This is the part where I say, I love you.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6Z0IY0uP0
I open my mouth, draw in a deep breath, and am promptly knocked unconscious by a delicate china coffee cup disagreeing with my temple. I'm not sure which one shattered first.
Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if it were a story.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfv0UcQGIzu
First of all, it would be far more interesting; after all, stories are rarely as boring as my daily routine.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8dYGHF2uC
It goes a bit like this: I wake up at six, I brush my teeth, make breakfast (usually cereal, leftovers from takeaway the night before, or Gladys'), catch an update on the radio, and - oh, stuff it. Even I don't want to hear about that.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ojoEL0xoj
Secondly, I wouldn't always be so bloody miserable. Protagonists in books are hardly ever miserable, and I hope that someday I could amount to something more than the minor character 'annoyed guy across the street', no?800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUg0KvWO5o
Thirdly, I should have had a happy ending by now.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZBHEkBeiK
I mean, seriously, I'm twenty-nine. And as everyone knows, the age of thirty is practically death. I live alone in a small apartment, have a crummy office job, and really not much else. Oh - I'm also in love. But since when has that turned out well in stories? Like, look at that Romeo guy. I think he dies or something.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtoYDSY4swY
So honestly, I don't have much going for me, for my life. All my friends (ha! friends) guilt trip me about how lucky I am, but to be blunt I can't help feel every morning and every night that I'm on the short end of the straw. You know, the short side of the bendy straw that gets chewed on and spat out.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHaBvmjldm
My mum unfortunately knows this too. She moved into the apartment next to mine to 'keep an eye' on me, to 'lend a hand if you need'. Now in the evenings I'm serenaded by the sweet sounds of her explosive diarrhoea. I'll be filing a thin wall complaint when I get the chance.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYkiEA9pZ0
Day in, day out, this is my life.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkoFzaIjbV
So when is my story going to start?
This is the part where the boy escapes on a Unicorn.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmP7PTdT9TE
My favorite haunt is a tidy little coffee shop on the corner between work and home called Gladys'. The food is good, the coffee is great, and the service is stunning, thanks to a magnificent woman by the name of Ellie. I've memorized her time schedule and make sure to check in when she's around, which is why I'm an hour late to work every Monday and Thursday. Gorgeous brown eyes, little chocolate beads they are, and hair like a preened horse mane, which I assure you is a compliment of the highest degree. Her voice is just heavenly, although I do admit I've only ever heard her say 'The usual? Coming right up!'. She wears a lovely china bracelet too, little swirls of blue on white that she fiddles with constantly. I find it rather endearing.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzIIShLrdl
It was a fine Saturday - of course it had to be a Saturday that was ruined. You see, I always like to watch Ellie make my coffee - I assume it's because I become slightly mentally unhinged when I am around her. This time, however, I could not enjoy my morning drink due to a particularly disturbing young man.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkN3QS0oZx
Now, he was clearly a criminal of some sort, despite looking no older than nineteen. Heavy leather jacket, metal studded jeans, and a swagger that exuded sheer unjustified arrogance. I noticed him approaching the counter just as I was taking the first sip of my extra hot coffee.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Zq5LbsDci
'A piece of toast thanks.' He orders.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKbGPzMkPI
'...just toast?' God her voice sounds so soft I could sleep in it.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgN6GleQm9k
'Yes. Just. Toast.' His, on the other hand, was so rough I could feel his vocal chords being sanded down as he spoke.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINy8txKzhZ
I watch Ellie as she slips the slice of bread into the toaster, the way her curved finger pushes down the lever. The way she drums her fingers nervously as she waits. Why nervously?800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZOS6mENmh
ping!800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcsFLfLuBf
'Here you are.' She doesn't look him in the eye as she hands over a plate with a single slice of toast. 'Your toast.'800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXM6CHJo0gv
