
燃起盆內的炭後,我連忙狂灌紅酒。本以為要兩支紅酒才夠我不省人事,豈料一支經已綽綽有餘。很高興,我能在感受到熱力前昏睡過去,免卻更多痛苦……998Please respect copyright.PENANANQZayLhT0G
998Please respect copyright.PENANAgqcoMQFAhE
不知過了多久,我漸漸恢復意識。998Please respect copyright.PENANAJRLKcl08K6
998Please respect copyright.PENANA6hPHZIIpbR
真是失敗的傢伙!連自殺亦告失敗。998Please respect copyright.PENANAqIIGpR4amb
998Please respect copyright.PENANAjqhvBGpLwm
我目光散渙,緩緩掃視四周。我正躺在地面,在床和房門之間。估是從床上滾下來。我望向火盆和剩炭的位置。咦?怎麼不見了?難道包租婆到來過?除了我,只有她有鑰匙。難道是為了免卻報警帶來的麻煩,乾脆取走火盆和剩炭作罷?我要控告她「擅闖民居」和「盜竊」!噢!我在亂想甚麼?我仍拖欠她租金……998Please respect copyright.PENANA0LAex5Jm2W
998Please respect copyright.PENANAmYG8XDaL5p
勉力撐起身子,才驚覺自己一絲不掛。我徹底驚醒,連忙檢查身上有沒有傷口或甚麼的。沒有。挺直腰板站起來,金睛火眼環視四周。自己留在房內的行李袋、日用品、衣物、雜物等等,統統不見了。十分不對勁!難道我真的死了,自己正身處死後的世界?我是鬼魂?昔日看過的鬼電影,讓我很快就意識到自己已然死亡,是「鬼魂」。998Please respect copyright.PENANA5zSOSJrcE8
998Please respect copyright.PENANAcFqV8EGPuQ
可喜可賀!終於死掉了!我難掩興奮,馬上測試自己有沒有獲得甚麼超能力。998Please respect copyright.PENANAvPYRYoNiQe
998Please respect copyright.PENANA979FyG0A2B
穿牆過壁!我直衝房門,不痛不癢就穿過門板,來到門外的走廊。冷不防,背面有「東西」撞來,利落地穿過我的身體,繼續開步走。一頂純黑色鴨舌帽、一件灰藍色男裝汗衣、一條深灰色三角骨褲、一對白襪和一對破爛波鞋,各安本分,併湊出一個人形,一個活生生的「東西」。998Please respect copyright.PENANAg5iqqdWWnK
998Please respect copyright.PENANAV4aY6A8qAE
驚魂未定,我呆站原地,眼巴巴看著那「東西」掏出門匙,扭開門鎖,進入附近的單位,關門。十分平凡的舉措,以萬分不可思議的形式呈現出來。我意識到那「東西」是活人。他看不見我,而我亦算不上看見他。998Please respect copyright.PENANAZdIH5H0dJa
998Please respect copyright.PENANA6jOoNM9edk
我心神稍定,穿牆進入他的房間去。基本格局和我的房間一樣。一張鐵製碌架床、門後一個趟門衣櫃、門側一張小桌子、天花吸頂燈、窗口式冷氣機,沒啥特別。998Please respect copyright.PENANAyggqNYue5m
998Please respect copyright.PENANA7m0PSZTgI9
他沒有開冷氣(包租婆徵收的電費貴得出奇),逕自坐在床上清衣落褲,甩鞋脫襪,只剩下一條內褲。內褲對上的位置,有一堆泥狀流體,沿著既定軌道排隊。位置較高的,色彩繽紛,依稀辨別得到是三絲炒麵的食材碎料;位置較低的,彎彎曲曲盤踞著,卻紊而不亂,由淺至深呈現令人不安的啡黑色,以濕潤至乾癟的質感訴說它能產生出何等嚇人的惡臭。998Please respect copyright.PENANALtUiUXTXkr
998Please respect copyright.PENANASh8XNTDplq
我轉身到其他單位參觀去。目不暇給。杯麵麵條被無支點的筷子扯到空中,自動輾碎成糊;鉛筆在書簿上飛舞,留下歪歪斜斜的醜字;一根香菸被火機點燃,在空中來來往往,將白煙硬推入無形的管道、兩瓣墨黑的氣囊。當白煙經管道和兩條小管逃出生天時,香菸亦慢慢消逝成灰……998Please respect copyright.PENANAl3vPzWSSEW
998Please respect copyright.PENANA8cmD2qqZbJ
單是遊覽大廈裡的單位,已花掉我大半天時間。到我下樓到大街時,天色早已入黑。街燈黃光依舊黯然,身邊卻是一番有趣的風景。無數衣褲鞋襪四處遊走,甚至穿過我的身體;車輛彷彿有思想的,懂得自行看交通燈號,適時開車或停車;商店的門自動開開合合,讓無人的輪椅安全內進;超級市場的貨品,佻皮地由貨架飄入購物籃,或是悠悠直接飄往收銀處,由旁邊的銀包為其付款;餐廳的廚房裡,刀起刀落,食材慘被利落砸斷……998Please respect copyright.PENANA5Haj58ZoRW
998Please respect copyright.PENANAOyupBbcD86
我在廚房的角落看見正在溶雪的牛肉塊。淡紅的血水流在工作台上或滴在地上,再悄悄溜到溝渠裡去。肉塊是啡白色的,該已雪藏半年之久,死氣沉沉的。但就是這堆毫無生命跡象的肉塊,讓我再次察覺生命的「存在」。998Please respect copyright.PENANA8CN99s7BNC
998Please respect copyright.PENANA4sdamgjxb3
這堆肉,是來自多少頭牛?那些牛生前會吃甚麼,糧或草?住的地方會否很逼狹,就像我住在劏房裡那樣可憐嗎?牠們會親眼目睹同伴被屠宰的過程或親耳聽見牠們的悽厲叫聲嗎?會傷心嗎?998Please respect copyright.PENANAy3deNhHB1r
998Please respect copyright.PENANAUn8G8Nshvx
「請問,有沒有見到一頭小牛走過?」有一成熟女聲從後傳來。998Please respect copyright.PENANA5ERcyhoRrO
