Meanwhile, a few blocks over, a certain lost friend of Deirdre was wandering up and down the streets, wondering why there were so many red lights and why so many of the women standing underneath them were scantily clad. Good thing it was summer or else they'd be freezing their belly buttons off. Hopefully, they got to wear pants during the winter if they had to stand outside and wave to customers.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡli3dtrTtYo 維尼

But Wes Holdworth couldn't concern himself with the pantslessness of these women. He had other concerns to be concerned about, such as how in the world he ended up in this curious-looking ward. He could've sworn that the shop which sold the little keychains was up this way, but apparently not. Perhaps one of these inadequately clothed women could direct him to his intended destination.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBPpe97Hi3 維尼

“Excuse me, miss,” he said to a tan-skinned woman whose attire, she could at least say, covered all the important bits. Her pareo was nice, though she wore too much makeup. “I was wondering if you could give me directions.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡofEgciwgy1 維尼

“Directions to where, exactly?” she asked seductively, which Wes thought was strange and unnecessary.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2okMXRqZxf 維尼

“To the shopping district,” he said. “I was looking for this store—I can't remember the name of it—but it sells a bunch of novelty items like toys, keychains, and whatnot. You wouldn't happen to know what I'm talking about, would you?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvcjRcku0x 維尼

“Mmm,” she said as she thought about it for a second. “Afraid not. But don't you think you found something better?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxSY86vFOn 維尼

Wes took a gander at the shop behind her. Deep Passion, the neon red sign read. Pretty good name for a novelty shop, he thought. “Do you guys sell keychains here? I'm looking for one of a character from this comic series I'm reading. Her name's Vermilion. She's about ye big, and she's holding a halberd like this,” he said, mimicking the pose. “Do you know what I'm talking about?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKHv1QWJnm 維尼

“We don't sell keychains, sweetheart, but we do sell something better.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhImIjQBDa 維尼

Better than keychains? “There are the figurines of her, but those are a tad on the expensive side, and I'm trying to hold back on my spending habits,” he mumbled. “Do you have anything cheaper?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eb00iKeVn 維尼

“We have them at all prices,” she said. “If you come in, I'll show you.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡtjFbT67ZiC 維尼

He contemplated for a moment. “It can't hurt to look...”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1tx80Mh15 維尼

“Then come on in.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2gTYXP4ZV 維尼

Wes followed her in, and he noticed that she walked by literally putting one foot in front of the other, which gave her hips a considerable amount of swing. That's an odd way to walk, he thought. Can't be comfortable.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡllZzFvAbCa 維尼

The inside was nice and homely. Hardwood floors, soft, white sofas and loveseats, and even marble statues. Wes couldn't remember the last time he entered a shop that had marble statues. However, there was a distinct lack of shelves for which to house goods for the purchasing. Also, there were more unsatisfactorily protected women sitting in a line of chairs facing the entrance. When Wes came in, they smiled and waved and taught him that running one's fingertips across their collarbones was a new way of saying hello. Such great customer service.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdEzd9ZiBT 維尼

“Oh, he's a cute one, Lyn,” said one sparsely garbed woman.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡadCpcoromD 維尼

“The very definition of handsome,” said another meagerly dressed woman.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0B2yEAa6V 維尼

“Hey there. Wanna come and sit on my lap?” said a third scarcely robed woman.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4vS5jAB2D 維尼

“Sorry, girls, but I've got dibs on this one,” said the incompetently covered woman Wes had been talking to, whose name was apparently Lyn.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wbfOZUj4V 維尼

“Aww, boo. You're no fun.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNPWZxWTs8 維尼

“Why do you hog all the good ones?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeEcS3VMLA 維尼

“If she doesn't do you good, I'm always available, daddy.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYWW1J3LMX 維尼

These women sure did want to sell him stuff, though he could've done without being called daddy. “So, where's your merchandise?” he asked, trying to see if there was a door or a hall that led to the actual shop part of this shop.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgd7Xfy87A 維尼

“It's right here,” Lyn said, waving her hand to display the employees seated before him.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1Hf5FJdWb 維尼

Wes tilted his head and raised a brow. “You're selling women?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡVV5q6R4YqP 維尼

“Heavens, no,” Lyn snickered. “Our ladies are for rent. Of course, if you do want to buy one, you'll be stuck with them for life. No refunds, and no returns.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpu8ijtaVz 維尼

“It's adorable how innocent he is.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgRxBkZP1T 維尼

“But he won't be innocent for long.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZvzg4XbmF 維尼

“He's not that innocent if he came here, of all places.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCTre2yP1T 維尼

A shop where the employees are also the merchandise? This must be one of those business models from one of those cultures way down south. But still, renting women...for...for what?8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyaqX3HW1G 維尼

