2163年10月9日,下午十一點,大眾媒體E區364Please respect copyright.PENANAfbeYy6YlzZ
364Please respect copyright.PENANAqM81k25QA5
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入夜後,中田就睡著了,閒來無事的MIO跑去河邊,幸運的話,還能找到幾隻螢火蟲。NAGI坐在河岸,李博洋透過白色空間現身,走到NAGI旁邊。364Please respect copyright.PENANATK5Uw9Mm4r
364Please respect copyright.PENANA7qyb6L0tsV
「媽媽大人,您還好嗎?」364Please respect copyright.PENANAP6PwQilZg7
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「嗯。」364Please respect copyright.PENANArWAJfB6tui
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看著在河邊的玩耍的MIO,NAGI沉默好一段時間。李博洋先開口:「無意冒犯,您今天也聽到了,我們沒剩多少時間。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAOaHXz45xWd
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「我知道。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAeZN0M9qzxD
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NAGI又沉默。李博洋向她確認:「您和中田先生並不熟,是嗎?」364Please respect copyright.PENANARol7KBDXZI
364Please respect copyright.PENANAsxkua5qtYO
「不熟。」NAGI表示:「我們小學同班,高中也同校,但我們不是朋友,只是會打招呼的關係。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAdOiLh8nUiO
364Please respect copyright.PENANA3SIqGNQfei
「原來如此,『習慣卻不重要』,總會有這種人。」李博洋回想,「但中田先生不這麼想,他始終記著您。」364Please respect copyright.PENANA272LBtp2SN
364Please respect copyright.PENANAXQsUwdmj8b
「罪惡感。」NAGI解釋:「中田知道我被霸凌,但他不敢幫我。用你弟弟的話講,『沒有救中村』,是中田的恐懼。」364Please respect copyright.PENANA8Au3qNq20M
364Please respect copyright.PENANA7lYJeX6a68
明明不熟,卻連得到阿茲海默症,中田都惦記這件事,NAGI其實很訝異。364Please respect copyright.PENANAhZt11sErdN
364Please respect copyright.PENANA26eWYXxUS4
「媽媽大人,您恨中田先生嗎?」李博洋好奇問。364Please respect copyright.PENANAzCO6svlJQK
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「呵,豈止他?」NAGI冷笑,「霸凌我的人、袖手旁觀的人、不關心我的醫生、說我集點卡過期的店員……人的處境越糟,越難感受世界的善意,當時的我就是那樣,什麼人都恨。」364Please respect copyright.PENANA5rNsvsqZ8Z
364Please respect copyright.PENANAemuY7ddKZz
「現在呢?」李博洋再問:「遇見中田先生這麼多天,您還恨他嗎?」364Please respect copyright.PENANA1dFR2Gj3et
364Please respect copyright.PENANApbhCds2cML
NAGI搖頭,「如果我恨中田,他早就死了,不可能活到現在。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAHIxxbI7Hep
364Please respect copyright.PENANAcIUlzlyDQu
另一邊,MIO發現一隻螢火蟲,開心地在河邊跑來跑去。NAGI聽見女兒的笑聲,面具下的嘴角忍不住上揚,會心一笑。364Please respect copyright.PENANArlDHwkthjG
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「我以前常想:旁觀者有沒有錯?他們該不該死?直到我懷了彌亞。瘋帽說時間沖淡一切,確實,各式各樣的人會隨時間降臨。我忙著照顧彌亞、應付夏悠,然後就被李仲翔殺了。這麼多年,我找不回對中田的恨。旁觀者有沒有錯,現在也覺得不重要了。」364Please respect copyright.PENANA19xp4M7Ex1
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NAGI思索,下定決心。364Please respect copyright.PENANAJaQEUArQJd
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「明天吧,我親自來。」她告訴李博洋。364Please respect copyright.PENANAO3w8YsEpVE
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「好的。」364Please respect copyright.PENANADEBx9sIKfh
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語畢,李博洋和MIO招手,並將MIO送入白色空間。清晨時,中田沒看到MIO,只有李博洋坐在客廳,用NAGI教的方法泡茶。明明步驟一樣,李博洋的茶就是比MIO好喝,不知道為什麼。364Please respect copyright.PENANA4cUtAytE0h
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「中村?」中田很慌張,左右張望地問:「中村呢?」364Please respect copyright.PENANAPlQXnJwf6F
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「死了。」李博洋親切一笑,用標準的日語說:「很遺憾,中田先生,中村很久以前就死了。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAvQdHvXWtmS
364Please respect copyright.PENANAqD7PfLvOJW
在中田的世界,會說日語的都不是壞人。他問李博洋:「你是誰?小偷先生?」364Please respect copyright.PENANAiTdq1WAG49
