二十年前——349Please respect copyright.PENANAqNefJrrNmr
349Please respect copyright.PENANAfGIZJg5bIL
小荷是個人見人愛的六歲小女孩,胖胖白白的臉配上一雙水靈大眼。她每天穿著荷媽親手做的一雙由彩色布碎拼湊而成的小鞋子到處玩耍,有時會跟同村的孩子們跑上山頭採菇,有時會為獨居老人送上新鮮採摘的漂亮花朵,有時會在湖邊遊蕩。349Please respect copyright.PENANAtz90F61I9i
349Please respect copyright.PENANA7jr6TlnD1k
荷媽曾多次提醒她切勿走近湖邊,但小荷偏偏喜歡看蓮花,說蓮花是仙女的化身。荷媽忙著預備晚餐,不甚耐煩地反譏小荷幼稚。小荷不堪被譏諷,激動嚷著會帶蓮花仙女回家,然後頭也不回衝出家門。349Please respect copyright.PENANA2ZaccXJY8H
349Please respect copyright.PENANAzaQJ5AlIQr
傍晚,晚餐備好了,小荷還沒有回家。荷媽心緒不寧,深怕小荷遇上意外。她挑燈外出,急步走往湖邊。349Please respect copyright.PENANAvI14P1O0qC
349Please respect copyright.PENANAFi650NfJ9f
小荷不在。349Please respect copyright.PENANAAp78pRsxj0
349Please respect copyright.PENANAaryONWkij4
荷媽的心頭涼了大截,連忙前去村長家求助。沒多久,大伙兒在湖邊叢林間搜索。349Please respect copyright.PENANA5V8P8knE7y
349Please respect copyright.PENANA4sxcJk5S6i
無發現。349Please respect copyright.PENANAf1suWpaj6A
349Please respect copyright.PENANAGBNIRVVeSZ
村長打算重新部署搜索行動之際,有人指著湖中央的一朵蓮花大叫:「看!湖中那朵蓮花上有一隻鞋!」349Please respect copyright.PENANAxOfTvqhKuv
349Please respect copyright.PENANArS5GhQ9HRD
大伙兒定睛細看,卻因光線不足而未能確定那是否一隻鞋。荷媽救女心切,不理眾人勸阻跳入湖中游向那朵蓮花。游著、游著,她的身影突然消失了。349Please respect copyright.PENANA85B4R1fQxz
349Please respect copyright.PENANA72Dau6AXJ5
為免有更多人命犧牲,村民只得待天亮才落水找荷媽。不出所料,荷媽的腳踝被水草纏住,溺斃湖底。村民認得蓮花上的鞋子確是屬於小荷,但找遍湖底亦找不到她的身影。唯有繼續在林間搜索。無果。個多月後,眾人認為找到小荷的機會渺茫,於是停止搜索。349Please respect copyright.PENANAGtRqr7LhcH
349Please respect copyright.PENANA875EslPTNA
村裡開始流傳蓮花仙女帶走小荷的傳聞……349Please respect copyright.PENANAZnP0o2DLnB
349Please respect copyright.PENANA1Ppoi7HZ0B
「那是在你出生前發生的事情?」阿夏一邊聽得著迷,一邊望著車窗外的油油綠草地,驚嘆著這寧靜山村背後竟有這種可怕事。349Please respect copyright.PENANAHcK7wSvDQV
349Please respect copyright.PENANAc6dKe5CAcV
「不。當年我十歲,和小荷挺熟絡。」芙兒沒心情欣賞風景,逕自倚著椅背,微微仰首凝視車廂天花那色調偏冷的米光燈。349Please respect copyright.PENANAPgDYL7uxW9
349Please respect copyright.PENANApXg71jCDxk
「小荷失蹤一事是你當警察的原因嗎?」阿夏與芙兒作伴數年,不難看出芙兒心事重重,尤其今趟「回鄉之旅」是離鄉別井十多年的芙兒主動提出,可見其別具意義。349Please respect copyright.PENANADvCR7xisWD
349Please respect copyright.PENANAWk5cQLRzZW
「嗯……一部份吧。不能說是完全因為她,也不能說是與這事情毫無關係。」芙兒苦笑,些許後悔無故主動提及這大煞風景的陳年往事。回鄉目的不是向各位鄉親苦老宣佈自己與阿夏的婚訊和設喜宴嗎?不是要歡天喜地、眉開眼笑嗎?349Please respect copyright.PENANAFI3BIB6g7s
349Please respect copyright.PENANAOvbSbALnsf
「不管如何……」阿夏是個聰明人,明明對案件內容細節有興趣,但也知道要適可宜止。他輕拍芙兒的手背,安慰道:「事情已然過去,多想無益。」349Please respect copyright.PENANAF1irH3Y9PO
349Please respect copyright.PENANAks6zXaGnTb
「是的。過去了。」芙兒吁一口氣,似是釋懷,奈何揪心的感覺難以單憑幾句安慰說話連根拔起。349Please respect copyright.PENANAnWgxgTj9x4
349Please respect copyright.PENANAT99mlWxifZ
顛著、簸著,好不容易來到村口。大城市發展一日千里,隱世小村亦逃不過時間巨輪的輾壓,已然根據政府的規劃建議打造成「山村旅遊區」。生來就是城市人的阿夏未曾到過農村,覺得這地方別具風味,但在村內待了十多年的芙兒卻嗤之以鼻:不也就是電視劇裡的假農村嗎?349Please respect copyright.PENANA0CR1rlBS74
349Please respect copyright.PENANAvZK5vFP6QL
驀地,一個想法在芙兒腦海掠過。349Please respect copyright.PENANAJamS9RJDMo
349Please respect copyright.PENANARMeE9MP7Wq
「阿夏。」芙兒拉拉阿夏的手袖:「我們先去蓮花池那邊看看吧。」349Please respect copyright.PENANAl1EaFNjxKY
349Please respect copyright.PENANATbb9lAk8Xr
不出芙兒所料,蓮花池已面目全非。池邊的泥地與草叢變成了磚路與涼亭,上了漆的鐵製圍欄整齊繞池而立,蓮花換了個品種,顏色更亮麗奪目,尺寸亦比以往的大上數倍。唯一不變的是頭頂上的烈日,仍然熾熱得惡毒。349Please respect copyright.PENANA0g8wPddfmf
349Please respect copyright.PENANAgTNPefR1LS
芙兒逕自繞著蓮花池逆時針方向拐圈踱步。時間彷彿隨著步伐逆行,日落月出,瞬間回到二十年前那個夜晚……349Please respect copyright.PENANAlBzj12k3nA
349Please respect copyright.PENANAKPGlLKYoq0
「我帶芙兒外出散步散心。」晚飯後,芙爸病懨懨地對妻子說。349Please respect copyright.PENANAtgWAT0O7XJ
349Please respect copyright.PENANAuUzaXATP6w
「嗯。」芙媽忙於照顧病兒,分身不暇。349Please respect copyright.PENANAK8rz6b196X
349Please respect copyright.PENANAPSnAysZpjb
夏夜有月,月下有蟬,蟬聲擾人又煩人。路上,芙爸眉頭鎖得更深。芙兒乖乖不作聲,默默尾隨他快步走。349Please respect copyright.PENANAybw3ad5KUZ
349Please respect copyright.PENANAp8R12XYBRK
「芙兒,你愛媽媽嗎?」349Please respect copyright.PENANAq2z2VmXfgq
349Please respect copyright.PENANAOJ3sRTgUye
「愛。」349Please respect copyright.PENANAWpjOHULGkx
349Please respect copyright.PENANAWgCqloOMg9
「你愛爸爸嗎?」349Please respect copyright.PENANAsGZJNFaCmK
349Please respect copyright.PENANANLzFVdRokc
「愛。」349Please respect copyright.PENANAVQZrAzgFSE
349Please respect copyright.PENANA2WTrPHKOBP
「你愛哥哥嗎?」349Please respect copyright.PENANAYaWH6X8JDD
349Please respect copyright.PENANAVFtF5UDIWu
芙兒心裡一寒,不自已停下腳步——她早前無意間發現爸爸向前任村長秘密查詢有關人口販子的事。難道爸爸為了替哥哥籌措醫藥費而打算賣掉她?349Please respect copyright.PENANAf0Dl5ToSA5
349Please respect copyright.PENANA9S5CY50TDD
「你愛我嗎?」芙兒無力反問。349Please respect copyright.PENANAbG7cmQ93Xf
349Please respect copyright.PENANAjVSEisEajM
芙爸沒有回答,繼續低頭開步走。349Please respect copyright.PENANAOGKWzMubCo
349Please respect copyright.PENANAS9jUin7IPV
芙兒想要跑回家去,雙腳卻不由自主隨著爸爸走,縱然明知那是不歸路。349Please respect copyright.PENANA4gi7XOt1hN
349Please respect copyright.PENANAK5NBFHTCAz
途經蓮花池,巧遇小荷。芙爸倏忽衝前打昏小荷。芙兒明白爸爸的意圖,連忙拉住他。349Please respect copyright.PENANAYyRXSFt0Cc
349Please respect copyright.PENANAeHW9gUI9fD
「小荷是無辜的!」349Please respect copyright.PENANAxOrMNf8MXB
349Please respect copyright.PENANAs3zhUxSyQh
「但我捨不得你啊!」349Please respect copyright.PENANAO4xRKaCFyG
349Please respect copyright.PENANANVcy4BtbIX
芙兒不期然鬆開了手——她聽得出話裡的割捨與堅決。爸爸向來善良老實,日子艱難亦不會做鼠竊狗偷的勾當。奈何今次關乎兒子的生命安危和女兒的命運!他寧可割捨良知,亦要保住家人。349Please respect copyright.PENANAspcvIA9Js2
349Please respect copyright.PENANAuIpPUe3yl3
芙兒理解了、妥協了,芙爸眼神反倒更為悲憤不安。他脫下小荷的一隻鞋,使勁拋向蓮花池。鞋子剛好不偏不倚落在池中央的一朵大蓮花上。349Please respect copyright.PENANARC52DZL8iW
349Please respect copyright.PENANA5MajJl8ejL
父女兩人不約而同望向那朵大蓮花。純白蓮花被夜色沾污成帶有瘀青的淡灰色,悉才看來色彩繽紛的小鞋子亦被迫融入夜色,成了一個若隱若現的小黑點。349Please respect copyright.PENANAhZTqMqkwDk
349Please respect copyright.PENANAYOa6B3fdpy
小黑點,人生裡的大污點。349Please respect copyright.PENANAZs3Ogg49IR
349Please respect copyright.PENANARZ7SLhiNvp
來到約定的地方。人口販子沒有芙兒想像中的鼠頭獐目。他相貌平凡,打扮平凡,舉止平凡,有如田裡的一顆穀粒,獨一無二卻平凡普通。349Please respect copyright.PENANA4RIvHpVs9N
349Please respect copyright.PENANA8D22tmaosq
二人無聲的奉上小荷,默默的收下金錢,不能見光的交易在無光的樹林中順利完成。349Please respect copyright.PENANAjOEa3cD1Bd
349Please respect copyright.PENANAsMLmpfk51H
芙兒自此在這夜池邊中無限輪迴。349Please respect copyright.PENANA5HZriCVnh5
349Please respect copyright.PENANAM3uCi6ACyt
晝如夜,夜是夜。此人是小荷,那人是小荷,異裝同臉。池中有蓮,家中有蓮,路中有蓮,蓮上有鞋。349Please respect copyright.PENANAywFOSkzVKI
349Please respect copyright.PENANAYlPveGQPWl
瘋了。芙兒的世界瘋了。349Please respect copyright.PENANAyJZLqcrrpE
349Please respect copyright.PENANAL9zzuYta9D
需要救贖。無人能救。只得自救。349Please respect copyright.PENANAaD1A7WOSth
349Please respect copyright.PENANAO7i0hdCahk
救哥哥,犧牲小荷。救自己,犧牲誰?349Please respect copyright.PENANASJwJlwpipg
349Please respect copyright.PENANAJ998v1m5qQ
「記住,賣掉小荷的人是我,不是你。」349Please respect copyright.PENANATr2h322pCX
349Please respect copyright.PENANAbOgZ78UCfb
「我沒有阻止你。」349Please respect copyright.PENANARVMtL3XOve
349Please respect copyright.PENANAtWX2i8etGa
「阻止得了麼?」349Please respect copyright.PENANAhMnQaVuYxi
349Please respect copyright.PENANAk459Wxpia9
「至少,我該要嘗試。」349Please respect copyright.PENANAx9omxGj3D0
349Please respect copyright.PENANAWPzEzOTDnT
「嘗試有用麼?」349Please respect copyright.PENANA7g16wMLAE5
349Please respect copyright.PENANAJOF4Wo6IDN
芙兒如夢初醒——芙爸企圖獨自扛起一切責任,救贖芙兒。她不自控笑著流淚,內心得到救贖的同時又跌落另一深淵——自己得救,爸爸犧牲。349Please respect copyright.PENANAAZqtXr3j5C
349Please respect copyright.PENANA3MQclFdQjS
真的得到了救贖嗎?不肯定。349Please respect copyright.PENANAEBqLPzcSf2
349Please respect copyright.PENANAt1iCPF84U9
她離鄉到城市尋找工作,輾轉當上警察。對失蹤案尤感興趣。找人,找救贖。找到人,找不到救贖。349Please respect copyright.PENANAxDnw9kulEW
349Please respect copyright.PENANAUm9Eethckw
收到來自家鄉的信,提及哥哥病逝。她丟掉信件,假裝未曾收到。根本沒意義,根本誰也沒能得救,無論犧牲多大。349Please respect copyright.PENANA9RweXS9hwY
349Please respect copyright.PENANAoUQLiVdCPi
芙媽來了,問芙兒為何不出席哥哥的喪禮。她說不知道哥哥逝世一事。芙媽低頭掩面大笑,笑了很久,然後哭了很久。「你爸說你不會為此回來,我說你不是狠心的人。原來我們都錯了——你根本不知情。」349Please respect copyright.PENANAIrEd4YLDje
349Please respect copyright.PENANA1idFviUFTf
有甚麼值得笑或哭?芙兒不明白。或許媽媽也不明白,純粹為笑而笑、為哭而哭,無謂卻有為。至少她的情緒得以紓緩,面容不再繃緊。349Please respect copyright.PENANAlG3VuTibu8
349Please respect copyright.PENANAqeZrYFkoay
數年後,芙媽死了。芙兒同樣沒有出席喪禮。她向上司請假數天,躲在家裡,足不出戶。不斷憶起媽媽當日又哭又笑的癲狂模樣。真羨慕。沒有隱藏,沒有秘密。349Please respect copyright.PENANAkLNQYXqBdc
349Please respect copyright.PENANAleE7Od1LDA
假期完結後,芙兒重投工作。警局來了一個新丁,名叫阿夏,比芙兒年輕數載。他長有一張孩子臉,胖胖白白,水靈大眼,像小荷。芙兒的目光離不開阿夏,主動接近他、勾搭他。二人由相識至同睡一床,僅是三天內的事。349Please respect copyright.PENANAKh1g2UFBrV
349Please respect copyright.PENANAMKbhEyZY5u
阿夏不解。349Please respect copyright.PENANAYvsVbzFWRZ
349Please respect copyright.PENANAQ25ePtqdJs
「你不似是水性楊花的女人。」349Please respect copyright.PENANAKDrgns8Bda
349Please respect copyright.PENANAqEzKSXWLAn
「你不似是諸事八卦的男人。」349Please respect copyright.PENANA4zXyfWJn1K
349Please respect copyright.PENANAb1uyqhlHr0
阿夏開始追求芙兒。芙兒不接受,卻偶爾與他同睡。為何不愛他卻會與他睡?是發洩,是鬱悶,或是對往事的情感投射?芙兒解釋不了,亦不想解釋——找到解釋之時,另一個問題就會隨即出現。349Please respect copyright.PENANAXxLUYsYcSW
349Please respect copyright.PENANA7eV522vqfV
繼續同睡,繼續被追求,繼續找人找救贖。生活不過如此,平平凡凡,無無謂謂。349Please respect copyright.PENANAVpa8OHRxn0
349Please respect copyright.PENANAkllJDHbniU
數年後的某天,芙兒收到來自兒時鄰居的一通電話。對方說芙爸病重,行將就木,希望她回鄉探望。349Please respect copyright.PENANAgrFSxAeWuN
349Please respect copyright.PENANAV2BlDGrOv2
「是他希望我回去,或是大家希望我回去探望他?」349Please respect copyright.PENANAwsS8Iz0Xdy
349Please respect copyright.PENANA4qbZBk98gl
「他堅持不要通知你,但大家還是決定要告訴你。」349Please respect copyright.PENANAmVjt4Iowd0
349Please respect copyright.PENANAOp4T1xheZx
「我明白了。」349Please respect copyright.PENANASlvgCXKYEi
349Please respect copyright.PENANAXLz65kCu58
當晚,芙兒跟阿夏說要盡快回鄉宣佈婚訊、設喜宴。349Please respect copyright.PENANAh5OSrj9Tt4
349Please respect copyright.PENANAucoKWkqUbv
「你跟誰結婚?」阿夏詫異。349Please respect copyright.PENANAKYnEM9uZem
349Please respect copyright.PENANARDmGBEAnOP
「你。」芙兒明白阿夏的不明白。349Please respect copyright.PENANADg2TzB1RvT
349Please respect copyright.PENANAPprqO71oFb
顛著、簸著,好不容易來到村口。大城市發展一日千里,隱世小村亦逃不過時間巨輪的輾壓,已然根據政府的規劃建議打造成「山村旅遊區」。生來就是城市人的阿夏未曾到過農村,覺得這地方別具風味,但在村內待了十多年的芙兒卻嗤之以鼻:不也就是電視劇裡的假農村嗎?349Please respect copyright.PENANAhcmloqJbYX
349Please respect copyright.PENANAtSj666ubYH
驀地,一個想法在芙兒腦海掠過。349Please respect copyright.PENANAFwzvvcBdh1
349Please respect copyright.PENANAbAwhHuZqPq
「阿夏。」芙兒拉拉阿夏的手袖:「我們先去蓮花池那邊看看吧。」349Please respect copyright.PENANA0aXLC1C11A
349Please respect copyright.PENANAsc2MvwaBcP
不出芙兒所料,蓮花池已面目全非。池邊的泥地與草叢變成了磚路與涼亭,上了漆的鐵製圍欄整齊繞池而立,蓮花換了個品種,顏色更亮麗奪目,尺寸亦比以往的大上數倍。唯一不變的是頭頂上的烈日,仍然熾熱得惡毒。349Please respect copyright.PENANAWxtxLPTQ9J
349Please respect copyright.PENANAmofZkDIJjN
芙兒逕自繞著蓮花池逆時針方向拐圈踱步。踱踱踱,時間有可能隨著步伐逆轉,帶她回到二十年前的那個晚上嗎?若明知結果,她還是會不阻止爸爸賣掉小荷嗎?349Please respect copyright.PENANAOyhIWspYod
349Please respect copyright.PENANA7CJbL6VxnZ
老家陋宅裡,趁著阿夏上廁所的空檔,芙兒湊近芙爸耳邊直接問:「若明知結果,你還是會賣掉小荷嗎?」349Please respect copyright.PENANA3vF9Pib0lI
349Please respect copyright.PENANARrSoKXujNd
「會。」氣若柔絲的芙爸斬釘截鐵:「因為我是當爸的。」349Please respect copyright.PENANAKhFCbypMdb
349Please respect copyright.PENANA7jnAgs9UYO
「若沒有遇上小荷,你會賣掉我嗎?」349Please respect copyright.PENANAzpQJGtvr1A
349Please respect copyright.PENANAIxHHee92cP
「會。因為你們兄妹倆都會活著。活著才會有希望。」349Please respect copyright.PENANAp3abxA405R
349Please respect copyright.PENANAzL4ujxx3V6