“I learned about this place where you get to rent women.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPKhEXHO70 維尼

Why'd I remember that?8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPyO1esiv9 維尼

“If you're ready, sweetheart, I'll show you some merchandise you'll never forget,” Lyn said and took Wes by the hand. As she led him to a staircase, he recalled that memory.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡtt0xhvhVuF 維尼

“—called a—”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡix4sR8DpTd 維尼

“—would anyone rent a woman—”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Xd3RsgSmT 維尼

“—and then they get naked.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡcn9q2Dmfb7 維尼

“It's called a—”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGQSZwQYUB 維尼

“Guess what I learned about!” a middle school friend of Wes said one day during recess.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡHLW0B1gBeG 維尼

“How much money the queen has?”guessed a second middle school friend of his.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkMhf7jziP 維尼

“What's underneath a Reef Turtle's shell?” guessed a third middle school friend of his.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOTbI19Uen 維尼

“How to make arcane circles?” guessed a middle school Wes.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡQyZpdoQ3Lr 維尼

“Better!” Friend A said.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxDD27dIG8 維尼

“Better than making arcane circles?” Needless to say, a middle school Wes was skeptical.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4vXUqVgb9T 維尼

“I learned about this place where you get to rent women.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1TCXyzKDN 維尼

“What would anyone rent a women for?” Friend B asked.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡR6ez04zQnR 維尼

“Why else would you rent a woman? So they can clean your room,” Friend C said.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡklm9pqLyyc 維尼

“But my mom already does that.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡfevNXiyOAT 維尼

“You don't rent a woman to clean your room,” Friend A said. “It's a place a man goes to rent a woman so that”—he did a check to see if anyone was within earshot—“First, he pays the woman. Then she takes him to a room and locks the door. Then”—another check—“and then they get naked.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkw4fR5zFQ 維尼

“N-NAKED?!” Friend B exclaimed.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyHLkmMsA6 維尼

“Shh! Quiet, you idiot!” Friend A's head swiveled around in a panic.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡgcYKfPCHyB 維尼

Friend B went red in the face.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2xOVnDClp 維尼

Friend C's face was glowing.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3RQQVKFPe 維尼

Wes didn't get it. “They get naked? Then what?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTJSDERAGa 維尼

Friend A leaned in closer and covered both sides of his mouth. “And then the man sticks557Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDRcbTTY5V
8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvCKtOCDNW 維尼

HIS THING557Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUg5mcifAO
8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡZULGN1lRNP 維尼

in the8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡnW5shFfRcb 維尼

WOMAN'S THING.557Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBheaWWihE7
8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsFd3BHoVh 維尼

Wes paused.557Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWFbfPdHDI
8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMGMhlIkgP 維尼

Lyn stopped on the third step. “What's the matter? You're not getting cold feet, are you?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQMgIaj5Ps 維尼

He didn't answer. He was staring into space as he connected the dots.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tWfYMFQia 維尼

The red lights outside...8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuTpohPZPH 維尼

The half-naked women for rent inside...8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡVklLY2kSCo 維尼

The lack of actual merchandise...8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡBC3fgbLLBs 維尼

“Hellooooo?” Lyn was waving her hand in front of his face. “Anyone home?” She knocked on his forehead.557Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZeIkF5sgD
8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡNweV8bc3PT 維尼

This was that place. The place where a man stuck his thing in the woman's thing. And it was called...it was called.....8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzdjBYDZXX 維尼

“It's called a brothel.”557Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbJhWrzaTZ
8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡnutCvyPhld 維尼

Wes went pale. He broke out into a sweat. If Deirdre catches me here...8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Szjxi7XxU 維尼

“What'd you do to the poor boy, Lyn?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdh5JUoQpk 維尼

“I didn't do nothing! He just stopped all of a sudden!”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqTPZ7da9n 維尼

Wes came to. “I, uh, I'm sorry, but Ineedtogetgoing.” He spun on his heels and set a direct course for the exit.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDK2aCR5vn 維尼

“Hold on a second!” Lyn said, chasing after him.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡXtgS4MpvVU 維尼

“SorryIdidn'tmeantowasteyourtimebutIhaveafriendIneedtofind.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdV7kXwENB 維尼

“Slow down, I can't understand what you're saying.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nGrNCOONg 維尼

Wes burst out of the brothel and froze at the sight greeting him.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUdx0GWMPK 維尼

“Geez, what is wrong with you?” Lyn said. “First, you're hot, then you start acting as though you got a call from your wife and—”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uW9GIZaxi 維尼

“Do you have any idea how long—”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0e9mrV2JDJ 維尼

