二十年前——343Please respect copyright.PENANAxkqvBJaA7n
343Please respect copyright.PENANAnjgJ6QOQFL
小荷是個人見人愛的六歲小女孩,胖胖白白的臉配上一雙水靈大眼。她每天穿著荷媽親手做的一雙由彩色布碎拼湊而成的小鞋子到處玩耍,有時會跟同村的孩子們跑上山頭採菇,有時會為獨居老人送上新鮮採摘的漂亮花朵,有時會在湖邊遊蕩。343Please respect copyright.PENANAJVbfOJxr9H
343Please respect copyright.PENANAzZywV5RoG8
荷媽曾多次提醒她切勿走近湖邊,但小荷偏偏喜歡看蓮花,說蓮花是仙女的化身。荷媽忙著預備晚餐,不甚耐煩地反譏小荷幼稚。小荷不堪被譏諷,激動嚷著會帶蓮花仙女回家,然後頭也不回衝出家門。343Please respect copyright.PENANAZ2GxOLZUMp
343Please respect copyright.PENANAZ0RE5vsBHT
傍晚,晚餐備好了,小荷還沒有回家。荷媽心緒不寧,深怕小荷遇上意外。她挑燈外出,急步走往湖邊。343Please respect copyright.PENANAaegGRorkpd
343Please respect copyright.PENANAXtdWWXf22v
小荷不在。343Please respect copyright.PENANA6uqGvnpRRX
343Please respect copyright.PENANAKDVpTiHphT
荷媽的心頭涼了大截,連忙前去村長家求助。沒多久,大伙兒在湖邊叢林間搜索。343Please respect copyright.PENANADUOTo2ezge
343Please respect copyright.PENANAQWT1GUsj0Q
無發現。343Please respect copyright.PENANAtyh5WHh62I
343Please respect copyright.PENANAQKZk7nfUVC
村長打算重新部署搜索行動之際,有人指著湖中央的一朵蓮花大叫:「看!湖中那朵蓮花上有一隻鞋!」343Please respect copyright.PENANAgM93xjYc0P
343Please respect copyright.PENANARcyK1jAZRL
大伙兒定睛細看,卻因光線不足而未能確定那是否一隻鞋。荷媽救女心切,不理眾人勸阻跳入湖中游向那朵蓮花。游著、游著,她的身影突然消失了。343Please respect copyright.PENANASYJY0g8TSO
343Please respect copyright.PENANAlbajPawZV3
為免有更多人命犧牲,村民只得待天亮才落水找荷媽。不出所料,荷媽的腳踝被水草纏住,溺斃湖底。村民認得蓮花上的鞋子確是屬於小荷,但找遍湖底亦找不到她的身影。唯有繼續在林間搜索。無果。個多月後,眾人認為找到小荷的機會渺茫,於是停止搜索。343Please respect copyright.PENANA63W7nKvYiK
343Please respect copyright.PENANAkOwHN4Fls6
村裡開始流傳蓮花仙女帶走小荷的傳聞……343Please respect copyright.PENANA3thouamp3p
343Please respect copyright.PENANAyCL5E75yM3
「那是在你出生前發生的事情?」阿夏一邊聽得著迷,一邊望著車窗外的油油綠草地,驚嘆著這寧靜山村背後竟有這種可怕事。343Please respect copyright.PENANAXjZcu9rI6F
343Please respect copyright.PENANAmfCCuAQt91
「不。當年我十歲,和小荷挺熟絡。」芙兒沒心情欣賞風景,逕自倚著椅背,微微仰首凝視車廂天花那色調偏冷的米光燈。343Please respect copyright.PENANAw5sLtWP5wu
343Please respect copyright.PENANAEAxl7syGWc
「小荷失蹤一事是你當警察的原因嗎?」阿夏與芙兒作伴數年,不難看出芙兒心事重重,尤其今趟「回鄉之旅」是離鄉別井十多年的芙兒主動提出,可見其別具意義。343Please respect copyright.PENANAtAbWU8mleR
343Please respect copyright.PENANAHGLs1nFvKc
「嗯……一部份吧。不能說是完全因為她,也不能說是與這事情毫無關係。」芙兒苦笑,些許後悔無故主動提及這大煞風景的陳年往事。回鄉目的不是向各位鄉親苦老宣佈自己與阿夏的婚訊和設喜宴嗎?不是要歡天喜地、眉開眼笑嗎?343Please respect copyright.PENANABwZfQ4x8EI
