不少聽到有人形容:「男生就是個用下半身思考的動物!」438Please respect copyright.PENANAdeSwtoYUdY
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身為一名英俊瀟灑、人見人愛、花見花開的男孩子,每每聽到此類言論,都有不少想法。438Please respect copyright.PENANAXpqmXCWVWZ
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所以特別想用一種嚴肅、認真並且憤慨的筆吻來回答它們:「沒有錯。」雖然不能說隨時,但大部份都是。438Please respect copyright.PENANASbRn6KfPdF
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當然此言論不能概刮所以男性,不過80%也許有。縱使想法怪異如我,在這一方面倒是不愧對我這帶把的身體。438Please respect copyright.PENANAeaVz9debM3
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「男生平均多久想一次色色的事?」上次聽到有人在討論這樣一個話題,很有趣,也得確值得研究。438Please respect copyright.PENANAy8ztvsZHkq
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在說出我的答案前,我得先說句實話。要寫這類文章真的不容易,因為大多數男生包括我,是不會和其它人討論「你一星期打幾次」、「都想著誰打」、「打一次多久」等等私密和關係善良風俗的話題。438Please respect copyright.PENANAg15I31KcFw
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一是沒那個恥力。438Please respect copyright.PENANASuQ33VT1Sg
二是我不想知道我朋友家人在他幻想中的世界。438Please respect copyright.PENANA0saAOr0okm
三是……多久多大,不會有願意先講的男人。如果你是男人在看這文章,相信我,不管怎麼樣,我的都比你大一公分、持久一分鐘。438Please respect copyright.PENANAfxx7Boxtt9
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拉回來,平均多久想一次?438Please respect copyright.PENANAsmr8H38OMG
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沒有平均,相信我,一個男生如果在可以想,那他一定不是在想,就是在準備想的過程中。438Please respect copyright.PENANAzBYtgUwXE5
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但也不是隨時隨人都會想,至少我在菜市場和阿婆聊天時……哦那畫面太美別讓他在我腦裡超過3秒。438Please respect copyright.PENANAp1AJjp7W8c
我要說的是,不會有人工作到一半突然靈光一閃:「胸部!」除非你就是"幹"這一行的。438Please respect copyright.PENANAtXjqVZrAU3
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所以走在路上、在家、經過小學……嗯?等等,我家門口有人在敲門了,我去開……奶子!438Please respect copyright.PENANAqn2c3RPwyC
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咳!相信我,雖然我常說想在腦子上裝個拉鏈讓大家知道我在想什麼,但真要裝,可能得容我先去當和尚修行個十年。438Please respect copyright.PENANA1K0WT5Qm1Q
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到此,「多久想一次」應該有了答案吧。438Please respect copyright.PENANAlgWvKWYhRu
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所以再來還有一個問題我認為值得講:「男生都在想什麼?」指色色的方面。438Please respect copyright.PENANAXxgteSmJIY
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說實話,如果妳是女生並且在看這個文章,又耐住性子看到了這邊,我想為了妳等等看待妳爸妳哥妳身邊所有男人的眼光,還是打住吧!438Please respect copyright.PENANAM5y4F1WqQ9
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「想什麼?」說實話因人而異,譬如有人喜歡小的、有人喜歡短髮、有人喜歡寵物玩法……等等。438Please respect copyright.PENANAe2M82vJD7P
但我要講的點不是怎麼玩,而是對誰對什麼。這一點基本可以說,萬變不離其中!438Please respect copyright.PENANAzpXRoX0QtG
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這裡我再分兩個:平時想,和進行生理自X反應(以下用打飛機統稱)。438Please respect copyright.PENANA6UFeZRxEVF
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在平時,男生如果年紀超過青春期,就會有個經驗,千萬不要想太深入!438Please respect copyright.PENANAgrvIOgKIhl
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為什麼?因為我不想頂個硬硬的東西在下面,特別是穿窄款褲子,真的…很不舒服。438Please respect copyright.PENANAsTRGNLNiAD
再者濕濕的不是很好過……為何會濕,請去上國中健教課。438Please respect copyright.PENANA2U4WAglXgZ
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所以不外乎就只是對:奶子、臉、腿、臀部……等等的眼睛療養,再進就是簡單想象的肢體接觸。438Please respect copyright.PENANAGNLtCeaTS5
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而這事積攢時間過長,就會出現「能量釋放」,俗稱打飛機。438Please respect copyright.PENANAsjB0UYsASB
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對象為Everyone,只要在他的審美觀中是喜歡的,不管是妳、妳的朋友、朋友的朋友、朋友的…媽媽?都會在其中。438Please respect copyright.PENANA5gRfqaRFOd
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啊!女生們,這絕對不是精神出軌,不然為什麼妳們要看韓劇,雖然很帥、雖然如果可以也許也會嫁給他,但事實是,沒有,因為沒辨法(? 在這一層關係上,他還是愛妳,只是在打飛機時請給他在腦內一個自由的權利。438Please respect copyright.PENANAjdTorRm3ez
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到此快接近這文章的尾聲,對於男人是下半身考的動物我想多少有些概念,那為了幫一些女生解決一個「如何讓他完全不想那些事呢?」我想了一下,想到了。438Please respect copyright.PENANAjYh2TyfVEx
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等他打完。我絕對不是在唬爛。438Please respect copyright.PENANA4LMKzqooH5
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進入賢者時間,屆時妳才會看到一位心中了無雜念,視情色於糞土的好男人。438Please respect copyright.PENANAopjbLiHbUM
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而維持時間,大概一小時。438Please respect copyright.PENANAyfI72e3xv3
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最後,我要說……說那什麼來著?啊!屁股。
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