00
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看過故人終場戲，
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淡抹最適宜。
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怕是看破落幕曲，
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君啊江湖從此離。
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01
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天氣很陰冷，濕漉漉的，連月亮都不給面子的躲在厚厚的雲層裡。
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噠，噠
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獄卒慢慢靠近典獄長在監獄裡的房間。
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桌上唯一的一盞馬燈熄熄滅滅，燭火瘦弱的像典獄長面前站的人兒。
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一身血跡斑斑，原本的白衣現在破爛的像好幾條爛布掛在他身上，稍嫌長的頭髮遮住了他的側臉。
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噠，噠
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獄卒再靠近了一點。
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「典獄長。」
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典獄長並沒有看向他，而是直勾勾的看著站在他眼前，那個一聲不吭的，如同死人的男子。
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可是聽剛剛押人進來的獄卒說，這人剛剛反抗的很激烈，還咬傷了其他前來制伏他的人。
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他的名字，好像叫做金泰亨。
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獄卒又叫了聲，「典獄長。」
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「把他帶下去，特別照顧。」
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典獄長終於發聲，那名獄卒便緩緩向前用手銬銬住金泰亨的手，這才完完全全看清他的面貌。
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皮膚白皙的像陶瓷，雙眼後面還有淡淡的桃花色眼影還未卸下...想必是唱戲的吧。
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這年頭會畫這種妝的，只剩那園裡會唱戲的戲子了。
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嘴唇豐潤，只是此刻顯得慘白，雙手節骨分明，可身上有大大小小，新舊粗細都有的鞭痕...
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真可憐。
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獄卒這麼想著，這麼美的人兒在獄中簡直是浪費。
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「記得給他特別照顧。」
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典獄長深沉的聲音說道，「而且是，特別狠毒的照顧。」
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什麼？不是關個幾天就走？
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獄卒聽了這特別照顧的附加說明有些愣，金泰亨倒是冷笑了聲。
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再度陷入寂靜，且比剛開始更多了許多殺氣。
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「田柾國，你夠了沒。」
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不是疑問，而是肯定。
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獄卒又有些驚恐的看向金泰亨，一個被關進來的犯人竟然直呼典獄長的名字？
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「呀，無禮！你不想活了啊！」獄卒扯了扯金泰亨那沾有斑斑血跡的袖子。
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金泰亨抽開手，不屑的啐了口痰，搖搖晃晃的轉過身。
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獄卒馬上跟了上去，帶他往裡面走。
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看著兩人走遠，田柾國打開燈罩，藉著裡面的火點燃了隻菸，抽著。
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慢慢的，細細的吸著，吐著，煙霧裊裊，他摸索著下巴似是在琢磨剛剛金泰亨所說的話。
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接著輕笑出聲，「為了你，這樣怎麼夠呢。」
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02
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厚重的軍靴踏在地上，讓整個沉默的獄間響起了回音，軍靴的主人正緩緩走向走廊的最底邊，他想看看金泰亨。
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匡啷，匡啷
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金泰亨聽見腳步聲後抽著左手。
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匡啷，匡啷
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金泰亨又抽著右手。
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不行，完全動不了。
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現在已將進入寒冬，他卻一絲不掛的被吊在牆上，手腕都被磨到削了一層皮，腳也被凍的發紫。
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「金泰亨，想好了嗎？」
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金泰亨連一個正眼都不願賞給田柾國，專心致力於他的手腕。
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田柾國挑眉，舌頭刮了圈口腔內壁，像是明白對方的意思般點點頭。
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「"行"。」
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一個字，帶有雙關。