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「不,是和尚。」李博洋回答:「可以和中村說話的和尚先生。」364Please respect copyright.PENANA0KkxHtipKJ
364Please respect copyright.PENANAzgVetakarL
李博洋跪坐的姿勢相當端正,將泡好的茶放在面前,問他:「中田先生,你想見中村嗎?」364Please respect copyright.PENANAkQgYe8MgrC
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「是,中田想見中村。」中田跪下,聲音聽起來很難過,「可是和尚先生剛剛說,中村早就死了。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAHtb9VuPSCV
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「我可以幫你,中田先生。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAXpTwBnzobl
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李博洋舉起其中一杯茶,拿到中田面前。364Please respect copyright.PENANAr0B8dXLkJk
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「前提是,你必須用剩下的壽命跟我交換。」李博洋說。364Please respect copyright.PENANABthJOpFVEL
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「交換?」中田聽不懂。364Please respect copyright.PENANAC2wJCOWzWk
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「中田先生可以見中村。」李博洋慢慢眨眼,用無關緊要的聲音說:「見完中村,中田先生會立刻死噢,這樣可以嗎?」364Please respect copyright.PENANAAqxiyTpFkS
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「……。」364Please respect copyright.PENANA2tybU3mWmk
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中田的腦子不好,李博洋不知道他怎麼想,也不知道中田的沉默代表什麼。中田正在思考,用他壞掉的腦子思考,思考要不要見中村,以及自己要不要死。中村和自己哪個重要,中田想了想,回答:364Please respect copyright.PENANA9YmUMajh0x
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「中田明白了,反正中田活得夠久了。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAGh5VRqbocL
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思考完,中田接過李博洋的茶,喝了一口。364Please respect copyright.PENANAI36ypc0k8R
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「好好喝。」看著杯子裡的茶梗,中田稱讚:「和尚先生很會泡茶,跟中村泡的不一樣。」364Please respect copyright.PENANA6UXFpsmewf
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「哪裡不一樣?」364Please respect copyright.PENANAGnC8raicGh
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回答的人不是李博洋,是中田認得的聲音。他猛地抬頭,發現和尚先生不見了,變成一名女學生。364Please respect copyright.PENANA9I4yyXFAO0
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「啊……!」364Please respect copyright.PENANA49CN1yaCgh
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戴著能面面具、穿著黑色制服的少女坐在面前,領巾和中田記憶中一樣,都是紅色。364Please respect copyright.PENANAmyDBT2bHBg
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「你上次喝我的茶,是小學吧?」364Please respect copyright.PENANAo5fSFTFKs7
364Please respect copyright.PENANAoPNYk8pQQK
NAGI一邊說,一邊摘下面具,露出那張平凡、實在稱不上好看的臉。364Please respect copyright.PENANAZ9HxVvWtHT
364Please respect copyright.PENANArVia5bkYEe
「校外教學,我們被分在同一組,午餐也是一起吃。」NAGI聳肩,「確實,那時候的茶並不好喝,但那是很久以前。我早就會泡茶,是你不知道。」364Please respect copyright.PENANA8EJ14hA6t4
364Please respect copyright.PENANAHhk9LaZdZd
那一刻,NAGI的眼睛直視中田,中田全身顫抖,手裡的杯子掉到地上,茶水滲入老舊的榻榻米。364Please respect copyright.PENANAODqpixvAvu
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「中村……!」364Please respect copyright.PENANA9IR6kvxmUF
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中田摀著臉,上半身趴到地上,跪著向NAGI道歉,崩潰大哭。364Please respect copyright.PENANANWxR4rGWxr
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「對不起……對不起……!」364Please respect copyright.PENANA5KnC9tXnIJ
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「中田明明有看到……看到那些人欺負中村,聽到中村在廁所叫,可是中田怕被打,他們威脅中田不准說……!」364Please respect copyright.PENANAGgc1uh45Qg
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一百多歲的老人,此時卻哭得像三歲小孩。中田抱著頭,眼淚和剛剛的茶水一起,滲入榻榻米的縫隙。364Please respect copyright.PENANAeKnPWVqPpF
