A/N: A somewhat tongue-in-cheek skit as you can probably tell from the title, but this was plenty of fun to write. Maybe I'll return to properly finish it one day. 639Please respect copyright.PENANAH010uvtajo
-:-639Please respect copyright.PENANAmi2RGLwB9H
THE TYPICAL GOTHIC VICTORIAN MELODRAMA, ONLY GAYER AND LESS WHITE639Please respect copyright.PENANA92HnTlsWv0
CHARACTERS639Please respect copyright.PENANA0KZp2bcgQ9
CECIL - male, twenties, biracial, well-dressed639Please respect copyright.PENANAwhZWdXXymK
XIUYING - female, twenties, Chinese, no-nonsense; a suffragette639Please respect copyright.PENANAAvNAm2COSA
--639Please respect copyright.PENANA1eJ8rxkvog
EXT. GARDEN BENCH, NIGHT639Please respect copyright.PENANAbGeifbEkex
Early twentieth century. CECIL sits, head in his hands, as XIUYING studies a handwritten letter with furrowed brows. She carefully folds it back up and turns to CECIL.639Please respect copyright.PENANAkxtB4EiQ3I
XIUYING639Please respect copyright.PENANApPKKyQujko
We don’t have much time.639Please respect copyright.PENANAOR0SNtcPjo
CECIL
I’m surprised we have any time left at all! It only came in the post this morning. What the hell am I going to do?639Please respect copyright.PENANAf3uka1YhCa
XIUYING639Please respect copyright.PENANAlkHTvFUsOY
First, you need to calm down so we can consider the situation. 639Please respect copyright.PENANANc4otoSsRw
CECIL639Please respect copyright.PENANADaLz7dmSBk
Calm? Calm? How can you expect me to stay calm after that? My lover is blackmailing me over poetry - explicit poetry that I sent him! He expects a thousand pounds by tonight, or else I’m in for ruin and two years hard labour!639Please respect copyright.PENANAhJHhsr10GA
XIUYING639Please respect copyright.PENANAF7zl3kaIAY
I understand you’re upset - 639Please respect copyright.PENANA9y6FYfMmxV
CECIL639Please respect copyright.PENANA3Nm2lCM0ms
I damn well am! 639Please respect copyright.PENANAy9fG1zBJbt
XIUYING639Please respect copyright.PENANAnPIK2EkC8m
- but panicking will get nothing done. I am so sorry this happened, Cecil, and… I’m so sorry about Laurence.639Please respect copyright.PENANALHTFeA6nR9
CECIL, stricken anew, breaks down. 639Please respect copyright.PENANAj1VK4Zzedi
CECIL639Please respect copyright.PENANAlTLvXrCTxV
Dear God, I trusted him. The first person I ever trusted with my love, and he betrayed me. I didn’t know he had it in him. We were all so careful. There was no possible chance of discovery. The three of us were the only ones who knew. I don’t understand why he could do this. 639Please respect copyright.PENANAmt6d9PjrE8
XIUYING639Please respect copyright.PENANAauVEh3Xm1b
(slowly)639Please respect copyright.PENANAi8U6CCJ2T3
As a matter of fact, I highly doubt it was him at all.639Please respect copyright.PENANAHgBe0rYixI
CECIL freezes and looks up at her. 639Please respect copyright.PENANATS9O7houio
CECIL639Please respect copyright.PENANASV58lugymR
What?639Please respect copyright.PENANAK4ofPNUdoj
XIUYING639Please respect copyright.PENANAvw8T3pGwRj
I cannot in good conscience believe that Laurence is behind this.639Please respect copyright.PENANAM5VO4XmVDF
CECIL639Please respect copyright.PENANAb6IPKhJ5gn
Xiuying, what on earth are you talking about? This is Laurence’s handwriting. This is the very ink and paper he uses to write his plays! (He gets angry.) Do you think I haven’t considered the possibility that the love of my life couldn’t be blackmailing me like this? This is undeniably him!639Please respect copyright.PENANAjk6PYXRU3g
XIUYING639Please respect copyright.PENANAYMsgIGTO5H
Yes, but if you had taken the time to read over this thoroughly, you would notice that his handwriting is wobbly.639Please respect copyright.PENANAD2wCbJKkkp
CECIL639Please respect copyright.PENANAlMadTcurOT
It’s always wobbly. Messy handwriting is the staple of any artist.639Please respect copyright.PENANAmx78nFZWeJ
XIUYING639Please respect copyright.PENANANE4OdYAM0A
Messier than usual, I mean. You two may be lovers, but I’m the one who’s known him since grammar school. He only ever writes like this when he’s upset or under exceptional stress.639Please respect copyright.PENANAhsNY96AJ3y
CECIL639Please respect copyright.PENANATruDBlMdEF
Well, maybe he was nervous, pulling the rug out from under someone who trusted him. 639Please respect copyright.PENANA81c1ApLCww
XIUYING639Please respect copyright.PENANAMJLos8MsLr
That may be the case, but look at this.639Please respect copyright.PENANAgQI3k4Jpa0
She points at several dark brown and rust-coloured stains at the edges of the paper. There are ink blotches everywhere, but these particular spots, upon close inspection, are distinctive. 639Please respect copyright.PENANAdBkW5gLUhl
XIUYING639Please respect copyright.PENANAIMVPYHe2wR
If I’m not mistaken, that is blood.639Please respect copyright.PENANAErUFaTTHUc
CECIL639Please respect copyright.PENANArWug4pud50
Blood? (A pause as horrified realization creeps in.) Oh, dear God. Laurence.639Please respect copyright.PENANAY1I84fkEW8
XIUYING639Please respect copyright.PENANA4VA1M62PBb
(grimly)639Please respect copyright.PENANA1xWU0L3eLC
Exactly. There’s something deeper here, far worse than what’s on the surface. 639Please respect copyright.PENANAuMjQlqwA8V
CECIL639Please respect copyright.PENANAZNPwNlRMpc
But - but if someone is forcing Laurence to write this, then how - how can we get him back? I don’t own a thousand pounds. I couldn’t possibly pay this person off.639Please respect copyright.PENANARIx24b19EI
CECIL is shocked to turn and see XIUYING smiling faintly. 639Please respect copyright.PENANAn0r0g8Oah7
XIUYING639Please respect copyright.PENANAdW33G75vTg
Who said anything about paying them off?639Please respect copyright.PENANAzYN5JxQp2c
--639Please respect copyright.PENANAOQ7mAcU06T