He doesn't touch it. 'No, Ellie, I've been thinking about those things you said to me - about how I'm too young, how I'm too, what, immature and irresponsible - and I've decided that no, you're toast.'800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7iYKmvkvO
A question mark hangs in the air. 'Jonas, what do you mean?' She knows this ugly specimens?800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHSjLQw9ph
'Look.' He picks up the toast, and in one gloved hand, crumbles it into dust that falls meekly onto the counter. 'That's what I'm going to do to you for breaking my heart.' He storms out of Gladys', and, angered by the look of upset on Ellie's pretty face, I make quick pursuit with my coffee in hand.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8e43tEWPNk
'Hey! Hey, you!' He stops and turns around at the sound of my call.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiV61nyAchO
'What do you want?' He snarls.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBEA5s5Qd6
'I want you to keep your dirty fingers off that girl!' I snap at him in a feeble attempt at intimidation.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLy47yLG7uB
'No no no. That's not how it works. A girl turns down the Jonas Jones on a date, they pay the price.' An infuriating sneer, one clearly tempting me to make a move - and that is an offer I'm not going to turn down. I put my extra hot coffee to better use and throw the entire thing into his face, spoon and all.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgu1YHaBCzi
'AIEEEE! You're crazy, man!' His shocked eyes stare at me in disbelief, the attack having startled him enough to turn and flee. I watch as he rounds the corner and clambers onto his motorcycle - a painfully pink hunk of metal with the word Unicorn plastered on the side in blue and white.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3i7FvrQAzm
Smooth.
This is the part where I try Robin Hood on my mother, an adventurous position to put myself in which involves feeling around the front of her dress.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwi8qZ8547V
My obsession with dear Ellie grows, as does my need to see her happy, after the strange encounter with Jonas Jones. I brainstorm gift ideas - she seems awfully fond of the unconventional china bracelet.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvEgvIUbXa3
My own mother happens to be quite the china connoisseur - her collection of bits and bobs all on display in an IKEA cabinet in her apartment.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiChUS5C1iD
Now, my average job of tedium was never going to pay for such dainty things, nor, I suppose, will Ellie's, so I felt no moral wrongness in the notion of pulling a Robin Hood on my mum and donating some china pieces to someone who no doubt needs them more. Ahem.
The heist begins with inviting my mum one meter down the corridor to have a 'life chat' with me, a strange ritual which she usually enforces on me once a month. Five laxative pills dissolved into the hot chocolate I've made so lovingly for her.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvEenulOxnY
I bear through the grueling first few minutes of the talk in which she tells me to 'assess where I want to be in three years' but, much to my pleasure, the rant is prematurely interrupted by a rather rude anatomical sound which I won't indulge with a description.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFZDT79Xg5
'Dear me!' She hobbles toward my bathroom, but I stop her -800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVISViDCFw
'The flush doesn't work.' I smile.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9HyyGq5TC
'Oh, dear, dear, dear!' She's hunched over, and she can't reach into the front pocket of her dress - in which lie her room keys.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfJAOxTCES
'Would you like me to unlock your apartment for you?'800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWlBsjTbH4l
'Please!'800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk19rhQTiff
What happened next was unpleasant but necessary. Suffice to say, I retrieved the keys from their storage place, remarkably near my birth place.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8E9O2X5gn
The moment the door to her room was open, she hurried into the bathroom and locked the door - without thinking to show me out first.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXB3symyEvS
I collect in a bag the nicest of her china collection - IKEA cabinets don't have much security. An assortment of cups and plates and animals, carefully picked to match the color scheme of Ellie's bracelet. Lovely.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeeRRQULxF
I leave the keys on dear mother's bedside table, and quickly desert the premises. The unfortunate woman's bowel structure combined with the help I had given to her digestive system meant that she should be occupied for a while.