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「對不起,如果中田再勇敢一點就好了,都是中田的錯……對不起,中村對不起,對不起……!」364Please respect copyright.PENANALYaji66kLM
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那一刻,老人彷彿變回黑色制服、繫著藍色領帶的少年,破舊的小屋也像回到過去,NAGI和中田坐在教室,兩張椅子面對面,中間隔著一張桌子。364Please respect copyright.PENANAaYihup7KzH
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「……。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAXApmFf1DHf
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NAGI嘆了口氣。364Please respect copyright.PENANAN5X3YcuQyg
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好長,好長的一口氣。364Please respect copyright.PENANAb6hgku5HIM
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她不接受中田的道歉,反而跟他說:「謝謝你。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAGdTijwCnbB
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「……?」364Please respect copyright.PENANA30gY0VARH4
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「謝謝你記得中村凪,不是『假海龜』。」NAGI垂下眼簾,「除了白さん,竟然還有人記得我……如果被所有人遺忘,我現在不會在這,以這種方式存在。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAY0iBQKCbwB
364Please respect copyright.PENANAXj6RCWnD27
注射水果塔前,NAGI的生活一蹋糊塗,就像地獄,直到她成為假海龜,還有死亡……沒錯,聽起來荒謬,死後的她反而比生前幸福。如果沒有白絃、沒有仙境,她看不到MIO追逐螢火蟲的背影,沒辦法教李博洋泡茶,遑論坐在這裡、與中田談話。364Please respect copyright.PENANAJMVBIIJMjg
364Please respect copyright.PENANACSvTkiKcmO
「抱著遺憾死去……我們的交情不值得,讓你承受這種痛苦。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAzsj5bOzuUO
364Please respect copyright.PENANApJ5KmKW7lU
他們不熟,始終有張桌子隔在中間,中田永遠碰不到中村,彷彿兩條靠得很近,卻沒有交錯的平行線。364Please respect copyright.PENANA5CAGJ4WOLY
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「中田,你不用道歉,也不必後悔。」364Please respect copyright.PENANATla6AVwySz
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「我的人生沒有你的位置,我在你的人生也不重要。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAjXo6xNImXh
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中田不曾幫過她、傷害她。364Please respect copyright.PENANAM1tkoA8ljB
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中村的生命,根本沒有中田的痕跡。364Please respect copyright.PENANAsYNoPMLtN7
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「幫我、救我,都不是你該做的事,你不需要為沒做過的事道歉。如果你還是放不下,那……」NAGI停頓,「道歉也無妨,中田。我原諒你,也不恨你,你沒有做錯任何事。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAD07xywcleJ
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「……。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAWEgsouwVFa
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為什麼中村的外表沒變?死去的人為什麼能說話?剛才的和尚、昨天和自己吃飯的女孩是誰?這些複雜的問題,中田都不清楚。364Please respect copyright.PENANA94zkBzL9xS
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然而,這個中村──眼前的中村說,她不恨中田,沒有生中田的氣。這些話發自真心,還是純粹安慰,中田的腦袋不好,聽不出來,但不重要。就算眼前的中村是假的,也沒關係。364Please respect copyright.PENANAZlOrJmwhER
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「……謝謝妳。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAjvllDCpbEX
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活過百年,中田只缺一個答案。364Please respect copyright.PENANAEmKcnmZEsz
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如今,中村給了他答案。中田總算能閉上眼睛,安心睡去。364Please respect copyright.PENANA8gozSlHuLG
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「中村,謝謝妳……」364Please respect copyright.PENANAqGfGYFfb96
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「不客氣。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAN7SBQjswC3
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NAGI伸手,讓中田身後的死神,將他的蠟燭吹熄。364Please respect copyright.PENANAEBlkgfyZj0