998Please respect copyright.PENANAsuX7Y8SLIa
我初時沒有意識到對方是跟我說話,未有理睬她。但無視對方半晌後,我才猛然醒悟:怎麼我會聽到「聲音」?自我醒來一刻,我就沒有聽到過任何聲音。要不有如斯精彩的世界在眼前,恐怕我早已被這份異樣的寂靜嚇破膽。998Please respect copyright.PENANAlytgJTCHmV
998Please respect copyright.PENANAXn0kNpQPJF
我猛然回頭,和身後的一隻黃牛對上視線。我十分肯定,牠是看得見我,但我不肯定說話的是否牠。牠也是鬼魂嗎?曉講人話是牠的超能力嗎?998Please respect copyright.PENANAg19QdTcMrL
998Please respect copyright.PENANAb2kML7nn3v
我搖搖頭,連退幾步,心生見鬼的恐懼。998Please respect copyright.PENANAzVjYd4Wkuz
998Please respect copyright.PENANADnqSiZChWV
「那真可惜。」黃牛沒精打采地搖搖尾,轉身穿牆離開,消失於我的視線範圍。998Please respect copyright.PENANAIqON5FVmSo
998Please respect copyright.PENANA9gHM5mYc2u
心神稍定,我才開始後悔。我該跟上去!可能會遇到其他鬼魂,從中得到更多關於鬼魂的資訊,甚或是知道「投胎」的方法。998Please respect copyright.PENANAQpWwLp07AQ
998Please respect copyright.PENANA84WkQeOn9m
衝到大街,已不見黃牛的身影。998Please respect copyright.PENANAxGeWFurVCa
998Please respect copyright.PENANAjSHvvyaMJN
牛!牛!牛!你在哪裡?我扯大嗓子,高聲喚叫。聽來很白痴,但我無所顧忌。該不會有認識我的「人」會看見我的滑稽相吧。998Please respect copyright.PENANAQafyBWsyG9
998Please respect copyright.PENANAxQA6SyU7Ex
沒有回應。998Please respect copyright.PENANA1Q1tjL8Pie
998Please respect copyright.PENANAkkKrQwOEWh
我隨意跑向右邊。一直跑、一直叫,苦無回應。昔日由街頭行至街尾,需時二十分鐘;現在用上跑的,時間則更短,估計要十五分鐘。我這疏於運動的瘦削青年,一口氣接連跑了十五分鐘,竟沒有喘過氣,大腿小腿均不覺痠軟或抽痛,全然沒有肉體的負累。我會否還有甚麼未被發掘的超能力,可以有助我找到那頭黃牛?998Please respect copyright.PENANAymU4ibaPG8
998Please respect copyright.PENANAhPLESr1jcR
飛?飛上半空,該可以看見牠的身影!我模仿小鳥的拍翼動作,拍動雙手,上下上下上下。可惜,雙腳不曾離地。難道我太重?難道雙手的力量不夠支撐身體?難道我根本沒有這種超能力?998Please respect copyright.PENANAHE3RzzgVFl
998Please respect copyright.PENANAvkh1VzKxIi
「哈!」黃牛的聲音在我身後傳來:「你在學飛嗎?」牠面帶笑意,從不遠處緩緩走向我。998Please respect copyright.PENANAZKH5s1RUOQ
998Please respect copyright.PENANAbzmPmtkQXn
我被牠突如其來的現身打亂了思緒,變得語無倫次。是……不是!998Please respect copyright.PENANADI3RcSXQRp
998Please respect copyright.PENANAbfkAcZ7P2M
牠的笑意更深。998Please respect copyright.PENANAknhEI59Zot
998Please respect copyright.PENANA3AnAPeKc6i
真糟糕!我被一頭黃牛恥笑!998Please respect copyright.PENANAt8kcCyvyJG
998Please respect copyright.PENANAIAPeAAoyjR
我在找你!我連忙換個話題,避開窘況。998Please respect copyright.PENANA82FllV4a0j
998Please respect copyright.PENANA7Vs87dq0Qe
「我知。我聽到你的喚喊聲。」黃牛收起笑意,換上鄙夷的眼神:「不過你一邊叫、一邊跑遠,教我該怎麼回應你?」在牠眼裡,我該是個愚笨的傢伙。998Please respect copyright.PENANAiylVmxyRya
998Please respect copyright.PENANApU83QvNLgH
你可以大聲回答我,或是直接跑過來。我教牠。998Please respect copyright.PENANAAK1Z2PyQpI
998Please respect copyright.PENANAfOefD9SMqb
「是你在找我,怎麼要我主動方便你?你又不是要給我甚麼好東西。」黃牛毫不客氣:「看你的狼狽相,該是剛斃命不久的。想要找個前輩來倚靠吧。」998Please respect copyright.PENANA3bQzw253y0
998Please respect copyright.PENANAuhdn0h3x4p
被說穿了,我語塞。998Please respect copyright.PENANAzdiPHZsolb
998Please respect copyright.PENANAvA4E9QJim9
靜默了好一會兒,牠率先邁步離開。沒奈何,我如喪家之犬一樣跟在牠身後。998Please respect copyright.PENANABhymlyXL8g
998Please respect copyright.PENANA6hRxSQLgMG
不需再細分人行道和馬路,想走在哪就走在那。黃牛喜歡走在馬路中央。牠沿著兩條行車線中間的白色油漆記號走,四蹄故意踏在記號上。無聊又可愛。998Please respect copyright.PENANAaUybHS4mXo
998Please respect copyright.PENANARWCmwkw1JP
「你不需要害怕。這裡沒有誰能傷害你。」黃牛心情愉快。998Please respect copyright.PENANAp3ctmtaqeV
998Please respect copyright.PENANAnUwe1M8lIV
全世界只有我倆在?沒有其他鬼魂?我不明所以。即便細小如我城,按道理,每秒也該有數以千計的生命消逝。人類、黃牛、狗、貓、老鼠、蟑螂……醒來至今,早已過了大半天。除了這頭無禮的黃牛外,我沒有遇見過其他鬼魂。998Please respect copyright.PENANAlSia0l53n8
998Please respect copyright.PENANA4vUXUz0yqz
「不!當然有其他鬼魂。不過,沒有緣份就沒有溝通的機會。」走在前頭的黃牛狀甚感慨:「此時此刻,我倆除了被『活物』穿過,同時被無緣份的『鬼魂』穿過。鬼魂的數量遠比活物多,但我們感覺不到對方的存在,亦溝通不了。」牠故意走上人行道,任由衣褲鞋襪穿過身體。「這是『朋友』告訴我的。牠無所不知。」998Please respect copyright.PENANAhMF6vwPhaK
998Please respect copyright.PENANAz19j6o2DDF
我跟黃牛有緣份?我想像到自己正被無數鬼魂同時穿過,但我無法想像到自己如何跟一頭素未謀面的黃牛有緣份。998Please respect copyright.PENANAGCeMCtXalr
998Please respect copyright.PENANAEc6TRejAnE
「我有要事在身,不能照顧你太長時間。」黃牛想起了甚麼,眼神顯得落寞。998Please respect copyright.PENANAbfsHQWMz5p
998Please respect copyright.PENANAaxjhVOxAut
我強擠笑容。不如你介紹「朋友」給我認識,我就可以直接向牠了解更多,不需再麻煩你。998Please respect copyright.PENANAk2ogV45ANN
998Please respect copyright.PENANA0fVwEZnSFu
「你朝著那個方向一直走,就可以看見牠。」黃牛冷冷地用尾巴指往某個方向。998Please respect copyright.PENANAc0xsCAdPIe
998Please respect copyright.PENANAbCSK60N5B7
在清楚了解狀況前,和有經驗的黃牛分開,是不智的事情。我連忙想個動聽的藉口,好讓自己能繼續跟著牠。你要辦甚麼要緊事?需要我幫忙嗎?當是報答你的指導。根據剛才的對答,我相信牠有一定的智商和歷練,不會提出天方夜譚的要求。998Please respect copyright.PENANAxeyZNoZV5c
998Please respect copyright.PENANAHPWrIkJPvw
黃牛愣住,仔細端詳我的表情,似乎沒料到我會主動提出幫忙。但我很有信心,牠會留住我:當智商去到一定程度,動物就會懂得使用工具,包括身邊的同伴。998Please respect copyright.PENANA0qCOTSdot1
998Please respect copyright.PENANA3JtEiNNlj8
「我在找兒子。」黃牛很感動:「我生前眼巴巴看著牠被人類帶走,沒能找回。現在失去肉體的束縛,才可以了無拘束去尋找。」998Please respect copyright.PENANALQshQAML8L
998Please respect copyright.PENANAuIiM8fSbo2
我馬上想到一個關鍵問題。假設相遇是必須講求緣份的話,黃牛找不到小牛的唯一原因,只會是「緣份已盡」。若是有緣份,無論如何都會碰上的。在約二千七百平方公里的我城,高樓林立的環境裡,我和黃牛在某小小餐廳的廚房裡相遇。除了緣份,還有甚麼能解釋茫茫宇宙中的遇見。998Please respect copyright.PENANAMgP0oDVMCb
998Please respect copyright.PENANAPr3bkEghHC
我沒有將這番話說出來,還裝模作樣地詢問更多有關小牛的事。998Please respect copyright.PENANAcdMAUQAmAM
998Please respect copyright.PENANAG4gO2p1D5W
我們可以去牠逝世的地方試試看,看牠的鬼魂會否留在原地。小牛在哪兒去世的?998Please respect copyright.PENANAlefid7qa19
998Please respect copyright.PENANAOcpZxg7bUd
「不知道。」998Please respect copyright.PENANAlxci7yykRO
998Please respect copyright.PENANAnGd0msbxJQ
我們可以去相關的地方看看。小牛生前有沒有甚麼喜好?998Please respect copyright.PENANAUQwFoWqBEu
998Please respect copyright.PENANA3M5edmz0W7
「用尾巴驅蒼蠅。」998Please respect copyright.PENANAlhWMt8Wo7o
998Please respect copyright.PENANAN6xaKBGpAQ
小牛被人類帶到哪裡去?998Please respect copyright.PENANAbkXdsM8oTy
998Please respect copyright.PENANA9I9zX5lRSU
「運牛車……」998Please respect copyright.PENANApNcWFz1lUt
998Please respect copyright.PENANAf7oNYQF4cL
