and beautiful and pretty and adorable and sporty and nice and just…her.  8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLqr8mvRVh 維尼And the image of you being with someone else

Abruptly I feel something snap in my mind, Len? What on earth does HE want? He already has someone! (Agust this is before) Everything that happened flashes through my mind and I feel tears prick my eyes, my heart aches and my head is suddenly spinning as if I sat on an amusement park ride. I’m so confused, scared. I don’t know where to go anymore. 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaVtyw8x75 維尼Well, that's eating me up inside

”Dark!” I see her laying her head on her boyfriend’s shoulder, they’re talking, and I feel as if I want to puke at the envious love that’s seeping towards me like an overly strong perfume on someone with a hypersensitive nose and eyes. She looks up at me, bringing her head off his shoulder, soothing my nausea for a brief moment before placing a kiss on his cheek and walking to me. 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHdirAtqAE 維尼But we run our course, we pretend that we're okay

”Azu? What happened? You look frantic.” She states and it’s only then I notice I’m shaking and breathing heavily, my thoughts must really be bothering me...ah shoot I have to speak to her…what was it about…? I stare at her, blinking stupidly, then I shake my head and continue blinking. “Azu? Those thoughts, from our younger years, they’re coming back again aren’t they?” 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2vEcKkNvU 維尼Now if we jump together at least we can swim

I don’t even deny it this time because she’s right, she’s always right. “Oh..you poor thing,” she says softly, sadly and I see her focus on something for a second, I look at her and wait, “She doesn’t hate you, you know, she’s just ridiculously fed up with what the other guys have been giving her, all honesty.” I nod at her, my own mind spacing out as what she says goes in one ear and out the other. 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8jgDPc4ZY 維尼Far away from the wreck we made

It worked for maybe a day or two before the thoughts came even stronger than anything; leaving me with a huge headache and a call to Dark, “Dark..?” The voice was quiet, but relaxed and steady as she replied back to my shaky one, “Azu? Did something happen? You usually text..” “I’m okay..I think...I can’t stop—thoughts…her.” I blabber out and I huff out a relieved sigh as she gives back an understanding ‘oh’. 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SxSput2Kw 維尼I want to change my mind

“Azu, you can’t just force yourself to forget about someone. You really can’t, the most you could do it slowly stop thinking, nothing happens within a few weeks.” But more than that is too long! It’s the same as it’s happening now! “But I can’t do this anymore! Knowing she’s angry at me for some reason makes me feel more like dying than I already do! I only cause problems now anyways.” 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡtBT4RZN2ja 維尼'Cause this just don't feel right to me

It goes quiet for a while and I’m about to freak out, I’ve just messed up everything right? She just heard the same stuff over and over and over again and I’m not even trying to follow her advice or listen to what she has to say. “You don’t only cause problems Azusa, you’re our friend too, Shane, Light, me...if you can’t live for yourself anymore, well, then can you do something for me?” She’s gonna tell me not to kill myself but I’m not sure I can stop it for much longer…8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡfayg7R3H3R 維尼I want to raise your spirits

”Yes?”8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxIHY6aXhG 維尼I want to see you smile but

”Live for me. You care about me right?”8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCfOwtqqlp 維尼Know that means I'll have to leave

She giggles mutely from across the line and I can hear the smile in her voice as she continues talking, “You’re really sweet, thank you. But like I said, if you can’t live for yourself anymore, do this for me, live for me instead. Because if you’re gone, I’m going to blame myself everyday for your death and you know that.” 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpM37VxSpC 維尼Lately, I've been, I've been thinking

Why would she blame herself, I bet she’d be so so happy to have me gone too, it would just be a burden gone and then she can get on with her life without my problems. “I honestly don’t think you know you’re saying that out loud, but I’m being honest Azu, and I would blame myself because I would know I lost one of my closest friends because I wasn’t able to show him that life would be so much better with him here. And you telling me things aren’t ‘problems’, it’s good to voice out and not let everything overboil inside you.” 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nd8D44oCW 維尼I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier

The next morning I told Dark about my accomplishment. She smiled from behind me, resting her chin on the top of my hair as I sat; “I’m so happy for you Azu, I knew you could do it, I’m proud of you.”8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnmx8CT6P7 維尼So I'll go, I'll go321Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37KxkCwSDF
I will go, go, go

The funny thing is that Dark can still read me like an open book. She knows what to say, when to say it and how to say it and I’m honestly so thankful for her because I don’t know what would’ve happened to me in that hell-hole if she didn’t give me a ladder to climb out of it. 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡePbAl2iXwE 維尼I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier

Today’s her birthday, I didn’t have enough money to get her a gift and my mom didn’t give me the money I asked for so I just made her a card. 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡBAU78EYMED 維尼Even though I might not like this

It was a stupid idea considering that she’s so much better of an artist than almost any of us in Form 3, but she seemed very happy to get it anyhow, she hugged me too so that was good.8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡtDQc6IU11W 維尼I think that you'll be happier, I want you to be happier

And with that, I ran as fast as I can as I heard her screaming behind me about how she was just “A YEAR OLDER” but hey, still old right?? 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8NxH3jgOD 維尼'Cause this just don't feel right to me321Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBiUXAbQbOk
I want to raise your spirits

The day went by quick and slowly I began to notice that Teena hadn’t been slipping into my mind very often anymore, I updated Dark and I got an “I told you so” in return. 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡSle5nswp2l 維尼I want to see you smile but321Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWQJw3UJR8
Know that means I'll have to leave

Who knows what will happen in the future anyways? I’ll probably find another girl who finally likes me the way I like her! 8964 copyright protection317ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xZ58Si6TB 維尼I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier