二十年前——358Please respect copyright.PENANABxX4VCSRtu
358Please respect copyright.PENANAsDeSWgUYya
小荷是個人見人愛的六歲小女孩,胖胖白白的臉配上一雙水靈大眼。她每天穿著荷媽親手做的一雙由彩色布碎拼湊而成的小鞋子到處玩耍,有時會跟同村的孩子們跑上山頭採菇,有時會為獨居老人送上新鮮採摘的漂亮花朵,有時會在湖邊遊蕩。358Please respect copyright.PENANANt6mTCPGNO
358Please respect copyright.PENANApnpgWVoz86
荷媽曾多次提醒她切勿走近湖邊,但小荷偏偏喜歡看蓮花,說蓮花是仙女的化身。荷媽忙著預備晚餐,不甚耐煩地反譏小荷幼稚。小荷不堪被譏諷,激動嚷著會帶蓮花仙女回家,然後頭也不回衝出家門。358Please respect copyright.PENANAllumbgUdqi
358Please respect copyright.PENANA2KvQVlkQaH
傍晚,晚餐備好了,小荷還沒有回家。荷媽心緒不寧,深怕小荷遇上意外。她挑燈外出,急步走往湖邊。358Please respect copyright.PENANA93UbQ1eMiN
358Please respect copyright.PENANAe2x7b9IyKo
小荷不在。358Please respect copyright.PENANAH2whuSc3RT
358Please respect copyright.PENANARJaiVu8gr1
荷媽的心頭涼了大截,連忙前去村長家求助。沒多久,大伙兒在湖邊叢林間搜索。358Please respect copyright.PENANAvKyvBzriQ2
358Please respect copyright.PENANA33MqLbG20E
無發現。358Please respect copyright.PENANA5F59n8i1nX
358Please respect copyright.PENANAQxbf37TaZq
村長打算重新部署搜索行動之際,有人指著湖中央的一朵蓮花大叫:「看!湖中那朵蓮花上有一隻鞋!」358Please respect copyright.PENANABcQDIzzu3L
358Please respect copyright.PENANAk2mZPTsN96
大伙兒定睛細看,卻因光線不足而未能確定那是否一隻鞋。荷媽救女心切,不理眾人勸阻跳入湖中游向那朵蓮花。游著、游著,她的身影突然消失了。358Please respect copyright.PENANAzIsPn710lZ
358Please respect copyright.PENANA2yM2bABfuP
為免有更多人命犧牲,村民只得待天亮才落水找荷媽。不出所料,荷媽的腳踝被水草纏住,溺斃湖底。村民認得蓮花上的鞋子確是屬於小荷,但找遍湖底亦找不到她的身影。唯有繼續在林間搜索。無果。個多月後,眾人認為找到小荷的機會渺茫,於是停止搜索。358Please respect copyright.PENANAuR0hAdsVGZ
358Please respect copyright.PENANAyamzraLmjA
村裡開始流傳蓮花仙女帶走小荷的傳聞……358Please respect copyright.PENANA7JvePc7upA
358Please respect copyright.PENANAA1RLMqG9Ce
「那是在你出生前發生的事情?」阿夏一邊聽得著迷,一邊望著車窗外的油油綠草地,驚嘆著這寧靜山村背後竟有這種可怕事。358Please respect copyright.PENANARFKV1Lmgu3
358Please respect copyright.PENANAxiE6yFdLtF
「不。當年我十歲,和小荷挺熟絡。」芙兒沒心情欣賞風景,逕自倚著椅背,微微仰首凝視車廂天花那色調偏冷的米光燈。358Please respect copyright.PENANAXnbF05sExk
358Please respect copyright.PENANAFuEJ1qMSqr
「小荷失蹤一事是你當警察的原因嗎?」阿夏與芙兒作伴數年,不難看出芙兒心事重重,尤其今趟「回鄉之旅」是離鄉別井十多年的芙兒主動提出,可見其別具意義。358Please respect copyright.PENANAzXHIBCEpto
358Please respect copyright.PENANA7HoD1yY3Fw
「嗯……一部份吧。不能說是完全因為她,也不能說是與這事情毫無關係。」芙兒苦笑,些許後悔無故主動提及這大煞風景的陳年往事。回鄉目的不是向各位鄉親苦老宣佈自己與阿夏的婚訊和設喜宴嗎?不是要歡天喜地、眉開眼笑嗎?358Please respect copyright.PENANAYXlTJxatgv