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行，和刑。
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一旁的獄卒聽了迅速拿起沾過鹽水的繩子，毫不留情，一下下往死裡鞭打著金泰亨已經快堅持不住的瘦弱身軀。
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「嗯哼...」被打得悶哼一聲，牙齒差點鬆開大叫，但他還是忍住，咬緊牙關。
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他不想讓田柾國看見他的脆弱。
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田柾國站在一旁看，手心緊緊攢著，指關節都開始泛白。
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金泰亨那一聲悶哼，那一下下的皮鞭聲也狠狠抽著自己心裡，想著那鹽水該搞得他傷口多痛。
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心疼，但自己不能。
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田柾國很清楚。
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嚥了口沫，克制自己衝上去把他抱下來的慾望，田柾國慢慢轉身。
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「夠了。」
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隨後再次踏著軍靴離去。
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金泰亨整個癱軟，喘息著，細小的血流洗遍他的全身，甚至給了他一種別人的血噴濺到自己身上的感覺。
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好痛，但心更痛。
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看著田柾國的背影，他眼眶泛紅。
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眼前一黑，隨即暈了過去。
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03
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「呃...」金泰亨有些艱難的吞了口口水，喉嚨乾澀的泛疼，他只能發出些單音節，無法完整的說出話。
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「濕...嗚...」不行，疼的要死，他覺得自己的喉嚨整個都裂開來了。
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一旁一個叫小燁的獄卒似乎被聲響吵醒了，罵罵咧咧嚷著誰擾他清夢，沒想到看見了算是半死半活的金泰亨，被嚇的有些發毛。
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典獄長吩咐過，這犯人不能死啊！
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「啊，柳爺沒事兒吧？唉唉先把你放下來吧...啊？你說什麼？」
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金泰亨是園裡有名的戲子，戲名就叫金羽柳，大家都叫他柳爺。師父說，唱戲的都會給自己取個戲名，於是自己開始有了另一個名字。
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「水...」好不容易說出個字，金泰亨真的覺得自己快歸位了。
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小燁立馬拿起一旁的水杯倒了杯水，扶起金泰亨喂他喝下。
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沒想到這一連串的動作不小心牽動到金泰亨的手臂，惹的後者哼哼唧唧喊疼，才發現手臂脫臼了。
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小燁熟練的舉起金泰亨的手，喬了個位子，然後一個用力-「啊！」金泰亨的慘叫聲伴隨了骨頭喀喀兩聲，接好了。
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「哈...哈....」大口大口的喘著，下意識瞄了瞄四周...很好，田柾國不在。
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他看不見自己這狼狽的樣子了。
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晃了晃剛接好的右手，戰戰兢兢的看向左手...還有一隻手啊！
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緊咬下唇，疼痛已有些許的麻痺感，但金泰亨還是堅持不住，開始有些精神不濟。
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一陣喀喀聲，金泰亨近乎暈死過去。
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闔眼之前，最後一幕是一雙厚重的軍靴，那人將自己打橫抱起。
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「冷。」金泰亨迷迷糊糊的把身體往田柾國更近一些，雙手圍繞上他的後頸，接著靠在對方的肩膀上，睡著了。
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此時的金泰亨卸下所有心房，像隻討抱撒嬌的小奶虎，可愛的模樣讓田柾國自己也都微微勾起嘴角。
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吩咐一旁的獄卒去拿藥之後，田柾國調了個姿勢讓金泰亨好睡些，並把他抱進一個乾淨的牢房裡。
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看著對方的睡顏嘆了口氣。
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我們究竟都在執著些什麼呢...
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04
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金泰亨慢慢睜開眼睛。
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這裡沒有討人厭鎖鏈、刑具，這裡是哪裡?
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「醒了?」
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見是田柾國，他立馬反射性的往後靠。
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「啊嘶....」扯到背部的傷口，讓金泰亨不自主的叫出聲。
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「痛嗎?」田柾國往前踏了一步，問道。
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痛。身體跟心理都痛。
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但他沒有說出口。
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「我幫你上藥，之後好好休息吧。」
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好溫柔...多久沒有這樣了呢?從戰爭開始之後?