343Please respect copyright.PENANAYP34MNIFzL
「不管如何……」阿夏是個聰明人,明明對案件內容細節有興趣,但也知道要適可宜止。他輕拍芙兒的手背,安慰道:「事情已然過去,多想無益。」343Please respect copyright.PENANAA1vld26PS6
343Please respect copyright.PENANAhiPZJWJhag
「是的。過去了。」芙兒吁一口氣,似是釋懷,奈何揪心的感覺難以單憑幾句安慰說話連根拔起。343Please respect copyright.PENANArp9nWayeSk
343Please respect copyright.PENANAn2l3TSBFd3
顛著、簸著,好不容易來到村口。大城市發展一日千里,隱世小村亦逃不過時間巨輪的輾壓,已然根據政府的規劃建議打造成「山村旅遊區」。生來就是城市人的阿夏未曾到過農村,覺得這地方別具風味,但在村內待了十多年的芙兒卻嗤之以鼻:不也就是電視劇裡的假農村嗎?343Please respect copyright.PENANAG30z6Igu1Y
343Please respect copyright.PENANAfDrCZSRPZT
驀地,一個想法在芙兒腦海掠過。343Please respect copyright.PENANABY72gToxne
343Please respect copyright.PENANAUPC5oeF6m4
「阿夏。」芙兒拉拉阿夏的手袖:「我們先去蓮花池那邊看看吧。」343Please respect copyright.PENANAWBEkWFp56A
343Please respect copyright.PENANAfdJjDykGkA
不出芙兒所料,蓮花池已面目全非。池邊的泥地與草叢變成了磚路與涼亭,上了漆的鐵製圍欄整齊繞池而立,蓮花換了個品種,顏色更亮麗奪目,尺寸亦比以往的大上數倍。唯一不變的是頭頂上的烈日,仍然熾熱得惡毒。343Please respect copyright.PENANAP5PEZDJoIn
343Please respect copyright.PENANA2HE44PwYXW
芙兒逕自繞著蓮花池逆時針方向拐圈踱步。時間彷彿隨著步伐逆行,日落月出,瞬間回到二十年前那個夜晚……343Please respect copyright.PENANAHB7xhY6qqJ
343Please respect copyright.PENANAeFSQb5bsWf
「我帶芙兒外出散步散心。」晚飯後,芙爸病懨懨地對妻子說。343Please respect copyright.PENANATrRA8qhE5L
343Please respect copyright.PENANAZMC3u8ZTth
「嗯。」芙媽忙於照顧病兒,分身不暇。343Please respect copyright.PENANAEta3h8bggh
343Please respect copyright.PENANAYC6u1wpBEA
夏夜有月,月下有蟬,蟬聲擾人又煩人。路上,芙爸眉頭鎖得更深。芙兒乖乖不作聲,默默尾隨他快步走。343Please respect copyright.PENANAt3ngKdPPgk
343Please respect copyright.PENANAtbK5yjRkHl
「芙兒,你愛媽媽嗎?」343Please respect copyright.PENANABiVUikqRhU
343Please respect copyright.PENANAUUbq0we0WM
「愛。」343Please respect copyright.PENANAqE56i036WC
343Please respect copyright.PENANAbgzg2PVntr
「你愛爸爸嗎?」343Please respect copyright.PENANAAbQDhj0wcV
343Please respect copyright.PENANAhISyHN349x
「愛。」343Please respect copyright.PENANAUjdjbD5BdS
343Please respect copyright.PENANAxXgB2oLEGe
「你愛哥哥嗎?」343Please respect copyright.PENANADEjFv0QF1s
343Please respect copyright.PENANAFLZ1q0jZmQ
芙兒心裡一寒,不自已停下腳步——她早前無意間發現爸爸向前任村長秘密查詢有關人口販子的事。難道爸爸為了替哥哥籌措醫藥費而打算賣掉她?343Please respect copyright.PENANACtfQm89wHW
343Please respect copyright.PENANAXR2DcotBLc
「你愛我嗎?」芙兒無力反問。343Please respect copyright.PENANAcvw0ZzOKbp
