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◉ 詭時 ◉ - 評 195 | Penana
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◉ 詭時 ◉
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◉ 詭時 ◉
ENTRY #196
評 195
No Plagiarism!8g67qOda9s4IrMBz9xzMposted on PENANA 評語330Please respect copyright.PENANA5uOnFSmIoE
8964 copyright protection326PENANAkvcyVOXXLq 維尼
◉ 最重要的一點:其實他是想自殺才衝出馬路的!330Please respect copyright.PENANAkbrYsWXZIq
8964 copyright protection326PENANA9JOcuCW0qt 維尼
◉ 故事中不應出現遺書。330Please respect copyright.PENANA1MkWVic5rH
8964 copyright protection326PENANAGwa4yDYEPI 維尼
◉ 第一句的說話流於平淡,並不能突出主角的性格及其心理狀態。330Please respect copyright.PENANAVysHRoaKvX
8964 copyright protection326PENANAig3sdsaQiP 維尼
◉ 最後一句卻將太多內容集於一句,不過幸好最後用了一個省略號,使焦點放在了為書上。330Please respect copyright.PENANAUt2MBJ0rGs
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