2163年10月9日,下午十一點,大眾媒體E區376Please respect copyright.PENANAoFLHiC6yt0
376Please respect copyright.PENANAuaJmXlDOo4
376Please respect copyright.PENANA3Ua9vdh1Re
入夜後,中田就睡著了,閒來無事的MIO跑去河邊,幸運的話,還能找到幾隻螢火蟲。NAGI坐在河岸,李博洋透過白色空間現身,走到NAGI旁邊。376Please respect copyright.PENANAm0OUxjhU9h
376Please respect copyright.PENANAuFDe3cguwA
「媽媽大人,您還好嗎?」376Please respect copyright.PENANAT7r0SrQ0U1
376Please respect copyright.PENANAAZzfyoHtdL
「嗯。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAxtWljGpefF
376Please respect copyright.PENANAsrE4BQ4P5P
看著在河邊的玩耍的MIO,NAGI沉默好一段時間。李博洋先開口:「無意冒犯,您今天也聽到了,我們沒剩多少時間。」376Please respect copyright.PENANA6LPMfnhZsi
376Please respect copyright.PENANANvUtuHxoJp
「我知道。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAXBzrWTZVll
376Please respect copyright.PENANAtsvGNEeYnu
NAGI又沉默。李博洋向她確認:「您和中田先生並不熟,是嗎?」376Please respect copyright.PENANAVWyN9EVU8W
376Please respect copyright.PENANAk98kL9F4Ay
「不熟。」NAGI表示:「我們小學同班,高中也同校,但我們不是朋友,只是會打招呼的關係。」376Please respect copyright.PENANA3RCXi9tpRx
376Please respect copyright.PENANAuHEN26nOTM
「原來如此,『習慣卻不重要』,總會有這種人。」李博洋回想,「但中田先生不這麼想,他始終記著您。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAUuwo1UAlro
376Please respect copyright.PENANAL2kSbfOkyv
「罪惡感。」NAGI解釋:「中田知道我被霸凌,但他不敢幫我。用你弟弟的話講,『沒有救中村』,是中田的恐懼。」376Please respect copyright.PENANALZalXt8ItW
376Please respect copyright.PENANApIKemsTxwv
明明不熟,卻連得到阿茲海默症,中田都惦記這件事,NAGI其實很訝異。376Please respect copyright.PENANAFk0dQUgCGu
376Please respect copyright.PENANArxr43rTzTN
「媽媽大人,您恨中田先生嗎?」李博洋好奇問。376Please respect copyright.PENANAsvauTlmTPu
376Please respect copyright.PENANARVlsQnjbcN
「呵,豈止他?」NAGI冷笑,「霸凌我的人、袖手旁觀的人、不關心我的醫生、說我集點卡過期的店員……人的處境越糟,越難感受世界的善意,當時的我就是那樣,什麼人都恨。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAqhHAFHqROK
376Please respect copyright.PENANAonbyaHpwke
「現在呢?」李博洋再問:「遇見中田先生這麼多天,您還恨他嗎?」376Please respect copyright.PENANAUtsINwPM8b
376Please respect copyright.PENANAqYaMj7OHDY
NAGI搖頭,「如果我恨中田,他早就死了,不可能活到現在。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAYKcGbxlOBF
376Please respect copyright.PENANA70hahKvm7f
另一邊,MIO發現一隻螢火蟲,開心地在河邊跑來跑去。NAGI聽見女兒的笑聲,面具下的嘴角忍不住上揚,會心一笑。376Please respect copyright.PENANAtSeW2jGnqQ
376Please respect copyright.PENANAJRC3xSyVAR
「我以前常想:旁觀者有沒有錯?他們該不該死?直到我懷了彌亞。瘋帽說時間沖淡一切,確實,各式各樣的人會隨時間降臨。我忙著照顧彌亞、應付夏悠,然後就被李仲翔殺了。這麼多年,我找不回對中田的恨。旁觀者有沒有錯,現在也覺得不重要了。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAWFFId0Nz5Q
376Please respect copyright.PENANAp2PLWybTTo
NAGI思索,下定決心。376Please respect copyright.PENANAmuBloSYDRF
376Please respect copyright.PENANA00zRESMxX4
「明天吧,我親自來。」她告訴李博洋。376Please respect copyright.PENANA9KwAURfskh
376Please respect copyright.PENANAPlS75BnM1B
「好的。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAYvSHwe0YF9