343Please respect copyright.PENANAz854rWiBTN
芙爸沒有回答,繼續低頭開步走。343Please respect copyright.PENANAPfo6nmG0kc
343Please respect copyright.PENANAQbNc84pFGl
芙兒想要跑回家去,雙腳卻不由自主隨著爸爸走,縱然明知那是不歸路。343Please respect copyright.PENANAl4Egb79I7l
343Please respect copyright.PENANAp8JyMujrmS
途經蓮花池,巧遇小荷。芙爸倏忽衝前打昏小荷。芙兒明白爸爸的意圖,連忙拉住他。343Please respect copyright.PENANAGNo72h4Pe1
343Please respect copyright.PENANA0pC3lZgiOq
「小荷是無辜的!」343Please respect copyright.PENANApQdITFUW16
343Please respect copyright.PENANADKfBbokLxS
「但我捨不得你啊!」343Please respect copyright.PENANAmfPD2eagIX
343Please respect copyright.PENANAIkKLngFdlE
芙兒不期然鬆開了手——她聽得出話裡的割捨與堅決。爸爸向來善良老實,日子艱難亦不會做鼠竊狗偷的勾當。奈何今次關乎兒子的生命安危和女兒的命運!他寧可割捨良知,亦要保住家人。343Please respect copyright.PENANAKWVn24phLB
343Please respect copyright.PENANA7DgoY8qD69
芙兒理解了、妥協了,芙爸眼神反倒更為悲憤不安。他脫下小荷的一隻鞋,使勁拋向蓮花池。鞋子剛好不偏不倚落在池中央的一朵大蓮花上。343Please respect copyright.PENANAhnaDVBwnhb
343Please respect copyright.PENANAafBqEm5s4q
父女兩人不約而同望向那朵大蓮花。純白蓮花被夜色沾污成帶有瘀青的淡灰色,悉才看來色彩繽紛的小鞋子亦被迫融入夜色,成了一個若隱若現的小黑點。343Please respect copyright.PENANAZE9QZUOEO5
343Please respect copyright.PENANAyhj47rxLUe
小黑點,人生裡的大污點。343Please respect copyright.PENANAHsW7nVxleB
343Please respect copyright.PENANAyEefrs3rBx
來到約定的地方。人口販子沒有芙兒想像中的鼠頭獐目。他相貌平凡,打扮平凡,舉止平凡,有如田裡的一顆穀粒,獨一無二卻平凡普通。343Please respect copyright.PENANAsOa4N4llft
343Please respect copyright.PENANAckKYnTKiIc
二人無聲的奉上小荷,默默的收下金錢,不能見光的交易在無光的樹林中順利完成。343Please respect copyright.PENANA28aPfHoXhV
343Please respect copyright.PENANARwlAjmFbhT
芙兒自此在這夜池邊中無限輪迴。343Please respect copyright.PENANAKSPn5JLYlw
343Please respect copyright.PENANA4DfMuS6QcL
晝如夜,夜是夜。此人是小荷,那人是小荷,異裝同臉。池中有蓮,家中有蓮,路中有蓮,蓮上有鞋。343Please respect copyright.PENANAIQyIZ4cIuA
343Please respect copyright.PENANAVw8YQ0oNyT
瘋了。芙兒的世界瘋了。343Please respect copyright.PENANAuQ3drjRS9P
343Please respect copyright.PENANALRzloBZ4J7
需要救贖。無人能救。只得自救。343Please respect copyright.PENANALjIY4sytDM
343Please respect copyright.PENANAzAjo9uphw0
救哥哥,犧牲小荷。救自己,犧牲誰?343Please respect copyright.PENANAMQkEvhANeT
343Please respect copyright.PENANAmRTUTndvoE
「記住,賣掉小荷的人是我,不是你。」343Please respect copyright.PENANAKe0Mub2HLW
343Please respect copyright.PENANAGmOtnl3nSC