358Please respect copyright.PENANAJpHEb2ZLh0
「不管如何……」阿夏是個聰明人,明明對案件內容細節有興趣,但也知道要適可宜止。他輕拍芙兒的手背,安慰道:「事情已然過去,多想無益。」358Please respect copyright.PENANAbUtTw5My36
358Please respect copyright.PENANAdTfYTshnFs
「是的。過去了。」芙兒吁一口氣,似是釋懷,奈何揪心的感覺難以單憑幾句安慰說話連根拔起。358Please respect copyright.PENANA8YSD4iN4VT
358Please respect copyright.PENANA47WQfzS1WG
顛著、簸著,好不容易來到村口。大城市發展一日千里,隱世小村亦逃不過時間巨輪的輾壓,已然根據政府的規劃建議打造成「山村旅遊區」。生來就是城市人的阿夏未曾到過農村,覺得這地方別具風味,但在村內待了十多年的芙兒卻嗤之以鼻:不也就是電視劇裡的假農村嗎?358Please respect copyright.PENANAUFLYX0dK01
358Please respect copyright.PENANAW3YHjnrEyV
驀地,一個想法在芙兒腦海掠過。358Please respect copyright.PENANAhEbPY5L7WV
358Please respect copyright.PENANALL0KsnUuBg
「阿夏。」芙兒拉拉阿夏的手袖:「我們先去蓮花池那邊看看吧。」358Please respect copyright.PENANAuy01wHY8rV
358Please respect copyright.PENANA3vLu9pHzYK
不出芙兒所料,蓮花池已面目全非。池邊的泥地與草叢變成了磚路與涼亭,上了漆的鐵製圍欄整齊繞池而立,蓮花換了個品種,顏色更亮麗奪目,尺寸亦比以往的大上數倍。唯一不變的是頭頂上的烈日,仍然熾熱得惡毒。358Please respect copyright.PENANAHrAHa4nnH8
358Please respect copyright.PENANAiXwTJR3yP2
芙兒逕自繞著蓮花池逆時針方向拐圈踱步。時間彷彿隨著步伐逆行,日落月出,瞬間回到二十年前那個夜晚……358Please respect copyright.PENANAKTMASmk2oo
358Please respect copyright.PENANAGy3RqYkwHb
「我帶芙兒外出散步散心。」晚飯後,芙爸病懨懨地對妻子說。358Please respect copyright.PENANAtvwnne2klH
358Please respect copyright.PENANA5vstNlMuXE
「嗯。」芙媽忙於照顧病兒,分身不暇。358Please respect copyright.PENANAUiIMkivUuL
358Please respect copyright.PENANAKErvyDjlbk
夏夜有月,月下有蟬,蟬聲擾人又煩人。路上,芙爸眉頭鎖得更深。芙兒乖乖不作聲,默默尾隨他快步走。358Please respect copyright.PENANAFzkh1iFTmp
358Please respect copyright.PENANAqPR3DaV5hu
「芙兒,你愛媽媽嗎?」358Please respect copyright.PENANAmT322PGvJh
358Please respect copyright.PENANAuzGfvDVnbN
「愛。」358Please respect copyright.PENANAL06Imc2xU1
358Please respect copyright.PENANApKcb6RixhR
「你愛爸爸嗎?」358Please respect copyright.PENANA0mcJl3Eq6U
358Please respect copyright.PENANAgfuZ5oCbAg
「愛。」358Please respect copyright.PENANALcBmvjAySd
358Please respect copyright.PENANAGlD33vCHQB
「你愛哥哥嗎?」358Please respect copyright.PENANAmC8NYFlTmY
358Please respect copyright.PENANAerdhWWKsku
芙兒心裡一寒,不自已停下腳步——她早前無意間發現爸爸向前任村長秘密查詢有關人口販子的事。難道爸爸為了替哥哥籌措醫藥費而打算賣掉她?358Please respect copyright.PENANAEt26PhU4tL
358Please respect copyright.PENANAbD8OjgzH66