基本上,所有線索都斷了。只能靠緣份。998Please respect copyright.PENANAWgh5hnrR90
998Please respect copyright.PENANACON3xMU1KK
每提及小牛一次,彷彿往黃牛內心插一刀。牠的步伐越益沉重,眼神越見哀傷,牛頭越垂越低,四蹄不再執著於馬路上的記號。我於心不忍,沒有再詢問關於小牛的事,甚至為了轉移黃牛的焦點,主動講述生前的見聞……998Please respect copyright.PENANABRDLSAmRpY
998Please respect copyright.PENANApbXkSGs9ED
無月的夜。大部份活人均已回家休息去,泛黃路燈的照明下,大街上只剩十餘套衣褲鞋襪在緩慢走動。部份偶爾會在過路燈口停下,讓汽車先行駛過。更多的是無視交通燈的指示,直接衝過路口,活像在街角亂竄的鼠輩。998Please respect copyright.PENANAzxaQgK9Nxw
998Please respect copyright.PENANA4wJuFJt8ir
這份無聲的混亂,散發出濃烈的死亡氣息。998Please respect copyright.PENANAM2MUDkoRBO
998Please respect copyright.PENANAqKweMAqz8b
生前,總渴求死後世界的安寧;死後,卻覺得生前的世界更接近印象中的死亡。998Please respect copyright.PENANA09lrzHqVOm
998Please respect copyright.PENANAPw7I11GFmm
生前,除了工作時間需要說話片刻外,其餘時刻都不需要溝通,枯燥乏味得與困在棺材等死無異;死後,我和一頭新相識的黃牛談天說地,分享活著時的所見所聞。998Please respect copyright.PENANAvlBd0Pnypm
998Please respect copyright.PENANAJqpyPsd7DD
牠說牠的兒子右後腿有一塊紅色的胎痣。不愛吃草,但愛嚼草;我說我唯一的女友有一頭烏亮順滑的及腰長髮、精緻脫俗的五官、姣好的身材、白嫩緊緻的肌膚。性格單純可愛,善良正直……998Please respect copyright.PENANAotxlIxeC0v
998Please respect copyright.PENANAQOVMvFqwRK
「既然你愛她,為何你會選擇自殺?」黃牛畢竟是一頭牛,不懂得複雜多變的人類世界,沒能理解人類的思路。998Please respect copyright.PENANAAFBncKelkf
998Please respect copyright.PENANA5gaEl0Z5vc
有數之不盡的原因。我不打算詳述,以免對牛彈琴,白費唇舌。998Please respect copyright.PENANAphI8H8TmBe
998Please respect copyright.PENANAtUKQYbIVrj
「你已經死了,沒有肉體的束縛,你現在可以全心全意去愛她。」黃牛是單純的不明白,沒有批判之意。998Please respect copyright.PENANAAYSbL4jYIA
998Please respect copyright.PENANA8rb1jGDQlY
還不行啊!我苦笑。執著於沒有好結果的感情,是很痛苦的事。所以,即便和女友的感情再深,我也決定將其埋藏心底作罷。998Please respect copyright.PENANAOsq9hvkYWX
998Please respect copyright.PENANAYojqYgYdFR
「原來人類的問題不會隨肉體消失?」黃牛衷心同情人類:「那可真糟糕!」998Please respect copyright.PENANA56SXbiYFUj
998Please respect copyright.PENANAfO2vQ3xV8R
我無言以對。怎麼說?人類的問題確實沒有消失,但將我逼上絕路的問題已然全部消失。住屋、金錢、前途、道德、倫理、政治、家庭、事業、健康、生活環境……統統不復存在。998Please respect copyright.PENANAF0CEPmZZ2h
998Please respect copyright.PENANAanZZXOKL2X
很悲哀。人生的基本事項,竟是我尋死的主因。而更令我感到痛心的是,世上絕大部份活人仍然需要面對它們。他們有沒有能力解決這些問題呢?如何解決呢?998Please respect copyright.PENANAEl7CieQOuI
998Please respect copyright.PENANAF1M9DUk8BO
不!我不該再為這些東西動腦筋。這不再是我的問題,而是活人的問題……998Please respect copyright.PENANA6QKlqFpJX3
998Please respect copyright.PENANAoR0OrdAZZE
「或許,你可以守在她的身邊,直至她逝世。只要她一死,你不就可以馬上和她相見,永遠待在一起!」黃牛的腦筋挺靈活,很不錯。縱使牠漏算了人類沒有「一生只愛一人」這特質。998Please respect copyright.PENANAbOhta2AiP8
998Please respect copyright.PENANAOnePXxuKJ2
我正要開口否決牠的建議時,眼角瞥見藍中帶紫的天際泛起一片淡紅朝霞。頃刻間,來到唇邊的說話被莫名的寧靜驅散了。黃牛似乎看穿我的感受,領我去一個「好地方」看日出。998Please respect copyright.PENANAuN24yhGQ1V
998Please respect copyright.PENANAe3awFzV5Yj
寬闊的大馬路上,四蹄兩腿齊齊拔足狂奔。無視迎面衝來的汽車,無視交通燈號,無視規則,只知向著日出的方向跑。跑著跑著,我突然發現自己是一隻正在跑道加速的飛機。跑到前邊那個交通燈口,我就會自然而然飛起來。998Please respect copyright.PENANAHEoaSuvGV3
998Please respect copyright.PENANAXYCPwRqji1
對!我一定會飛起來!998Please respect copyright.PENANAEfbtthvxnm