376Please respect copyright.PENANAh3tFNbTfmI
語畢,李博洋和MIO招手,並將MIO送入白色空間。清晨時,中田沒看到MIO,只有李博洋坐在客廳,用NAGI教的方法泡茶。明明步驟一樣,李博洋的茶就是比MIO好喝,不知道為什麼。376Please respect copyright.PENANAhRlPRTl95l
376Please respect copyright.PENANAfwhPBa8VL2
「中村?」中田很慌張,左右張望地問:「中村呢?」376Please respect copyright.PENANAUq2de213dP
376Please respect copyright.PENANATfs0UsJD2t
「死了。」李博洋親切一笑,用標準的日語說:「很遺憾,中田先生,中村很久以前就死了。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAc6tGHoCieR
376Please respect copyright.PENANAacRXqHGQRt
在中田的世界,會說日語的都不是壞人。他問李博洋:「你是誰?小偷先生?」376Please respect copyright.PENANAy4csjWcYoR
376Please respect copyright.PENANAhfFRdsbkft
「不,是和尚。」李博洋回答:「可以和中村說話的和尚先生。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAKzBWpRYEbz
376Please respect copyright.PENANAX3VJXuCSTf
李博洋跪坐的姿勢相當端正,將泡好的茶放在面前,問他:「中田先生,你想見中村嗎?」376Please respect copyright.PENANA4Aq646v5Bq
376Please respect copyright.PENANA5HSXiMQzSK
「是,中田想見中村。」中田跪下,聲音聽起來很難過,「可是和尚先生剛剛說,中村早就死了。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAapzA4AVfzB
376Please respect copyright.PENANAYROEYwrbP4
「我可以幫你,中田先生。」376Please respect copyright.PENANA7AFSKvVhwk
376Please respect copyright.PENANAAPtJhwSdTi
李博洋舉起其中一杯茶,拿到中田面前。376Please respect copyright.PENANANJBhBIRDH3
376Please respect copyright.PENANAkbjx0LMo5C
「前提是,你必須用剩下的壽命跟我交換。」李博洋說。376Please respect copyright.PENANAPPyMNg6HPh
376Please respect copyright.PENANAqva3tzuGdu
「交換?」中田聽不懂。376Please respect copyright.PENANAJkS2VExyor
376Please respect copyright.PENANA47YU6MeAkF
「中田先生可以見中村。」李博洋慢慢眨眼,用無關緊要的聲音說:「見完中村,中田先生會立刻死噢,這樣可以嗎?」376Please respect copyright.PENANAwDYWEQ4mwd
376Please respect copyright.PENANA4g8HOLsKN2
「……。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAG6wkINc7Og
376Please respect copyright.PENANAfuBeH336dU
中田的腦子不好,李博洋不知道他怎麼想,也不知道中田的沉默代表什麼。中田正在思考,用他壞掉的腦子思考,思考要不要見中村,以及自己要不要死。中村和自己哪個重要,中田想了想,回答:376Please respect copyright.PENANATmDqHJvzaq
376Please respect copyright.PENANAutp2xbQJg9
「中田明白了,反正中田活得夠久了。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAl5b68jHGDq
376Please respect copyright.PENANAIfkMUEJ2c3
思考完,中田接過李博洋的茶,喝了一口。376Please respect copyright.PENANAiU8OEDDcj9
376Please respect copyright.PENANANYy7glApIH
「好好喝。」看著杯子裡的茶梗,中田稱讚:「和尚先生很會泡茶,跟中村泡的不一樣。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAqjmr7T1kyt
376Please respect copyright.PENANAELwiGCUxMl
376Please respect copyright.PENANAoTNnKobSH4
「哪裡不一樣?」376Please respect copyright.PENANAHhqiAK6WYz
376Please respect copyright.PENANAkLuy3LtpZ7
376Please respect copyright.PENANA6e033PGO3c
回答的人不是李博洋,是中田認得的聲音。他猛地抬頭,發現和尚先生不見了,變成一名女學生。376Please respect copyright.PENANA9X0FlKLoV9
376Please respect copyright.PENANA6cf9T4xUl6
「啊……!」376Please respect copyright.PENANAyuUldKxr1X
376Please respect copyright.PENANAfzxtfXPGBS