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金泰亨還是沒有說話，只是乖乖的翻過身，背對著田柾國，讓他上藥。
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怎料，接下來的不是藥冰涼的觸感，而是一雙柔軟的唇瓣，輕輕的，緩緩的，一個一個蜻蜓點水的輕吻在那傷口上。
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「唔嗯...哼....」突如其來的刺激讓他下意識的弓起背發出呻吟。
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「你還是很敏感呢。」
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感覺的到對方的震驚和漸漸上升的怒氣，田柾國將他的唇離開背部，轉而到金泰亨的耳邊:「我覺得我的吻比藥還有效，看看你，都有精神了。」
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「早知道剛剛就不該被你的溫柔給騙了。」
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田柾國聽了，氣極反笑，揉了揉那柔軟的髮絲，「好好休息。」
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「然後，既然那麼倔，藥自己上。」
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雖是如此，但對金泰亨來說，這樣的情節發展，算是很好的情況了。
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隔天，田柾國讓人送來一套衣服，純白的。
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『白色最適合你了。』
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不知為何，這讓金泰亨的心裡萌生一絲暖意，原來自己還在他的心裡，他還記得自己喜歡什麼。
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金泰亨剛穿好衣服，一陣噠噠的腳步聲，人還沒看到，倒是聲音先出現了。
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田柾國現身在黑暗中，「怎麼樣?」
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「還能怎麼樣?原來你還記得我穿白的長啥樣啊。」
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田典獄長聽了，偏過頭咳了咳，「剛好只有那件而已。」嘴上強辯著，耳根子卻不爭氣的紅了。
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「哈哈…」
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聽見笑聲，田柾國悄悄把頭轉回去，就看見對方穿著一身白衣，像仙子一樣。露出四方嘴和那好聽的笑聲。
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真希望能一直這樣。
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「你別再逃了。」突然嚴肅的語氣，硬生生打斷了金泰亨那好聽的笑聲。
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爾後，金泰亨的臉也沉了下來。
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「真的愛我，就別把我綁著、關在這裡好嗎?我可不是犯人。」
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「等這場仗打完，這牢裡的俘虜們該行刑的行刑、該放的放了之後，我們在去別的地方好好過日子。」
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「那我為什麼要跟著被綁在這裡?」
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「因為我不准你再逃離我的身邊，你再逃，我也會把你抓回來，就像這次一樣。」
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說完，他再度隱身黑暗中，只剩下軍靴的聲音，越來越遠。
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05
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好一陣子沒聽見那軍靴的聲音，金泰亨竟有些想念。
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剛好看著他的是先前救過自己的小燁，金泰亨便趴到欄杆上，「你們典獄長去哪兒了?」
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小燁先是愣一下，後才回過頭，「這不還在戰嘛。」
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見對方聽了點點頭，小燁轉過頭繼續看守。
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「什麼時候回來?」
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「說不準，沒準回不來了。」
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接著，是一片沉默。
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「我要喝酒。」
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金泰亨纖細的手指指向小凳子上的一壺酒。
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見小燁全沒動作，他又開口，「我冷，取取暖。」
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小燁不可置信的看著這戲園有名的戲子包著棉被把自己裹的緊緊的，對著自己裝無辜說冷，只為了一壺酒。
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「柳兒爺，別讓我為難啊...」說著，還是從那壺酒中倒了一杯，遞給金泰亨。
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「謝謝。」
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金泰亨之後睡的迷迷糊糊，做了很多夢。
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他是被一個吻給叫醒的。
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醒來就發現田柾國躺在自己身邊，微笑著看著自己。
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「回來啦？」
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對方沒有說話。
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「怯，學我做什麼，沒創意。」
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說完就被一股勁兒摟進懷裡，田柾國的唇覆了上來，自己嘴裡滿滿都是他的味道。
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金泰亨喜歡。
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「聽說你想我，還喝酒解愁?」
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「誰想你。」
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口是心非這點，他們兩個都一樣呢。
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「不鬧你了，我想你....」
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「...的身體。」
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田柾國溫熱的大掌覆金泰亨稍嫌冰冷的身軀，每一寸被他撫摸過的地方都變得炙熱。
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金泰亨微微弓起身子，雙手環上對方的脖子，在那雙手開始逗弄胸前的那兩粒茱萸後，忍不住發出呻吟。
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田柾國低下頭囓著其中一顆小紅點，他知道怎麼讓金泰亨失去理智。
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「不要...唔嗯...」
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一雙手還在胸前，另一雙手開始往下腹遊走，直至後庭，才停了下來，慢慢放入手指，進行擴張。
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金泰亨很久沒做了，傷也才剛全癒，他不希望他再受傷，畢竟自己也心疼。
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「嗯...我要...」
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「知道了，寶貝兒。」
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田柾國緩緩進入，雖然已經有擴張過，但金泰亨還是被撐的飆出了一些生理淚水。
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「痛...」
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小穴很緊，田柾國過了會兒才開始抽動起來，金泰亨很快就被頂的一顫一顫的。
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「唔...不要...嗯...太快了哈啊...」
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身下人兒的呻吟和那染上一層粉色的身子跟臉頰，無疑都是種催情劑。
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「不...不行了...我要...」
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說完，金泰亨射出了一片濁白在田柾國那有著腹肌的肚子上，田柾國也就低吼一聲，拔出金泰亨體內，射在了一旁的地板上。
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望著金泰亨疑惑的眼神，田柾國低下頭，把自己的額頭頂在金泰亨的額頭上，「射在裡面對你身體不好，射在身上會弄髒你。」
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這樣的原因，搞得金泰亨臉頰更紅了。
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做完後金泰亨累的呈大字型，骨頭感覺都散了。
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田柾國喘著氣坐在床邊，開始穿起衣服。
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「別想逃...」
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說完，俯身親了親金泰亨的臉頰，「我相信你不會的。」
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對方走後，金泰亨摸向還殘留著對方餘溫的臉頰，若有所思。
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金泰亨望向窗口，最近他一直咳，也越來越嗜睡，仗好像永遠都打不完，田柾國也不像以前那麼長待在獄裡了。
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昏沉沉的，金泰亨又想睡了。
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頭痛的都想去撞牆了，額頭也開始發燙。
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這當下也沒有藥能吃，睡一覺說不定就好了，甚至不會再醒了。
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再度躺下，腦海裡映著的，是田柾國的臉。
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他不是不愛田柾國，而是在這種狀況下，他更想要自由。
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想著，金泰亨又睡去。
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醒來，燒退一些了，一陣吵雜，原來又是一幫俘虜。
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他就這麼淡淡的看著，從第一個到最後一個，沒有那人的身影。
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扶著頭坐起身來，金泰亨走到欄前，「小燁，這裡可有大夫?」
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金碩珍提著箱子進了牢，說是有人需要看病。
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能看病的，想必不是普通的犯人和俘虜。
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看到小燁指著坐在牢裡的人後，金碩珍揉揉眼睛...是那戲園裡有名的戲子?