998Please respect copyright.PENANAO2N2cDdSPC
跑、踏、跳、飛!998Please respect copyright.PENANA5WNf68R7Dl
998Please respect copyright.PENANA4OMmBDKcCd
雙腳離地,輕鬆趕上拋離我十多個身位的黃牛,還在牠面前來個花式飛翔表演。998Please respect copyright.PENANAdsT0f4OGks
998Please respect copyright.PENANAH8W8tcMLZF
「哇!」黃牛被迷住了,興奮大叫。亢奮的身影,在車水馬龍的鬧市中尤其奪目。998Please respect copyright.PENANACEhpLl2IqT
998Please respect copyright.PENANAOoOpsTksU9
我回身俯衝,雙手一抱,將整隻黃牛帶離地面。牠比我想象中輕盈得多。是沒有肉體的關係嗎?管他的!快樂就可以!998Please respect copyright.PENANA7qQRq7MHFi
998Please respect copyright.PENANA2dmEinAiLG
朝霞顏色更見鮮豔,火紅鵝黃亮橙,誘人耀眼。黃牛驚恐至極,又叫又喊。我懶理牠,逕自飛得更高,高過附近所有大廈,得到一個遼闊無邊的視野。朝霞變淡,取而代之是一片無瑕的魚肚白。懷中的黃牛忽而安靜下來,靜待主角登場。金黃亮光先行開路,將眾生靈的注意力聚焦一點。太陽冉冉升起,令天上其餘色彩啞然失色。沒有肉體的限制,我放膽直視太陽。998Please respect copyright.PENANAGlxX24Qlgc
998Please respect copyright.PENANAXsBj4Jb6Zz
純粹的白,純粹的光,純粹的能量。純粹的情感,純粹的快樂,純粹的愛。998Please respect copyright.PENANAvjXOVXLTv6
998Please respect copyright.PENANAr8BTAQb8Ym
「小牛!」黃牛高呼兒子的名字。998Please respect copyright.PENANA1L6aVDP6dB
998Please respect copyright.PENANAG9D6Wj5Mjt
我高呼女友的名字。998Please respect copyright.PENANAxMzqOBccaZ
998Please respect copyright.PENANA7T9bklo2vN
明明知道對方聽不見,偏偏就是想叫喊出來!明明知道你再感受不了,偏偏我就是愛你!998Please respect copyright.PENANAyvJa2FmV7U
998Please respect copyright.PENANAQsD6MuNTY3
太陽高掛半空之時,我們亦回到地面去。馬路上,並肩漫步,相顧無言,無視心裡頭的大量疑問,享受日出帶來的美妙餘韻。日正當空,我們來到海濱長廊。踱步,閒話家常,享受海面的粼粼波光。998Please respect copyright.PENANA7Y4paxyXvD
998Please respect copyright.PENANAakFT1p8r01
「我決定了。」黃牛露出罕有的溫柔微笑:「帶你到『朋友』身邊後,我才繼續找兒子。你可以在『朋友』身上得到很多資料。那會對你找尋女友下落很有幫助。」牠竭力以自己有限的所知去理解我的世界,為我操心籌謀。果然是當媽媽的好料子。「我起初以為你在漫無目的地遊離浪盪,現在才知道你也有想念的人。思念是很痛苦的事……」牠將自己失去兒子的痛苦,代入到我身上。998Please respect copyright.PENANAOQ2XExlRtK
998Please respect copyright.PENANAvcbxdJVjCq
我眼眶濕潤,掃掃黃牛頭上的短毛,加以安慰。料不到,與這頭認識不到廿四小時的黃牛,會有如此深刻的情感交流。998Please respect copyright.PENANA3zITskYm06
998Please respect copyright.PENANA9FnB4Xp8dK
「好!坐言起行!」黃牛立即換上一副精神奕奕的模樣,衝向護欄,四蹄一蹬,直墮海面。998Please respect copyright.PENANAjKNxUhF485
998Please respect copyright.PENANAtv3y8fMTmL
風平浪靜,水花沒有為牠濺起。四蹄平穩地直立水面上,不受波浪影響,如履平地。牠回頭喚我跟去。998Please respect copyright.PENANA98JAmXlW9f
998Please respect copyright.PENANAdJ1xejH6AE
我望望大海,再望望自己雙腳,不期然憶起兒時遇溺的苦況:雙眼澀痛,刺鼻的泳池水無間斷湧入鼻腔口腔,四肢激烈亂舞卻抓空撲空。掙扎無果遠比一擊致命的痛快更見殘忍……998Please respect copyright.PENANAcDuQreG9yR
998Please respect copyright.PENANADR606ZJqnb
雙腳猶如釘在地面,久久不提步。陽光很美,大海很美,奈何我不敢上前。998Please respect copyright.PENANAFuEQjtbsyS
998Please respect copyright.PENANA3BuzAgUPlD
恐懼面前,時間彷如無物。我的思維、大海的波浪、粼粼的波光,都靜置在恐懼當中。明明知道自己已然死亡,不會再經歷那種苦痛,為何就是放不下?998Please respect copyright.PENANACPjKtHEJzi
998Please respect copyright.PENANALn9GltJP2t
黃牛沒有催促我,輕輕抬頭莞爾一笑:「怕水?」998Please respect copyright.PENANAW0Dl7QTe7K
998Please respect copyright.PENANAMrwXoZEsdu
我點點頭。998Please respect copyright.PENANA2QlURtOuzg
