Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.923Please respect copyright.PENANAnwziGT0s2w
923Please respect copyright.PENANAaDskAUqpSp
Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.923Please respect copyright.PENANA7qdngJjs7Z
923Please respect copyright.PENANAJKrcG8IVet
Her face remains serene.923Please respect copyright.PENANAWpRjZvMQmD
923Please respect copyright.PENANAPkcCdFY2vd
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.923Please respect copyright.PENANA6VJ6KzdqYe
923Please respect copyright.PENANAjyq7sBCj3L
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.923Please respect copyright.PENANAQr2num1mSd
923Please respect copyright.PENANAZJYFCpFhQS
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.923Please respect copyright.PENANAdFTMq3310l
923Please respect copyright.PENANAaAWiNMylxC
This should have been her beginning.923Please respect copyright.PENANAYYuZpgBIwl
923Please respect copyright.PENANAXa8QyZhxQ1
*/*/*923Please respect copyright.PENANAWiQlPsFTu5
923Please respect copyright.PENANAFoCtTfM4XH
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.923Please respect copyright.PENANAO6KdraQrsC
923Please respect copyright.PENANAQdAggEWe1n
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.923Please respect copyright.PENANA87ZIgwTBK8
923Please respect copyright.PENANAHUEWqGKJ4G
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.923Please respect copyright.PENANA21t5ydgoxP
923Please respect copyright.PENANABKN6qhaOs2
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.923Please respect copyright.PENANACiNTHUjLgP
923Please respect copyright.PENANAxLBYp36UIz
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.923Please respect copyright.PENANA5oKxjmNgG7
923Please respect copyright.PENANAuskb54jxzH
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.923Please respect copyright.PENANAzxadAUXUTV
923Please respect copyright.PENANAkBlltD8SsV
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”923Please respect copyright.PENANAqAhOworp5F
923Please respect copyright.PENANAvZ6O8Ij46X
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.923Please respect copyright.PENANAbDH8Y5Ofy4
923Please respect copyright.PENANAP9udQchHKk
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.923Please respect copyright.PENANAlRA1iklO1B
923Please respect copyright.PENANAzRhk80Z0gb
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.923Please respect copyright.PENANAC8Ig0phm3h
923Please respect copyright.PENANAnA4Xd3vcG3
*/*/*923Please respect copyright.PENANAjqtbJCFaVj
923Please respect copyright.PENANAnWBTqeZtxJ
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.923Please respect copyright.PENANAUTm6gkzVob
923Please respect copyright.PENANArLIp3g5bUa
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.923Please respect copyright.PENANAOuGIvJ1kC2
923Please respect copyright.PENANA5szx7M2Exm
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.923Please respect copyright.PENANAluPJupwvmT
923Please respect copyright.PENANA6QPj8deBnn
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.923Please respect copyright.PENANAOWPxcuAvjJ
923Please respect copyright.PENANA2tyD9yjpdX
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.923Please respect copyright.PENANAw8SWfkUOJr
923Please respect copyright.PENANAprE69lwz47
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.923Please respect copyright.PENANANamTigq5iJ
923Please respect copyright.PENANAoh6vPqaLJc
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”923Please respect copyright.PENANAJa24PGMoA8
923Please respect copyright.PENANAYysA6dTPWr
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.923Please respect copyright.PENANAgHUXc4dvTP
923Please respect copyright.PENANA7obvmsPjNr
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.923Please respect copyright.PENANAWuSuVHyPyQ
923Please respect copyright.PENANAGUYpqyhwne
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.923Please respect copyright.PENANAsspUPc1iBR
923Please respect copyright.PENANAg1TpSd5M0M
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.923Please respect copyright.PENANAfNhYV9jQyV
923Please respect copyright.PENANAzeZYrCfyWG
*/*/*923Please respect copyright.PENANAoJBrNgwIa3
923Please respect copyright.PENANAsjaV1XbhzI
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.923Please respect copyright.PENANA19WQNkXGif
923Please respect copyright.PENANAbALNL8pmUZ
