根據居民的指示,我沿著竹林小徑走了一整天,終於到達目的地:一間全竹結構的寺廟。它比我預想中更為破落,冷冷清清的。我抬頭望向高高懸掛在山門的匾額,寫著「竹寺」。404Please respect copyright.PENANA289Lfqwvte
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蠻有意思的名字。404Please respect copyright.PENANAXTn6el8Nud
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當我正要邁步內進時,一個打扮樸素的瘦削大叔剛好開門踏出。四目交投,雙方都愣住了幾秒。404Please respect copyright.PENANAnbVM9zJUwj
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「歡迎內進。」沒等我回答,大叔已轉身為我引路。404Please respect copyright.PENANAovZ7MwbHhm
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眼見天色漸暗,我不再磨蹭,看能否找到綫索,省卻逗留此地的時間:「不好意思喔,大叔!請問黃XX女士住在這裡嗎?」404Please respect copyright.PENANAt96FNgcsHt
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大叔的腳步突兀地戛然而止。404Please respect copyright.PENANAaaxRXqpBJ6
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是我的提問過於唐突嗎?404Please respect copyright.PENANALDOSmS4IQ7
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大叔回頭仔細打量我,神色疑惑,似乎在猜測我和黃女士的關係。404Please respect copyright.PENANALETjyqOR6F
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「有人託我將信件親手轉交予黃女士。」404Please respect copyright.PENANAjqpvDyXnUZ
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「黃女士已離開這裡好一段時間,不知何時會回來……甚或是不知會否回來。」404Please respect copyright.PENANAXE3hhIgj4A
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「她有透露去處嗎?」404Please respect copyright.PENANAgo40SJFNV8
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「沒有……我帶你去她昔日的房間試找綫索。」404Please respect copyright.PENANAk6ZvOzlI9Q
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大叔再次邁步,步履沒有之前的輕,重若銀鉛。404Please respect copyright.PENANASiqS6uFuJU
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陰冷的空氣,空洞的房間,慘白的牆身,最基本的傢俬和雜物。沒有生活的氣息。404Please respect copyright.PENANA9cJg6xYBAc
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「剛才在門外碰見你,也還真令我驚訝。」大叔沒有進入房間,逕自在門外呢呢喃喃。「竹寺曾香火鼎盛。後來毗鄰的兩個小鎮分別新建更大更金碧輝煌的寺廟,無意間將信眾分流開去,到來竹寺掛單的僧侶亦逐漸減少,住持最終徇眾要求到另一寺廟主持大局。他指派我長駐於此,打掃清潔,說要方便途經的旅客。我一直覺得他想多了,豈料今天就遇見你。」404Please respect copyright.PENANAgyRI9ei1YP
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「可能佛祖不想我白走一趟。」我話中有話,提醒侍奉佛祖的大叔不要忘記佛祖的存在,萬萬不能撒謊。404Please respect copyright.PENANAockWnY3Wxe
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「我可以明天帶你見住持。他有掛單紀錄,可能有黃女士的聯絡資料。」大叔也不是省油的燈,簡單幾句就將我逼至沒有退路的位置:「但我希望你能先對我坦白事情的前因後果。住持是個大忙人。我可不希望為他增添不必要的麻煩。」404Please respect copyright.PENANAZay427yuaL
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我只得坦白交代。404Please respect copyright.PENANAibHRvFmxNw
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我的妻子過身了。臨終前,她希望我能預留一年時間為她完成唯一的遺願:親手將遺書交予離家出走多年的生母——黃女士。事隔多年,黃女士曾在多個地方落腳。我每次根據綫索趕至時,她早已遷居。輾轉間,我追尋至竹寺……404Please respect copyright.PENANA7dWEV2ijIW
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「距離一年限期,還剩多少日子?」大叔生起關切之情。404Please respect copyright.PENANAgMTWPaMcmM
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「三日。竹寺很可能是我的最後機會。」我加倍留意他的神色舉止。404Please respect copyright.PENANAr3w9y5dwha
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「不考慮延長?」大叔表現出來的的關切絕對超過一個陌生人該有的限度。404Please respect copyright.PENANA608qyjbVqA
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「妻子信緣份。她認為努力過後仍沒能找到,證明彼此有緣無份,毋須強求。她還叮囑我要燒毀遺書。」404Please respect copyright.PENANAKl1GBZI5T3
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大叔若有所思後,講出驚人的一句:「若果一年期限屆滿時仍找不到黃女士,介意給我看看遺書嗎?」404Please respect copyright.PENANAQZhdycpkaN
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「極度介意!」我心裡認定大叔有事隱瞞。404Please respect copyright.PENANAcl91qN8frq
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尷尬氣氛令大叔不再多話。404Please respect copyright.PENANAlbzEEYqbnN
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晚餐後,大叔在其他地方忙著,我則留在房間對著愛妻的照片痛哭一場。哭過以後,壓力得以紓緩,但心頭卻未能添加半分澄明,混沌混濁。404Please respect copyright.PENANAj2218SEPZO
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我離房在寺內溜達散心。逛著逛著,忽爾看見大叔彎腰對著花園中的小樹喁喁細語,臉上盡是蜜甜。404Please respect copyright.PENANAasV8CG391q