“I'msorryDeirdreit'snotwhatitlookslikeIgotlostisallandthoughtthiswasanoveltyshopthatsellskeychainsthat'sallIswearIwasn'tdoinganythingwithanyonecrossmyheartandhopeto—PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!!” Wes dropped to his knees so fast he could've dodged a bullet.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtuboL3RMW 維尼

“As I was saying,” Deirdre said, “Fifteen minutes. I spent fifteen whole minutes looking for you. You know how many shoes I could've browsed in that time?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9q2EEG0j0n 維尼

“Um...Six?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡW5fU5bumEf 維尼

“No. Not six. Maybe not even seven. I'll never know, because I spent that time not looking at shoes.” One of history's lost mysteries. “To make up for it, you should bake me cookies. Double fudge double chocolate chip. Can you write messages with the chocolate chips?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqsO9Tfmfr 維尼

“Um, It's kind of hard to get write.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5IlwlcPIX 維尼

“Never mind, then. One dozen double fudge double chocolate chip cookies and I'll forgive this little misadventure of yours. And a baker's dozen, I might add.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQlJJP7PQh 維尼

“Yes, miss.” Wes heaved a sigh of relief. Better than that time she had him plant new flowers in her garden because he had messed up the date of her birthday and hadn't bought a present in time.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQBbqNO3XC 維尼

Lyn clicked her tongue. “Should've expected you to be the whipped type.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡSizQYqZ2y9 維尼

It was at this time that Deirdre noticed the bimbo whose getup looked like it had gone through a shredder, trampled on, and then ducttaped to her body. How degrading, she thought. Even wild animals had the decency to roam naked than to torture other living creatures with such horrible excuses for clothing.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4t0pjZHau 維尼

The walking wardrobe malfunction didn't take too kindly to the stinkeye Deirdre was shooting her way. “Excuse me, but what's that look for?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡmV8oah9wE1 維尼

“Oh, nothing.” She averted her eyes. “I was just wondering what sort of creature treats their own body in such a boorish fashion.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNGvVc7PtT 維尼

“What I do with my body is my business and my business alone,” the tawdry swine said.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeyyLg8n0V 維尼

“It becomes my business when you use those tree trunks you call your thighs to seduce my friend.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oOIyD5ckK 維尼

“Unless you're his mother, what he does with his body and mine is not your business.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzUUgibURS 維尼

“Wes is a pure and untainted soul who deserves better than some floozy who'll strip herself for a couple of coppers.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡIorGniH87a 維尼

The sentient contagion scoffed. “'Pure and untainted'? Ha! That's the funniest joke I've heard since my last customer told me he was a god in bed,” she said. “If your friend here is so pure and untainted, what's he doing wandering around the red-light district?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡvEb0kw71BX 維尼

“I already told you, I got lost,” Wes said.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRz9aB4FTK 維尼

“Are you serious?” the forlorn detritus said. “I thought you were role-playing.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡhz8VEPfdPb 維尼

“What are you talking about? Isn't role-playing for, like, video games?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhRxC48iMn 維尼

“Don't worry about it, Wes. This succubus has the ability to increase her sex appeal at the cost of her individual brain cells, and I'm guessing she's sacrificed a lot,” Deirdre said.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjjkON2lQT 維尼

“It's cute how you think I'm the stupid one here,” the unfortunate accretion of atoms said, “when your friend here doesn't even realize when he's in the red-light district.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4cH3qkERP 維尼

“I lived a very sheltered life,” Wes said.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgKPxVOFA0 維尼

“No one's that sheltered.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡVL7TZjvfh1 維尼

“Is is my fault my mom was a fanatical zealot? No.” He crossed his arms. “I don't believe it is.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡThRyotsHfj 維尼

“You should consider yourself lucky that Wes's mother isn't here to see what you're trying to make of her baby boy,” Deirdre said.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡztQ3a3Kb73 維尼

“Please don't refer to me that way,” Wes said, trying to hide his face with his hand.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqgq3RnhxT 維尼

“The thing that repulses me the most about the red-light district is that no one here understands the basic principle of less is more.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAaGrtmBlT 維尼

“Uh, hello?” The malnourished bacteria habitation waved her hand to display that unsightly wreck of a vessel she called her body. “Are you blind on top of being stupid?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡbI111vTbwV 維尼

“I can see your level of denseness quiet well, thank you very much,” she said. “To explain using little words your low degree of intelligence can understand, less is more means that the less skin being shown the better.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Wpm1VCEOr 維尼

“Um, no. Just. No.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡuoCMDHhiS5 維尼

“You think I'm wrong?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡCWeO7xg0NC 維尼

“I know you're wrong.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKcH1nVxfw 維尼

