Mai uses her plié to come into relevé, her toes in grande pointe. She feels the sheen of sweat on her neck, even as she holds it high, trying to embody the grace of a swan.938Please respect copyright.PENANA4i0DklEbtz
938Please respect copyright.PENANA7h07r3P88U
Her execution is perfect, her expression is perfect. She shows no outward signs of her toes screaming in pain, even as she feels the telltale wet warmth in her shoes.938Please respect copyright.PENANAqYPEx9ZFbO
938Please respect copyright.PENANAz1Y8lIZNTi
Her face remains serene.938Please respect copyright.PENANA6z5mZrl4Qo
938Please respect copyright.PENANAe6zhC8HFcZ
A memory comes to her mind—Megumi-chan as a baby curled in Dad’s arms. She was born too early. She was sick. Her heart wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t expected to live past a couple of years, even with all the 23rd century medical technology.938Please respect copyright.PENANA09M8HxLJDE
938Please respect copyright.PENANACIb7XfPoY4
Mai feels her expression falter and quickly snaps it back into place, coming into the present and leaving behind a past she can’t change. When she dances, she has utter control over every part of her body. It’s the only time her life feels like it’s truly her own.938Please respect copyright.PENANA7CyP28x5FX
938Please respect copyright.PENANATDJU58K6q0
The audience is packed. Flashes burst from the auditorium before her life dramatically dying stars. Fourteen years and five auditions. All the sacrifices she’s made, and all the hours she’s put in. Mai didn’t go to prom or Homecoming or any other normal high school event. And it was all in preparation for today.938Please respect copyright.PENANAPut8Nzr0We
938Please respect copyright.PENANA5leNbovoS0
This should have been her beginning.938Please respect copyright.PENANATyCNVyhcT1
938Please respect copyright.PENANAiQfCO0dES2
*/*/*938Please respect copyright.PENANAn2E9i1GIaA
938Please respect copyright.PENANArsLrmLjwCs
Megumi realizes she’s wrinkling the program between her fingers and quickly tries to smooth it out, running her finger along Mai’s name.938Please respect copyright.PENANAX3oVZFdeye
938Please respect copyright.PENANAzEMkn5kJWu
She tries not to fidget, even though her mind wandered off at least an hour ago. She’s in Hawaii, hiking up the side of a volcano, the blackened lava rocks warm beneath her sneakers. The air is choked with steam and the odor of sulfur.938Please respect copyright.PENANArmZI6mYLVp
938Please respect copyright.PENANA57Eedc136I
From there, she makes her way down a white beach sand. The soft, wed sand sinks under her feet. Warm and gentle waves lap across her skin, leaving behind patterns of salt and sand. She can feel the warmth of the sea breeze that makes the palm trees dance, and she can taste the tang of the air.938Please respect copyright.PENANA1EwHxd94tD
938Please respect copyright.PENANAIZ0S7xZFp8
Her guidebooks are at home, filled with annotations of everything she can’t leave Hawaii without seeing. Megumi wishes she brought one of them along, but immediately feels guilty. She should be watching Mai right now. Mai’s dream is ending because of Megumi.938Please respect copyright.PENANAEYMy83pF5h
938Please respect copyright.PENANAUMEkZyXmNi
A sharp ache in her chest makes her flinch. She rubs at it surreptitiously at her chest. When she’s certain her parents are focused completely on Mai, she pulls a pill out of her pocket—hiding it in her palm—and slides it into her mouth.938Please respect copyright.PENANAlkUwAFoOd0
938Please respect copyright.PENANAQilMmXdsp3
Mom’s gaze snaps to her immediately. She starts leaning in toward Megumi.938Please respect copyright.PENANAr7QTN15VSw
938Please respect copyright.PENANAwklZp5RVue
“I’m fine,” Megumi says, a little too sharply. She softens her voice. “Let’s just watch Mai, okay?”938Please respect copyright.PENANAMQPIHToXzx
938Please respect copyright.PENANAuHiNYFCWid
Her mom takes her hand but turns forward to watch the performance again.938Please respect copyright.PENANAJetbuFqA1f
938Please respect copyright.PENANAd3fKG8MLzi
Megumi watches too, keeping her eyes on her sister rather than on the other dancers. Although Megumi can’t even do the same hike twice, Mai is the type who can do the same step one thousand times over until she knows it perfectly, even if that means breaking her toes in the process.938Please respect copyright.PENANAHuqhUSh9KD
