This is the part where I say, I love you.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnycGLQZrJH
I open my mouth, draw in a deep breath, and am promptly knocked unconscious by a delicate china coffee cup disagreeing with my temple. I'm not sure which one shattered first.
Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if it were a story.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSdqr1DJI4
First of all, it would be far more interesting; after all, stories are rarely as boring as my daily routine.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlv8wjT16Ph
It goes a bit like this: I wake up at six, I brush my teeth, make breakfast (usually cereal, leftovers from takeaway the night before, or Gladys'), catch an update on the radio, and - oh, stuff it. Even I don't want to hear about that.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0NPluulMr
Secondly, I wouldn't always be so bloody miserable. Protagonists in books are hardly ever miserable, and I hope that someday I could amount to something more than the minor character 'annoyed guy across the street', no?714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDIAoAP8ta
Thirdly, I should have had a happy ending by now.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaFBQHRl3l
I mean, seriously, I'm twenty-nine. And as everyone knows, the age of thirty is practically death. I live alone in a small apartment, have a crummy office job, and really not much else. Oh - I'm also in love. But since when has that turned out well in stories? Like, look at that Romeo guy. I think he dies or something.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12zW5Mvr8m
So honestly, I don't have much going for me, for my life. All my friends (ha! friends) guilt trip me about how lucky I am, but to be blunt I can't help feel every morning and every night that I'm on the short end of the straw. You know, the short side of the bendy straw that gets chewed on and spat out.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROA1eWyg6z
My mum unfortunately knows this too. She moved into the apartment next to mine to 'keep an eye' on me, to 'lend a hand if you need'. Now in the evenings I'm serenaded by the sweet sounds of her explosive diarrhoea. I'll be filing a thin wall complaint when I get the chance.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSeIs7W13x
Day in, day out, this is my life.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjDH0Gu1lm
So when is my story going to start?
This is the part where the boy escapes on a Unicorn.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYHs1YIH03
My favorite haunt is a tidy little coffee shop on the corner between work and home called Gladys'. The food is good, the coffee is great, and the service is stunning, thanks to a magnificent woman by the name of Ellie. I've memorized her time schedule and make sure to check in when she's around, which is why I'm an hour late to work every Monday and Thursday. Gorgeous brown eyes, little chocolate beads they are, and hair like a preened horse mane, which I assure you is a compliment of the highest degree. Her voice is just heavenly, although I do admit I've only ever heard her say 'The usual? Coming right up!'. She wears a lovely china bracelet too, little swirls of blue on white that she fiddles with constantly. I find it rather endearing.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JJvbw78wv
It was a fine Saturday - of course it had to be a Saturday that was ruined. You see, I always like to watch Ellie make my coffee - I assume it's because I become slightly mentally unhinged when I am around her. This time, however, I could not enjoy my morning drink due to a particularly disturbing young man.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKVg3NDPKs
Now, he was clearly a criminal of some sort, despite looking no older than nineteen. Heavy leather jacket, metal studded jeans, and a swagger that exuded sheer unjustified arrogance. I noticed him approaching the counter just as I was taking the first sip of my extra hot coffee.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoENFCMvaPL
'A piece of toast thanks.' He orders.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvchOn0i060
'...just toast?' God her voice sounds so soft I could sleep in it.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLnO0bSqBdN
'Yes. Just. Toast.' His, on the other hand, was so rough I could feel his vocal chords being sanded down as he spoke.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGS0oCOrbqj
I watch Ellie as she slips the slice of bread into the toaster, the way her curved finger pushes down the lever. The way she drums her fingers nervously as she waits. Why nervously?714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43cA4x7pA4
ping!714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseyDxkOe5X
'Here you are.' She doesn't look him in the eye as she hands over a plate with a single slice of toast. 'Your toast.'714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHxikyTU9H