Deirdre narrowed her eyes.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡr65fKFJPNm 維尼

And the uncouth troglodyte narrowed hers.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rb8d5XoZX 維尼

Sparks were flying, the air was growing hot, and a storm was brewing. Wes, if you're looking to back away, now would be a great time. Know what, don't just back away. Run. Run far away. Head for the hills if you have to. Because the last thing anyone wants is to be caught up in is a Death Debate Duel!!8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yHHCEwYqM 維尼

In the one corner, we had the tiny terror, Deirdre Weichert. She was itty, she was bitty, she was a shrimp. She was so short, people of average height used her head as an armrest. She was so short, a kindergartener once asked her why she was skipping school. She was so short, she needed a step stool so that she could reach the chair she used to reach the cabinet above her sink. She was so short, she—all right, all right, so Deirdre wasn't that short. She was a solid 152 centimeters (160 if she stood on her tippy toes), but if you asked her, she was due for a growth spurt any day now in spite of all the milk she was drinking. Hang in there, little lady. Someday, you'll be tall enough to touch the stars.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXrXzAqLHK 維尼

And in the opposite corner, we had the vitiated flesh, Lyn [last name omitted for legal reasons]. She was tall, she was tan, she had a set of curves that made a man want to run his hands up and down her, appreciating a magnificence he hadn't unearthed no matter how many mountains he climbed, no matter how many canyons he crossed, and no matter how many nights he spent gazing at the faint arms of the galaxy. That's right. The search was over. Absolute Magnificence wasn't at the world's poles or the bottom of the ocean's trenches—it had been right here all along. Absolute Magnificence. The ultimate pulchritude. An innate panorama. A perfect marvel. The very thing whose existence was rumored to be the atlas that would guide humanity to the Throne of God—a place so fabled, so legendary, yet so revered and so yearned for that our forebears devoted entire generations to discerning its whereabouts, that we might at long last obtain the knowledge necessary to prove once and for all that God is really—Wait, what were we talking about again?8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87HMlySZTo 維尼

Anyway, here we go, boys and girls. The argument: less is more. Let's start with Deirdre. Mighty Munchkin, state your case.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMc1jCYaIq 維尼

“When you see a person on the street, what are they wearing? Clothes. Now, why do we wear clothes? For a number of physiological reasons: protection, warmth. But they also provide the effect of making us photogenic. A dress isn't functionally useful, but that's what a woman wears on a date or to a party or simply because she wants to look good. And when she looks good, she feels good.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyfHQxTKjI 維尼

Great opening by the Sassy Shrimp. It's as the old saying goes, clothes make the man, but as duly noted, clothes can make anyone. Let's move on to the Maker of Meaning's perspective on less is more.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IsqI7dIRK 維尼

“Ask anyone on the street what less is more means, and nine times out of ten, they'll say that less refers to clothing, which only makes sense. We were born naked. Nakedness is our natural state. When we're naked, we show the world how truly beautiful we are. Wearing clothes covers all that up, and besides, if you have to wear clothes to look good, you probably don't look good in the first place.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHR2XIvJps 維尼

An excellent rebuttal by the Answer to Civilization's Most Foregone Existential Questions. Nudity is when we're at our most vulnerable, but it's in that vulnerability that we find connection with one another. So, Pretty Pygmy, what say you to that?8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6c8dIhc9N2 維尼

“You're under the assumption that everyone is beautiful naked, but nothing is further from the truth. How many men and women have walked through your brothel's doors whose faces you've cringed at? Plenty, I'm sure, and that's without them needing to shed their attire. Even if someone isn't pleasing to look at naked, they can at least look decent based on the clothes they wear.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLGvqugPUv 維尼

Good counterargument, Exuberant Elf. We've all come across people we were glad who covered themselves up. All right, the ball's back in the Wokest Proletariat's court.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡUrgWUeyH5t 維尼

“That's the core problem with your argument. Wearing clothes to appear decent-looking is fake. It does nothing but trick people into thinking an individual is more attractive than they really are. It's deceit, is what it is. At least with wearing fewer layers to begin with, others'll know what they're getting into and won't be in for a world of disappointment when the clothes come off.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiZ7RMVgah 維尼

Yet another unique lens through the eyes of the Nihilistic Requisite. Haven't we all taken someone's shirt off and gone, “Eh” or “Oh”? Teeny Tyke, it's once again your—8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1klOJRPp6o 維尼

“It's hard to take your clothes are fake argument seriously when you're wearing so much makeup, which, I should point out, women wear to cover up their imperfections and, as you put it, trick others into thinking they're more attractive than they really are.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡJVMqMGvt2S 維尼