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”923Please respect copyright.PENANAnqVJ0LrWT8
923Please respect copyright.PENANA4ed1icFIXI
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.923Please respect copyright.PENANAGEX9fz9W0t
923Please respect copyright.PENANAAmuqIdbpUj
She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.923Please respect copyright.PENANA04Vc1rNW5P
923Please respect copyright.PENANAXt8CggIPHz
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”923Please respect copyright.PENANAuR1DiBWDnh
923Please respect copyright.PENANAwkT9KUK6FL
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.923Please respect copyright.PENANAGgT4c1DPbF
923Please respect copyright.PENANAL79CEcXmeZ
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”923Please respect copyright.PENANAyKsbUZSu1v
923Please respect copyright.PENANA8SwsCbfwgg
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.923Please respect copyright.PENANAk5SBRxzIjq
923Please respect copyright.PENANAndRTr609iV
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.923Please respect copyright.PENANAkmyqWXiygr
923Please respect copyright.PENANAHZjqHyiuOA
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.923Please respect copyright.PENANAksAyfn1dBJ
923Please respect copyright.PENANA0OKZLzk8vi
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.923Please respect copyright.PENANAyJrEMHG6bq
923Please respect copyright.PENANAAVjVKFUNNt
*/*/*923Please respect copyright.PENANArbSdnZACYO
923Please respect copyright.PENANAR5fmXWg9Un
Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.923Please respect copyright.PENANAbrOQZPf32K
923Please respect copyright.PENANANCzj2XIxbs
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.923Please respect copyright.PENANACxhcZguzqx
923Please respect copyright.PENANAgRbjsqRVR1
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.923Please respect copyright.PENANAd4H23rX9RZ
923Please respect copyright.PENANAKHrJdM7jLM
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.923Please respect copyright.PENANAyEJxP9zUQS
923Please respect copyright.PENANAs4diUgHG7e
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.923Please respect copyright.PENANAgdRlaUtKgF
923Please respect copyright.PENANAV12ZXTbGxa
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.923Please respect copyright.PENANAVAJe4Yi2Bg
923Please respect copyright.PENANArxEBNiiOrh
*/*/*923Please respect copyright.PENANAd9KTMnflOy
923Please respect copyright.PENANAwIbT1BBds1
The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.923Please respect copyright.PENANAH4yS3RYlmQ
923Please respect copyright.PENANA1yjxg7Gye4
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.923Please respect copyright.PENANARkyxt7k4OW
923Please respect copyright.PENANAe53Z9P4UXc
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?923Please respect copyright.PENANA3EqoW0eYf9
923Please respect copyright.PENANAq0i5MuYtIY
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.923Please respect copyright.PENANAszCpJ1s4bp
923Please respect copyright.PENANANpof99EJmr
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”923Please respect copyright.PENANACq4XEs7ygh
923Please respect copyright.PENANAqHYwRrBUNj
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.923Please respect copyright.PENANAPQidpa9jzs
923Please respect copyright.PENANAmzaZj8VfI7
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.923Please respect copyright.PENANAnzh6thcSBi
923Please respect copyright.PENANArpkNhsfBFZ
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.923Please respect copyright.PENANAMP9rkXMoSo
923Please respect copyright.PENANACkofeOyY8n
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”923Please respect copyright.PENANACeQpzCv0FH
923Please respect copyright.PENANAUdEJQbUL2l
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.923Please respect copyright.PENANA64XR4ED5Co
923Please respect copyright.PENANADTPRTrDiXt
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.923Please respect copyright.PENANAz7HRnGs6pr
923Please respect copyright.PENANApbkGE8juQP
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.923Please respect copyright.PENANAHxatxaDeFD
923Please respect copyright.PENANAWQ3DzNFYl7
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
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TejiReve

篇 #8
Half-Hearted
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