極其真實的,仿若此刻正在咀嚼吞嚥些什麼。無論是多麼柔軟滑嫩的食物,都粗糙如砂紙堅硬如剛玉一遍又一遍地劃過初生嬰兒肌理留下道道目不忍視的傷痕。每一次的吞嚥都是一遍的酷刑,為嬌嫩的咽喉食道帶來一陣又一陣的疼痛與不適。一切都是如此,無法止息,只能被動的承載接收。 沒有足夠的能量供應著行動,即便喉間、唇肉已然乾裂,即便理智告知是時該進食仍舊無法行動。肉體儼然與靈魂脫節,一個個體就此被分裂成兩個無法獨立運轉的存在。失去了所有能力,只殘存著最為基本的本能維繫著尊嚴;失去了情緒的浮沉,只有一片平和寂靜令人心生恐懼的汪洋。 周身像是被不知名的膜所包綑,觸碰著事物卻無法真實的觸及,連同聲音都僅停留在膜上振盪,甚至無法回憶起些什麼。明明身在此處卻像極了在遠方的某地百無聊賴盯著螢幕播放著陌生人的所有。 腦袋像是被什麼所啃食殆盡,沒有疼痛,空蕩蕩的。沒有絲毫的情緒更沒有痛苦,反倒是有種鬆口氣的舒坦與平靜,也像是世界上除了自己以外再無他人一般,無需顧慮擔憂些什麼的。此刻,不再需要為了抑制些什麼而瘋狂鼓動著思緒躍跳,因為牢裡空無一物;此刻,不會在有瘋狂的嘶吼與叫囂擾動著神經與呼吸;此刻,不需費力的抽離靈魂穿梭在不同世界與存在,只有一片寂靜,美好。 此刻,約莫是距離客觀最為接近的感受,一切都單純的只是個別本身,沒有慾望的改寫,僅僅只是自身原始的所能觀測的模樣,沒有什麼特別的,僅僅是一個個體存在著,不受代號角色的干擾。 清晰的感受到,身體的所有一切與力的對抗,奇特的難以以言語去形容的奇妙感受,甚至都教人要忘掉如何行走活動,如同絲線木偶般搖搖欲墜的滑稽。
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