「你愛我嗎?」芙兒無力反問。358Please respect copyright.PENANAKg43SbchFJ
358Please respect copyright.PENANAZY3pWZlutR
芙爸沒有回答,繼續低頭開步走。358Please respect copyright.PENANAy8X9WcAiwD
358Please respect copyright.PENANAVlLyKreEJ7
芙兒想要跑回家去,雙腳卻不由自主隨著爸爸走,縱然明知那是不歸路。358Please respect copyright.PENANA6GbnB6AKya
358Please respect copyright.PENANASArjLJfJjV
途經蓮花池,巧遇小荷。芙爸倏忽衝前打昏小荷。芙兒明白爸爸的意圖,連忙拉住他。358Please respect copyright.PENANAoHK65HotqF
358Please respect copyright.PENANAmUJcHY4ZWe
「小荷是無辜的!」358Please respect copyright.PENANAt54zD3A0ND
358Please respect copyright.PENANAyElnJoSfgV
「但我捨不得你啊!」358Please respect copyright.PENANArA4gKFPBvb
358Please respect copyright.PENANAaLfhkkcbVP
芙兒不期然鬆開了手——她聽得出話裡的割捨與堅決。爸爸向來善良老實,日子艱難亦不會做鼠竊狗偷的勾當。奈何今次關乎兒子的生命安危和女兒的命運!他寧可割捨良知,亦要保住家人。358Please respect copyright.PENANAXvv6dhJ71V
358Please respect copyright.PENANATg3rUFfKLC
芙兒理解了、妥協了,芙爸眼神反倒更為悲憤不安。他脫下小荷的一隻鞋,使勁拋向蓮花池。鞋子剛好不偏不倚落在池中央的一朵大蓮花上。358Please respect copyright.PENANAwnaxH7Cm7I
358Please respect copyright.PENANA5d20vP0UhA
父女兩人不約而同望向那朵大蓮花。純白蓮花被夜色沾污成帶有瘀青的淡灰色,悉才看來色彩繽紛的小鞋子亦被迫融入夜色,成了一個若隱若現的小黑點。358Please respect copyright.PENANAPOvkFDO4Ny
358Please respect copyright.PENANAINBbOwh1Cm
小黑點,人生裡的大污點。358Please respect copyright.PENANANilNeEV0MR
358Please respect copyright.PENANAv345e0pWbv
來到約定的地方。人口販子沒有芙兒想像中的鼠頭獐目。他相貌平凡,打扮平凡,舉止平凡,有如田裡的一顆穀粒,獨一無二卻平凡普通。358Please respect copyright.PENANABZJl5vMl77
358Please respect copyright.PENANAiidXPLNDop
二人無聲的奉上小荷,默默的收下金錢,不能見光的交易在無光的樹林中順利完成。358Please respect copyright.PENANA0MqAeNpSp0
358Please respect copyright.PENANA6lB9kBEr7p
芙兒自此在這夜池邊中無限輪迴。358Please respect copyright.PENANARBlox9ZDr1
358Please respect copyright.PENANAHsal2jsSBt
晝如夜,夜是夜。此人是小荷,那人是小荷,異裝同臉。池中有蓮,家中有蓮,路中有蓮,蓮上有鞋。358Please respect copyright.PENANAKVowbVC2ji
358Please respect copyright.PENANAxyV3NRvnem
瘋了。芙兒的世界瘋了。358Please respect copyright.PENANAx2KrsfB9eI
358Please respect copyright.PENANAQMpguo31tH
需要救贖。無人能救。只得自救。358Please respect copyright.PENANAkViCjqOUkR
358Please respect copyright.PENANAe1m2T8gM1l
救哥哥,犧牲小荷。救自己,犧牲誰?358Please respect copyright.PENANAqPbZhF86j2
358Please respect copyright.PENANAKUXZlFdFNU
「記住,賣掉小荷的人是我,不是你。」358Please respect copyright.PENANAdaZtmiARVn
