A/N: A somewhat tongue-in-cheek skit as you can probably tell from the title, but this was plenty of fun to write. Maybe I'll return to properly finish it one day. 977Please respect copyright.PENANA0QnMQyzmXH
-:-977Please respect copyright.PENANASpC1AhTFQ7
THE TYPICAL GOTHIC VICTORIAN MELODRAMA, ONLY GAYER AND LESS WHITE977Please respect copyright.PENANAQk62scPFCj
CHARACTERS977Please respect copyright.PENANAO7YpB6G1qM
CECIL - male, twenties, biracial, well-dressed977Please respect copyright.PENANAwA80dF3FcS
XIUYING - female, twenties, Chinese, no-nonsense; a suffragette977Please respect copyright.PENANA9LJbc7mdUY
--977Please respect copyright.PENANAKa4r3N2gIy
EXT. GARDEN BENCH, NIGHT977Please respect copyright.PENANA2coKKMmbIF
Early twentieth century. CECIL sits, head in his hands, as XIUYING studies a handwritten letter with furrowed brows. She carefully folds it back up and turns to CECIL.977Please respect copyright.PENANApOPMy0A7Bv
XIUYING977Please respect copyright.PENANAuOQf7nHGja
We don’t have much time.977Please respect copyright.PENANAWpmWMdpKbi
CECIL
I’m surprised we have any time left at all! It only came in the post this morning. What the hell am I going to do?977Please respect copyright.PENANA6x2LlpfHIY
XIUYING977Please respect copyright.PENANA6MXyBaC5jl
First, you need to calm down so we can consider the situation. 977Please respect copyright.PENANA4bkNAMbIpE
CECIL977Please respect copyright.PENANAOVFVlPpiD0
Calm? Calm? How can you expect me to stay calm after that? My lover is blackmailing me over poetry - explicit poetry that I sent him! He expects a thousand pounds by tonight, or else I’m in for ruin and two years hard labour!977Please respect copyright.PENANAch8lrIdk3n
XIUYING977Please respect copyright.PENANAuX4kjLEOro
I understand you’re upset - 977Please respect copyright.PENANAoY6g6N569h
CECIL977Please respect copyright.PENANAk1F2HHyvdx
I damn well am! 977Please respect copyright.PENANAZGZvY4BW18
XIUYING977Please respect copyright.PENANA2NQGoh6LEW
- but panicking will get nothing done. I am so sorry this happened, Cecil, and… I’m so sorry about Laurence.977Please respect copyright.PENANAtOoyTqdsaJ
CECIL, stricken anew, breaks down. 977Please respect copyright.PENANAqn4cO2ejxU
CECIL977Please respect copyright.PENANAwgy0VzyAiG
Dear God, I trusted him. The first person I ever trusted with my love, and he betrayed me. I didn’t know he had it in him. We were all so careful. There was no possible chance of discovery. The three of us were the only ones who knew. I don’t understand why he could do this. 977Please respect copyright.PENANApPyPKwyZGG
XIUYING977Please respect copyright.PENANA01KKSVJ1tx
(slowly)977Please respect copyright.PENANAW8QTAmGPFE
As a matter of fact, I highly doubt it was him at all.977Please respect copyright.PENANA89y02alQHo
CECIL freezes and looks up at her. 977Please respect copyright.PENANAO8VZ5Pnmb5
CECIL977Please respect copyright.PENANAEVqhfjqAN2
What?977Please respect copyright.PENANAXWaxFNZdf8
XIUYING977Please respect copyright.PENANARyIwQoXSrn
I cannot in good conscience believe that Laurence is behind this.977Please respect copyright.PENANAR5VT4ONlWP
CECIL977Please respect copyright.PENANAyswHxxi5f4
Xiuying, what on earth are you talking about? This is Laurence’s handwriting. This is the very ink and paper he uses to write his plays! (He gets angry.) Do you think I haven’t considered the possibility that the love of my life couldn’t be blackmailing me like this? This is undeniably him!977Please respect copyright.PENANAeP9B61hisf
XIUYING977Please respect copyright.PENANABScoFjNHxE
Yes, but if you had taken the time to read over this thoroughly, you would notice that his handwriting is wobbly.977Please respect copyright.PENANAWazyqu2A0b
CECIL977Please respect copyright.PENANAtYuCkgQUYF
It’s always wobbly. Messy handwriting is the staple of any artist.977Please respect copyright.PENANAhDZT03617t
XIUYING977Please respect copyright.PENANAOF08i2tbk3
Messier than usual, I mean. You two may be lovers, but I’m the one who’s known him since grammar school. He only ever writes like this when he’s upset or under exceptional stress.977Please respect copyright.PENANAXeDXapQlLB
CECIL977Please respect copyright.PENANAW2p3gI9QJn
Well, maybe he was nervous, pulling the rug out from under someone who trusted him. 977Please respect copyright.PENANAz1s2IgGJ2i
XIUYING977Please respect copyright.PENANAR5BKo3AJvT
That may be the case, but look at this.977Please respect copyright.PENANAN4cP4ZLsfM
She points at several dark brown and rust-coloured stains at the edges of the paper. There are ink blotches everywhere, but these particular spots, upon close inspection, are distinctive. 977Please respect copyright.PENANAP2tLqVEUxj
XIUYING977Please respect copyright.PENANA4Orjh4rXQQ
If I’m not mistaken, that is blood.977Please respect copyright.PENANAz4iiqQV0Vc
CECIL977Please respect copyright.PENANAFwxAbganGS
Blood? (A pause as horrified realization creeps in.) Oh, dear God. Laurence.977Please respect copyright.PENANALyeff0yTAf
XIUYING977Please respect copyright.PENANAf1bj2IpkG2
(grimly)977Please respect copyright.PENANAlwFrPuJsxA
Exactly. There’s something deeper here, far worse than what’s on the surface. 977Please respect copyright.PENANAtO8FNjSjVA
CECIL977Please respect copyright.PENANA93op1alxaU
But - but if someone is forcing Laurence to write this, then how - how can we get him back? I don’t own a thousand pounds. I couldn’t possibly pay this person off.977Please respect copyright.PENANAR8eZtbnVWv
CECIL is shocked to turn and see XIUYING smiling faintly. 977Please respect copyright.PENANASrxEdh4VrB
XIUYING977Please respect copyright.PENANAz3JWeJdWi9
Who said anything about paying them off?977Please respect copyright.PENANANlqRO46OOv
--977Please respect copyright.PENANAsZPKiIzvMF