This started out as a journal after getting sober from a long addiction, I slept a lot after quitting and had a long and on going series of dreams, so after I played the game Final Fantasy 12 again, I came up with a fictional sub-story, and decided not just to write a journal but add confessional bits to a meta-fiction piece. The second part is mostly a factual essay about the drugs I used, and how my love for horror movies helped me recover, I then introduced some characters of mine that I totally love, some of that is recycled from an earlier work (I may not do that rewrite, the finished work was on files I lost to a broken PC and all I have are hard copies of the rough draft.) There are fresh parts too. The third section is about Buddhism, but the fiction is a little more dominant there. I have not started on a fourth section, but it will probably be about my skateboarding years when I fantasized about actual surfing.