A smashing job at reversing the Contemporary Bluestocking's argument and turning it against—8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡel5CdhZ0Pq 維尼

“Makeup's totally different. It isn't about fooling others into thinking we're pretty, it's about expressing ourselves and showing the world who we are with saying a word. It's an art form in and of itself, requiring precision, dedication, and patience.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RdEtjIxAj 維尼

Who would've guessed that putting on makeup could be so—8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZPemAD8CQ 維尼

“All I hear are excuses for needing to hide your wrinkles and moles. Face it, not wearing makeup is the only way to show the world your true beauty. Take it from an expert.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡL0wNPPWtuN 維尼

So true. The natural look is the best—8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxe18Q8JLY 維尼

“An expert? Oh yeah, that's rich, especially coming from a stringbean who has to hide her 'true beauty' behind a frilly, little dress I bet cost an arm and a leg.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLe9B7BA4u 維尼

Hey, hey. We attack arguments, not—8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYSh8chgMt 維尼

“People look at my face when they talk to me, not my body, you thick dope.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBc896L2Xj 維尼

What was just said about—8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwdtNtw9sN 維尼

“And I bet everyone you come face-to-face with just loves looking at an imp.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUUjSQxNnA 維尼

Ladies, we're gettin—8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiHDTy6VdA 維尼

“More than they like dealing with a wench.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1MPA3OeyR 維尼

That's eno—8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGKEr65QaR 維尼

“Keep telling yourself that, mosquito bites.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡNInG40U38z 維尼

You—8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WGhs0PX0Z 維尼

“Back alley tool.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PVB5D2whL 維尼

“Pampered princess.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡDb5rWnqvXn 維尼

“Scourge of humanity.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0gjGcEdBw 維尼

“Annoying little insect.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2Bw1hapA1 維尼

“Scum dredged from the earth's core.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvUZv1m8lT 維尼

“Spoiled brat that needs a spanking.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7DwR8mTDVw 維尼

“Shameless vixen.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4ZhRdDnMf 維尼

“Ignorant urchin.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2L3GgsJ8qd 維尼

“Diseased tramp!!”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡATnPfLjsYR 維尼

“Crybaby midget!!”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8A55SLR2i 維尼

Wes had a feeling this argument had gone way off track. What are they fighting over again?8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡBRdMYGZYW0 維尼

“What's going on here?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8ylQ7MfQY 維尼

“My friend's arguing with a prostitute.” Wait a second... Questions don't ask themselves. “Who're you?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8TbDr0a0E 維尼

“The name's Herschel Cosper. But feel free to call me Hershey. Nice to meet ya!” This fellow was a tad too smiley to meet someone. It was like screaming for joy at finding a moss-covered rock. He held out a hand, which Wes eyed like it was covered in mud, garbage, and other filth of an origin best not spoken of. But he shook it only so that he didn't appear rude.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLyp8ay9Rb 維尼

“Likewise...”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeQPcRFdWa 維尼

“So, which of them is your friend?” Given that the choices were a.) a young woman in a frilly, black dress and b.) a half-naked woman, it went without saying that Hershey boy wasn't the best at the multiple choice questions on his school's tests. When he examined Deirdre, he didn't figure out the answer, but he did figure out something else. He pointed and said, “You're that girl I was talking to!”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZyiLhveXO 維尼

Deirdre, despite being locked in the fervor of battle, sensed the attention cast on her from her flank. After she scoped out the horizon to see what new threat was approaching her direction, she concocted a list of tactics on how best to deal with this unforeseen peril. She considered all her options and their possible outcomes before deciding on a strategic retreat into Wes's arms. “Sweetie! That's him! That's the big bad man who was sexually harassing me!”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQzUs0Krb5 維尼

“Sexually what?!”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAA0ceGS2T 維尼

“Sweetie?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQh2Yk03pC 維尼

Deirdre grabbed Wes by his collar and dragged his ear down to her mouth. “Play along with me, sweetie. Okay?” She released her sweetie, who gave the big bad Hershey a hey-is-that-true-guy look.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡafDdl7rGfw 維尼

He backed up, waving his hands before him. “That's not true at all! I kept my hands to myself, honest! Promise! I'm a gentleman of the highest caliber. I wouldn't dare lay a hand on a lady without her consent.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Gbx5BB86F 維尼

Deirdre tugged on her beau's shirt. “He was talking about how he wanted to have his babies with me.” Now Wes gave him a hey-that's-not-cool-man look.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡGrv4oSHh27 維尼

“I. Did. Not! ...Well, I did mention that I want kids...But I didn't say I wanted to have them with her!”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡTknTtZXQ5T 維尼

“He said that after flirting with me,” Deirdre said to her honey-covered treat.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡh57mGdrYZ3 維尼