358Please respect copyright.PENANAxZVWwPELQN
「我沒有阻止你。」358Please respect copyright.PENANAvVFCp1V2FA
358Please respect copyright.PENANA6gFq6mQQj1
「阻止得了麼?」358Please respect copyright.PENANAL3abJKTxWi
358Please respect copyright.PENANAeBfsqYMDzk
「至少,我該要嘗試。」358Please respect copyright.PENANAcTUM47MlCs
358Please respect copyright.PENANAXDvW0bjz3z
「嘗試有用麼?」358Please respect copyright.PENANAUh3mDOVEMI
358Please respect copyright.PENANA3RYxdGlqGR
芙兒如夢初醒——芙爸企圖獨自扛起一切責任,救贖芙兒。她不自控笑著流淚,內心得到救贖的同時又跌落另一深淵——自己得救,爸爸犧牲。358Please respect copyright.PENANAZvDTR7tNcm
358Please respect copyright.PENANA9fyT777DMP
真的得到了救贖嗎?不肯定。358Please respect copyright.PENANAIEoR5xvTge
358Please respect copyright.PENANAzd4kzwY31Z
她離鄉到城市尋找工作,輾轉當上警察。對失蹤案尤感興趣。找人,找救贖。找到人,找不到救贖。358Please respect copyright.PENANAS9IcjUZVxJ
358Please respect copyright.PENANAJiOCLftqqg
收到來自家鄉的信,提及哥哥病逝。她丟掉信件,假裝未曾收到。根本沒意義,根本誰也沒能得救,無論犧牲多大。358Please respect copyright.PENANANfhcAPgLlu
358Please respect copyright.PENANA6iJGX28T2K
芙媽來了,問芙兒為何不出席哥哥的喪禮。她說不知道哥哥逝世一事。芙媽低頭掩面大笑,笑了很久,然後哭了很久。「你爸說你不會為此回來,我說你不是狠心的人。原來我們都錯了——你根本不知情。」358Please respect copyright.PENANAQHf95WOVvy
358Please respect copyright.PENANAhHExDimuio
有甚麼值得笑或哭?芙兒不明白。或許媽媽也不明白,純粹為笑而笑、為哭而哭,無謂卻有為。至少她的情緒得以紓緩,面容不再繃緊。358Please respect copyright.PENANAQJvZukHkEe
358Please respect copyright.PENANA97ojEfwW2V
數年後,芙媽死了。芙兒同樣沒有出席喪禮。她向上司請假數天,躲在家裡,足不出戶。不斷憶起媽媽當日又哭又笑的癲狂模樣。真羨慕。沒有隱藏,沒有秘密。358Please respect copyright.PENANAM9TzPHMnRM
358Please respect copyright.PENANAkeE2OgRV2f
假期完結後,芙兒重投工作。警局來了一個新丁,名叫阿夏,比芙兒年輕數載。他長有一張孩子臉,胖胖白白,水靈大眼,像小荷。芙兒的目光離不開阿夏,主動接近他、勾搭他。二人由相識至同睡一床,僅是三天內的事。358Please respect copyright.PENANAKa3TY3nDTL
358Please respect copyright.PENANAJ0tLF3K9yZ
阿夏不解。358Please respect copyright.PENANA7bBFbfm0Ix
358Please respect copyright.PENANACn5hKcGU2M
「你不似是水性楊花的女人。」358Please respect copyright.PENANAu0w9m4NOWa
358Please respect copyright.PENANAo3PkzM1dyL
「你不似是諸事八卦的男人。」358Please respect copyright.PENANAhaAV93X3yU
358Please respect copyright.PENANAcDjS6SWpSj
阿夏開始追求芙兒。芙兒不接受,卻偶爾與他同睡。為何不愛他卻會與他睡?是發洩,是鬱悶,或是對往事的情感投射?芙兒解釋不了,亦不想解釋——找到解釋之時,另一個問題就會隨即出現。358Please respect copyright.PENANAWxM94OMdx1
358Please respect copyright.PENANAOmnO4UGSnt
