This is the part where I say, I love you.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZHZuLa04J
I open my mouth, draw in a deep breath, and am promptly knocked unconscious by a delicate china coffee cup disagreeing with my temple. I'm not sure which one shattered first.
Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if it were a story.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQnev2iCdQq
First of all, it would be far more interesting; after all, stories are rarely as boring as my daily routine.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDik3uc9LxG
It goes a bit like this: I wake up at six, I brush my teeth, make breakfast (usually cereal, leftovers from takeaway the night before, or Gladys'), catch an update on the radio, and - oh, stuff it. Even I don't want to hear about that.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNpZQ2J2pU
Secondly, I wouldn't always be so bloody miserable. Protagonists in books are hardly ever miserable, and I hope that someday I could amount to something more than the minor character 'annoyed guy across the street', no?1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9SK39YGCK
Thirdly, I should have had a happy ending by now.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbuqoYk4JT
I mean, seriously, I'm twenty-nine. And as everyone knows, the age of thirty is practically death. I live alone in a small apartment, have a crummy office job, and really not much else. Oh - I'm also in love. But since when has that turned out well in stories? Like, look at that Romeo guy. I think he dies or something.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1v00zaTmtQ
So honestly, I don't have much going for me, for my life. All my friends (ha! friends) guilt trip me about how lucky I am, but to be blunt I can't help feel every morning and every night that I'm on the short end of the straw. You know, the short side of the bendy straw that gets chewed on and spat out.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWH8pw82vHw
My mum unfortunately knows this too. She moved into the apartment next to mine to 'keep an eye' on me, to 'lend a hand if you need'. Now in the evenings I'm serenaded by the sweet sounds of her explosive diarrhoea. I'll be filing a thin wall complaint when I get the chance.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdrTvBfeJ7
Day in, day out, this is my life.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3xdhjgn2CL
So when is my story going to start?
This is the part where the boy escapes on a Unicorn.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjERbO5hcc
My favorite haunt is a tidy little coffee shop on the corner between work and home called Gladys'. The food is good, the coffee is great, and the service is stunning, thanks to a magnificent woman by the name of Ellie. I've memorized her time schedule and make sure to check in when she's around, which is why I'm an hour late to work every Monday and Thursday. Gorgeous brown eyes, little chocolate beads they are, and hair like a preened horse mane, which I assure you is a compliment of the highest degree. Her voice is just heavenly, although I do admit I've only ever heard her say 'The usual? Coming right up!'. She wears a lovely china bracelet too, little swirls of blue on white that she fiddles with constantly. I find it rather endearing.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLneDM4SNs
It was a fine Saturday - of course it had to be a Saturday that was ruined. You see, I always like to watch Ellie make my coffee - I assume it's because I become slightly mentally unhinged when I am around her. This time, however, I could not enjoy my morning drink due to a particularly disturbing young man.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GVZED39yq
Now, he was clearly a criminal of some sort, despite looking no older than nineteen. Heavy leather jacket, metal studded jeans, and a swagger that exuded sheer unjustified arrogance. I noticed him approaching the counter just as I was taking the first sip of my extra hot coffee.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7tZQsf4RfI
'A piece of toast thanks.' He orders.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4PLZogHY9
'...just toast?' God her voice sounds so soft I could sleep in it.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9tYdxSql2
'Yes. Just. Toast.' His, on the other hand, was so rough I could feel his vocal chords being sanded down as he spoke.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwrDusll3s
I watch Ellie as she slips the slice of bread into the toaster, the way her curved finger pushes down the lever. The way she drums her fingers nervously as she waits. Why nervously?1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ozzqu9aXt
ping!1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LO5okZZwK
'Here you are.' She doesn't look him in the eye as she hands over a plate with a single slice of toast. 'Your toast.'1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkR9YLQdLk
