2163年10月9日,下午十一點,大眾媒體E區617Please respect copyright.PENANAVKIBJDINGO
617Please respect copyright.PENANA4AzerrY4uu
617Please respect copyright.PENANAmz7DNYCLpT
入夜後,中田就睡著了,閒來無事的MIO跑去河邊,幸運的話,還能找到幾隻螢火蟲。NAGI坐在河岸,李博洋透過白色空間現身,走到NAGI旁邊。617Please respect copyright.PENANAPPkAyUyvvo
617Please respect copyright.PENANAak7I4kNhje
「媽媽大人,您還好嗎?」617Please respect copyright.PENANATo3tBXqdT1
617Please respect copyright.PENANAZdfvo4NYnG
「嗯。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAfv8AdcUxmF
617Please respect copyright.PENANAGmwzPAPJTS
看著在河邊的玩耍的MIO,NAGI沉默好一段時間。李博洋先開口:「無意冒犯,您今天也聽到了,我們沒剩多少時間。」617Please respect copyright.PENANA2d3Iqlcmf7
617Please respect copyright.PENANAx8qZMT3r7i
「我知道。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAmoP1Af3oH9
617Please respect copyright.PENANAt2Wqr9ysji
NAGI又沉默。李博洋向她確認:「您和中田先生並不熟,是嗎?」617Please respect copyright.PENANAl084Nmnzoi
617Please respect copyright.PENANAjNbM0sWQcq
「不熟。」NAGI表示:「我們小學同班,高中也同校,但我們不是朋友,只是會打招呼的關係。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAMk5Fh4cJIQ
617Please respect copyright.PENANA7A2u2IudT0
「原來如此,『習慣卻不重要』,總會有這種人。」李博洋回想,「但中田先生不這麼想,他始終記著您。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAGEQ3UJeg01
617Please respect copyright.PENANALz3xaY9LaG
「罪惡感。」NAGI解釋:「中田知道我被霸凌,但他不敢幫我。用你弟弟的話講,『沒有救中村』,是中田的恐懼。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAzNMvvUfmrm
617Please respect copyright.PENANAe3Ne2PAUN6
明明不熟,卻連得到阿茲海默症,中田都惦記這件事,NAGI其實很訝異。617Please respect copyright.PENANA6VqShjHQta
617Please respect copyright.PENANAJB9RVykzru
「媽媽大人,您恨中田先生嗎?」李博洋好奇問。617Please respect copyright.PENANAgu9MAUNZNN
617Please respect copyright.PENANAhmu8Orwbsb
「呵,豈止他?」NAGI冷笑,「霸凌我的人、袖手旁觀的人、不關心我的醫生、說我集點卡過期的店員……人的處境越糟,越難感受世界的善意,當時的我就是那樣,什麼人都恨。」617Please respect copyright.PENANATxbgjmWvNX
617Please respect copyright.PENANARflWfR8ItX
「現在呢?」李博洋再問:「遇見中田先生這麼多天,您還恨他嗎?」617Please respect copyright.PENANADf8f4w0xPx
617Please respect copyright.PENANAUojCwESWoQ
NAGI搖頭,「如果我恨中田,他早就死了,不可能活到現在。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAFScNIxrMHg
617Please respect copyright.PENANAEyhZrpB8YZ
另一邊,MIO發現一隻螢火蟲,開心地在河邊跑來跑去。NAGI聽見女兒的笑聲,面具下的嘴角忍不住上揚,會心一笑。617Please respect copyright.PENANABIf0eQT4Jy
617Please respect copyright.PENANAV0B5SfDfAG
「我以前常想:旁觀者有沒有錯?他們該不該死?直到我懷了彌亞。瘋帽說時間沖淡一切,確實,各式各樣的人會隨時間降臨。我忙著照顧彌亞、應付夏悠,然後就被李仲翔殺了。這麼多年,我找不回對中田的恨。旁觀者有沒有錯,現在也覺得不重要了。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAeSsm0cf5ET
617Please respect copyright.PENANA8HfXOHLHUn
NAGI思索,下定決心。617Please respect copyright.PENANAVT7BaeoOCi
617Please respect copyright.PENANAbK1FBcXh1C
「明天吧,我親自來。」她告訴李博洋。617Please respect copyright.PENANAqICxDoJocf
617Please respect copyright.PENANAWvw24waeXH
「好的。」617Please respect copyright.PENANA2RaFBPCb2J
617Please respect copyright.PENANAgMq13dsiyW
語畢,李博洋和MIO招手,並將MIO送入白色空間。清晨時,中田沒看到MIO,只有李博洋坐在客廳,用NAGI教的方法泡茶。明明步驟一樣,李博洋的茶就是比MIO好喝,不知道為什麼。617Please respect copyright.PENANABP3qDgaRM1
617Please respect copyright.PENANA7ywyBAdPdE
「中村?」中田很慌張,左右張望地問:「中村呢?」617Please respect copyright.PENANAqMnqAhbucD
617Please respect copyright.PENANA5CQwMLL09P
「死了。」李博洋親切一笑,用標準的日語說:「很遺憾,中田先生,中村很久以前就死了。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAYtyppOhH8z
617Please respect copyright.PENANACBHMfE1ECh
在中田的世界,會說日語的都不是壞人。他問李博洋:「你是誰?小偷先生?」617Please respect copyright.PENANAebVKccOoGX
617Please respect copyright.PENANAJWZMzPl9De