戴著能面面具、穿著黑色制服的少女坐在面前,領巾和中田記憶中一樣,都是紅色。376Please respect copyright.PENANAZGo3BHlZUL
376Please respect copyright.PENANAQ2h5R3JMTM
「你上次喝我的茶,是小學吧?」376Please respect copyright.PENANAvp12WldOID
376Please respect copyright.PENANApUR1AxodGv
NAGI一邊說,一邊摘下面具,露出那張平凡、實在稱不上好看的臉。376Please respect copyright.PENANACN7UboSBw4
376Please respect copyright.PENANAkzfmKGiKcy
「校外教學,我們被分在同一組,午餐也是一起吃。」NAGI聳肩,「確實,那時候的茶並不好喝,但那是很久以前。我早就會泡茶,是你不知道。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAariIdeXNFK
376Please respect copyright.PENANAKbaHTEGalz
那一刻,NAGI的眼睛直視中田,中田全身顫抖,手裡的杯子掉到地上,茶水滲入老舊的榻榻米。376Please respect copyright.PENANAafmJOYd8tm
376Please respect copyright.PENANAVy6JK5QwnG
「中村……!」376Please respect copyright.PENANAQWJip7ilVK
376Please respect copyright.PENANANRZy27kvty
中田摀著臉,上半身趴到地上,跪著向NAGI道歉,崩潰大哭。376Please respect copyright.PENANAi7BMsZaKPu
376Please respect copyright.PENANA1bUYeuEukb
376Please respect copyright.PENANAVCqjy5DfZe
「對不起……對不起……!」376Please respect copyright.PENANAi75GAgYKFS
376Please respect copyright.PENANAjg6boSoMXU
「中田明明有看到……看到那些人欺負中村,聽到中村在廁所叫,可是中田怕被打,他們威脅中田不准說……!」376Please respect copyright.PENANA4ntxEQK7Dr
376Please respect copyright.PENANATX5IUg6ef4
376Please respect copyright.PENANAoyqFbp6kt0
一百多歲的老人,此時卻哭得像三歲小孩。中田抱著頭,眼淚和剛剛的茶水一起,滲入榻榻米的縫隙。376Please respect copyright.PENANA66JR7E5YiU
376Please respect copyright.PENANASVOI79YE6p
「對不起,如果中田再勇敢一點就好了,都是中田的錯……對不起,中村對不起,對不起……!」376Please respect copyright.PENANAtMJgqZwMXI
376Please respect copyright.PENANAMJuC2Qj3bO
那一刻,老人彷彿變回黑色制服、繫著藍色領帶的少年,破舊的小屋也像回到過去,NAGI和中田坐在教室,兩張椅子面對面,中間隔著一張桌子。376Please respect copyright.PENANAZurPae6WYA
376Please respect copyright.PENANA0VbpNF4uL8
「……。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAKVBsQ06Ld2
376Please respect copyright.PENANAndIwn5J5Jw
NAGI嘆了口氣。376Please respect copyright.PENANAlRwFyMLMIY
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好長,好長的一口氣。376Please respect copyright.PENANAsOVujTk1qh
376Please respect copyright.PENANAoxwTJe2glQ
她不接受中田的道歉,反而跟他說:「謝謝你。」376Please respect copyright.PENANA6jvtSANr3U
376Please respect copyright.PENANAQokOfu6UMa
「……?」376Please respect copyright.PENANA2i4BOJXmLu
376Please respect copyright.PENANA3bZrNi6Saw
「謝謝你記得中村凪,不是『假海龜』。」NAGI垂下眼簾,「除了白さん,竟然還有人記得我……如果被所有人遺忘,我現在不會在這,以這種方式存在。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAfHSZSDwPij
376Please respect copyright.PENANAjc4BE4ZKbL
注射水果塔前,NAGI的生活一蹋糊塗,就像地獄,直到她成為假海龜,還有死亡……沒錯,聽起來荒謬,死後的她反而比生前幸福。如果沒有白絃、沒有仙境,她看不到MIO追逐螢火蟲的背影,沒辦法教李博洋泡茶,遑論坐在這裡、與中田談話。376Please respect copyright.PENANAsGIOZwNaiu
376Please respect copyright.PENANAG5S9f9xi0o
「抱著遺憾死去……我們的交情不值得,讓你承受這種痛苦。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAMqXUiuIFZD
376Please respect copyright.PENANAIStI3JCC3a