This is the part where I abandon my preconceptions of love, abandon my apartment, and abandon my sanity in general.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbtWWfP66U
I decided I would not return to the apartment. Mum would surely kill me, or worse. So instead, it being a Monday morning, I headed down to Gladys' with a bag going chinkle chinkle tied in red ribbon and a notetag with 'For Ellie' in my finest cursive. Which isn't very fine, mind you, but it's the thought that counts.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Ll7B93Vn2
Gladys' was not the most active of places, and it was not difficult to wait for a moment when no one was looking to place the bag on the counter.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSqINlSm8ZX
I sit, and wait, and watch. Could it be that this might win her heart?800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6JRKkWdZr
She sees the bag, looks around confusedly, and opens it there on the counter. She gasps, looks around confusedly again, and closes the bag before placing it on the shelf beside her.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwD786Jfw5Q
I walk up to the counter.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OdHUmVh3Z
'The usual?' Angelic.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjOGgTEowm
'Not quite.' I say. In fact, I decide to abandon all of the usual. I wouldn't be showing up to work today, I wouldn't be doing anything of the sort I usually do.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzIsYpt0AY
Forget everything. This is the part where I say, I love you.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYGn2OSVwb
I open my mouth, draw in a deep breath, and am promptly knocked unconscious by a delicate china coffee cup disagreeing with my temple. I'm not sure which one shattered first.
This is the part where I emerge victorious from a deathly battle against cute fluffy creatures.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUGZUKbh5R
'owwwww...' I rise from the floor with a grunt. Above me stands Jonas Jones, and his band of delinquents. I note the bag of china in his hands - the bloody nerve of him.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdlJTzqoXx
'If the JONAS JONES isn't good enough for someone, no one is!' He booms.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmteAvsDma
'Leave her out of this!' I protest, noticing Ellie cowering in the corner of the cafe, the few other people inside watching the course of events with an excited but strangely detached interest. 'Let's take this outside.'800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1TGnN3B92
'Let's go, big boy.' He cracks his knuckles.
RABBIT. UNICORN. PUG. They stand by their named motorcycles, Jonas in the center. 'Rabbit' was a tall and scrawny pimply fellow, whereas 'Pug' was a much more rotund beast, but just as unattractive as the former. To be honest, I couldn't catch the resemblance between Jonas and a unicorn, though.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd5879CLqUU
'You boys are going to leave Ellie alone. And her gifts.' Upon feeling a twinge of pain, I quickly added 'And me.'800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5z2zQ2QAQ
'Make us.' Rabbit pulls out a knife from his pocket.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsN7uuiPbA
'Now now, let's play fair - ' but my protest is cut off halfway through by a scream that made the windows of the cafe shake dangerously, threatening to shatter.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8AXsvWHp6
'WHEEERE IIIIIIS MYYYY CHIIIIIIIIIINAAAAAAAAAAA?!?!?!'800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mTBZTdqdQ
I run into the shop, but the gang is stunned still - and I watch as my mother appears over the horizon, face inflamed red like a microwaving tomato ready to burst.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwWuAYLsQYF
She looks at the bag in Jonas' hands.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdWKjs22lz
Jonas looks down at the bag in his hands.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXjV8Fhs0E
Pug grabs the bag and hides it behind his back.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTvMChmMOF
Mother morphs into her final form and unleashes her rage.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCTiVFqoRx
'AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!' I can't tell among the carnage who the sound is coming from, but I don't care - I turn around to face Ellie, and I grab her hands.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiKyB2rgsi
'Ellie.' I say, eyes staring into hers.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkbDB1n62d
'Yes?'800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7KR8ErkkX
This is the part.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FrCNTQfK6
'I...'800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkMUFHZ7fw
'Yes?'800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1s5kgXBh4
'Ellie, I luh. I lughhhh. I, I, I lughhhhhhhh - '800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1UuSuHuFb
'Oh, shut up.' She lunges forwards and places her lips on mine, and the people in the cafe cheer, drowning out the noise of the scene outside.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JN6HUHlmx
And so it is, that my story ends here for you, and just begins for me, with an unexpected kiss and a declaration of love.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTst4ZR9nh
I even think that mother might approve.800Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ376PQXcNe
This, my friend, is the part where you stop reading.
ns 172.70.131.152da2
and then Add to home screen.