938Please respect copyright.PENANAH3JhVkBAij
Megumi knows the heart is just an organ, and she knows living heart donations are common in this century, but Megumi can’t help but wonder. She wonders if the piece of heart she’s being gifted will change her in any way or if she’ll still be one hundred percent Megumi.938Please respect copyright.PENANAmqFcpTAsYq
938Please respect copyright.PENANAsYO3h8KcnD
*/*/*938Please respect copyright.PENANAelX9gvIUfn
938Please respect copyright.PENANApz5f3CnyhB
After the performance, Mai sits on a bench in the dressing room, staring at the ballet slippers encasing her feet. She can’t bring herself to take them off just yet. She wants to wait at least until the other dancers are gone.938Please respect copyright.PENANAShMWM7Oha2
938Please respect copyright.PENANAsjUXD1UVBW
Once the last of the voices fades away, she begins to unlace her slippers slowly and ceremoniously, letting them fall off her feet—her feet that are so calloused and bruised and broken that it’s a wonder they’re each still in one piece. She cleans the blood off carefully, loving her mangled feet for persevering through the torture she’s subjected them to. They are her pride and her prize, proof of the work she’s done.938Please respect copyright.PENANA7ydeZHuIvE
938Please respect copyright.PENANA8QqbUDs6b7
Her heart aches, the pain so real she wonders for a second if something might be wrong with her heart too. But, no. Her heart just knows it’s about to be broken—split in half and taken from her.938Please respect copyright.PENANA20cwarM5wx
938Please respect copyright.PENANAF9hjCKY92E
Mai isn’t upset about that. How can she be? Megumi-chan’s life is far more important than anything else.938Please respect copyright.PENANAHgzOXu8MBt
938Please respect copyright.PENANAhXhfpYwBqL
Still, she selfishly wishes a miracle would happen—Megumi-chan’s heart would magically heal or an even better donor match would drop out of the sky. But Mai knows she’s the best option. Their parents are too old. It can only be a sibling, and Mai and Megumi-chan match almost perfectly.938Please respect copyright.PENANAnRetG9mnas
938Please respect copyright.PENANAysEmFWVNgR
She wonders what it might have been like to live in a time when living heart donations weren’t possible.938Please respect copyright.PENANAcLXUdk5j3J
938Please respect copyright.PENANApqwXyeYUIu
“There you are,” Laurel says, sitting on the bench beside her. “That was fantastic, Mai. I could really only see room for improvement in a couple of places.”938Please respect copyright.PENANAZRAlZkesip
938Please respect copyright.PENANA0pLqXFO1oK
Laurel goes on, and Mai lets her, barely hearing her words. Mai wants to say something about Laurel being the best dance coach ever, but thinks Laurel would find it weirdly sentimental. Mai hasn’t told anyone she won’t be able to dance anymore because she can’t let go of the selfish hope that something will save her and release her from this obligation.938Please respect copyright.PENANAcNfp6ip8Y5
938Please respect copyright.PENANALzyz5jYGju
And then she feels guilty for thinking of Megumi-chan as an obligation.938Please respect copyright.PENANA3DQuh9URff
938Please respect copyright.PENANA2IlUXV8BaW
When Laurel leaves, Mai pulls her knees to her chest until she feels turned inside out.938Please respect copyright.PENANAsXQ9Ks02vx
938Please respect copyright.PENANAZWRhUlcOzb
Her life until now has been a dream, and she’s being woken up.938Please respect copyright.PENANAcscfTWyQXW
938Please respect copyright.PENANAfADu7F1Wp6
*/*/*938Please respect copyright.PENANAutAAxbKxCK
938Please respect copyright.PENANAsQx3ahSYk2
“Are you scared?” Megumi asks Mai.938Please respect copyright.PENANAP8zevd68lw
938Please respect copyright.PENANA6dgujKLIgl
“No,” Mai says from the other bed. “Are you?”938Please respect copyright.PENANAjyQbQoiXxr
938Please respect copyright.PENANAN4IPu8eJe0
“Of course not,” Megumi lies.938Please respect copyright.PENANAIqOsFKmT2v
938Please respect copyright.PENANAbZcPLviSbD