繼續同睡,繼續被追求,繼續找人找救贖。生活不過如此,平平凡凡,無無謂謂。358Please respect copyright.PENANAzeFERvTIEI
358Please respect copyright.PENANAFdwNh9Fjix
數年後的某天,芙兒收到來自兒時鄰居的一通電話。對方說芙爸病重,行將就木,希望她回鄉探望。358Please respect copyright.PENANAQRvfm0R0zU
358Please respect copyright.PENANA7xKv10gtIV
「是他希望我回去,或是大家希望我回去探望他?」358Please respect copyright.PENANAgIwEUQVcqh
358Please respect copyright.PENANAedVcj0Jdfu
「他堅持不要通知你,但大家還是決定要告訴你。」358Please respect copyright.PENANAs8bItZVw6J
358Please respect copyright.PENANAzmTLtnoBbG
「我明白了。」358Please respect copyright.PENANAopMrsm4bLw
358Please respect copyright.PENANAJ1fzbTPA9b
當晚,芙兒跟阿夏說要盡快回鄉宣佈婚訊、設喜宴。358Please respect copyright.PENANA0HiXtoOi5o
358Please respect copyright.PENANACk0T7Xn7hE
「你跟誰結婚?」阿夏詫異。358Please respect copyright.PENANAhh9wdBqi32
358Please respect copyright.PENANAETAyowPfKc
「你。」芙兒明白阿夏的不明白。358Please respect copyright.PENANAP3BzMuVOuv
358Please respect copyright.PENANA63WAI1xdNu
顛著、簸著,好不容易來到村口。大城市發展一日千里,隱世小村亦逃不過時間巨輪的輾壓,已然根據政府的規劃建議打造成「山村旅遊區」。生來就是城市人的阿夏未曾到過農村,覺得這地方別具風味,但在村內待了十多年的芙兒卻嗤之以鼻:不也就是電視劇裡的假農村嗎?358Please respect copyright.PENANA6hdy4Z8Ksi
358Please respect copyright.PENANAAuRhcuOrWL
驀地,一個想法在芙兒腦海掠過。358Please respect copyright.PENANAOZKWAoqGRc
358Please respect copyright.PENANANcn49HYqwf
「阿夏。」芙兒拉拉阿夏的手袖:「我們先去蓮花池那邊看看吧。」358Please respect copyright.PENANAE71Y3Vdomq
358Please respect copyright.PENANAeqOXtPdZry
不出芙兒所料,蓮花池已面目全非。池邊的泥地與草叢變成了磚路與涼亭,上了漆的鐵製圍欄整齊繞池而立,蓮花換了個品種,顏色更亮麗奪目,尺寸亦比以往的大上數倍。唯一不變的是頭頂上的烈日,仍然熾熱得惡毒。358Please respect copyright.PENANA55EYEWzMly
358Please respect copyright.PENANA0VVQhekapj
芙兒逕自繞著蓮花池逆時針方向拐圈踱步。踱踱踱,時間有可能隨著步伐逆轉,帶她回到二十年前的那個晚上嗎?若明知結果,她還是會不阻止爸爸賣掉小荷嗎?358Please respect copyright.PENANAmj0wCHpBfe
358Please respect copyright.PENANA0ej8yiryl2
老家陋宅裡,趁著阿夏上廁所的空檔,芙兒湊近芙爸耳邊直接問:「若明知結果,你還是會賣掉小荷嗎?」358Please respect copyright.PENANARdKH5huKAm
358Please respect copyright.PENANABy8gZhTXKk
「會。」氣若柔絲的芙爸斬釘截鐵:「因為我是當爸的。」358Please respect copyright.PENANAET6AzJJsoU
358Please respect copyright.PENANAXzze8zIduK
「若沒有遇上小荷,你會賣掉我嗎?」358Please respect copyright.PENANAYFuC52Vlvq
358Please respect copyright.PENANAV154bzYYBu
「會。因為你們兄妹倆都會活著。活著才會有希望。」358Please respect copyright.PENANAtiI8tV3fNk
358Please respect copyright.PENANAnBwQbvRAXL