At this point, the look Wes was looking at Hershey with was a hey-it'd-be-best-if-you-shut-up-and-walked-away look.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLKxesDu2X 維尼

But Hershey didn't shut up and walk away. He stood his ground, stating, “...I will admit, I may or may not have been trying to flirt with her, but I didn't know you were her boyfriend! She said she was looking for her friend, not her lover or whatever.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzjsoifBYM 維尼

“That doesn't change the fact that I've been scarred for life,” Deirdre pouted.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡawM6Bn4xvJ 維尼

“Wow, shorty, if you can get the waterworks going, you might be up for a best actress nomination,” said a certain narrowly undressed froth of human existence.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2QMm26bMt 維尼

Deirdre broke out of character to address the hairless orangutan behind her. “You're still around? Listen, I can't be bothered to deal with you and loverboy here, so would you mind disappearing?” She waved her hand to shoo her away, and then amazingly enough, the brainless baboon obliged. She obliged so well, it was almost as if a giant invisible hand burst out of the brothel and dragged her out of the plot before slamming the door.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡCtGlfDDSNm 維尼

“Uh...” Hershey seemed a bit on the confused side over how a woman managed to moonwalk without moving her legs.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGJBeDH8ou 維尼

“Now that that problem's dealt with, would you do everyone else here a favor and disappear as well?” Deirdre requested of Hershey, who complied the same as the lamentable derelict had. Well, mostly.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡiB28Aqkmg6 維尼

As he was performing his stepless moonwalk, he grabbed the sledgehammer from his back, stabbed it at the ground, and held on tight, which made it difficult for giant invisible hands to do their job.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PMuyeLgBo 維尼

Deirdre's eyes widened a little—a little—at his capabilities. Or perhaps stubbornness was the more appropriate word. “Well, color me impressed.” But not too impressed.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡlE9FSBydD2 維尼

“See? I told you I wasn't half-bad with Dohsoon.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡfIUFRjtqBi 維尼

“The hell's a Dohsoon?” Wes pondered. “Is that, like, the sound you make when you bang your head on something?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SZqLCHeLu 維尼

“I believe it's that contraption he's wielding as compensation.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rvXiHLle0 維尼

“Compensation for what?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyKxyCWLRl 維尼

“Dohsoon is not a contraption! He's my trusted partner and closest ally!” Hershey said, defending an inanimate object.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡNDHjIrUQCq 維尼

“Uh-huh. Sure. You have no real friends. Now that we've gone over that, would you mind leaving this time before I toss you through a wormhole?” Deirdre requested of him, again. If there was a third requesting of him, she couldn't be held responsible if her wormhole dumped him in the middle of an ocean.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCMKSl8QHa 維尼

He sighed. “Sure. Yeah...” He sighed again, and he was quite dramatic with it, like he was trying to draw sympathy from Wes and Deirdre. Not that either of them were sympathetic. But he got a C- for effort. “I'm sorry I made you feel harassed and violated and whatnot.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9JqEtfjIT 維尼

“You'll be forgiven if you leave me and my sweetie alone and never talk to either of us again.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡtOpyRZauK3 維尼

“I think he realizes by now that we're not—” Agreed, Wes. An elbow to the ribs is a good indicator to shut your mouth.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡUeQs4AOowM 維尼

“Okay.” [insert melodramatic sigh here.] “But if you don't mind me asking, what is it you see in him? What do you like about him?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡcufmvva6Wc 維尼

“What isn't there to like? He's tall, he's handsome, he's great at baking and cleaning, and he's the Third Hand.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFI2LLilX0 維尼

“The...the Third...Hand...?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDXHYBRYQh 維尼

“You heard correctly. The third strongest magus in the country. How can a girl not fall for that?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3IOWqAmBh 維尼

“The third strongest, huh?” Hershey raised Dohsoon and gripped it tight with both hands.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡJWXBrWlRKi 維尼

“Uh, what're you doing?” Wes asked.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXBU0jlK2L 維尼

“What else? I'm going to fight you.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57t5o1TdK8 維尼

Wes studied the giant construction tool. “Why?”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡdc21s5kv8U 維尼

“Because you're the Third Hand, and that means if I beat you here and now, that'll make me the Third Hand.”8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLfpeF9EP8 維尼

“There are so many things wrong with your logic, I don't know where to begin.” Not that he had the chance to, because Hershey swung that bad boy, and following its swing was this gale so strong, it carried Deirdre off in one direction and blew Wes in another. He maintained his balance pretty well for someone taking a ride on the Sudden Hurricane Express, voted world's most extreme locomotive for five years running. Free rides weren't allowed, however, so here came Hershey to collect the fee. Cost of admission: a hammer to the face. Wes, however, couldn't afford that, so he absorbed the blow with his forearms as his heels ground into the street.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡsl0tWTjdl7 維尼