998Please respect copyright.PENANAU8aZpK3Qq6
「騎在我的背上吧。」黃牛前蹄曲下,半伏下來:「算是答謝你帶我飛天看日出。」998Please respect copyright.PENANAshWKjAfiCl
998Please respect copyright.PENANAijUJ5F08fB
我毫不忸怩,馬上跳到牛背上起行。牛步四平八穩,不會顛簸。998Please respect copyright.PENANATOhZQ50vE8
998Please respect copyright.PENANAcmPtXWRTep
我問黃牛,你怎麼能水上行走。998Please respect copyright.PENANAcj3xZ49Yv2
998Please respect copyright.PENANAqYFfgK9FF1
「覺得自己做到,就會做到。」998Please respect copyright.PENANADGTdzRuANW
998Please respect copyright.PENANAsHTPiqtTcs
甚麼?998Please respect copyright.PENANApFL3mXdSTX
998Please respect copyright.PENANAY20vmbtImI
「覺得自己曉飛,就曉得飛;覺得自己能夠水上步行,就可以水上步行。」998Please respect copyright.PENANAoA7EkBro1K
998Please respect copyright.PENANA6ZKYly2SkC
你怎麼不自己飛起看日出?998Please respect copyright.PENANA1b40H6lAtb
998Please respect copyright.PENANARq9lzwIqpI
「我畏高。」998Please respect copyright.PENANAJ7iblRQFag
998Please respect copyright.PENANATzYWInvsTX
我笑了,黃牛也笑了。998Please respect copyright.PENANAbxS7YWYeXl
998Please respect copyright.PENANAFDxUsHjFNB
的確,起飛當刻,我純粹覺得自己可以飛,並沒有質疑過自己能否飛起,就像我認為鬼魂定能穿牆過壁那樣理所當然。998Please respect copyright.PENANAnsX3sCS3lh
998Please respect copyright.PENANA6SRMd2jRO7
茅塞頓開。998Please respect copyright.PENANAXEpx90mNmP
998Please respect copyright.PENANAjAv9smAt8L
我雙手一撐,躍下牛背,站在水面上。沾沾自喜,一臉得意:「好。到你!」998Please respect copyright.PENANAm2WVISIm1L
998Please respect copyright.PENANAN6QIEa1bfb
黃牛愣住,浮游於恐懼和快感之間。998Please respect copyright.PENANA6NbqsyJLAQ
998Please respect copyright.PENANAEtKw2fLjEs
說不定,你將來可以教小牛飛,看盡世界的好風景!998Please respect copyright.PENANAH4YZHgyK5q
998Please respect copyright.PENANALAlrIm7F3k
黃牛笑了,臉露神采,四蹄稍稍離開水面。998Please respect copyright.PENANAEJsHKwnqWr
998Please respect copyright.PENANAY91T9D4txA
就是這樣!我鼓勵牠。四目交投,要牠忘卻高度,記住小牛精靈眼眸的深度。998Please respect copyright.PENANABVfD69qfXe
998Please respect copyright.PENANAVqmUN1lgT7
「小牛!」牠高呼兒子的名字,就成功飛起來。998Please respect copyright.PENANA6yixtZK88p
998Please respect copyright.PENANANkj2W3NNqJ
我尾隨牠,飛越港口,在離島著陸。998Please respect copyright.PENANAadxJoY9hBl
998Please respect copyright.PENANAcxEbzC4arV
烈日當空,遊人稀疏,商戶店員在簷下陰影搖扇乘涼。我和黃牛浩浩蕩蕩來到古舊的廟宇。無人。香火疏落如禿子頭上殘餘的髮根。我抬頭望向那莊嚴卻滄桑的木雕神像。這自身難保的傢伙,就是黃牛的朋友?998Please respect copyright.PENANA2N62yRDgit
998Please respect copyright.PENANA7Ov9GaSNjJ
「小牛終於回來了。」祂的聲音像柔和的風,又像滋潤的雨,是聆聽者心中的風鈴。998Please respect copyright.PENANA7E1p0RRdIA
998Please respect copyright.PENANAT2sRx5WZr8
「不。還未找到小牛。只是發現一個人類鬼魂。」黃牛狀甚灰心。998Please respect copyright.PENANAgZdf8GOblL
998Please respect copyright.PENANA5tOQvA8Dx9
「這是小牛。」神像肯定說:「小牛投胎多次,早已忘記曾經的『小牛』身份,亦忘記了你。」998Please respect copyright.PENANApsijmdd3xw
998Please respect copyright.PENANA42UixawiIp
不知是否我的錯覺,總覺得木訥的神像在望著我,以一種極其謐靜的目光。998Please respect copyright.PENANAcTrSIgI9wY