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我上前跟大叔打招呼。他微笑回應,和顏悅色,渾身散發著慈祥氣息,沒有白天時的隔膜。我嘗試放下戒心,開心見誠與他聊天。404Please respect copyright.PENANAS2rvYzYqAE
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不知怎地,聊著聊著,話題竟牽到大叔的心事去。404Please respect copyright.PENANAOaoXnLILGt
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「貪,使人執著於一切順情之境。嗔,使人執著於一切違情之境。痴,使人不明白真理,致使生起貪嗔。404Please respect copyright.PENANAMK1iZ2vdDB
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我痴愚半生,痛苦不已。到此地求法,希望住持指點迷津。但他認為我凡心未盡,要我留在這裡靜思。404Please respect copyright.PENANA7huTIcqLmG
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我在竹寺侍奉多年,住持依然不為所動。我以為他在敷衍我。今天遇到你,我才明白住持所言非虛:任何無關的人事物都可輕易勾起我對逝去伴侶的思念。」404Please respect copyright.PENANA3L0v0VgRYz
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我終於明白初時大叔何以對我不太友善。404Please respect copyright.PENANAQjBGV74rcV
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將心比心。喪妻之後,任何人事物均能勾起我和對太太的思念。我曾抱怨上天幸災樂禍,何解不讓我安靜避世。我已盡力放下身邊一切,辭掉工作,不聯絡親友,遷出愛巢,但偏偏愛妻的遺願就是要我去彌補她的畢生遺憾!我沒有一刻能放下她,因為我的分分秒秒就是為她而過。404Please respect copyright.PENANANG0rKa9WhQ
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那種痛苦實非筆墨所能形容。404Please respect copyright.PENANAil1VwW8zjL
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「你的妻子真聰明,給你的痛苦設下一年期限。只要你在這一年裡拼命為她圓願,往後也就了無遺憾或悔疚。我可沒那麼幸運,不知要拖著這副臭皮囊乾等到哪年哪月哪日……」404Please respect copyright.PENANAE0opZ4VkY4
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說罷,他跟我和小樹說晚安,然後揚長而去。404Please respect copyright.PENANAum2pZJS46P
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翌日,我翻遍整間竹寺亦找不到大叔,只在他的房間找到他留給我的手繪地圖。我跟著地圖的指示走了大半天,來到住持現處的寺廟。404Please respect copyright.PENANAdvmIA1Nn0d
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住持聽罷我的經歷後,不禁黯然慨嘆:「黃女士始終凡心未盡……」404Please respect copyright.PENANAtAFL3YUfC8
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黃女士當年拋夫棄女,與情夫私奔。豈料甜蜜日子不長久,情夫患急病逝世。黃女士大受打擊,認為是自己作孽甚深,連累情夫。她來到竹寺,望住持能指點迷津。住持認為她深陷激動情緒當中,容易作出錯誤選擇,逐要她在竹寺靜思己過。可惜她半夜逃離。當黃女士重臨竹寺時,她已花光積蓄在黑市做手術整容及變性,以情夫的外表現身……404Please respect copyright.PENANAuJ4XUGPMpI
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「大叔就是黃女士?」我不禁驚呼。404Please respect copyright.PENANAVg0j3kVIni
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震驚之情瞬間即逝,取而代之的是說不出的矛盾。404Please respect copyright.PENANAYUmjfE6Vpm
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這個人,我恨不來,亦原諒不了。404Please respect copyright.PENANAVTLBY1V9OA
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翌日,我和住持往竹寺走一趟。404Please respect copyright.PENANAgTf7nbOdgL
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寺前,我倆不約而同抬頭望向匾額。404Please respect copyright.PENANAVTZaYFCIrC
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「你知道『竹寺』何以得名嗎?」住持問。404Please respect copyright.PENANA7IBzZrzUUf
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「等?」我的猜想有如初來之時。404Please respect copyright.PENANAq1FIHd856B
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「這名字只不過是客觀描述寺廟本身。」住持揚手指向全竹結構的寺廟:「大家實在想多了,對自己的想像投放情感,賦予它過多的意義,致使看不見眼前真象。」404Please respect copyright.PENANAqIjjTvoeht
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我驀地憶起大叔前夜的說話。404Please respect copyright.PENANAEEXtXryQ9O
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住持直接走往花園。不出他所料,小樹已被連根拔起,樹下土地被挖出一個大坑,足以容納一個成人。404Please respect copyright.PENANAIQ5zv0RO9T
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我心頭一涼,頓時明白那是甚麼一回事:多年以來,情夫的屍首一直埋在這裡。404Please respect copyright.PENANAUhva1GYau2
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我鼻頭一酸,淚如雨下。404Please respect copyright.PENANA0Z2EdMyxSQ
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「『強逼自己放下執著』也是一種執著。」404Please respect copyright.PENANAnFlq99l9F2
404Please respect copyright.PENANAErMWnEyqFb
住持淡然望天,開始為一切生者亡者誦經。
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雜念集
Author:
天洛卡
ISSUE #37
竹寺(生命 / 懸疑)
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