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◉ 詭時 ◉
ENTRY #196
Author:
Published:
May 2, 2018
◉ 詭時 ◉
Published:
May 2, 2018
ENTRY #196
評 195
Author:
Published:
May 2, 2018
1 Min Read
92 Words
No Plagiarism!FVP5GHr87CtgRrrc1gXhposted on PＥNAＮＡ

評語484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqi0Lfw7dio

◉ 最重要的一點：其實他是想自殺才衝出馬路的！484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBo0Zudx4c

◉ 故事中不應出現遺書。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEETqc1RNb8

◉ 第一句的說話流於平淡，並不能突出主角的性格及其心理狀態。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1z0lFzBRo

◉ 最後一句卻將太多內容集於一句，不過幸好最後用了一個省略號，使焦點放在了為書上。484Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyhhiuR2dc

216.73.216.156

ns216.73.216.156da2
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