
我的目標是成為一個大學畢業生,找一份薪高糧準的工作,給含辛茹苦將我養育成人的兩老過上好生活……想得美好,奈何我資質魯鈍,記憶力欠佳,自幼學業成績強差人意,根本沒能考入大學。468Please respect copyright.PENANAcCtgWwbkcv
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我拿著成績表,失落地離開課室,獨坐操場一隅,不禁哀嘆一聲:「我自問並非貪心,純粹想給家人過上好生活。為何上天不給我一個更聰穎的腦袋或是更好的記憶力?」468Please respect copyright.PENANAQyJGGcd3zM
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此時,一張宣傳單張被不知哪來的怪風吹至我腳邊。468Please respect copyright.PENANApnHxd3KSod
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「單車學會特別訓練班——體壇明日之星的搖籃!」除了一句不順口的老土粗體橙字標語外,單張上還註明「前奧運金牌得主擔任教練」及「學屆運動員升學路線」等字樣。468Please respect copyright.PENANAChlkpeSNOK
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我靈機一動——難道上天正在回應我?468Please respect copyright.PENANAAluQSOriDs
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不假思索,我連忙根據單張資料前往報名。468Please respect copyright.PENANAaKxIbL4T33
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經過一連三日的篩選後,本校逾百名報名者只餘五人有資格接受訓練,我有幸成為其中一員,亦是年紀最小的一個。468Please respect copyright.PENANAFk6n4U4rEh
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首日訓練的內容相對溫和,多是運動理論和有關人體肌肉的知識。接下來的數星期,教練逐漸加重體能訓練的強度,並因應情況限制我們的飲食內容和份量,學員們叫苦連天。半年後,有一學員耐不住刻苦,提出離隊申請。教練不予挽留,馬上批准。468Please respect copyright.PENANAbImuE3lCHM
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「沒能裝備身心的人,沒有資格講夢想!」468Please respect copyright.PENANAp5akXIYYX9
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我被教練這句說話深深憾動著。468Please respect copyright.PENANA4DuJL7cmbs
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我開始反思自己有何夢想。成為一個大學畢業生?找一份薪高糧準的工作?給含辛茹苦將我養育成人的兩老過上好生活?就是這樣?沒有其他?468Please respect copyright.PENANAI7eEaIOImE
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不。468Please respect copyright.PENANAsbfNazvew5
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不知何時開始,我經常夢見自己站在頒獎台領獎的畫面——禮炮連響,彩色紙碎漫天飛舞,父母在台下喜極而泣,同學朋友們齊齊為我歡呼喝采……這才是我的真正夢想!我要成為世界單車冠軍!
如我當初所願,我以「單車運動員」的身份考上大學。曾經的我,也許會於願足矣,有意無意放慢訓練步伐,悄悄將生活重心放置於人脈關係或是事業發展;現在的我不同了——我渴求冠軍寶座,我全盤心思落在單車訓練上。468Please respect copyright.PENANAh4FooFyReD
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教練告誡我必須好好處理自己的心理狀態。「不是必須要嬴,但必須安全,完完整整回家去。」468Please respect copyright.PENANAnEkUAVOpEd
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我敷衍一笑,笑說自己不是幼稚的孩子。468Please respect copyright.PENANAFBxnycfNZH
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迎來升讀大學以來第五個比賽,亦是首個大型國際賽事。由於之前入圍賽成績算不上標青,我被安排在中游位置,被一眾差不多程度的參賽者包圍著。訊號響起,逾三百位學屆單車好手同時起步。我有意無意瞟了瞟前方,人山人海,無盡的彩色頭盔晃晃蕩蕩。468Please respect copyright.PENANAelcE2DfdtE
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半小時過去,我仍然沒能突破重圍。我開始焦急:雖說在此刻發力加速會大大消耗體力,實屬不智,惟被困在眾多參賽者之中,與上游參賽者距離越拉越遠,到比賽後期極大機會演變成無法追上的差距,情況不妙!468Please respect copyright.PENANA4yXPrSZxmm
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我環顧四周,想要找出擺脫車群的方法。468Please respect copyright.PENANAV5EHfuaRll
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看見了。468Please respect copyright.PENANA7MVGZOw83m
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十一時方向、與我相隔著一個車位的距離,有一橙衫男參賽者的身影以不尋常的姿勢和幅度搖來搖去。許是單車零件有問題,許是參賽者腿部有傷,不過唯一可以肯定的是,這為我製造了突破重圍的良機。468Please respect copyright.PENANA7gIw84wm80