She hears the steady beat of Mai’s heart monitor. Megumi’s own monitor beeps a little erratically as her weak heat tries to find a steady rhythm. She wonders what Mai is thinking right now—what she must be feeling.938Please respect copyright.PENANA4EPNEceRKL
938Please respect copyright.PENANAP33Qj4qe5I
“Half a heart isn’t enough to support an athletic lifestyle,” Dr. Aguerra said seriously when he proposed the surgery to the family. “Mai, no one can coerce or pressure you into making this decision. If you agree to do it, you’ll undergo a psych evaluation to make sure this is your choice and your choice alone.”938Please respect copyright.PENANAYT4embd3jR
938Please respect copyright.PENANASCguWXubYq
Megumi was so tired at the time she could barely keep her eyes open. She let them fall shut because she didn’t want to see Mai’s expression as Mai said yes.938Please respect copyright.PENANAxPe2DTJzdx
938Please respect copyright.PENANAQyrhAds8IC
“I’ll do it,” Mai said. “I don’t need to think about it.”938Please respect copyright.PENANAlHGQ2ThWQf
938Please respect copyright.PENANAIYPCBVxXsB
When they were kids, the two of them would go on adventures. It’s something Mai outgrew quickly, but Megumi still hasn’t. They found a treehouse in the woods behind their house once. Seeing it was abandoned, they decided it was theirs. Megumi would go there and wait for Mai to come home from dance practice.938Please respect copyright.PENANAPUdXpMm9CV
938Please respect copyright.PENANAoN3SK4jet5
She was there one day, waiting for Mai, when the rotting wood collapsed beneath her, pitching her out of the treehouse. Mai arrived just in time to catch Megumi, breaking her arm in the process. She didn’t complain about it once, even when it meant she couldn’t dance for three weeks.938Please respect copyright.PENANA5bdRritD1j
938Please respect copyright.PENANAApKOrXaoYQ
Megumi swallows the guilt and the fear that she’s being selfish.938Please respect copyright.PENANA8fOaYA904x
938Please respect copyright.PENANAGTM8mnrsME
Her weak heart manages to catch up to Mai’s heart—the one they’ll soon be sharing.938Please respect copyright.PENANAKXSHrFclVT
938Please respect copyright.PENANATkRjreBMZB
*/*/*938Please respect copyright.PENANAnatVvCL5RC
938Please respect copyright.PENANAiLsggle0O0
Mai has a moment of panic before the anesthesia is administered. She doesn’t think she can’t do this. It’s a nightmare, spilling into her lungs and suffocating her. She can’t stop dancing. She doesn’t know how to be a full person if she isn’t a dancer.938Please respect copyright.PENANAiSl91K5sBS
938Please respect copyright.PENANA7UjObyY6sA
But then she looks at the black hair spilling over the side of the bed beside her. Megumi-chan is already under, maybe dream of everything she’ll do when she wakes up with a new heart. After all, half a functioning heart is better than a full non-functioning heart.938Please respect copyright.PENANAMIEAfvHRhq
938Please respect copyright.PENANA3QqfTy9bdg
Mai tries to take her sister’s hand, but she can’t reach it.938Please respect copyright.PENANAntBZ9Jm0zq
938Please respect copyright.PENANAjNEQYsVOJp
She closes her eyes and opens them a moment later. At least it feels like a moment later. The soreness in her chest says otherwise. She feels in pieces. Her mind is still foggy from the anesthesia but the mental capacity that is still working tries to make sense of the changes she has to make to her life now.938Please respect copyright.PENANAuvx7B5rHNo
938Please respect copyright.PENANAd6MCofDzV2
Mai feels incomplete already, like she needs to undergo some sort of mental rehab to teach her to be a normal person without being a dancer. She is empty and devoid of purpose, wondering how people adapt to situations that turn their lives around completely.938Please respect copyright.PENANAxe6YEYkNFN
938Please respect copyright.PENANAq81PQ3Z0Bn
She supposes they do it out of necessity. Mai has made this choice, and although she doesn’t doubt it’s the right one, she has no idea how to come to terms with it.938Please respect copyright.PENANARuXombLkhj
938Please respect copyright.PENANAxQ4bbnp6G5
*/*/*938Please respect copyright.PENANAg4s3tOkXu2
938Please respect copyright.PENANA8gFsQHH92J
