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仍然沒有人向我拜年。52Please respect copyright.PENANApq3Qfx66Tn
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紅桃紫衣金龍,滿堂歡慶與我無關。我和唯一親人阿弟是家族中輩份及年齡最高的兩位。同樣白髮蒼蒼,老態龍鍾,待遇卻天淵之別。52Please respect copyright.PENANAH1Pv8cRF5k
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大家喜歡他、敬重他,圍著他團團轉,噓寒問暖,斟茶遞水。我只得穿上寒衣呆坐露台一隅,隔窗遠觀那份溫暖幸福。52Please respect copyright.PENANAHgaoT2GUGm
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妒忌?羨慕?後悔?52Please respect copyright.PENANA43OyGXanzs
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幾十年來,我無數次問自己,若早知結果,會否重蹈覆轍?若然抉擇不同,如今會否活得更好?52Please respect copyright.PENANAwunAgZ0QBb
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目光不期然瞟向客廳沙發。52Please respect copyright.PENANADwUEIWdqFj
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看,與阿弟閒話家常的表妹,就是當年其中一個見死不救的傢伙。聽,表妹說救活阿弟的醫生即將百歲大壽,打算送他足金壽星公像作賀禮……52Please respect copyright.PENANABl4I0Gky6a
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嗖——新春寒風格外刺骨沁人。52Please respect copyright.PENANAdSDKlrBXD4
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那是一個純樸年代,大家毫不忸怩造作,全無顧慮表現出心中所思。阿弟命懸一線,醫生開天殺價,親友一毛不拔。我可以怎麼辦?我有選擇嗎?52Please respect copyright.PENANA9Apl9ckIAj
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嗖——落地玻璃門被趟開,不知哪位親戚的小孩傻呼呼冒冷踏入露台,詫見有人安坐黑暗角落:「你也在捉迷藏?」52Please respect copyright.PENANAQo2ebP4E8Y
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「沒有。」突然有後輩對我說話,我乍驚乍喜,略顯不知所措:「你知道我是誰?」52Please respect copyright.PENANAFcEvmiA3AP
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「遠房親戚長輩。」稚子聰敏,答案模稜兩可,卻也挑不出錯處。52Please respect copyright.PENANABQsjyZGvlI
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「乖!」我珍愛輕拍他的小小頭頂,喜悅淚水差點兒奪眶湧出:「給你紅包!」52Please respect copyright.PENANAaiXPFWIcYp
52Please respect copyright.PENANAQzQPM4QNMG
每年新春,我總會預備幾封紅包在口袋,為的就是不知何時出現的新舊交替。52Please respect copyright.PENANAHgDK2VU7gG
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人難免一死,記憶和歷史無法完整傳承予後輩。知情人士相繼離世,加上他們向來忌諱提及我的過去與存在,終有一天,後輩們只把我視為「遠房親戚長輩」、一個普通不過的老者。52Please respect copyright.PENANAk4JxQNn9ZJ
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小孩收到紅包,興奮連講幾句祝賀說話,喜孜孜踏著小跳步回到室內。他的身影在拐角處消失尚沒一分鐘,表弟婦臉色玄青,直闖露台,不發一言,退還紅包。52Please respect copyright.PENANAaRtS6VEM7U
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我沒有接過。她乾脆將紅包扔在地面,轉身俐落揚長而去。客廳人聲消失好幾秒,然後再次熱鬧起來。新年快樂、喜氣盈門、一團和氣……52Please respect copyright.PENANA40ffFab42x
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我知道大家心知肚明露台發生甚麼尷尬事。我知道地上紅包已被風吹走。我知道今天遭遇是未來寫照:我將會孤獨終老。52Please respect copyright.PENANAL3tmtC8vG9
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嗖——落地玻璃門被趟開,某青壯後輩從客廳搬來一張有背竹椅,置於我身邊,然後阿弟在旁人攙扶下安坐。52Please respect copyright.PENANAtGGYtwjtBu
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關門關窗,與世隔絕。只有我兄弟倆的世界。52Please respect copyright.PENANAqjGH8itL5x
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「小心著涼。」我倆同時開口。52Please respect copyright.PENANAPQ6JjdO4AL
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相視苦笑。52Please respect copyright.PENANAx81muXF11y
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「今天氣溫與那個冬夜差不多。」阿弟輕嗟。52Please respect copyright.PENANA0jHKJB6QJD
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「還可以。」我那時候完全不覺冷。短時間內在村裡來回跑動十幾圈。求醫生,求親友,求路人。最後只得取刀架著醫生喉嚨……52Please respect copyright.PENANAPiyHIdnuis
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「你不打算到客廳坐坐?」阿弟每年都會如此問我。52Please respect copyright.PENANABCYG4peBuV
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我猶豫。明明渴望融入家庭,為何我竟在阿弟主動伸出援手時卻步?52Please respect copyright.PENANAYpZJruluqM
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「哥,不用怕,大家會給我面子。」阿弟暖笑。52Please respect copyright.PENANAtVrWvTEKTq
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阿弟說得沒錯,面子的確重要。無人想跟犯罪者扯上關係,懶理我有何不幸遭遇。難得阿弟多年花盡心血建立大善人形象,重新得到大家接納,我又豈可破壞他得來不易的一切?52Please respect copyright.PENANAEfImSVkqnB
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只願他新年快樂。52Please respect copyright.PENANADuxHOIT81C
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「不了。」我搖首婉拒。52Please respect copyright.PENANAIxllsf2yc1
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幾句寒暄後,阿弟在親友催促下回去室內。52Please respect copyright.PENANAU1c1Ywkaf5
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關門關窗,與世隔絕。52Please respect copyright.PENANAdshconk1Rm
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我長嘆一聲,把口袋裡所有紅包扔掉。52Please respect copyright.PENANAyey9fTIzh8
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它們隨風四散,不由自主地消失於這個冬夜。