He doesn't touch it. 'No, Ellie, I've been thinking about those things you said to me - about how I'm too young, how I'm too, what, immature and irresponsible - and I've decided that no, you're toast.'1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl99GDPGadP
A question mark hangs in the air. 'Jonas, what do you mean?' She knows this ugly specimens?1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxb4U1li2J
'Look.' He picks up the toast, and in one gloved hand, crumbles it into dust that falls meekly onto the counter. 'That's what I'm going to do to you for breaking my heart.' He storms out of Gladys', and, angered by the look of upset on Ellie's pretty face, I make quick pursuit with my coffee in hand.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YFuISSXeZ
'Hey! Hey, you!' He stops and turns around at the sound of my call.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ289K6AsOSD
'What do you want?' He snarls.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Lia3SbsBV
'I want you to keep your dirty fingers off that girl!' I snap at him in a feeble attempt at intimidation.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXGWrOrhfT
'No no no. That's not how it works. A girl turns down the Jonas Jones on a date, they pay the price.' An infuriating sneer, one clearly tempting me to make a move - and that is an offer I'm not going to turn down. I put my extra hot coffee to better use and throw the entire thing into his face, spoon and all.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWgQC3mzOK
'AIEEEE! You're crazy, man!' His shocked eyes stare at me in disbelief, the attack having startled him enough to turn and flee. I watch as he rounds the corner and clambers onto his motorcycle - a painfully pink hunk of metal with the word Unicorn plastered on the side in blue and white.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8OoEM0ASA
Smooth.
This is the part where I try Robin Hood on my mother, an adventurous position to put myself in which involves feeling around the front of her dress.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQudzONyoBC
My obsession with dear Ellie grows, as does my need to see her happy, after the strange encounter with Jonas Jones. I brainstorm gift ideas - she seems awfully fond of the unconventional china bracelet.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt18fECogIW
My own mother happens to be quite the china connoisseur - her collection of bits and bobs all on display in an IKEA cabinet in her apartment.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJSglrUfMd
Now, my average job of tedium was never going to pay for such dainty things, nor, I suppose, will Ellie's, so I felt no moral wrongness in the notion of pulling a Robin Hood on my mum and donating some china pieces to someone who no doubt needs them more. Ahem.
The heist begins with inviting my mum one meter down the corridor to have a 'life chat' with me, a strange ritual which she usually enforces on me once a month. Five laxative pills dissolved into the hot chocolate I've made so lovingly for her.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40IoopfnM6
I bear through the grueling first few minutes of the talk in which she tells me to 'assess where I want to be in three years' but, much to my pleasure, the rant is prematurely interrupted by a rather rude anatomical sound which I won't indulge with a description.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnHBGW4Kn2
'Dear me!' She hobbles toward my bathroom, but I stop her -1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVoDyIRYXO
'The flush doesn't work.' I smile.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZhBUj7Mze
'Oh, dear, dear, dear!' She's hunched over, and she can't reach into the front pocket of her dress - in which lie her room keys.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmmMDWbpYb
'Would you like me to unlock your apartment for you?'1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNxVE0TcVI
'Please!'1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy40zKrIbrK
What happened next was unpleasant but necessary. Suffice to say, I retrieved the keys from their storage place, remarkably near my birth place.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAEW2S4dV3
The moment the door to her room was open, she hurried into the bathroom and locked the door - without thinking to show me out first.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4yw9kpVkb
I collect in a bag the nicest of her china collection - IKEA cabinets don't have much security. An assortment of cups and plates and animals, carefully picked to match the color scheme of Ellie's bracelet. Lovely.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAExWjupWp
I leave the keys on dear mother's bedside table, and quickly desert the premises. The unfortunate woman's bowel structure combined with the help I had given to her digestive system meant that she should be occupied for a while.