「我沒有阻止你。」343Please respect copyright.PENANA0tIMpyaniC
343Please respect copyright.PENANAzsbcHyh38V
「阻止得了麼?」343Please respect copyright.PENANAXqIZdYlLob
343Please respect copyright.PENANAJEfTpe28cX
「至少,我該要嘗試。」343Please respect copyright.PENANA5qQrlhhQoR
343Please respect copyright.PENANA1uMjedE7Uk
「嘗試有用麼?」343Please respect copyright.PENANAlHU89NSNon
343Please respect copyright.PENANAUt8GgEYk6S
芙兒如夢初醒——芙爸企圖獨自扛起一切責任,救贖芙兒。她不自控笑著流淚,內心得到救贖的同時又跌落另一深淵——自己得救,爸爸犧牲。343Please respect copyright.PENANA7e5H1NglSm
343Please respect copyright.PENANAQecjGpuGYb
真的得到了救贖嗎?不肯定。343Please respect copyright.PENANAe21p0lqCgp
343Please respect copyright.PENANA08vktpr6mc
她離鄉到城市尋找工作,輾轉當上警察。對失蹤案尤感興趣。找人,找救贖。找到人,找不到救贖。343Please respect copyright.PENANAWWU5ny5wMh
343Please respect copyright.PENANAIkoqAPP9Xv
收到來自家鄉的信,提及哥哥病逝。她丟掉信件,假裝未曾收到。根本沒意義,根本誰也沒能得救,無論犧牲多大。343Please respect copyright.PENANAesONjmSZoj
343Please respect copyright.PENANAb8jp5lI26h
芙媽來了,問芙兒為何不出席哥哥的喪禮。她說不知道哥哥逝世一事。芙媽低頭掩面大笑,笑了很久,然後哭了很久。「你爸說你不會為此回來,我說你不是狠心的人。原來我們都錯了——你根本不知情。」343Please respect copyright.PENANAMUiaLE0Mft
343Please respect copyright.PENANAVw2WMTOjJ6
有甚麼值得笑或哭?芙兒不明白。或許媽媽也不明白,純粹為笑而笑、為哭而哭,無謂卻有為。至少她的情緒得以紓緩,面容不再繃緊。343Please respect copyright.PENANAH85hDCIB7Y
343Please respect copyright.PENANAXChsPIgwYJ
數年後,芙媽死了。芙兒同樣沒有出席喪禮。她向上司請假數天,躲在家裡,足不出戶。不斷憶起媽媽當日又哭又笑的癲狂模樣。真羨慕。沒有隱藏,沒有秘密。343Please respect copyright.PENANAHOyipYFNZF
343Please respect copyright.PENANAR6toarmIh7
假期完結後,芙兒重投工作。警局來了一個新丁,名叫阿夏,比芙兒年輕數載。他長有一張孩子臉,胖胖白白,水靈大眼,像小荷。芙兒的目光離不開阿夏,主動接近他、勾搭他。二人由相識至同睡一床,僅是三天內的事。343Please respect copyright.PENANAAZjC1BDiwN
343Please respect copyright.PENANAdlFLD6TLSC
阿夏不解。343Please respect copyright.PENANAGHD91XzMr9
343Please respect copyright.PENANA4sPL9r4ndE
「你不似是水性楊花的女人。」343Please respect copyright.PENANATOViabBOF3
343Please respect copyright.PENANASIXlDO51WJ
「你不似是諸事八卦的男人。」343Please respect copyright.PENANAfXIRbQzUat
343Please respect copyright.PENANAc6F0av2heW
阿夏開始追求芙兒。芙兒不接受,卻偶爾與他同睡。為何不愛他卻會與他睡?是發洩,是鬱悶,或是對往事的情感投射?芙兒解釋不了,亦不想解釋——找到解釋之時,另一個問題就會隨即出現。343Please respect copyright.PENANAy1ck14wNye
343Please respect copyright.PENANAF61hNswCVb
繼續同睡,繼續被追求,繼續找人找救贖。生活不過如此,平平凡凡,無無謂謂。343Please respect copyright.PENANAw7mIpVCHt5