芙兒大受刺激,轉身奪門而出。349Please respect copyright.PENANAFK4wL5JBIy
349Please respect copyright.PENANAzIKpY4Qmhg
夏夜有月,月下有蟬,蟬聲擾人又煩人。路上行人疏落,卻異裝同臉,小荷的臉。路中倏忽生出白蓮朵朵,蓮上皆有小彩鞋一隻。芙兒知道自己瘋了,眼前盡是幻覺。理智脫軌,她不再恐懼,像個十歲的少女那樣跳脫輕盈,一步踏一蓮,來到池邊。349Please respect copyright.PENANAcozmZin6Q9
349Please respect copyright.PENANA9HGoLb2ZMo
池邊有人,像小荷,像芙爸,像人口販子,像阿夏。她握著一隻彩色小鞋,木無表情直盯池中那朵大蓮花。芙兒走近女子,女子報以微笑,遞上手中小鞋。349Please respect copyright.PENANAnkPPLBFJ7U
349Please respect copyright.PENANAeV2cGblEyG
芙兒接過它,模仿爸爸當晚的姿勢,以完美的拋物線弧度拋出小鞋。小鞋不偏不倚剛好落在池中央的蓮花上,有如二十年前的那夜。純白蓮花被夜色沾污成帶有瘀青的淡灰色,悉才看來色彩繽紛的小鞋子亦被迫融入夜色,成了一個若隱若現的小黑點。349Please respect copyright.PENANAs3TDk4hsOB
349Please respect copyright.PENANANiRIktstwO
女人哈哈大笑起來,笑聲豁然開朗。芙兒腳下的白蓮和小鞋驀地消失隱去,唯獨女子依然完好站在面前。笑過以後,女子轉身離開,身影沒入林間不復見。349Please respect copyright.PENANAa2IcjAQdzO
349Please respect copyright.PENANAKl7s2lqguR
芙兒惘然——她不肯定對方是幻覺或是確切存在的真人。349Please respect copyright.PENANAQZu1A4Xsa9
349Please respect copyright.PENANAmJAW1JMLuZ
數日後,芙爸與世長辭。349Please respect copyright.PENANAd8oDKoivPo
349Please respect copyright.PENANAEjZKufwzca
「既然不需要沖喜,你還會跟我結婚嗎?」349Please respect copyright.PENANAVamW13WaT7
349Please respect copyright.PENANALmMqsaxdNQ
「你想跟我結婚嗎?」349Please respect copyright.PENANA8OYS3YdyXI
349Please respect copyright.PENANAOTT0KqLP7n
「想。我愛你。」349Please respect copyright.PENANAPkk8ii2etr
349Please respect copyright.PENANAhUQ8JXJQ6W
「那就繼續吧。」349Please respect copyright.PENANAzhrzZPciDh
349Please respect copyright.PENANADhngp8izjx
喜慶夜,大排筵席。此人是小荷,那人是小荷,新郎是小荷,老爺是小荷,奶奶是小荷,滿堂皆是小荷。芙兒帶醉喜極而泣,感激小荷前來祝福她。349Please respect copyright.PENANAdxSNfkICXx
349Please respect copyright.PENANAp2ku3HiKQj
宴後,賓客散去。醉得幾近失去意識的芙兒被攙扶到新房去。滾燙的臉龐忽爾涼涼的。她知道有人為她用濕毛巾抹臉抹汗。349Please respect copyright.PENANAJrvYEGK126
349Please respect copyright.PENANAJhgo6Td9xU
「謝謝你……小荷……」349Please respect copyright.PENANA3cxflIdez5
349Please respect copyright.PENANACjeeqNePK6
「不用客氣……」349Please respect copyright.PENANASX9s7jUobQ
349Please respect copyright.PENANAemmwMVhMdD
說著說著,阿夏哭了。晶瑩淚水沿著胖白的臉頰下滑,水靈大眼楚楚可憐。像小荷。
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作者:
天洛卡
篇 #59
痴蓮(人性 / 心靈創傷)
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