「不,是和尚。」李博洋回答:「可以和中村說話的和尚先生。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAZA8o4sUs9x
617Please respect copyright.PENANA7hRgAj2pw3
李博洋跪坐的姿勢相當端正,將泡好的茶放在面前,問他:「中田先生,你想見中村嗎?」617Please respect copyright.PENANA4UBuy0LM4a
617Please respect copyright.PENANACOuZ6e5tiC
「是,中田想見中村。」中田跪下,聲音聽起來很難過,「可是和尚先生剛剛說,中村早就死了。」617Please respect copyright.PENANANY5BzADGNX
617Please respect copyright.PENANAJfFwS6StbV
「我可以幫你,中田先生。」617Please respect copyright.PENANADvd8meGzT8
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李博洋舉起其中一杯茶,拿到中田面前。617Please respect copyright.PENANAXzxuhzjkpO
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「前提是,你必須用剩下的壽命跟我交換。」李博洋說。617Please respect copyright.PENANAOst2tr4DBM
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「交換?」中田聽不懂。617Please respect copyright.PENANAw29SzJ5KSB
617Please respect copyright.PENANAzCjnsgu1lF
「中田先生可以見中村。」李博洋慢慢眨眼,用無關緊要的聲音說:「見完中村,中田先生會立刻死噢,這樣可以嗎?」617Please respect copyright.PENANALLVL4NDReT
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「……。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAlJXzOtL81y
617Please respect copyright.PENANA9WqCPKy18n
中田的腦子不好,李博洋不知道他怎麼想,也不知道中田的沉默代表什麼。中田正在思考,用他壞掉的腦子思考,思考要不要見中村,以及自己要不要死。中村和自己哪個重要,中田想了想,回答:617Please respect copyright.PENANAeHxUwNWJ3n
617Please respect copyright.PENANAB2zoiQ1y71
「中田明白了,反正中田活得夠久了。」617Please respect copyright.PENANA29zKrCEJRr
617Please respect copyright.PENANAZqHjRKCVYQ
思考完,中田接過李博洋的茶,喝了一口。617Please respect copyright.PENANAzYdYPW9JKf
617Please respect copyright.PENANAJda9CGMXlq
「好好喝。」看著杯子裡的茶梗,中田稱讚:「和尚先生很會泡茶,跟中村泡的不一樣。」617Please respect copyright.PENANA1C9jMl2zda
617Please respect copyright.PENANAWVE1eXA6zN
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「哪裡不一樣?」617Please respect copyright.PENANAN4sN4f2mnU
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回答的人不是李博洋,是中田認得的聲音。他猛地抬頭,發現和尚先生不見了,變成一名女學生。617Please respect copyright.PENANAkcmuUdErn0
617Please respect copyright.PENANA2hQpKE4M1C
「啊……!」617Please respect copyright.PENANAmsKe60UIKF
617Please respect copyright.PENANAm7PtuRXvHU
戴著能面面具、穿著黑色制服的少女坐在面前,領巾和中田記憶中一樣,都是紅色。617Please respect copyright.PENANAApb12xXtMn
617Please respect copyright.PENANAKJpKluCtoD
「你上次喝我的茶,是小學吧?」617Please respect copyright.PENANAuPI5lFWPPI
617Please respect copyright.PENANAEvOn8Mp21e
NAGI一邊說,一邊摘下面具,露出那張平凡、實在稱不上好看的臉。617Please respect copyright.PENANAwLb2cTTs96
617Please respect copyright.PENANAn5TC2rt7tg
「校外教學,我們被分在同一組,午餐也是一起吃。」NAGI聳肩,「確實,那時候的茶並不好喝,但那是很久以前。我早就會泡茶,是你不知道。」617Please respect copyright.PENANATUTYMS5TWu
617Please respect copyright.PENANA52e9elDcrV
那一刻,NAGI的眼睛直視中田,中田全身顫抖,手裡的杯子掉到地上,茶水滲入老舊的榻榻米。617Please respect copyright.PENANApoe8Ua1UJa
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「中村……!」617Please respect copyright.PENANANQrbNxFkdB
617Please respect copyright.PENANAY7FgqdlRuQ
中田摀著臉,上半身趴到地上,跪著向NAGI道歉,崩潰大哭。617Please respect copyright.PENANABZFKD9sbZL
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「對不起……對不起……!」617Please respect copyright.PENANAPvuw4lANhQ
617Please respect copyright.PENANAFhsuypGwOy
「中田明明有看到……看到那些人欺負中村,聽到中村在廁所叫,可是中田怕被打,他們威脅中田不准說……!」617Please respect copyright.PENANAlHzXYdHscx
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一百多歲的老人,此時卻哭得像三歲小孩。中田抱著頭,眼淚和剛剛的茶水一起,滲入榻榻米的縫隙。617Please respect copyright.PENANA1LXWNnQLe6
