A/N: A somewhat tongue-in-cheek skit as you can probably tell from the title, but this was plenty of fun to write. Maybe I'll return to properly finish it one day. 660Please respect copyright.PENANAxoMFhBvgiH
-:-660Please respect copyright.PENANAp1ByosQCGN
THE TYPICAL GOTHIC VICTORIAN MELODRAMA, ONLY GAYER AND LESS WHITE660Please respect copyright.PENANAvRtaYAqffa
CHARACTERS660Please respect copyright.PENANAXnKOOxz7Kl
CECIL - male, twenties, biracial, well-dressed660Please respect copyright.PENANAApLzp29eRP
XIUYING - female, twenties, Chinese, no-nonsense; a suffragette660Please respect copyright.PENANAFjFIJvaosi
--660Please respect copyright.PENANAOKSuRZRFxN
EXT. GARDEN BENCH, NIGHT660Please respect copyright.PENANAukmuCdUZi8
Early twentieth century. CECIL sits, head in his hands, as XIUYING studies a handwritten letter with furrowed brows. She carefully folds it back up and turns to CECIL.660Please respect copyright.PENANA56pcKv7JRA
XIUYING660Please respect copyright.PENANAopzGjWr1iW
We don’t have much time.660Please respect copyright.PENANA6sgu65eTGb
CECIL
I’m surprised we have any time left at all! It only came in the post this morning. What the hell am I going to do?660Please respect copyright.PENANAtaF9SQX0Hq
XIUYING660Please respect copyright.PENANAMcRZB702et
First, you need to calm down so we can consider the situation. 660Please respect copyright.PENANA9F6Gjdbgoe
CECIL660Please respect copyright.PENANA8hMt5tWXxB
Calm? Calm? How can you expect me to stay calm after that? My lover is blackmailing me over poetry - explicit poetry that I sent him! He expects a thousand pounds by tonight, or else I’m in for ruin and two years hard labour!660Please respect copyright.PENANAlQqZnWF4oc
XIUYING660Please respect copyright.PENANAMr0pDhckqF
I understand you’re upset - 660Please respect copyright.PENANAp6lgyLpvgc
CECIL660Please respect copyright.PENANArmOcrG4fPx
I damn well am! 660Please respect copyright.PENANAJ7cwqmteHj
XIUYING660Please respect copyright.PENANApmPdVDLf6q
- but panicking will get nothing done. I am so sorry this happened, Cecil, and… I’m so sorry about Laurence.660Please respect copyright.PENANA9A87hINAHd
CECIL, stricken anew, breaks down. 660Please respect copyright.PENANA0B8KeLLufN
CECIL660Please respect copyright.PENANAgulsJH1YRK
Dear God, I trusted him. The first person I ever trusted with my love, and he betrayed me. I didn’t know he had it in him. We were all so careful. There was no possible chance of discovery. The three of us were the only ones who knew. I don’t understand why he could do this. 660Please respect copyright.PENANARZZg7Gj8CT
XIUYING660Please respect copyright.PENANAorUVL6O7Ua
(slowly)660Please respect copyright.PENANAko3MQeUq27
As a matter of fact, I highly doubt it was him at all.660Please respect copyright.PENANAx2zvbdjsgn
CECIL freezes and looks up at her. 660Please respect copyright.PENANAe23ybcM9yP
CECIL660Please respect copyright.PENANAKMxmEMlqji
What?660Please respect copyright.PENANAFxXfPNa7ZF
XIUYING660Please respect copyright.PENANArzOduficm6
I cannot in good conscience believe that Laurence is behind this.660Please respect copyright.PENANARirgZINrJ1
CECIL660Please respect copyright.PENANAwNqHVYFUL6
Xiuying, what on earth are you talking about? This is Laurence’s handwriting. This is the very ink and paper he uses to write his plays! (He gets angry.) Do you think I haven’t considered the possibility that the love of my life couldn’t be blackmailing me like this? This is undeniably him!660Please respect copyright.PENANAihsh0MyERm
XIUYING660Please respect copyright.PENANAh7bt5iYtHc
Yes, but if you had taken the time to read over this thoroughly, you would notice that his handwriting is wobbly.660Please respect copyright.PENANA0iqRJApLpA
CECIL660Please respect copyright.PENANAb66Za5oG3n
It’s always wobbly. Messy handwriting is the staple of any artist.660Please respect copyright.PENANAYrVojNBRgA
XIUYING660Please respect copyright.PENANAxI4Ac3jiHT
Messier than usual, I mean. You two may be lovers, but I’m the one who’s known him since grammar school. He only ever writes like this when he’s upset or under exceptional stress.660Please respect copyright.PENANAPzSi8P2Hsh
CECIL660Please respect copyright.PENANAQLDPksH4jl
Well, maybe he was nervous, pulling the rug out from under someone who trusted him. 660Please respect copyright.PENANAoUoibC1ukw
XIUYING660Please respect copyright.PENANATyOAHxZh8f
That may be the case, but look at this.660Please respect copyright.PENANAJFyk8n2fJS
She points at several dark brown and rust-coloured stains at the edges of the paper. There are ink blotches everywhere, but these particular spots, upon close inspection, are distinctive. 660Please respect copyright.PENANAGyjkGaXFwe
XIUYING660Please respect copyright.PENANAHMQhkEHM6T
If I’m not mistaken, that is blood.660Please respect copyright.PENANAr26UGBrtEL
CECIL660Please respect copyright.PENANARTAA9DWuHv
Blood? (A pause as horrified realization creeps in.) Oh, dear God. Laurence.660Please respect copyright.PENANAQpBmC8w8ok
XIUYING660Please respect copyright.PENANAwEdSnZ7kWQ
(grimly)660Please respect copyright.PENANApXa3BsU82j
Exactly. There’s something deeper here, far worse than what’s on the surface. 660Please respect copyright.PENANAXwUvKSGg69
CECIL660Please respect copyright.PENANArisb72GIYS
But - but if someone is forcing Laurence to write this, then how - how can we get him back? I don’t own a thousand pounds. I couldn’t possibly pay this person off.660Please respect copyright.PENANAgjDiq8PI2n
CECIL is shocked to turn and see XIUYING smiling faintly. 660Please respect copyright.PENANA8eYe0VJj9f
XIUYING660Please respect copyright.PENANAjRGgCg85v5
Who said anything about paying them off?660Please respect copyright.PENANA71mFb9aX6g
--660Please respect copyright.PENANAwoe8YbJKWU