The light is too bright when Megumi wakes up. Her eyes mist over, and she has to blink out the tears and let them adjust before taking stock of her surroundings. Oxygen is being fed to her through a mask. Needles thread her arms so she can barely move without tugging at one or another. She lifts her hand to her chest, feeling the uneven skin under her hospital gown. She hears the beep of a heart rate monitor—but just one.938Please respect copyright.PENANAgzidU4b6pF
938Please respect copyright.PENANAikGf9kt5ud
Turning her head as much as she can, Megumi sees Mom right outside the open door. Mom’s face is buried in her hands, shoulders shaking.938Please respect copyright.PENANAWtaNvL9m8e
938Please respect copyright.PENANAphxJTfdUGg
Megumi is a bit more alert, her blood going cold. Did something go wrong with Mai?938Please respect copyright.PENANAFXz3L3gqZy
938Please respect copyright.PENANAqcSVSd6xlA
But she turns her head to the other side, and her sister is on her bed—at Megumi’s side as always. Mai is flipping through magazine sand eating chocolate pudding, but she exclaims when she sees Megumi awake.938Please respect copyright.PENANA4aGg9pDKVY
938Please respect copyright.PENANAzfxnbxd43s
“Are you okay? How do you feel?”938Please respect copyright.PENANA5GaMCS53N6
938Please respect copyright.PENANAEOfLFSIRDn
Megumi motions tiredly to the oxygen mask on her face. She feels lightheaded and tired, but her new heart feels strong. Even having just half of it feels so much better than her old heart.938Please respect copyright.PENANAzAcq55cuxV
938Please respect copyright.PENANA7mO5dZcTgS
That’s when she realizes there are two heart monitors after all. It’s just that both of them are beeping perfectly in sync.938Please respect copyright.PENANAxi8FAIKS0F
938Please respect copyright.PENANAT4sCBfJwRm
Dr. Aguerra comes in and checks on Megumi, finally taking off the oxygen mask.938Please respect copyright.PENANANAV2vwqEVe
938Please respect copyright.PENANADk8f7yskUj
“We just need to run a few tests,” he says. “We’ll take Mai out first. You just wait here and relax until we come and get you.”938Please respect copyright.PENANAsD7CqItTCD
938Please respect copyright.PENANAkn0vjHNve2
He turns on the TV and hands her the remote after helping her sit up. Megumi thought she just wanted to sleep, but once she’s seated, she feels more awake.938Please respect copyright.PENANAzai6ATeb4C
938Please respect copyright.PENANAiwJoLbsnkY
As they wheel Mai out, Megumi catches sight of her backpack on a chair in the corner of the room. The lace from Mai’s favorite ballet shoes hangs outside the zipper. Swallowing the ache, Megumi turns her gaze back to the TV. She isn’t really paying attention, though. She’s enjoying the feel of her new heart and thinking about everything she loves…and admittedly everything she hates too. To her relief, her new heart responds as it should. She’d still the same person.938Please respect copyright.PENANAMEIg1hWZaG
938Please respect copyright.PENANAwE9d0cepBL
But then she stops on a channel showing a dance competition. Megumi, who couldn’t even watch her sister’s biggest performance without fidgeting, finds herself riveted by the strangers dancing onscreen. Her pulse quickens, and she lets the remote rest on her lap.938Please respect copyright.PENANAkBSG5CIAdc
938Please respect copyright.PENANAWgY12RTmOg
For some reason she doesn’t quite understand, a tear squeezes out of her eye.
arrow_back
Moments
more_vert
-
info_outline Info
-
toc Table of Contents
-
share Share
-
format_color_text Display Settings
-
exposure_plus_1 Recommend
-
Sponsor
-
report_problem Report
-
account_circle Login
Search stories, writers or societies
Continue ReadingClear All
What Others Are ReadingRefresh
X
Never miss what's happening on Penana!
Moments
Author:
TejiReve

ISSUE #8
Half-Hearted
LIKES 0
READS 934
BOOKMARKS 1
campaign
Request update 0
Sponsor

Click to load the next chapter
X
After each update request, the author will receive a notification!
smartphone100 → Request update
X
Sponsor again
Click to login
Login first to show your name as a sponsor.
Thank you for supporting the story! :)
Please Login first.
×
Write down what you like about the story
×
Reading Theme:
Font Size:
Line Spacing:
Paragraph Spacing:
Load the next issue automatically
Reset to default
×
People Who Like This