實在是個很難三言兩語說完的話題。583Please respect copyright.PENANAybdUeNHe1e
當一件事情已經深深融入了生命,而且被再三思考過它的存在意義,到突然要我去把它描述出來,實在有點反應不來,深怕言之無物,又怕糟蹋了剖析它的機會。583Please respect copyright.PENANA6qpxctFnJZ
形容生命的本質本來就是一種消耗生命的活動。583Please respect copyright.PENANAJY0S608gJq
對於一個生命力脆弱的我,談論寫作實在是在玩火,不過姑且就引火自焚一次吧!583Please respect copyright.PENANAlmrf4nvQx5
***583Please respect copyright.PENANAI1DdRkspMw
第一次寫作的嘗試是在小一的時候,那時候寫了一個個小故事在紙片上,同學們竟賞面如圖書館借書般借閱去了,這是我第一次遇見愛說故事的謊言領主。583Please respect copyright.PENANAkIBRbbaldO
謊言領主給了我兩條路,畫畫或者寫作,對比起來寫作實在容易上手得多,於是就寫作吧!583Please respect copyright.PENANA0F6V7nYk0Y
它無害的笑容實在吸引,有誰能抵抗它的誘拐呢?583Please respect copyright.PENANANBXZDPp0Ha
那時我還未有精神健康的問題,創作的過程是愉悅的,生命的一切都看似美好和無毒。583Please respect copyright.PENANAoAP1WW5Zu9
然而某日,我心裡的某個零件就停止了轉動,壞掉了,從齒輪中離群,一下掉入了水底,水都黑了,深黑到無窮之中。583Please respect copyright.PENANAa59m7R0e7B
突然之間,寫作向我揭示了它的本體。583Please respect copyright.PENANAbsB2SZy2rc
突然之間,寫作變得很難。583Please respect copyright.PENANAgRaqGljrEM
我現在寫作一篇五千至一萬字的短篇故事,大概需要半年的時間,當中觸及的創傷太嚴重,無力詳述,只得簡化為如下規律:583Please respect copyright.PENANAt7YYxAVmQ3
想到好玩的點子583Please respect copyright.PENANAhVHSqgrgkn
開始下墜了。583Please respect copyright.PENANA3UWcORzh4c
搜集資料583Please respect copyright.PENANAbmrRP6hsuW
然後我越墜越深。583Please respect copyright.PENANAfqiA797CA4
開始寫作583Please respect copyright.PENANAuGtcg1buQv
痛苦,掙扎,否定自己,長期處於脫力狀態,床上痛哭,孤立自己,夜夜惡夢,再痛哭,感覺自己很髒 …… 583Please respect copyright.PENANAtNGd6EcZhr
太髒了 ……583Please respect copyright.PENANAek4TR8qtaj
為甚麼你沒有死?583Please respect copyright.PENANAkBBAZ4sbHB
寫作結束583Please respect copyright.PENANAKLLoWJiUPP
從六個月的低落中回彈,突然覺得自己是無所不能的,不用睡覺也很精神。583Please respect copyright.PENANAgXDs6upW8y
可惜寫作為我帶來的快樂只能保質三天。583Please respect copyright.PENANAt8yuLrHmO7
然後又是下一個迴圈了。583Please respect copyright.PENANAjxvbQenbIk
***583Please respect copyright.PENANAEjAgXmw1SW
你說寫作是救了我還是在殺死我呢?583Please respect copyright.PENANAt3kzfaEzxl
但我已離不開了你呢!愛說故事的謊言領主。583Please respect copyright.PENANAxsboPWw1yT
我成為了社工碩士,再計劃將來在精神病專業上進攻博士學位,大概都是為了瞭解人心,為了故事。583Please respect copyright.PENANA2nVn2XjrbF
同時為了我的死亡。583Please respect copyright.PENANAE3OZdn5I8N
寫作即是自我毀滅。583Please respect copyright.PENANAxtzXgeKXtQ
我別無出路。583Please respect copyright.PENANAqA6WjfFmEU