998Please respect copyright.PENANAKVIBas6NC4
「我怎會不認得小牛?」黃牛激動地喊嚷:「黑白分明的圓眼,右後腿有一塊紅色的胎痣,時刻擺個不停的牛尾巴,左額角有道小刀鎅成的疤痕……」998Please respect copyright.PENANAUddrzfy9HJ
998Please respect copyright.PENANAAOHHlx9VsV
「記得你家的風景嗎?」神像的淡然,反襯出實相的殘忍:「柴枝和枯草搭成的棚,棚前的碩大黃皮樹,樹下的大片青草地……」998Please respect copyright.PENANAjBzVKMjAhF
998Please respect copyright.PENANAyEfm12vzYt
黃牛點點頭。998Please respect copyright.PENANAUWEID6inGO
998Please respect copyright.PENANAc1bPLOlS8e
「它們還在?」神像以簡單的一句話,引出黃牛晶瑩的淚珠。998Please respect copyright.PENANAVw77ZK1C2y
998Please respect copyright.PENANAXS70jfpraJ
「不在……棚主老死後,子孫將地方賣給一個富翁。富翁僱人拆掉牛棚、斬掉黃皮樹、清走草坪,在空地上築起一間漂亮的大磚屋。後來磚屋被拆卸,先後改建成學校、住宅、大廈……」黃牛頓了頓,轉頭望向我,一臉不敢相信:「現在是一間餐廳……」998Please respect copyright.PENANA0BoZELsQt7
998Please respect copyright.PENANA20muHAUxyI
眼神相交,我大概估到黃牛在想甚麼:這就是我倆之間的緣份。998Please respect copyright.PENANAVFEBQ3tUn6
998Please respect copyright.PENANATHzdZOowhD
整個空間倏忽靜默起來,彷彿只有我和黃牛的存在。998Please respect copyright.PENANAdadC8TYFAw
998Please respect copyright.PENANAGnEFKfgAFM
我們的緣份並不是始於今世,亦未必始於黃牛知道的當世之中。很有可能是更久遠的過去。在地球誕生之前嗎?是在宇宙其他角落發生的事情嗎?不過,那全都不重要,因為我們連眼前狀況亦沒能弄清楚。998Please respect copyright.PENANAxAo5rfrBAE
998Please respect copyright.PENANAXg4B228FD0
「昨天在街上流連,突然感覺到小牛在附近。我隨著感覺走,走到餐廳裡。找不到小牛的身影,卻看見你。我只把你當作和我有緣份的人類,沒料到你竟是小牛……」黃牛破涕為笑:「真糟糕!我竟認不出小牛。我真是個很糟糕的媽媽!」998Please respect copyright.PENANAEfFedwN9un
998Please respect copyright.PENANApV3opQxnOX
不!不糟糕!世界時刻在變,認不出來,很正常。998Please respect copyright.PENANAWxg8YBwTIB
998Please respect copyright.PENANAj4N91bw8OY
「謝謝。」笑著笑著,黃牛的身影隱去了,消失無蹤。998Please respect copyright.PENANAckm7uMuwXN
998Please respect copyright.PENANACBmLpBNBNd
心頭若有所失,眼淚在眶裡打圈轉。我轉身望向神像,冀祂能指點迷津。998Please respect copyright.PENANAIwux1Mq0sX
998Please respect copyright.PENANA89meUbY3z0
黃牛到哪兒去?998Please respect copyright.PENANA3x57DnFVuE
998Please respect copyright.PENANAd8iaD1eAdq
「黃牛到了下一個階段去。」神像說。神情似笑非笑,既冷漠又仁慈。998Please respect copyright.PENANA9R3KtFLOVZ
998Please respect copyright.PENANA5oV8gS5uUW
我沒再多話,隨意找個幽暗角落躺著,好好整頓思緒。呆望漏光的屋簷,看見空氣中的微塵,有光又有影。它們緩緩飄落,穿過我,落到地面。渺小卻必然。和我一樣。998Please respect copyright.PENANAMy0jbceWjn
998Please respect copyright.PENANAE1U78Hidbj
甚麼是「下一個階段」?998Please respect copyright.PENANAMuOkWNuO6K
998Please respect copyright.PENANAvserrspCgX
「投胎。」998Please respect copyright.PENANAZvDejwI0qK
998Please respect copyright.PENANAbVy9Te0K5L
甚麼時候會到下一個階段?998Please respect copyright.PENANANWKvMKppjP
998Please respect copyright.PENANAt76oPWj49g
「當你不在這裡時。」998Please respect copyright.PENANAumU7WfKKmD
998Please respect copyright.PENANA1bBlbm84Sa
我如何不在這裡?998Please respect copyright.PENANAdXW3wfiyTj
998Please respect copyright.PENANAdJSnfWDEwX
「當你不想留在這裡,你自然會離開這裡。」998Please respect copyright.PENANAWh5USLJEda
998Please respect copyright.PENANANvw5MK2iVA