343Please respect copyright.PENANAgbktWpINxe
數年後的某天,芙兒收到來自兒時鄰居的一通電話。對方說芙爸病重,行將就木,希望她回鄉探望。343Please respect copyright.PENANADj1eDixtWV
343Please respect copyright.PENANAfgXMj64j0c
「是他希望我回去,或是大家希望我回去探望他?」343Please respect copyright.PENANACLZGPxK8G3
343Please respect copyright.PENANAhbC4iiUOj5
「他堅持不要通知你,但大家還是決定要告訴你。」343Please respect copyright.PENANAkSFEoctVJA
343Please respect copyright.PENANAiDgClVYhsW
「我明白了。」343Please respect copyright.PENANAube18Gjg5y
343Please respect copyright.PENANAmfK9fx2h1g
當晚,芙兒跟阿夏說要盡快回鄉宣佈婚訊、設喜宴。343Please respect copyright.PENANAYvVPLdBitE
343Please respect copyright.PENANAtwxrLXA0Ko
「你跟誰結婚?」阿夏詫異。343Please respect copyright.PENANAiPMrt8QsGj
343Please respect copyright.PENANAFf4BOoCksw
「你。」芙兒明白阿夏的不明白。343Please respect copyright.PENANAH7csBZWsre
343Please respect copyright.PENANABgrlKmSDhK
顛著、簸著,好不容易來到村口。大城市發展一日千里,隱世小村亦逃不過時間巨輪的輾壓,已然根據政府的規劃建議打造成「山村旅遊區」。生來就是城市人的阿夏未曾到過農村,覺得這地方別具風味,但在村內待了十多年的芙兒卻嗤之以鼻:不也就是電視劇裡的假農村嗎?343Please respect copyright.PENANAHUZpfMHyug
343Please respect copyright.PENANAcC2opuS576
驀地,一個想法在芙兒腦海掠過。343Please respect copyright.PENANA2EDijqhsbF
343Please respect copyright.PENANAs9n5yyTxxD
「阿夏。」芙兒拉拉阿夏的手袖:「我們先去蓮花池那邊看看吧。」343Please respect copyright.PENANA6iuPbJi9Ct
343Please respect copyright.PENANAZfyybN81aO
不出芙兒所料,蓮花池已面目全非。池邊的泥地與草叢變成了磚路與涼亭,上了漆的鐵製圍欄整齊繞池而立,蓮花換了個品種,顏色更亮麗奪目,尺寸亦比以往的大上數倍。唯一不變的是頭頂上的烈日,仍然熾熱得惡毒。343Please respect copyright.PENANAMt16fViNMS
343Please respect copyright.PENANAqLthQx10Xf
芙兒逕自繞著蓮花池逆時針方向拐圈踱步。踱踱踱,時間有可能隨著步伐逆轉,帶她回到二十年前的那個晚上嗎?若明知結果,她還是會不阻止爸爸賣掉小荷嗎?343Please respect copyright.PENANAy3HJ568uMi
343Please respect copyright.PENANAllSfXG4WJN
老家陋宅裡,趁著阿夏上廁所的空檔,芙兒湊近芙爸耳邊直接問:「若明知結果,你還是會賣掉小荷嗎?」343Please respect copyright.PENANAMRxl9qx1M2
343Please respect copyright.PENANAdWG6EVFy2g
「會。」氣若柔絲的芙爸斬釘截鐵:「因為我是當爸的。」343Please respect copyright.PENANAG6zfCcVraO
343Please respect copyright.PENANA39paegVLRW
「若沒有遇上小荷,你會賣掉我嗎?」343Please respect copyright.PENANA47MyCl8qQd
343Please respect copyright.PENANAGHMDFJOhJc
「會。因為你們兄妹倆都會活著。活著才會有希望。」343Please respect copyright.PENANAagC3AEBdnu
343Please respect copyright.PENANANmpNQ549sh
