【47. 愛的重量 】401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFkaqAUpDM
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男人最終把我領到一道漆成白色的大門前。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqORF103VEc
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「你媽媽就喺入面。」男人收起了嬉皮笑臉如是說。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2iCJ3i8KAB
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我的目光在男人和大門之間游移，老實說，我都搞不清現在是甚麼狀況了：先是看見老媽走進了青樓，然後發現一個奇怪的社區中心出現在裡面，現在則有個變態的男人說我媽就在裡面？401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVeCNjTf2y
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千萬個問題如夏蟬般在我腦內不斷叫囂：我應該開門嗎？我應該知道真相嗎？401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljQfk7xq9J
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我的手搭在門把上紋風不動，猶如中了蛇妖的石化術。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡag28vnpiwN
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「開門啦，有啲嘢我覺得你應該要知。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ342ybauNfz
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「係呢，我想問，點解你頭先話你知道我會嚟呢到？」我問。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbyR9hwiEp
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男人揚一揚起眉毛，答道：「我唸，就算兩母子之間關係幾差，都會有想對方好嘅心。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IDsl0VIfI
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我淺淺一笑，不置可否。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdAprlEXUAI
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我和老媽的關係不是一直都那麼差的。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWTNCfaBg1
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以前我還會跟她一起睡的時候，她總會待我睡了她才會睡。雖然教我讀書的時候很惡，但她吻我的時候卻很溫柔。她會每晚為我做飯煮菜、跟我玩飛行棋、帶我落樓下公園跟其他小朋友玩捉迷藏。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLmAJtFJyI
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而媽媽和爸爸，當時還是很恩愛的。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQJ2OlVzyw
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我尚記得那天在棗紅色跑道上累得像條狗的自己。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27kbVpmJOq
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「傲風你咁快就攰啦！」我累得雙手頂著膝蓋，勉力抬頭看面前的矮壯男人。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLMwWrO6qG
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「爸、爸爸⋯⋯你跑得⋯⋯太快喇⋯⋯」我氣喘吁吁道。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtiFG05tRG
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「乜你咁渣㗎！我後生嗰時跑過全新界第二㗎！而家都廢咗好多啦，我都成四廿歲人啦，你都仲未快過我。想當年我同班兄弟中三就跑甲組⋯⋯（下刪三千字）」爸爸得意道。每當談起自己在跑道上的戰續時，他總是會談個滔滔不絕，彷彿那是人生中最重要的成就一樣。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡogXjgvqE9V
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「喂！你哋兩父子跑完未啊！夠鐘返屋企食飯啦！」媽媽在看台上不耐煩地大叫道。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6G4AjUzXp
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「知啦！」我和爸爸不約而同地應道，不禁相視而笑。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28xsrvmwS7
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從很小的時候開始，他就是我打從心底裡最崇拜的人，因為他不像媽媽一樣惡，永遠都會臉帶笑容地教我一些我未學過的東西，幫我解決所有問題，甚至掙錢給我買來人生第一部彩色 gameboy。這一切都只是為了逗我開心。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDzy1iP4C7
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只是當時的我還不知道，再強的英雄也有缺憾。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfE6SMwqpMW
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那晚我因尿意而驟醒，一邊擦著眼睛，一邊走去廁所。哪知廁所的門被人從裡面鎖上了。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIj0nu9spc6
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「知啦⋯⋯我陣間就落嚟⋯⋯我執好哂行李啦。嗯嗯，陣間見啦，乖。」裡面傳來爸爸的聲音。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPW0l7wrJgO
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那時我真的尿急得快忍不住了，便急忙敲門叫他：「爸爸我好急尿啊！你快啲喇！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MD97t0PQs
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他一打開門，臉上盡是驚訝的神色，然後馬上掩著我的嘴，小聲道：「唔好咁大聲啊，陣間嘈醒媽咪啊。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8iTEiV86f
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「哦。」我焦急得馬上推開爸爸，終於趕得上在膀胱爆裂之前暢快一番。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4XxxUzwZ9S
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當我走出來的時候，剛好就見到爸爸拖著行李喼出門。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0fsXWLjm6
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「爸爸你去邊啊？去旅行？」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQszxQQRejA
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「係啊，你快啲去瞓喇。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoL43hM6hP
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「我要送你機！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRJlVfvd4d
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「嗯⋯⋯機場好遠㗎喎⋯⋯」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHZBKA7SvS
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「我唔理！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5NY2ffgYP
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「咁⋯⋯好喇。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCaaApeJAZK
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爸爸拖著我的手來到樓下，他跪了下來跟我說：「嗱，你而家合埋眼數十聲，十聲之後呢，我哋就會到咗機場㗎啦！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3wSym57RJ
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「好！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQDVyLbRUF
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於是我雙手掩眼，開始數十聲：401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtu4jUxR3nf
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「十、九、八⋯⋯」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAct42poBM
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只可惜我不是個乖孩子，數到三的時候，我就張開眼偷看了。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISgJhXNMVk
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那時的我心想，爸爸真的跑得超快，快得我連他的背影都見不到。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCOw0rU1ks
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我把心一橫，用力推門了大門。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXw3FvJpWAN
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以白色為主調的房間裝修美觀，擺設整齊，直射進來的陽光猛烈得我睜不開眼。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCxWqLglT0y
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「傲風？」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZkcOymru4
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我的眼睛很快就適應了房間的光度，只見媽媽坐在一張沙發椅上，訝然看著我。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoO5ezRWolC
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她霍然轉頭，跟坐在對面的人說：「你又話唔會同佢講嘅？點解佢會喺度㗎？」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzC3ruxiTn
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我沿著她的目光看過去，那個男人一頭金髮，右前臂有一個龍的紋身。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzvcUzc22jj
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「嘩！你咪係上次上我屋企個MK 仔？」我衝口而出大喊道，後面的變態佬聽後忍不住掩嘴竊笑。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYhPbO0F3X6
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MK 仔苦笑了一聲，隨即遞上了一張卡片，恭敬道：「失敬失敬，其實我冇做MK 仔好耐啦，我而家係呢度嘅註冊社工，我叫吳砥邦，英文名叫James，隨便叫我沾屎邦得啦。我係負責跟進你屋企嘅情況㗎。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeyXvIKd4s
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MK 就MK 啦，仲咁多嘢講⋯⋯但認真睇下張卡片，原來佢真係呢度社工嚟。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnrnU3SCO3m
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「我⋯⋯我屋企嘅情況？」我不解地看著MK 社工。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0dfqnFyEzg
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「唔好講咁多多餘嘢！」媽媽急忙道。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwyI1RXD9FI
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「王女士，其實我覺得都係時候要同令郎講真話。」MK社工的措詞及其外形，簡直就如火星撞地球一樣不搭。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mHxNEmDlD
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媽媽別過臉去，默不作聲。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqCm18FEwh
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他續說：「相信你都知父母已經離婚嘅事實，但係你知唔知道你而家食嘢、買嘢、搭車用緊嘅錢係邊度嚟？」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVyYTM8crp
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「咪、咪爸爸送啲錢過嚟同阿媽返工賺㗎囉！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5ErJGmTDY
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「你會咁諗都好正常嘅⋯⋯但事實係，你爸爸自從搬咗去美國之後再冇再俾錢你媽媽，而且⋯⋯」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5FqjFrYZb
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他頓了一頓，似是有難言之隱。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlnOfUoPls
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「而且你媽媽佢⋯⋯喺離婚之後搵過我哋，之後醫生證實咗佢有燥鬱症。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnCrzMhtGL
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「燥鬱症？」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAPGjiguSc
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「冇錯，王女士佢同我講過佢對你做過一啲好過份嘅嘢⋯⋯但我都希望你明白，你媽媽只不過係受病情影響，所以先控制唔到自己嘅情緒。其實佢鬧完你之後自己都好內疚，佢每日都鎖埋房門，係因為唔想你知佢晚晚都喺入面喊⋯⋯」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡru2Dcv9SAL
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我斜眼看著媽媽，她的肩膊在微微顫抖。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCuRVJgj2L
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「而因為呢個病嘅關係，你媽媽早喺幾年前已經俾公司解僱，而家只係靠著政府資助同日夜兩更保安員維生。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCgmah8QyYO
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我對著媽媽，說：「所以⋯⋯你晚晚先會咁夜返到屋企？」我不敢相信，我一直討厭的媽媽，原來在背後付出了那麼多。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhfkj7k9k4
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MK 社工續說：「聽講你最近拍拖啊可，其實你媽媽之所以咁反對，係因為佢唔想你好似你爸爸咁，做一個不負責任嘅男人，佢怕你仲未有能力承擔得起愛情嘅重量。希望你唔好怪佢。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7C4n0Ji82
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我走近了沙發椅，輕輕握著媽媽的手，柔聲問：「我想你親口同我講，佢講嘅嘢係咪真？」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfmPB6VNZL
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她側過頭來，陽光把她的輪廓照得發亮。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6rbnAcM2X
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「對唔住⋯⋯我以為自己係對你好，點知原來我係傷害咗你⋯⋯」她含著淚眼道。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXf6D0vWAz
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我從沒見過她的話說得如此真誠的。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZgIF5m3loZ
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真誠的話，蒼老的臉，寂寞的空氣，一一勾著我的心弦。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoNf68r3s1
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這年來我只顧著自己的愛情，卻忽略了一直為我付出的她；我一直嫌她不夠了解我，但原來我更不了解她。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkhgeTXUE5
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當我自以為目標清晰時，我是不是在狂奔的過程中遺忘了一些重要的東西呢？401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79Brou6pkL
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原來我的心，不會只為阿玲一個而酸，原來還有一個女人，值得讓我永遠掛心。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DjcGIxOA6
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過去不懂得「男人不應讓女人流淚」，此刻終於知道，只盼為時未晚。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxHHbfWDkk
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但此刻千言萬語都只能薈萃成一句話：401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdoEK8w27e
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「對唔住⋯⋯我愛你啊，媽咪。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvZY31je90
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