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「對不起,如果中田再勇敢一點就好了,都是中田的錯……對不起,中村對不起,對不起……!」617Please respect copyright.PENANARZ7n0IZxdw
617Please respect copyright.PENANABohr69B8YL
那一刻,老人彷彿變回黑色制服、繫著藍色領帶的少年,破舊的小屋也像回到過去,NAGI和中田坐在教室,兩張椅子面對面,中間隔著一張桌子。617Please respect copyright.PENANA2KnqWiPcIx
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「……。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAn47Z0iI11X
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NAGI嘆了口氣。617Please respect copyright.PENANARYXYcEZRMr
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好長,好長的一口氣。617Please respect copyright.PENANAbWixUUKnv8
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她不接受中田的道歉,反而跟他說:「謝謝你。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAh9zJAjyroE
617Please respect copyright.PENANAvt9P8FmOvJ
「……?」617Please respect copyright.PENANAivgo0aZrua
617Please respect copyright.PENANA3bOMSmTZJY
「謝謝你記得中村凪,不是『假海龜』。」NAGI垂下眼簾,「除了白さん,竟然還有人記得我……如果被所有人遺忘,我現在不會在這,以這種方式存在。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAbn7TQ5k6Uh
617Please respect copyright.PENANAxvMIQlzWwK
注射水果塔前,NAGI的生活一蹋糊塗,就像地獄,直到她成為假海龜,還有死亡……沒錯,聽起來荒謬,死後的她反而比生前幸福。如果沒有白絃、沒有仙境,她看不到MIO追逐螢火蟲的背影,沒辦法教李博洋泡茶,遑論坐在這裡、與中田談話。617Please respect copyright.PENANAGT7H5XGFXx
617Please respect copyright.PENANARUCnLRXhWj
「抱著遺憾死去……我們的交情不值得,讓你承受這種痛苦。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAaGMUdmo6Xz
617Please respect copyright.PENANAJ31tagHGRV
他們不熟,始終有張桌子隔在中間,中田永遠碰不到中村,彷彿兩條靠得很近,卻沒有交錯的平行線。617Please respect copyright.PENANAKm2dnMqALp
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「中田,你不用道歉,也不必後悔。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAWCs7UG7dSs
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「我的人生沒有你的位置,我在你的人生也不重要。」617Please respect copyright.PENANA3QdPjHEyiU
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中田不曾幫過她、傷害她。617Please respect copyright.PENANAzSc0VOKapH
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中村的生命,根本沒有中田的痕跡。617Please respect copyright.PENANAUHZ89Pz6J3
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「幫我、救我,都不是你該做的事,你不需要為沒做過的事道歉。如果你還是放不下,那……」NAGI停頓,「道歉也無妨,中田。我原諒你,也不恨你,你沒有做錯任何事。」617Please respect copyright.PENANA0YxcBzGRSY
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「……。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAaIfpSyip9l
617Please respect copyright.PENANAWOOoQrbZDU
為什麼中村的外表沒變?死去的人為什麼能說話?剛才的和尚、昨天和自己吃飯的女孩是誰?這些複雜的問題,中田都不清楚。617Please respect copyright.PENANAjkBswh31Qx
617Please respect copyright.PENANA3cYw87wAjY
然而,這個中村──眼前的中村說,她不恨中田,沒有生中田的氣。這些話發自真心,還是純粹安慰,中田的腦袋不好,聽不出來,但不重要。就算眼前的中村是假的,也沒關係。617Please respect copyright.PENANAwGnAEjWlz9
617Please respect copyright.PENANASTzx6pgijE
「……謝謝妳。」617Please respect copyright.PENANA3uvcTS49df
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活過百年,中田只缺一個答案。617Please respect copyright.PENANAihqdeUY65c
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如今,中村給了他答案。中田總算能閉上眼睛,安心睡去。617Please respect copyright.PENANAzPbqDGOVVJ
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「中村,謝謝妳……」617Please respect copyright.PENANAQSQECdsMNx
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「不客氣。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAyHG82uqFbP
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NAGI伸手,讓中田身後的死神,將他的蠟燭吹熄。617Please respect copyright.PENANAn2LpVg1LQv