芙兒大受刺激,轉身奪門而出。343Please respect copyright.PENANAPle7HfdVOe
343Please respect copyright.PENANA6CIixvvCya
夏夜有月,月下有蟬,蟬聲擾人又煩人。路上行人疏落,卻異裝同臉,小荷的臉。路中倏忽生出白蓮朵朵,蓮上皆有小彩鞋一隻。芙兒知道自己瘋了,眼前盡是幻覺。理智脫軌,她不再恐懼,像個十歲的少女那樣跳脫輕盈,一步踏一蓮,來到池邊。343Please respect copyright.PENANAukFffV8dRc
343Please respect copyright.PENANA2dioWZQXQV
池邊有人,像小荷,像芙爸,像人口販子,像阿夏。她握著一隻彩色小鞋,木無表情直盯池中那朵大蓮花。芙兒走近女子,女子報以微笑,遞上手中小鞋。343Please respect copyright.PENANAKR7KLFrASh
343Please respect copyright.PENANAOBDiKrZWRV
芙兒接過它,模仿爸爸當晚的姿勢,以完美的拋物線弧度拋出小鞋。小鞋不偏不倚剛好落在池中央的蓮花上,有如二十年前的那夜。純白蓮花被夜色沾污成帶有瘀青的淡灰色,悉才看來色彩繽紛的小鞋子亦被迫融入夜色,成了一個若隱若現的小黑點。343Please respect copyright.PENANAVJPtfnW7kL
343Please respect copyright.PENANAOVqaJL736R
女人哈哈大笑起來,笑聲豁然開朗。芙兒腳下的白蓮和小鞋驀地消失隱去,唯獨女子依然完好站在面前。笑過以後,女子轉身離開,身影沒入林間不復見。343Please respect copyright.PENANA9BWEQbHX75
343Please respect copyright.PENANA7ai03xaTzY
芙兒惘然——她不肯定對方是幻覺或是確切存在的真人。343Please respect copyright.PENANAYAtHUNBPpW
343Please respect copyright.PENANARiaURuduJa
數日後,芙爸與世長辭。343Please respect copyright.PENANAZ7ryIn2CFT
343Please respect copyright.PENANAt4Nfx2EBaF
「既然不需要沖喜,你還會跟我結婚嗎?」343Please respect copyright.PENANApNRMYC0eaF
343Please respect copyright.PENANA0ADLcFLuBt
「你想跟我結婚嗎?」343Please respect copyright.PENANASWJmqHT6r5
343Please respect copyright.PENANAqHfKlg8Alc
「想。我愛你。」343Please respect copyright.PENANAQ0NdT6ZjUN
343Please respect copyright.PENANAdJtUT5pRIV
「那就繼續吧。」343Please respect copyright.PENANA3j3vRXFPJ5
343Please respect copyright.PENANAuJ3BsA2sEk
喜慶夜,大排筵席。此人是小荷,那人是小荷,新郎是小荷,老爺是小荷,奶奶是小荷,滿堂皆是小荷。芙兒帶醉喜極而泣,感激小荷前來祝福她。343Please respect copyright.PENANArGSPHraoJt
343Please respect copyright.PENANABOXB2486Zu
宴後,賓客散去。醉得幾近失去意識的芙兒被攙扶到新房去。滾燙的臉龐忽爾涼涼的。她知道有人為她用濕毛巾抹臉抹汗。343Please respect copyright.PENANAYFU75rKiLm
343Please respect copyright.PENANApCx5HlPfcB
「謝謝你……小荷……」343Please respect copyright.PENANAIS7S0sRCg9
343Please respect copyright.PENANANCZrqkwsfe
「不用客氣……」343Please respect copyright.PENANAZvtjHXlKvg
343Please respect copyright.PENANApL4VUmBYZu
說著說著,阿夏哭了。晶瑩淚水沿著胖白的臉頰下滑,水靈大眼楚楚可憐。像小荷。
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雜念集
Author:
天洛卡
ISSUE #59
痴蓮(人性 / 心靈創傷)
LIKES 2
READS 339
BOOKMARKS 35
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