While they were showing each other amusement park attractions, Wes introduced him the one where a slab of rock popped up out of the ground and sent you flying. It didn't have a name, but Wes liked to call it the Please Give a Guy a Little Breathing Room Spring 3000™. Common customer reactions included, but weren't limited to, screaming, crying, begging for mercy, wailing for one's mother, and general ragdolling through the air before going splat! on the ground. But Hershey here wasn't your common customer. There was no squealing or regret for having left his brown pants at home, and instead, there was twisting his body and landing on his feet before pouncing forward. He was nimble as a cat and swift as a panther.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lzEpuZqzZ 維尼

Wes rushed to meet his straightforward attack, gloved fists ready to lay down the beatdown Hershey needed for starting brawls in the middle of a public street. He needed to earn his paycheck, after all.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0jcEADwz3 維尼

Hershey came in swinging, and Wes went, Hey, batta batta, and then vaulted over the handle, giving the batter his first strike, then his second strike, his third one, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, and is it a bad time to mention that neither of these men knew how to play baseball? Wes was an advent fan of Cobbleball, which required tripping your opponent up and pinning them to the ground (he played it back in high school), and it showed with how he kept going for the ankles and knees.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnu5ZDOwIM 維尼

But the pussycat wasn't nimble as a pussycat for nothing, avoiding Wes's attacks or countering them outright. He didn't remember Cobbleball opponents being this tough, but they didn't have blunt force trauma-inducing weapons, either.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡnt2jsr5ADL 維尼

Seeing that Hershey could deal with a fist or a foot coming for his joints, Wes wondered if he could handle the cobblestones spinning around beneath his feet. He hypothesized that he couldn't.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5LVcM8rKyk 維尼

Wes twisted a foot, and a cobblestone underneath Hershey did a 360, and the grimalkin himself went whirling with it. With his opponent now experiencing that miniature heart attack unique to slipping on ice, Wes went in for the finishing blow.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVOS9j1m4N 維尼

But the furless feline deflected the finisher by becoming the embodiment of a top, twirling around and knocking Wes away.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dcWs9eJwP 維尼

His gyration came to a halt, and then he leaped head-first for the rocky wall that Wes erected for him to smack into. But Hershey wasn't so clumsy as to bash into an abruptly manifested sample of human construction. Not only was he nimble as a cat, he was graceful as a swan, for he vaulted over the wall and dove for Wes in a series of fluid motions.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2PMZOrUXi 維尼

Wes and the anthropomorphic chordate were at it again, now locked in a fierce dance competition to see who had the flyest moves. Wes was great at keeping the rhythm to a 4/4 beat, but the white avian was like a breakdancer who had no off switch. Regardless of the outcome of this match, they could start a dance duo together and become a national sensation.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHqs5wJqCZ 維尼

But this wasn't just dancing, it was extreme! dancing. That is to say, the sort of dancing where the floor kept moving around and trying to bust Hershey in his chin. Anything but the chin (or the rest of me), he said as he boogied his way around Wes's rave.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gJlGrUNVV 維尼

Such a slippery fellow, Wes thought as Hershey thrived in his physical representation of a music equalizer. It had been a while since someone was able to endure the hard difficulty, let alone the easy one. Normally, they were like, Ow, stop it! That hurts! Not my faaace! so having someone who wasn't whiny was refreshing. But it was also a teensy bit concerning, because Wes, who wasn't sure how it happened (he'd tell you he blinked or the sun got in his eyes, despite it being nighttime), found himself face-to-face with the business end of an incoming hammer face. Not into kissing inanimate objects, he backstepped to avoid it. A successful backstep, if he did say so himself, but maybe a little too successful, since the Sudden Hurricane Express pulled into the station at that moment.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvqyXu45Ke 維尼

He went flying high, and he went flying long, and at this rate, the train was gonna take him to the next town over. So he reached for the rooftops below, his fingertips and feet brushing against their tiles. One, two, three, four. It took four rooftops to kill his momentum enough for him to disembark from the train before it departed for the countryside.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAlUm8aSnA 維尼

Once that departure was gone, Wes was going to jump down to the alley below, because—and he doesn't like telling people this—he wasn't a fan of high places. Especially when there were hammer-wielding maniacs coming in hot for the landing on his spleen.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCc7KbyLT2 維尼

Rather than attempting to block that attack, he sprung for the rooftop behind him, and Hershey crashlanded on the ridge he had been on. But despite the tiles and wood splinters flying up from the impact, Hershey still managed to land on his feet, that cat.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡsCGbwkFYVf 維尼