他們不熟,始終有張桌子隔在中間,中田永遠碰不到中村,彷彿兩條靠得很近,卻沒有交錯的平行線。376Please respect copyright.PENANAE0BTgkwTE4
376Please respect copyright.PENANAnmMPPwbHyS
376Please respect copyright.PENANA8f1Iu1SVDx
「中田,你不用道歉,也不必後悔。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAA5cNqC3LOJ
376Please respect copyright.PENANAVeWgpsr3Nv
「我的人生沒有你的位置,我在你的人生也不重要。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAT0ICkG0a9o
376Please respect copyright.PENANAVAhbER6c65
376Please respect copyright.PENANAfTWB6SBwoT
中田不曾幫過她、傷害她。376Please respect copyright.PENANAQK7LHwqBI4
376Please respect copyright.PENANAiAq9HORkyx
中村的生命,根本沒有中田的痕跡。376Please respect copyright.PENANAX5nf4HW7sh
376Please respect copyright.PENANAync5cENN77
376Please respect copyright.PENANAl5AZszNlc2
「幫我、救我,都不是你該做的事,你不需要為沒做過的事道歉。如果你還是放不下,那……」NAGI停頓,「道歉也無妨,中田。我原諒你,也不恨你,你沒有做錯任何事。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAJG5EKI0noB
376Please respect copyright.PENANA881wlNyVho
「……。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAzKrPmryGAE
376Please respect copyright.PENANAjLBZ4aZJTu
為什麼中村的外表沒變?死去的人為什麼能說話?剛才的和尚、昨天和自己吃飯的女孩是誰?這些複雜的問題,中田都不清楚。376Please respect copyright.PENANA7PT7MFJGmc
376Please respect copyright.PENANAxeCtor8Mxa
然而,這個中村──眼前的中村說,她不恨中田,沒有生中田的氣。這些話發自真心,還是純粹安慰,中田的腦袋不好,聽不出來,但不重要。就算眼前的中村是假的,也沒關係。376Please respect copyright.PENANAzhb8O9o2Ch
376Please respect copyright.PENANAPmHk0wZDYq
「……謝謝妳。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAq60lYclIVr
376Please respect copyright.PENANATuE2JHcpQ4
376Please respect copyright.PENANAv0AtwmWYmR
活過百年,中田只缺一個答案。376Please respect copyright.PENANAs3qklNcJVx
376Please respect copyright.PENANACPXXT4KaVV
如今,中村給了他答案。中田總算能閉上眼睛,安心睡去。376Please respect copyright.PENANA0ums69dSYL
376Please respect copyright.PENANAcrGUwdnCdE
376Please respect copyright.PENANAGa7vM5f1mk
「中村,謝謝妳……」376Please respect copyright.PENANA6o82KtSYHc
376Please respect copyright.PENANAVGUhUu2zIE
「不客氣。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAmDw2KnpgpL
376Please respect copyright.PENANAYGnueG3iAB
NAGI伸手,讓中田身後的死神,將他的蠟燭吹熄。376Please respect copyright.PENANAdKV3v4jOaw
376Please respect copyright.PENANAW4GDaZi9ea
「晚安,中田。」376Please respect copyright.PENANARcgr5ChRiB
376Please respect copyright.PENANAyDDUrDECru
語畢,NAGI戴上面具、拾起她的三日月,變回第一代水果塔「假海龜」。李博洋牽著MIO出現,MIO走到NAGI旁邊,關心問:「媽媽,妳還好嗎?」376Please respect copyright.PENANAhS18l4VlvO
376Please respect copyright.PENANAWTchNVwywj
「嗯。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAhWTm43zLlb
376Please respect copyright.PENANA65FzdDRScA
NAGI轉身,順手摸了摸MIO的頭,並叮囑李博洋:「暫時別叫我出來,我想一個人靜靜。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAgYOw2qKCoJ
376Please respect copyright.PENANAzsmxhYY101
「好的。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAfD9fl7WSmD