He doesn't touch it. 'No, Ellie, I've been thinking about those things you said to me - about how I'm too young, how I'm too, what, immature and irresponsible - and I've decided that no, you're toast.'714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhE9EaeFD3
A question mark hangs in the air. 'Jonas, what do you mean?' She knows this ugly specimens?714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZAuRQOpXf
'Look.' He picks up the toast, and in one gloved hand, crumbles it into dust that falls meekly onto the counter. 'That's what I'm going to do to you for breaking my heart.' He storms out of Gladys', and, angered by the look of upset on Ellie's pretty face, I make quick pursuit with my coffee in hand.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWWOWX52VDA
'Hey! Hey, you!' He stops and turns around at the sound of my call.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn3rZNepf4S
'What do you want?' He snarls.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiPU1ZcT8d1
'I want you to keep your dirty fingers off that girl!' I snap at him in a feeble attempt at intimidation.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5GZHintqu
'No no no. That's not how it works. A girl turns down the Jonas Jones on a date, they pay the price.' An infuriating sneer, one clearly tempting me to make a move - and that is an offer I'm not going to turn down. I put my extra hot coffee to better use and throw the entire thing into his face, spoon and all.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipHh30w5Sd
'AIEEEE! You're crazy, man!' His shocked eyes stare at me in disbelief, the attack having startled him enough to turn and flee. I watch as he rounds the corner and clambers onto his motorcycle - a painfully pink hunk of metal with the word Unicorn plastered on the side in blue and white.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gzofuAPc3
Smooth.
This is the part where I try Robin Hood on my mother, an adventurous position to put myself in which involves feeling around the front of her dress.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMd0ni9Xa8
My obsession with dear Ellie grows, as does my need to see her happy, after the strange encounter with Jonas Jones. I brainstorm gift ideas - she seems awfully fond of the unconventional china bracelet.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx5shFjRojg
My own mother happens to be quite the china connoisseur - her collection of bits and bobs all on display in an IKEA cabinet in her apartment.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2rFiFNbLt
Now, my average job of tedium was never going to pay for such dainty things, nor, I suppose, will Ellie's, so I felt no moral wrongness in the notion of pulling a Robin Hood on my mum and donating some china pieces to someone who no doubt needs them more. Ahem.
The heist begins with inviting my mum one meter down the corridor to have a 'life chat' with me, a strange ritual which she usually enforces on me once a month. Five laxative pills dissolved into the hot chocolate I've made so lovingly for her.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9y3H1lvkv
I bear through the grueling first few minutes of the talk in which she tells me to 'assess where I want to be in three years' but, much to my pleasure, the rant is prematurely interrupted by a rather rude anatomical sound which I won't indulge with a description.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04BWKDdPHZ
'Dear me!' She hobbles toward my bathroom, but I stop her -714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO28GYrhP2g
'The flush doesn't work.' I smile.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9WoidlllQ
'Oh, dear, dear, dear!' She's hunched over, and she can't reach into the front pocket of her dress - in which lie her room keys.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SMKcxgfgL
'Would you like me to unlock your apartment for you?'714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEs2hhlIh5L
'Please!'714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkc3em7u3gj
What happened next was unpleasant but necessary. Suffice to say, I retrieved the keys from their storage place, remarkably near my birth place.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUaKJ78UUz1
The moment the door to her room was open, she hurried into the bathroom and locked the door - without thinking to show me out first.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DlxZaugUQ
I collect in a bag the nicest of her china collection - IKEA cabinets don't have much security. An assortment of cups and plates and animals, carefully picked to match the color scheme of Ellie's bracelet. Lovely.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVdat1H3Am
I leave the keys on dear mother's bedside table, and quickly desert the premises. The unfortunate woman's bowel structure combined with the help I had given to her digestive system meant that she should be occupied for a while.
