那一天後 - 8月10日第3日

昨晚的「治療」後，我明白了很多。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvB9kV43ql

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早上起床，看了一眼星座。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSSzoEoCPp

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走到樓下，我看著車站月台掛著的時鐘──像與平時相差無幾，但當我看清楚後卻赫現發現我比平常早了一個小時出門，感覺就像魔法一樣。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPeeg7rKdH

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工作時感覺到身體的糜爛感，我想體力應該消耗太多，實際上手上的葡萄糖可能都是為了避免不支倒地的幻想處境題，午飯也只食到一半，進食於我而言有如吸食二手煙般──是無法避免的時間或者說工序。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnHLNgAECV

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但我想盡力地接受，為了不想令人擔心，也是為了做好自己──這大概是吸血鬼假裝人類的感覺吧？743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuXfI1C1zB

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到了下午毒癮發作，那種身心不安定的感覺我很清楚，畢竟我算是經驗者。那一直深藏於手機中的「心理盬水」再次響起，鑽入耳中，令我漸漸進入麻醉狀態。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXY822B0YQ

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陡然於工作中，有同事的呼召，我從麻醉狀態中醒來，發現不知不覺間已脫離了不安的狀態──看來若沒有了心理鹽水，我想我就沒法生存下去吧？743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw70Vafqttf

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超時一小時才下班，身心皆有種離魂感，像是快要死去一般，這是抑鬱嗎？743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8xBQK0ELDR

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她離開我真的影響我那麼多嗎？743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4TKuGlZT1

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就連支持自己好好生活下去力量都沒有嗎？743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpyMnJ4lDX

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這是她的願望，她還有其他願望我也未和她實現，只是等待了幾天就這樣嗎？743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcc3w16ypMc

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心裡不斷提醒自己「撐住撐住」，但真的像是快要死一樣⋯⋯743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyf8JlKYlWQ

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休息了一段時間，仍然很辛苦很難受，很想見她。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6k5iRxbSb

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食慾不振地食了飯，之後做了身和心的鍛練──音樂與健身，感覺快樂了一點。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojA4Avb7Ql

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用歌唱出心意，用力表達堅持。743Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtsgYNJPai

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這或許是我唯一能做的事了。

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