那一天後 - 8月24日第17日

一起床已到九時，要還的時間未免太多了吧。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjsQ2MNWHh
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我換好衣服出門，在等待升降機時發了「投降」的短訊給上司。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMrh1iKVJt

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到車上也是一直的休息。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryb5cEulUZ

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看來世事還真的是等價交換，你總不可能永遠的利用著時間而放棄休息。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoYpVEPSDF

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回到公司也沒甚麼特別的事，但「自由兼職者」的工作由我要來善後，太多的錯處。我也有疏忽監管的責任。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGOfHkqqAR

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由於工作的關係，我盡量也沒有找她，忍耐着。也沒有什麼想太多，也做着一些閒事、加入同事說關於無聊的話題。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4btCQkDOl

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無聊的應對。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtirTk4figY

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心底裏整天都在思考「愛」的問題。究竟愛是什麼？我的愛和她的愛又是什麼？那是因為昨日聽到初中女孩們對話的因由。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYa1WujjfwS

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因為我對愛的觀念很不同，對我來說找到愛的人、對的人我就會非常珍惜，儘管美麗的誘惑或者好感，我也覺得比不上她。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHTzAWOXM6

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那是確確實實我真誠的答案。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ59rJPyF91y

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是十多年來得出的答案。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNjRc1TMd9

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與在我讀設計後，我很清楚自己的需要，也很相信自己的眼光。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQhbBReCJxA

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而我相信現在的她需要的應該是熱戀的感覺，看到她的反應，就和我了解的她一樣，寫到這裏嘆了一口氣。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOssU4L744s

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我也很相信是我「離開」了十個月的報應。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFrHFKIDBZL

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我很清楚她需要的是什麼，就是原本我會做的東西：517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfv0zpJ2N0N

精心設計的旅程；517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5HsON4bZk

驚喜的禮物；517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvwdguICdG

做給她的手工藝；517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4V6AuCMLci

畫給她的畫；517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkMTmmUVMv

還有勇敢果斷有正義感的「本我」。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVHNBTpwgj

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結果整天都在思考，也想起MLA的歌，內容說着不同的偉人對於愛的解讀：517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pQOhwTrzJ

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「耶穌說的愛是無條件的、獻身的，517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyeUTS8cHwC

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奧修說的愛是能量的互動、是自由的、無束縛的，517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGKnWizMMD

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昆德拉說的愛是機遇的、偶然的、命定的，517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3r0hn8CWQ

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高達說的愛是刺激的、好玩的、有今生沒來世的、哲學的，517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmG9vmhbjE

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小津安二郎說的愛是溫柔的、隱藏的、非愛的，517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWc1vyMRdiB

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畢卡索說的愛是經驗的、性慾的、美好的，517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyG55Qr8Dt

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夏卡爾說的愛是聖潔的、救贖的、唯一的。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HflhnqH8Q

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聽着也很難理解。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMBP7EgQLq

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晚上九時，我到運動場跑步時，查了一下維基百科，「愛」和「既視感」。「本我」是對我有感覺的字，很喜歡。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRzk98QOV8

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既視感也是其中之一，因為我是一個很愛做夢的人。做夢時，常會看到一些似曾相識又毫無記憶的事物。現實時，看到一些在夢中看過的事物感到似曾相識。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6il6M4JLBm

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我會感覺到很神奇，很浪漫。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSREq86KG3y

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而「愛」在我看完維基百科，理解的是「人類的本能」，過於複雜是因為人性。基本有寫到愛情三角論：親密、激情、承諾。而衍生出的一個「元素表」，直白而又殘酷。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCbs4y8d14

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愛的風格比較有趣的是利他的愛：517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgg9fxoEBn

「完全無私的愛，可不惜傷害自己或捨棄任何東西，重視神交。現代多半喜歡稱呼這種愛為『真愛』。」517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCo7z9Jhhyl

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我大概對她就是這一種愛。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrjDBAnrLf

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愛的階段說出來就像她在我「離開」短短時間的轉變過程。情慾、吸引、最後依附，到情消失後，由熱愛轉為友愛，由浪漫轉為好感。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeD5hSM81N

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和她那一天告訴我的一樣。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9VqwVuwEe

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回家洗澡後，我拿出為她畫的貓畫簿，那是我很久之前已經開始畫的畫簿，那是我想念她的方式。而我不否認很久也沒有畫新作品，可能是覺得我和她的時間還有很多，可以慢慢到一起生活時才畫我們一起養的貓而特意留給牠們幾頁。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvX8MRDMnI8

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也可能是這兩年我對於貓沒有太大的靈感，在我生活的地方，流浪貓走的也走了，而她養的一隻貓也同樣走了，這也是令我很傷心的事。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtkQamcM0l

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在夜裏，我畫的貓是我在「第四天」拍下的照片作參考──即是她家裏的貓。那張照片是我的左手摸貓貓的頭，而貓貓也很溫馴地把頭向左貼着我的手。而我用了我很少用的木顏色作畫，那木顏色是她和我一起買的。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfCUODxVi3

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靈感也到了，影響了挑選顏色的感覺。用了紅色代表我，藍色代表貓貓，取代了鉛筆的黑色。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOoCfuClIu

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我就這樣坐在工作台前，在殘黃的坐枱燈下作畫，直至太陽升起。517Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ53ISqEVn2

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完成一張畫。

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