Remember that time when I told you guys that there is not at least one person I've been honest with in this office? That was just yesterday, yeah? But, you guessed it right. I lied. Busted! There is one obviously.461Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm42dQ3pfwK
I don't know, whenever this girl in deep purple walks in the office, my mouth just spills out the ugliest of truths I've been keeping behind my tongue, total honesty vomit. I don't know what she does to me or how the hell she has this effect on me. She just literally stands there within this certain radius and I'll be going on blurting out stuff like I'm possessed by some spirit of an ancient civilization, only difference is that my words are clearly understandable, down to every conscious detail.
"Holy shit, that compressed air between your skirt and the lining of your booty is seriously to die fooorrr, I would love to rip that skirt off of you at coffee break so that those smoking buns may breathe...-"
OH MY FUCKING GOD. What did I just say? What in the hell did I just say? Shit. Sexual harassment case, here I come. Obviously at this moment, she's in my perimeter, a few feet away making coffee while I just got in the room to get some papers photocopied. How do I get out of this? Do I walk away and pretend I said nothing? No, no, no, no, no she'll chase me out and scream RAPE out in the open. What do I do? What do I do?
I looked straight into her eyes, then gazed to my left and then to my right, then back at her, looked down on my legs shaking inside my pants, then again back at her. She had the greatest pokerface I've ever seen or maybe time is just really going slow in this moment and she still hasn't reached that point wherein she's supposed to react, slap me on my left cheek and leave a red hand print on it.
Footsteps. At this paused moment, I heard what could possibly save me from this mess walking right behind.
"Hey Jacob... Jake, eyes on me!" That voice. That irritating cursed doll voice. That same voice that had hamburger bits stuck between vital teeth points for proper speech.
I swung my head behind me only to find that bucktoothed creature wearing a bright Patrick Star tie. Orly... You did it again. Yep, you heard me right, his name's Orly. My writing partner for this week's article on Bizarre Coincidences. He did believe what I told him to do the last time.
"That's pretty cute Orly, quick question though, why do you have to be in a fat suit whenever you come in for work?"
OH MY FUCKING HELL. What did I just say again? This is getting out of hand. Why am I spurting out all of my literally inside jokes without a handbrake? I mean they're hilarious and all to me but come on, stay inside my head, damn it!
"I have Cushing's disease. I get fat uncontrollably, thanks for reminding me Jake." His round face suddenly drooped in a frown as he made a tear-jerking exit even before I could utter the words, "I'm sorry."
I was out of words. This is probably the worst day in my nice guy calendar of the year. After sexually assaulting the hottest girl in the office with words, I made myself look like an ass by making fun of a person living with a disability. Great day ahead of me! With nothing left to do, I stared back into those big blank eyes of the lady in purple. Reading from the weight of her stare, she's judging me, right about now. Raising my hands in surrender I was about to tell her, "Okay just slap me and get this over with," but then she whispered,
"He DID look like he was in a fat suit, right?" Then she gave a cute little giggle.
My eyes widened with what I just heard. Her voice, dang it. It had all that Emma Watson quality in it. Oh my god, is Watson even over 18 yet? But whatever. More than that, she actually agreed with me.
"Oh my God, you totally get me! I thought I was the only one!" I let out a loud and boisterous laugh, probably heard in the entire office but what the hell. I don't care about that right now. What's important is that I just made the girl of my office dreams laugh. Score!
"I was like, Dude, cut it out, I can't see the door behind you!" I added.
"Right, I don't even know how he got in!" She quipped.
"Haha did you see him move sideways?"
While I was laughing, I could barely open my eyes from the pain on my stomach. I panted as I opened my eyes. WHACK!
I felt a steaming sensation on my left cheek sending my face down to the photocopying machines. Couldn't tell if it was a punch or just a really strong slap, but I do feel the heat is throbbing right across my face. Much like how the throbbing is down under. Oh shit. I forgot I was wearing formal.
"Pervert!" she screamed at me before she stormed out of the room.
A great day indeed.
ns 172.70.131.218da2
and then Add to home screen.