This is the part where I abandon my preconceptions of love, abandon my apartment, and abandon my sanity in general.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPS9PKCU41
I decided I would not return to the apartment. Mum would surely kill me, or worse. So instead, it being a Monday morning, I headed down to Gladys' with a bag going chinkle chinkle tied in red ribbon and a notetag with 'For Ellie' in my finest cursive. Which isn't very fine, mind you, but it's the thought that counts.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61Eo6R9ueI
Gladys' was not the most active of places, and it was not difficult to wait for a moment when no one was looking to place the bag on the counter.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1Y4HcP4I6
I sit, and wait, and watch. Could it be that this might win her heart?714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkg65K81lqS
She sees the bag, looks around confusedly, and opens it there on the counter. She gasps, looks around confusedly again, and closes the bag before placing it on the shelf beside her.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmvER8TNLg
I walk up to the counter.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsGKuOGOUT
'The usual?' Angelic.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIJDrAiuVI
'Not quite.' I say. In fact, I decide to abandon all of the usual. I wouldn't be showing up to work today, I wouldn't be doing anything of the sort I usually do.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCVLIdI0DUe
Forget everything. This is the part where I say, I love you.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrRrBvkoA3
I open my mouth, draw in a deep breath, and am promptly knocked unconscious by a delicate china coffee cup disagreeing with my temple. I'm not sure which one shattered first.
This is the part where I emerge victorious from a deathly battle against cute fluffy creatures.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDPjAxgEav
'owwwww...' I rise from the floor with a grunt. Above me stands Jonas Jones, and his band of delinquents. I note the bag of china in his hands - the bloody nerve of him.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVpPYnrKlkO
'If the JONAS JONES isn't good enough for someone, no one is!' He booms.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyqI2rQuk2
'Leave her out of this!' I protest, noticing Ellie cowering in the corner of the cafe, the few other people inside watching the course of events with an excited but strangely detached interest. 'Let's take this outside.'714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29Si60lghw
'Let's go, big boy.' He cracks his knuckles.
RABBIT. UNICORN. PUG. They stand by their named motorcycles, Jonas in the center. 'Rabbit' was a tall and scrawny pimply fellow, whereas 'Pug' was a much more rotund beast, but just as unattractive as the former. To be honest, I couldn't catch the resemblance between Jonas and a unicorn, though.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpnAHItfUr
'You boys are going to leave Ellie alone. And her gifts.' Upon feeling a twinge of pain, I quickly added 'And me.'714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZI1DZs7Z4Q
'Make us.' Rabbit pulls out a knife from his pocket.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGETGjWaIO
'Now now, let's play fair - ' but my protest is cut off halfway through by a scream that made the windows of the cafe shake dangerously, threatening to shatter.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxL4qEYRfx
'WHEEERE IIIIIIS MYYYY CHIIIIIIIIIINAAAAAAAAAAA?!?!?!'714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDeCDVYN765
I run into the shop, but the gang is stunned still - and I watch as my mother appears over the horizon, face inflamed red like a microwaving tomato ready to burst.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxrV5Oud6j
She looks at the bag in Jonas' hands.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKgAjqVO6Q
Jonas looks down at the bag in his hands.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMx42xczJ7n
Pug grabs the bag and hides it behind his back.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZ4afgmlWi
Mother morphs into her final form and unleashes her rage.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3v4dXGvN1
'AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!' I can't tell among the carnage who the sound is coming from, but I don't care - I turn around to face Ellie, and I grab her hands.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qz5c6uG81
'Ellie.' I say, eyes staring into hers.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xip0HJ43V
'Yes?'714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorVeosBigh
This is the part.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNRZBagNux
'I...'714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeamPLxoU6u
'Yes?'714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohCXUT7G5W
'Ellie, I luh. I lughhhh. I, I, I lughhhhhhhh - '714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvD40KZezZ
'Oh, shut up.' She lunges forwards and places her lips on mine, and the people in the cafe cheer, drowning out the noise of the scene outside.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytHRfBZG6N
And so it is, that my story ends here for you, and just begins for me, with an unexpected kiss and a declaration of love.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwIlUqnisi
I even think that mother might approve.714Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHxghpVkA6
This, my friend, is the part where you stop reading.
ns 172.71.222.34da2
and then Add to home screen.