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察覺異樣的參賽者紛紛與橙衫男保持距離。我趁機衝前突入那段難得的空間,成功前進三個車位!太好了!可趕及在第一個大彎位前領先橙衫男。我不是重視他,而是在彎位與情況異常的參賽者為鄰會十分危險。同樣道理,橙衫男可以在彎位拖慢其他後方的參賽者。只要過了彎位,我就可以……468Please respect copyright.PENANAX7hFWgDpt4
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咔!唓——𠲖——嘭!嘭!468Please respect copyright.PENANApM2Y2gYg07
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我最後記憶是自己被一道強大的衝力從後頂撞,人仰車翻,天旋地轉,失去意識。
「第八十二日。兒子,你聽得見嗎?醫生說你成為了植物人——他們為你進行多次腦掃描,卻不見你有任何明顯的反應。你媽說你是個孝順子,不會就此丟下我們。看著她每天風雨不改前來為你按摩抹身,直至近日病倒,我實在不知如何是好……憑理智,我傾向相信科學和醫生;憑情感、憑我作為丈夫和爸爸的身份,我相信我的妻兒……」468Please respect copyright.PENANAj168qwNfud
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再次恢復意識時,我聽到爸爸在床邊喃喃自語。他的聲線很無力,略帶沙啞。我想要安慰他,卻苦苦沒能睜開雙眼,亦沒法移動身體任何一部份予以反應。我繼續聽他訴苦,聽他講述近況,聽他轉述醫生的話……468Please respect copyright.PENANARYqSiimL8T
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我真傻,竟然相信平庸愚鈍的我會得到上天眷顧!我真傻,竟然自以為有機會成為世界冠軍!我真傻,竟然為了追求不切實際的夢想而賠上人生!468Please respect copyright.PENANAE7osRIwjS5
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情緒激動之際,我的左手尾指突然輕輕一動。468Please respect copyright.PENANASNba2MNw0C
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爸爸的碎碎唸驀然止住。靜默數秒之後,他忽爾高喊:「醫生!醫生!我的兒子會動!他會動!他聽得見我!」468Please respect copyright.PENANAq45VP4Vzi7
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我從未見過嚴肅拘謹的爸爸如此失儀放聲大叫。我感動得想要撲前與爸爸相擁痛哭,奈何沒能——我依然一動也不動躺在床上,像死屍。468Please respect copyright.PENANAtmEHaSMQVd
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醫生來了。他拍拍我的手,輕捏我全身各部位,再撐開我的眼皮,用小電筒照照我的瞳孔。「先生,經過初步檢查,令郎的狀況還是沒變化。」468Please respect copyright.PENANAp3dmZcg8ta
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「但我看見他的手指……」爸爸語調急促,心情明顯尚未平復。468Please respect copyright.PENANASS7K0SzCOc
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「先生,你很疲倦嗎?」醫生似乎相信我爸是眼花看錯。468Please respect copyright.PENANAvTHq7zPyjf
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爸爸深深倒抽一口涼氣,回復冷靜:「我的確很疲倦……」
到了第一百日,我接受了自己成為植物人的事實,但我相信自己還是有機會康復的——我的尾指曾在第八十二日動了動。不過如今最重要的是想辦法郁動我的身體,令外界知道我尚有意識。468Please respect copyright.PENANA52EsOVsSZY
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接下來的一年裡,我反復嘗試將意志集中在手指或是嘴唇這類容易被看見的身體部位,試過不停回憶多個令我情緒高漲的人生時刻,也試過憧憬未來,告訴自己未來會是多麼的美好!468Please respect copyright.PENANApR1x8SeOqo
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只要我願意努力,我定會過上美好的生活!468Please respect copyright.PENANA1H31wrhJ8k
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「第四百七十天。兒子,我要告訴你一件重要事情。」468Please respect copyright.PENANA2jbPlfDPLS
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今天前來探望我的是爸爸,想必媽媽定是病倒了。若非身體抱恙,媽媽定會親身前來。468Please respect copyright.PENANAFrjAjbLzKb
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「媽媽死了。她昨日探望你後、前往小巴站時,被的士撞倒了……」468Please respect copyright.PENANAloeq2z94a9
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我通過床褥的微微震顫感受到爸爸的激動。我也激動,卻也沒能用任何方式表達。沒能哭,沒能說話,只能直躺躺的感受自己的激動,然後知道自己很激動。468Please respect copyright.PENANAJEDUALDqtH
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爸爸沒有哭——我聽不到哭聲。他現在有何表情?欲哭無淚?或是已然哭得雙眼紅腫,無力再哭?我無法知道。468Please respect copyright.PENANAGAY5hDa7Bo
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「兒子,我想死。」468Please respect copyright.PENANAzmgXKrDHpT
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爸爸湊近我耳邊,用世上最無力的聲線去訴說無盡的悲痛與絕望。468Please respect copyright.PENANAfmKLSziLFI
