I wonder what it’s like to be other people. For some, it’s so easy, it’s simple. For others, it’s harder, it’s like forever falling into the same useless pattern. And, for me, it just seems like it’s always the same ol’ thing. Nothing changes, nothing advances. I’m the same person I was four years ago: shy, introverted, and so helpless and uncreative. I’m not independant, I’m not strong… I’m hardly average.
I’m not that good at anything. I’m not even that good at writing. I tend to write what’s on my mind, which normally isn’t anything worth sharing. I feel like my mind is always on rerun. I think about the past, I rely on it. I go through the play by plays and try to somehow fix the things I messed up. I imagine what could have been, what should have been.
But, I often wonder what it’s like for the easy people. What could they possibly have to worry about? That they’re too perfect and make all of the imperfect people feel bad? I doubt it.
They get everything they want. They steal the guy you think you like, they get the part you tried out for, they look better in the dress you had tailored specifically for yourself. The list of things they’re better at is neverending. It’s a rerun of what could have been, what should have been. They can do anything you can do, it’s just that they do it better.
What is it like for the hard people? They’re the strong ones. They always seem to be able to hold it together in a way. They might not have the most money, the best looks, or the kindest hearts, but at least they have their shit together. They know the stakes and what to do. They understand the world because they’ve seen it at it’s worst.
I’m not making much sense here, but it’s just something I think about. I told you, I normally don’t have anything worth sharing.
It’s just hard to be in the middle. I can’t just flow through life like everyone else. I have to work for stuff. I have to study so I won’t fail. I have to try my best just to keep up with everyone else. It’s so hard to be average - or hardly that. What would I give for it to be easy. What would I give to be the one chosen instead of the one having to always struggle for things.
Thought of the night: I wish it were just easier.
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