376Please respect copyright.PENANARKcQUUlNUm
語畢,NAGI化為黑霧消失。MIO走到死去的中田旁,看著中田平靜、彷彿只是睡著的臉。MIO伸手,把中田翻回正面,讓中田好好躺著,睡得更安穩。376Please respect copyright.PENANAKlD4FWaObF
376Please respect copyright.PENANApDYLW13NDq
「MIO還是MIA時,很喜歡伊藤潤二的動畫。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAfqbSAvnmlO
376Please respect copyright.PENANAoCKeTWPezl
窗外的風吹進來。MIO說話的對象不是李博洋,是山上的神明。376Please respect copyright.PENANAsawRH3I129
376Please respect copyright.PENANAsUdKRvhgkt
「有一集的名字,叫做〈緩慢的告別〉,裡面的家族會在喪禮上,大家一起想念死者,用強大的念力想著他,留下死者的殘像。死掉的人不會馬上離開,還能和活著的人說話、吃飯。時間久了、大家都不難過了,死掉的人才會消失。」376Please respect copyright.PENANALmRLWvgvhI
376Please respect copyright.PENANAG20bkHj5HO
MIO微笑,清澈的眼神看向窗外,跟祂說:376Please respect copyright.PENANAz8cjXw3rMz
376Please respect copyright.PENANAYAIBO5NqUz
376Please respect copyright.PENANAs4G8EekqcU
「你不覺得,這跟羅琳娜很像嗎?」376Please respect copyright.PENANAYFNVzZet6w
376Please respect copyright.PENANAN0wku5IQGZ
「羅琳娜創造仙境,因為她不知道怎麼告別,還有很多想說的話。她需要很多、很多時間,才能接受大家的死。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAxvIx5zbFrn
376Please respect copyright.PENANA12Z7ylDJZb
376Please respect copyright.PENANAz3MZpB5uhv
李博洋安靜地坐在旁邊,聽MIO和別人說話。376Please respect copyright.PENANAVatkagx2De
376Please respect copyright.PENANAL1Au8iVewr
376Please respect copyright.PENANAjDhhSKRD2u
「所以,羅琳娜不是壞人喔。」376Please respect copyright.PENANAOqDKKRNmGc
376Please respect copyright.PENANAIaPeQmt5VZ
「仙境帶給很多人痛苦,但是,仙境也幫了很多人,把後悔變成不後悔,遺憾變成不遺憾。」376Please respect copyright.PENANA8rL6MPkaFP
376Please respect copyright.PENANACXRAzZX3DC
「羅琳娜只是笨笨的。因為是羅琳娜,所以做什麼都不對。」376Please respect copyright.PENANA1yVd20qwgI
376Please respect copyright.PENANAT74MljHX9t
376Please respect copyright.PENANAV3XTgZQt4K
又有風吹進來。MIO開心笑著,聽懂祂的回應,精神飽滿地說:「謝謝祢,MIO也會加油的!」376Please respect copyright.PENANAi6omeRrjbL
376Please respect copyright.PENANAZmzrdpgvfT
語畢,MIO跑回李博洋身邊,抬起頭說:「博洋,拿完晶片,要把中田送回來喔!這裡的神明很喜歡他,會一直保護中田的!」376Please respect copyright.PENANAzNNJ3HbfjO
376Please respect copyright.PENANA8weXIwVczJ
「了解。」李博洋牽住她的手,「回家吧。交差完,我們去吃飯。」376Please respect copyright.PENANANNHKmPEOzo
376Please respect copyright.PENANAEacpbpMayq
「耶!MIO要吃咖哩!很多很多咖哩!」376Please respect copyright.PENANA1C32jqttL4
376Please respect copyright.PENANAVioY7H9B1S
說著,李博洋、MIO,以及躺在地上的中田,都被帶到白色空間。安靜的深山,空無一人的神社,紅色的風車轉啊轉、轉啊轉,鈴鐺被風吹起。376Please respect copyright.PENANAI7Imvv7nFs
376Please respect copyright.PENANAEPwahzX5Kw
叮鈴叮鈴,叮鈴叮鈴。376Please respect copyright.PENANAKSkBCfUqqL
376Please respect copyright.PENANAoinhjNiWiu
譜成輓歌,像一首安眠曲。376Please respect copyright.PENANAKtIrnneTvi
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神與畜
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神與畜
Author:
阿曦 A-Xi

ISSUE #196
解離性身份疾患19
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