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「兒子,你也想死,對吧?」468Please respect copyright.PENANAxJeXzQcYMv
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悲痛與絕望之後,就是自毀的開始。毀掉自己,亦毀掉自己的珍愛之人或物,例如必須依賴兩老生存的植物人兒子。468Please respect copyright.PENANAAAFGsV6W2O
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我心知不妙,奈何我依然沒能動彈半分。忽聞一陣既急且輕的腳步聲,然後是門鎖上閂的短促聲響,接下來靜悄悄的。我估計爸爸正在連接我身體的維生裝置上動手腳。是甚麼?關閉電子儀器的部份重要功能?在生理鹽水裡混和毒物?或是……468Please respect copyright.PENANATmutyGJnjA
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我腦後的枕頭突然被猛力抽走,再被覆在我的臉上。468Please respect copyright.PENANAryKz7QL0b6
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爸爸打算用枕頭悶死我!468Please respect copyright.PENANAombeRs0mec
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不!不要!我還不想死!468Please respect copyright.PENANAhmYuT1bYKv
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窒息感令我自知死期不遠。468Please respect copyright.PENANAxhp7XeZHq3
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我必須反抗!468Please respect copyright.PENANAo8wffWt28S
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要不動,要不死!468Please respect copyright.PENANANCuhe5FGk4
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動!動!快點動!468Please respect copyright.PENANAnTo0GV4fsW
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「呀!」我的身體忽爾回復知覺,使勁一推,推開了瘋狂的爸爸。468Please respect copyright.PENANAj9FptCrOxI
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爸爸失去平衡,跌倒在地。他沒有理會自己太多,雙目圓睜,吃驚地望著再次活動的我。「兒子……你……」468Please respect copyright.PENANAfyyoD8C68o
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「爸爸!」縱然雙腿肌肉因缺乏運動而虛弱無力,但我還是強行撐起身體,落床拐步走向爸爸。468Please respect copyright.PENANAwpV3FAPhgF
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雙腳著地的感覺真好!對珍愛之人訴說自己的感受真好!活動自如的感覺真好!468Please respect copyright.PENANAK2hx9RX0hp
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尚有三步之距,我就可以伸手扶起為我苦撐多時的爸爸。468Please respect copyright.PENANAXvwP6xWWJC
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「爸爸!我……」一陣血銹味自胸腔冒起,打斷我的話。我下意識掩著嘴,強行壓下噁心感。奈何濃稠的血水依然無間斷自指間滲出、滴下。雙腳一軟,雙膝著地。468Please respect copyright.PENANAxTJa15Sl1p
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「兒子……我沒料到……你會……」爸爸大受刺激,掩耳蜷伏在地。468Please respect copyright.PENANAur2KShCXEF
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我喉嚨劇痛,沒能告訴爸爸我不會怪責他——我只怪自己當初心高氣傲,眼裡只有夢想。468Please respect copyright.PENANA2PcQKRW7Em
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房門外沸沸揚揚,估是有人發現房內異樣。468Please respect copyright.PENANAd53PSh4WqD
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快撞門吧!快救我吧!我還不想死!我還要照顧爸爸!468Please respect copyright.PENANAO0YG5B7C2m
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我不想死!468Please respect copyright.PENANA6zOCPRd1sy
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我不想……死……468Please respect copyright.PENANAL2tKcqdr3O
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我不想……468Please respect copyright.PENANAgdrO9Bi0EQ
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我不……468Please respect copyright.PENANA7bE1q29SNQ
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我……468Please respect copyright.PENANADeLvbtUQNN
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……