我已不想留在這裡……998Please respect copyright.PENANAHsV7buCmJn
998Please respect copyright.PENANAxIDDvomR5C
「不。你想。你仍然緊緊抱著這世界。」998Please respect copyright.PENANAAIYGws5KmE
998Please respect copyright.PENANAnrLhsp413c
甚麼?998Please respect copyright.PENANAghe2Bqd1P5
998Please respect copyright.PENANASIduqHZhUr
「你認為鬼魂一定能夠穿牆過壁,所以你在死去不久已懂得穿牆過壁。當你覺得自己會飛,就馬上由不懂飛變成懂得飛。當你明白在水面行走的原理,你就可以立即踏步於在水面上。表面上,你接受了自己失去肉體這事實。998Please respect copyright.PENANAYKCalPFHBH
998Please respect copyright.PENANAHKSq7Bbz72
可是,移動時,你會用腳走路或用腳跑;你感知周邊環境時,會依賴眼睛;對黃牛說話,你依賴嘴巴和聲帶。事實上,你的肉體經已滅亡,你沒有腳、眼睛、嘴巴、聲帶。你只是習慣性地以為自己正在使用身體。你仍然未真正拋開你的『肉體』。」998Please respect copyright.PENANARAEfvlfgC4
998Please respect copyright.PENANAogJED14txh
那我就忘掉自己的習慣吧。行!998Please respect copyright.PENANAXnLKca4Bfn
998Please respect copyright.PENANAsWSsxW33qp
「要拋開你慣用的思考模式。例如,你一直聽到黃牛在講人話。但我告訴你,牠不懂講人話,純粹在吽吽叫。你聽到牠講人話,是因為你認為自己只聽得懂人話,加上牠是鬼魂,該有超能力。『懂得講人話』亦算得上是超能力的一種……諸如此類的。你仍然下意識地將自己在人類世界得到的觀念活用出來。」998Please respect copyright.PENANAoQg9VfeXiP
998Please respect copyright.PENANAV81pJka1KG
那我就忘掉這些觀念吧。行!998Please respect copyright.PENANA4g9VUBGVxl
998Please respect copyright.PENANA3mkL503PmL
「最後要放下執著。就像黃牛放下小牛一樣。」998Please respect copyright.PENANAz6Y4lzkifX
998Please respect copyright.PENANAV6obIHi7pT
我驀地想起黃牛的說話:思念是很痛苦的事。頃刻間,我分不清黃牛的最後表情孰悲孰喜,抑或是當中不包含悲喜。我亦分不清自己是否要堅決放棄那痛苦的事。畢竟捨棄痛苦的同時,對立的快樂亦會消散。998Please respect copyright.PENANAOdNWpppUQh
998Please respect copyright.PENANAChHiceDV2T
黃牛失去小牛會感痛苦,是因為牠擁有小牛時會快樂。998Please respect copyright.PENANARhcOJyKI3B
998Please respect copyright.PENANAVUIszKE38v
當初我選擇捨棄生命,是因為生存讓我感到痛苦。生存讓我感到痛苦,是因為我沒能擁有那些讓我感到快樂的。惟失去生命以後,我卻發現「那些讓我感到快樂的」大部份只是過眼雲煙而已。998Please respect copyright.PENANAzW3v82cniW
998Please respect copyright.PENANAqJ2yVGPJk6
無論生前或死後,唯一穩佔我心頭的只有女友一人。998Please respect copyright.PENANAB96lWXFsb9
998Please respect copyright.PENANAs2H3kTsc08
昔日與她分離,是因為我自覺沒能照顧她。在這亂七八糟的城巿裡,人類能活得像樣已是很了不起的事情,養活父母、照顧妻兒更是人生的豐功偉績。我的人生結局,證明當日的分離是最正確不過的決定……不!不正確!決心分離和自殺才是真正斷絕緣份的方法!斷絕了人與人之間的緣份,亦斷絕了人與可能性的緣份!998Please respect copyright.PENANANJE6KQmWmw
998Please respect copyright.PENANABFViBBniWC
我告訴神像,我決定多留一會兒。我想待女友死亡後,給她講解這裡的規矩,就像黃牛照顧我一樣。998Please respect copyright.PENANAEI8M5Mfjnl
998Please respect copyright.PENANAqiUtPI9WUh
「未必可行……你們之間的緣份已因你的自殺而變得極為淺薄。除非,你們之間互相存有十分強烈的思念。就像黃牛對於小牛的百年執著。」998Please respect copyright.PENANAVqc3FFQKpR
998Please respect copyright.PENANABn9t4Ialp3
原來黃牛已尋找小牛一百年……998Please respect copyright.PENANANW8Om3RCDf
998Please respect copyright.PENANAMa4AgHEWob
「明白了沒?」998Please respect copyright.PENANAJSexKL2J4A
998Please respect copyright.PENANAXxROtgsL7G
明白!無論結果如何,我這就去她的身邊,開始我的執著!心念一轉,眼前景觀立即粉碎成細末,瞬間重組成一個小小的睡房。床頭櫃上的相架,放有一位高貴婦人的相片。我認得那溫柔的笑容,屬於我曾經的女友。
註:998Please respect copyright.PENANAa98KqrOoJS
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