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「晚安,中田。」617Please respect copyright.PENANA2xf3qLB9yW
617Please respect copyright.PENANA545QYWIVBc
語畢,NAGI戴上面具、拾起她的三日月,變回第一代水果塔「假海龜」。李博洋牽著MIO出現,MIO走到NAGI旁邊,關心問:「媽媽,妳還好嗎?」617Please respect copyright.PENANA16JitSI6T1
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「嗯。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAPsNDxrCo35
617Please respect copyright.PENANAhkQFncvgaa
NAGI轉身,順手摸了摸MIO的頭,並叮囑李博洋:「暫時別叫我出來,我想一個人靜靜。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAy9y5yIp8jM
617Please respect copyright.PENANAXo32skDJ9Q
「好的。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAI5t1Th7vmy
617Please respect copyright.PENANAu5C97RI8Iu
語畢,NAGI化為黑霧消失。MIO走到死去的中田旁,看著中田平靜、彷彿只是睡著的臉。MIO伸手,把中田翻回正面,讓中田好好躺著,睡得更安穩。617Please respect copyright.PENANA82CR4L3G5v
617Please respect copyright.PENANAXd9h8UZ6Vf
「MIO還是MIA時,很喜歡伊藤潤二的動畫。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAPHktGRNr2U
617Please respect copyright.PENANAfQBwLZ2fd8
窗外的風吹進來。MIO說話的對象不是李博洋,是山上的神明。617Please respect copyright.PENANAu8x79EksOB
617Please respect copyright.PENANA7KgtTKbmAX
「有一集的名字,叫做〈緩慢的告別〉,裡面的家族會在喪禮上,大家一起想念死者,用強大的念力想著他,留下死者的殘像。死掉的人不會馬上離開,還能和活著的人說話、吃飯。時間久了、大家都不難過了,死掉的人才會消失。」617Please respect copyright.PENANA7p8ZxZlpq9
617Please respect copyright.PENANAOw8bWlT0i1
MIO微笑,清澈的眼神看向窗外,跟祂說:617Please respect copyright.PENANAAaL2s6MUmY
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「你不覺得,這跟羅琳娜很像嗎?」617Please respect copyright.PENANAM29VYw35vc
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「羅琳娜創造仙境,因為她不知道怎麼告別,還有很多想說的話。她需要很多、很多時間,才能接受大家的死。」617Please respect copyright.PENANA8j0HEIV5xg
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李博洋安靜地坐在旁邊,聽MIO和別人說話。617Please respect copyright.PENANAdYuUF8CfqH
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「所以,羅琳娜不是壞人喔。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAXzmOpvXdwa
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「仙境帶給很多人痛苦,但是,仙境也幫了很多人,把後悔變成不後悔,遺憾變成不遺憾。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAwFuyac4qO3
617Please respect copyright.PENANAvfyBO34AjR
「羅琳娜只是笨笨的。因為是羅琳娜,所以做什麼都不對。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAp1zTonAeMr
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又有風吹進來。MIO開心笑著,聽懂祂的回應,精神飽滿地說:「謝謝祢,MIO也會加油的!」617Please respect copyright.PENANAxYu4L4sElJ
617Please respect copyright.PENANAibAFwrddLI
語畢,MIO跑回李博洋身邊,抬起頭說:「博洋,拿完晶片,要把中田送回來喔!這裡的神明很喜歡他,會一直保護中田的!」617Please respect copyright.PENANA7gUFFtZ0JH
617Please respect copyright.PENANA4lC9OxhWuI
「了解。」李博洋牽住她的手,「回家吧。交差完,我們去吃飯。」617Please respect copyright.PENANAfruSrV5AyQ
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「耶!MIO要吃咖哩!很多很多咖哩!」617Please respect copyright.PENANAnUyv5yhXbx
617Please respect copyright.PENANAFGrjzTOjeI
說著,李博洋、MIO,以及躺在地上的中田,都被帶到白色空間。安靜的深山,空無一人的神社,紅色的風車轉啊轉、轉啊轉,鈴鐺被風吹起。617Please respect copyright.PENANAXH6JcqCZFf
617Please respect copyright.PENANATnE4HvHxHx
叮鈴叮鈴,叮鈴叮鈴。617Please respect copyright.PENANAiE4yqMHkFN
617Please respect copyright.PENANA7vGUI8JMLE
譜成輓歌,像一首安眠曲。617Please respect copyright.PENANAhyaItSEoUo
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神與畜
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神與畜
Author:
阿曦 A-Xi
ISSUE #196
解離性身份疾患19
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