This is the part where I abandon my preconceptions of love, abandon my apartment, and abandon my sanity in general.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGRKbrRhlNi
I decided I would not return to the apartment. Mum would surely kill me, or worse. So instead, it being a Monday morning, I headed down to Gladys' with a bag going chinkle chinkle tied in red ribbon and a notetag with 'For Ellie' in my finest cursive. Which isn't very fine, mind you, but it's the thought that counts.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dfuzubi4d
Gladys' was not the most active of places, and it was not difficult to wait for a moment when no one was looking to place the bag on the counter.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmhLltPJKl
I sit, and wait, and watch. Could it be that this might win her heart?1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBaAxdR216
She sees the bag, looks around confusedly, and opens it there on the counter. She gasps, looks around confusedly again, and closes the bag before placing it on the shelf beside her.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenzdF6Jxut
I walk up to the counter.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAIyurt7cl
'The usual?' Angelic.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2860xDR5eY
'Not quite.' I say. In fact, I decide to abandon all of the usual. I wouldn't be showing up to work today, I wouldn't be doing anything of the sort I usually do.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2edXkxWGnX
Forget everything. This is the part where I say, I love you.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1L6cdj8Cr
I open my mouth, draw in a deep breath, and am promptly knocked unconscious by a delicate china coffee cup disagreeing with my temple. I'm not sure which one shattered first.
This is the part where I emerge victorious from a deathly battle against cute fluffy creatures.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFvdYqfMhq
'owwwww...' I rise from the floor with a grunt. Above me stands Jonas Jones, and his band of delinquents. I note the bag of china in his hands - the bloody nerve of him.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FrwsWSPXE
'If the JONAS JONES isn't good enough for someone, no one is!' He booms.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfy6pbNmZ6s
'Leave her out of this!' I protest, noticing Ellie cowering in the corner of the cafe, the few other people inside watching the course of events with an excited but strangely detached interest. 'Let's take this outside.'1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFhDyBXWhq
'Let's go, big boy.' He cracks his knuckles.
RABBIT. UNICORN. PUG. They stand by their named motorcycles, Jonas in the center. 'Rabbit' was a tall and scrawny pimply fellow, whereas 'Pug' was a much more rotund beast, but just as unattractive as the former. To be honest, I couldn't catch the resemblance between Jonas and a unicorn, though.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7q0OzPqwuk
'You boys are going to leave Ellie alone. And her gifts.' Upon feeling a twinge of pain, I quickly added 'And me.'1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDh5nwdG9wo
'Make us.' Rabbit pulls out a knife from his pocket.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvbUE5PzEV
'Now now, let's play fair - ' but my protest is cut off halfway through by a scream that made the windows of the cafe shake dangerously, threatening to shatter.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡic3aYFcToJ
'WHEEERE IIIIIIS MYYYY CHIIIIIIIIIINAAAAAAAAAAA?!?!?!'1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8XliJK3Za
I run into the shop, but the gang is stunned still - and I watch as my mother appears over the horizon, face inflamed red like a microwaving tomato ready to burst.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrRHljimW9
She looks at the bag in Jonas' hands.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIMorP8Aiq
Jonas looks down at the bag in his hands.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3f3rOVQ02b
Pug grabs the bag and hides it behind his back.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34g1aE4jtd
Mother morphs into her final form and unleashes her rage.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamppqWun2s
'AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!' I can't tell among the carnage who the sound is coming from, but I don't care - I turn around to face Ellie, and I grab her hands.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0FHirSS19
'Ellie.' I say, eyes staring into hers.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtZ5UhaTtp
'Yes?'1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5RvNQYFQn5
This is the part.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFECjLZY2dC
'I...'1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67fLYEFs8G
'Yes?'1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Gt5seV1PP
'Ellie, I luh. I lughhhh. I, I, I lughhhhhhhh - '1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79EPF2YBvB
'Oh, shut up.' She lunges forwards and places her lips on mine, and the people in the cafe cheer, drowning out the noise of the scene outside.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOskKGCh8Gt
And so it is, that my story ends here for you, and just begins for me, with an unexpected kiss and a declaration of love.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4T21MnkKFW
I even think that mother might approve.1262Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuPnaZorIg
This, my friend, is the part where you stop reading.
ns216.73.216.134da2
and then Add to home screen.