芙兒大受刺激,轉身奪門而出。358Please respect copyright.PENANAWxtp4UnrOQ
358Please respect copyright.PENANAMZ5IECnYUd
夏夜有月,月下有蟬,蟬聲擾人又煩人。路上行人疏落,卻異裝同臉,小荷的臉。路中倏忽生出白蓮朵朵,蓮上皆有小彩鞋一隻。芙兒知道自己瘋了,眼前盡是幻覺。理智脫軌,她不再恐懼,像個十歲的少女那樣跳脫輕盈,一步踏一蓮,來到池邊。358Please respect copyright.PENANA9t0ABdMSvn
358Please respect copyright.PENANAiaptPXpuUn
池邊有人,像小荷,像芙爸,像人口販子,像阿夏。她握著一隻彩色小鞋,木無表情直盯池中那朵大蓮花。芙兒走近女子,女子報以微笑,遞上手中小鞋。358Please respect copyright.PENANAH7zDHRrZMX
358Please respect copyright.PENANAIvV1U8U6we
芙兒接過它,模仿爸爸當晚的姿勢,以完美的拋物線弧度拋出小鞋。小鞋不偏不倚剛好落在池中央的蓮花上,有如二十年前的那夜。純白蓮花被夜色沾污成帶有瘀青的淡灰色,悉才看來色彩繽紛的小鞋子亦被迫融入夜色,成了一個若隱若現的小黑點。358Please respect copyright.PENANAYcIxTi6MXF
358Please respect copyright.PENANA2M4Io3NSvs
女人哈哈大笑起來,笑聲豁然開朗。芙兒腳下的白蓮和小鞋驀地消失隱去,唯獨女子依然完好站在面前。笑過以後,女子轉身離開,身影沒入林間不復見。358Please respect copyright.PENANAfHVU3XIETc
358Please respect copyright.PENANAe52OHs5HA5
芙兒惘然——她不肯定對方是幻覺或是確切存在的真人。358Please respect copyright.PENANAeH7DmfLvOd
358Please respect copyright.PENANAQ6MHO8kG80
數日後,芙爸與世長辭。358Please respect copyright.PENANA2P0uySnOQp
358Please respect copyright.PENANABqbKIJ9yUf
「既然不需要沖喜,你還會跟我結婚嗎?」358Please respect copyright.PENANA0X4NHK3Q3i
358Please respect copyright.PENANAIjnvAVV7sX
「你想跟我結婚嗎?」358Please respect copyright.PENANAeeePDD66u7
358Please respect copyright.PENANAP2EFY1wyws
「想。我愛你。」358Please respect copyright.PENANA0EPRI07ajT
358Please respect copyright.PENANAVDOuWUtmvs
「那就繼續吧。」358Please respect copyright.PENANAHwlYpeMiW4
358Please respect copyright.PENANAzR4ziucGWR
喜慶夜,大排筵席。此人是小荷,那人是小荷,新郎是小荷,老爺是小荷,奶奶是小荷,滿堂皆是小荷。芙兒帶醉喜極而泣,感激小荷前來祝福她。358Please respect copyright.PENANADBNerIfOEn
358Please respect copyright.PENANAYjUC1b6BrO
宴後,賓客散去。醉得幾近失去意識的芙兒被攙扶到新房去。滾燙的臉龐忽爾涼涼的。她知道有人為她用濕毛巾抹臉抹汗。358Please respect copyright.PENANAIk9qTQtZcj
358Please respect copyright.PENANABcQvruuQWB
「謝謝你……小荷……」358Please respect copyright.PENANACyf2BfzSQP
358Please respect copyright.PENANAHvuCyCPbwf
「不用客氣……」358Please respect copyright.PENANAOJzarL2m75
358Please respect copyright.PENANAt25E7J49f9
說著說著,阿夏哭了。晶瑩淚水沿著胖白的臉頰下滑,水靈大眼楚楚可憐。像小荷。
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作者:
天洛卡
篇 #59
痴蓮(人性 / 心靈創傷)
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