“Hey! You're pay—” Wes started before he fled from Hershey's followup blow. Another damaged roof. Aw, crap... Deirdre wasn't going to be happy about needing to fix that, and if she refused, the damages were coming out of Wes's next four paychecks. He started sweating bullets.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡiySN6Fw6Ls 維尼

Most of the rooftops around here were slanted, and though Wes had trained and fought on steeper surfaces, he was on team Flat Surfaces. But better than flat surfaces were flat surfaces that were made of earth, but the buildings were so built so close together that he couldn't find a decent-width alleyway, and when he did, Hershey was too fast, and he ended up escaping to the adjacent rooftop out of reflex.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bBrAQTNyP 維尼

His objective at this point was to make it to an empty park or plaza and finish Hershey off there, but he only made it to the meter-wide ridge of a tenement before a certain pretty kitty caught up to him, and now that he had caught himself some prey (Wes wouldn't appreciate being called a mouse), he wasn't letting go. Due to the speed with which he was using Dohsoon, the only thing Wes had time for was blocking and the occasional counter, which Hershey would counter, and Wes would counter that counter, and then Hershey would counter that counter, but Wes would counter that counter's counter to the counter and—That chain went on for a solid minute before Wes broke it by dodging rather than countering.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtCN8hVsCy 維尼

In all the time that Wes was sparring with this guy, the one thing he wasn't able to do was knock the hammer out of his hands. Usually, people dropped their swords if you so much as looked at them funny, but no matter the maneuvers and strikes designed for disarming foes Wes used, that jumbo assembly implement just did not want to leave Hershey's hands. Must've had a rune attached to the thing that bound it to his grip.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwkwgKWDNF 維尼

Wes wasn't able to do much aside from punch and kick up here, but Hershey sure seemed to be up to something, what with all the wind he was stirring up. Whatever it was, Wes didn't have time to go investigating, not with that sledgehammer head looking to perform on-the-spot facial surgery. There was quite a bit of rattling, though, he could say that much.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNz4aQHrCQ 維尼

What else he could say was that he didn't like being up here. Being away from solid earth, he felt like a fish taken out of water, like he might die. Literally, like he might die. Hershey wasn't exactly holding back with his swings. Well, he didn't seem aware of how Hands were determined, so it came as no surprise that he didn't realize he didn't need to murder one to rank up. Time to fall back.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHomsZP4gI 維尼

It took a few seconds, but he managed an opening from which he would enact his exit strategy and vanish into the night. A perfect plan, if only a certain contemptible household pet hadn't put a roof tile where his foot was going. Thanks, furball (this was why Wes was a dog person).8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRKbVs6Mxd 維尼

Wes slipped, and the wind came, and it brought with it a tornado of more roof tiles. Oh, so that was what Hershey was up to. And just to point out, these were ceramic tiles, so they didn't feel like plushies and feather-filled pillows.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6tgnDFXjqp 維尼

He protected his head and torso the best he could from the onslaught, but he also had to watch out for Hershey—oh, speak of that devil.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpDJUg1AHW 維尼

In about the worst position he could be in to dodge or block or do anything, Wes rolled out of the way and went tumbling down the slanted roof before spilling over the eaves to the street five stories below.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3L4Vk2cpoH 維尼

Hershey gave chase, 100% informed to the fact that the street was made of earth. Speaking of, a portion of which was blasting off with his sculpted face as its intended landing zone. But a little boulder never hurt him, since he tended to smash them apart with his hammer. No fuss, no muss.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ217DhPVk5G 維尼

What was a fuss, however, was the second boulder behind the first. Unable to prep another blow, Hershey blocked it as it made impact, taking him for a joyride.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSuP5ftnLJ 維尼

With the air pressure pushing against his back, he found it a little difficult to move or do something so that he didn't go blasting off into the stratosphere. He was agnostic in regards to an afterlife and the existence of a higher power, but when an angel come to convey a message, a wordless message of quiddity and sanguineness, he had his answer. As the angel delivered its foot to the makeshift rocket, Hershey was certain now more than ever that God...8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5RfTkF1nd 維尼

...was a total jerk.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sq4e4RdGy 維尼

The boulder disintegrated and fell to the city as pebbles and dust, and Hershey went soaring over the rooftops and streets. So graceful, so elegant. A sight to behold for those below who spotted the glimmer of light reflecting off of Dohsoon. This wasn't how he had intended, but he had at long last achieved his lifelong dream of becoming a shooting star. He could, after all these years, die happy.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yYbDxwVne 維尼

Shine on, you crazy fool. Shine on.8964 copyright protection553ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cXG9dk7Dn 維尼

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