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「晚安,中田。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAna5yIBGO7M
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語畢,NAGI戴上面具、拾起她的三日月,變回第一代水果塔「假海龜」。李博洋牽著MIO出現,MIO走到NAGI旁邊,關心問:「媽媽,妳還好嗎?」364Please respect copyright.PENANA142QFtW6pc
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「嗯。」364Please respect copyright.PENANACnssxqe8lK
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NAGI轉身,順手摸了摸MIO的頭,並叮囑李博洋:「暫時別叫我出來,我想一個人靜靜。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAY9Z5RzPpIR
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「好的。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAWjehNLDk8E
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語畢,NAGI化為黑霧消失。MIO走到死去的中田旁,看著中田平靜、彷彿只是睡著的臉。MIO伸手,把中田翻回正面,讓中田好好躺著,睡得更安穩。364Please respect copyright.PENANAKEvmAiMsGB
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「MIO還是MIA時,很喜歡伊藤潤二的動畫。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAsByFORby66
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窗外的風吹進來。MIO說話的對象不是李博洋,是山上的神明。364Please respect copyright.PENANAgWAVF2VdEA
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「有一集的名字,叫做〈緩慢的告別〉,裡面的家族會在喪禮上,大家一起想念死者,用強大的念力想著他,留下死者的殘像。死掉的人不會馬上離開,還能和活著的人說話、吃飯。時間久了、大家都不難過了,死掉的人才會消失。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAdZmBHTVz4N
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MIO微笑,清澈的眼神看向窗外,跟祂說:364Please respect copyright.PENANAHNknDX0VFL
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「你不覺得,這跟羅琳娜很像嗎?」364Please respect copyright.PENANApsab0AaKo9
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「羅琳娜創造仙境,因為她不知道怎麼告別,還有很多想說的話。她需要很多、很多時間,才能接受大家的死。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAsQsGnR6pUZ
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李博洋安靜地坐在旁邊,聽MIO和別人說話。364Please respect copyright.PENANAsTsunLNkSQ
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「所以,羅琳娜不是壞人喔。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAujPcBH67q5
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「仙境帶給很多人痛苦,但是,仙境也幫了很多人,把後悔變成不後悔,遺憾變成不遺憾。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAv2u7h98yUd
364Please respect copyright.PENANAU5uFxnn4xG
「羅琳娜只是笨笨的。因為是羅琳娜,所以做什麼都不對。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAplH9GLPgy9
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又有風吹進來。MIO開心笑著,聽懂祂的回應,精神飽滿地說:「謝謝祢,MIO也會加油的!」364Please respect copyright.PENANA0iEpX50Tae
364Please respect copyright.PENANAQzLlrUNFEh
語畢,MIO跑回李博洋身邊,抬起頭說:「博洋,拿完晶片,要把中田送回來喔!這裡的神明很喜歡他,會一直保護中田的!」364Please respect copyright.PENANAF5Y0GQQgBJ
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「了解。」李博洋牽住她的手,「回家吧。交差完,我們去吃飯。」364Please respect copyright.PENANAPUNpywsjvw
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「耶!MIO要吃咖哩!很多很多咖哩!」364Please respect copyright.PENANAbmr4Z9LJOl
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說著,李博洋、MIO,以及躺在地上的中田,都被帶到白色空間。安靜的深山,空無一人的神社,紅色的風車轉啊轉、轉啊轉,鈴鐺被風吹起。364Please respect copyright.PENANAREEXrzx9lz
364Please respect copyright.PENANAr3bajRWRXM
叮鈴叮鈴,叮鈴叮鈴。364Please respect copyright.PENANA61JLT1caPO
364Please respect copyright.PENANA661yWJ65wk
譜成輓歌,像一首安眠曲。364Please respect copyright.PENANA5rofabPfj1
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神與畜
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神與畜
Author:
阿曦 A-Xi

ISSUE #196
解離性身份疾患19
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