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小燁看這震驚的表情聳聳肩，附耳說了句:「田柾國的人。」
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金碩珍點點頭表示了解，透過小燁開了牢門，便走進去看診。
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「你...受過很多傷?」
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金泰亨苦笑著點頭，以前總逃開田柾國身邊，吃了不少刑，這次是真的知道自己已經沒那個體力了，所以才乖乖的留下。
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自己早就病了，他知道。
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金碩珍搖搖頭，「情況不好，這裡環境也不好，你要怎麼好?」
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「還有救嗎?」
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金碩珍又搖了一次頭。
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金泰亨微笑，「那也無所謂了。」
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「這段期間還是好好休息吧。」
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「我會的。」
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「真的不考慮離開?」金碩珍挑眉。
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「也別和他說真正的病情，說我有發燒就好。」
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如果讓田柾國知道了，他就不能好好應付戰場，仗不能快些打完，他和田柾國的好日子就無法指日可待。
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所以他，這次會留下來好好等仗打完的，他期待田柾國給他的承諾—『仗打完，我們去別的地方過好日子吧。』
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金碩珍擺擺手，算是答應了，走出了牢房。
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金泰亨裹著棉被，有些難受的呼吸著。
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以前的傷好像有傷到內臟，他還能這麼活下來，算是因為前一陣子田柾國突然的溫柔吧。
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要是他沒這麼溫柔的後續，而是再折騰下去的話，那麼那天行刑完後自己過個一天應該就歸天了。
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想著想著，久違的腳步聲傳來。
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「泰亨。」
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好久了，好久沒有只叫這兩個字。
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田柾國掏出鑰匙解開門鎖，「走，帶你去個地方。」
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那是個小房間。
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這對於原本以為是要出去的金泰亨澆了一大盆冷水。
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一位老人坐在裡頭，旁邊放著一堆器具。
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「師傅，拜託了，一朵蓮花，和一個字。」
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金泰亨還很懵懵懂懂，搞不清這是要做什麼。
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田柾國脫下外面的大衣，把裡面的汗衫脫下，指指自己的左肩，上面有著紅色的小篆字體—泰。
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「只要體溫高，就會出現這種紋身，剛剛我一路穿著大衣跑回來，流了些汗，你看，就有了。」
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聽著他像小孩子炫耀糖果的語氣，金泰亨輕笑。
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「聽金碩珍...呃，就是給你看病的大夫說你燒的有些嚴重，所以就想給你紋這個，這樣發燒小燁就會知道，就能叫大夫了。」
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看著田柾國搔著頭，認真的解釋，金泰亨覺得很滿足。
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仗打完，自己，還活著吧?
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也對，似乎就是那個承諾給了自己活下去的力量。
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金泰亨的衣服是唐裝的那種，他解開幾顆扣子，露出右肩，讓師傅紋。
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「他身子弱，用完得好好休息。」
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田柾國應了句好，便讓金泰亨握住自己的手，「有點痛，你忍一下。」
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說完，師傅便開始拿起工具，在金泰亨的右肩來來回回。
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半晌，作品完成了，而金泰亨已經痛的冒了一身冷汗，田柾國同樣也因為擔心冒一身冷汗。
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一朵帶著清新的淡粉色蓮花，濯清漣而不妖，中間有著行書的"柾"字，更是畫龍點睛。
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師傅從田柾國那收了錢後，提著他的生財工具走了。
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金泰亨把衣服穿好後看向柾國，「我那樣好看嗎?」
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「當然，只要是你，都美，都好看。」
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金泰亨把那已經長的齊肩的頭髮，用一條淡藍色髮帶綁成一束。
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拿起一旁的小刷子，幫自己眼尾上一點桃紅色。
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田柾國突然說要看自己唱戲，但他不要濃妝。
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要求真多，但金泰亨是開心的。
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目前是田柾國這邊的陣營領先，聽他這麼說，和他那看來是勝券在握的笑容，金泰亨也算是放下心中的大石頭—太好了，這麼說來，仗要打完了。
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唱完戲，他回牢裡，田柾國則出去了。
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看著窗外，又要到年末了。
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去年的年末自己被綁在柱子上—因為逃跑，卻用要去看雪這個理由，讓田柾國氣的把自己綁著，放下來後還操到自己走不了路。
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今年，也許不一樣了。
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金泰亨期望著。
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年底，下了雪。
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上個月田柾國沒回來，金泰亨正以比自己預期中還要快的速度惡化。
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金泰亨縮在被窩裡，想起了一些事。
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好像之前有陣子留了下來，也許是種斯德哥爾摩情節，田柾國越是虐，自己就陷的越深、越無法自拔。
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後來的每次逃跑，其實都有著某種期待。
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期待他虐著自己然後又抱著自己的溫柔。
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因為那像毒品一樣，讓人上癮。
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田柾國回來的時候，雪剛好由大轉小，細細的雪，金泰亨很久沒看過了。
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仗快打完了？但是自己好像撐不住了。
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每次心底總有股聲音告訴自己撐著，只要再撐一下就好了。
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只要再撐一下，就能...離開這裡了。
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.
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「柾國，帶我出去看雪吧。」
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那年紅雪冬青一水袖黛笠，君還記，新塚舊骨葬頭七。
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宿醉朦朧故人歸，來輕嘆聲愛你，君還記鐵馬將軍哽咽如孩提。
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『他快不行了。』
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『但我有我的職責。』
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『難道比不上他嗎?』
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『相信他也不希望我這麼做的，他不讓你告訴我，就是怕我仗沒打完會分心。』
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田柾國牽著金泰亨走出牢房。
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適應久了牢房裡的陰暗，外頭的光即使是柔和的，對金泰亨而言還是刺眼，於是便伸手擋著。
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「真的要赤腳?」
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「嗯，我想感受一下雪。」
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他轉頭微笑著，接著走出牢房的屋簷下。
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田柾國沒有跟著走出去。
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之前金泰亨逃跑，自己總會虐他，操他也好，打他也好，但是那似乎只是為了滿足自己的虐待欲。
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這是病態的，他知道。
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可他就是無法停下來，尤其是再聽到金泰亨無意間痛的呻吟，亦或是在自己懷裡的睡顏，都只讓他的虐待欲更興奮，更瘋狂。
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他愛金泰亨，可他不會表達，好像只有更加的虐待他，才能表達出自己的渴望。
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看著他越發步履蹣珊，那束髮絲隨著主人的走動微盪著，白色的唐裝配上這一片銀白色的世界，很唯美。
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悲傷的是，這也許是自己對於他的，最後的畫面了。
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咚一聲，他，倒地了。
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然後，再也不會爬起來了。
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一絲滾燙的淚水滑過田柾國逐漸冰冷的臉頰。
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金泰亨就這麼一直走著，他感覺的到自己的精力正逐漸被抽走，意識開始模糊，眼睛也失去對焦。
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咚一聲，終於，再也走不動了嗎?
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從懷裡掏出一個香囊，後面有噠噠聲，但儘管意識模糊自己還是很清楚那不是田柾國。
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蹲下來看著他的，是金碩珍。
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「有什麼話?」
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「柾國，我愛你。」
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田柾國站在墓碑前，昨天金泰亨倒下後，軍報傳來—戰爭結束，我方獲勝。
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好消息，但是他再也聽不到了。
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田柾國辭去了職位，他承諾過會帶他去別的地方過好日子的。
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打開掛在腰間的香囊，裡面是他的一縷頭髮，似乎還有著淡淡的髮香。
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『他最後說他愛你。』
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金泰亨，我也愛你。
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誰還記，初春君識你那笑意。
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誰還記,夏末里伶海棠一曲。
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誰還記，你我從此陌路兩立。1099Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVdymGLY9a
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歸罷、悔罷，與君相約來世聚。
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and then Add to home screen.