My breath caught in my throat as I raced towards the house. Everything went by in a blur around me, my sights only focused ahead. The flames illuminated the night sky and I felt like coughing just looking at the smoke billowing out from the roof.
The only thing that went through my mind was...
... Caitlin.
She was upstairs, playing in her room when I went out to lay in the hammock. I didn’t plan on going to sleep…it just happened. I was the worst father in the world. I’d never forgive myself for this.
Even if she survived, I’d surely go to jail for neglect or her mother would take her or worse…
“Stop it, Jeff! Just get inside and find her!” I screamed at myself.
As I got closer to the house, I could see it was more intense near the kitchen. My thoughts raced for the best route to get to Caitlin, but all I could think of was.
I left the stove on…how could I do that?
Of all the times…but I couldn’t beat myself up over it. Not just yet.
I dashed to the backdoor and yanked it open. The flames traveled upward, so this part of the house had easier access to the stairs. Immediately, the wave of heat made my skin scream at me to stop. But I fought against the urge. I couldn’t let it keep me from saving my baby.
“Caitlin!” I called, but heard no response. She was probably hiding under her bed, scared to death. All because of me…
Don’t think about it, just keep moving…
I tried the closest door to the stairs, but a burst of flames from the other side sent me reeling backwards. The hairs on my arm were singed, and the smell of burnt hair made me nauseous. Trying the other way was more fruitful, but I could immediately tell there was no way of getting out of this unscathed. But it didn’t matter, as long as Caitlin was safe.
Now at the base of the stairs, I called out to her.
“Caitlin!!”
There was no response at first, but I swore I thought a faint muffled cry from upstairs. Oh God, she was still there….
Grabbing a blanket from a nearby closet, I covered myself for some semblance of protection. It seemed such a vain attempt, but surely it would help even a little bit from the flames. Keeping my head low, I cautiously ascended the staircaae. The flames weren’t quite as bad here, but I could see the fire licking the walls in the hallway above. It was going to be bad.
“Caitlin!” I screamed again, and this time I could hear her better. It was coming from her room. Even through the blanket, I could feel my skin blistering like an awful sunburn. I sputtered through the hallway, trying to cover my mouth from the smoke and stay low. You could barely see in front of your own face. Even with knowing the layout to my own house I struggled to make my way, but fortunately her bedroom wasn’t too far.
By now, my teeth hurt from gritting them so hard. The heat was so intense, I had to fight the urge to run at every step. I had no idea how long the fire had been burning, but Caitlin had made it this long. She was one tough little girl.
I cringed as I approached her door, afraid of what I may find. A loud cough from the inside urged me on. The knob burned my hand, so I had to use the blanket to turn it. After a couple of tries, I got the door open and stepped inside. After another coughing fit, I fumbled around the hazy room.
“Where (cough) are you?!” I cried out.
“Here! Under the bed!” I heard her sweet voice reply.
My guess had been right all along. Crawling, I made my way and reached out my hand and eventually found hers.
“C’mon, baby we gotta go!”
“But I’m scared…”
“I know, but it’s not safe, we have to go now!.”
I got a tighter grip on her wrist, and yanked her out from under the bed. Even through the smoky haze, I could see the fright on her face. I hugged her close, kissed her forehead, and led her away from her room. She coughed a lot going down the stairs, and I could feel how weak she was.
“Can you make it?”
“I think so….”
“We just got a little more and we’re out. C’mon.”
Just as we got near the bottom of the stairs, a flaming wooden beam fell and barred our path. This kicked up a wave of smoke that blew in our face, and we both sucked in an airful of the awful stuff. I coughed hard, holding strong but Caitlin suddenly went limp.
No no no no no no…
I hoisted Caitlin up on my shoulders, bearing her weight on my scorched shoulders and lept over the blaming beam. The flames seared my legs, and I almost collapsed when I reached the other side. With as much exertion as I could muster, I limped my way out of the house and to safety.
Once we were far enough away, I laid Caitlin down on the cool grass and began to give her CPR.
One…two…three…
For how long I did this, I don't know. All I registered was when she finally came to. She coughed a couple of times and I was more than elated to see her sit up and look at me in astonishment. I smiled, and she smiled back.
“Oh, Caitlin, I’m so sor—“
I hugged her for an unknown amount of time, and she looked at me with those beautiful green eyes and everything felt right. We were safe.
“Dad?” She said, her eyes suddenly downcast.
“What is it, sweetie?”
“It’s time.”
“What, what do you mean?”
“I have to go back.”
“Go back for what, the house is on fire?! What could you possibly…”
“I think you know.”
I grimaced with utter confusion, trying to read the meaning in her. She wasn’t kidding and she looked determined to do it. What would make her want to do something so stupid?
“They’re just possessions, they can be replaced! You can’t! I can’t let you go back in there! You’ll die if you do! You’re lucky you made it out alive.”
“Did I?”
“Of course you….”
Suddenly, everything shifted. It felt like reality itself was bending. The very space around us moved, but we somehow were still. I felt my balance go out of sync, and I sat down to gain my composure. Visions went streaming through my mind…and it all made sense. I didn't want it to make sense, but it did.
I turned to Caitlin, gripped her hand as tight as I could and hugged her again.
“You can’t go…”
“Dad. I can’t stay here…you know that.”
“Yes, you can! I saved you…you made it.”
“Dad, it’s time to stop pretending. It won’t change anything.”
“But it…it makes me feel better. I…I can’t lose you, not knowing it’s my fault. I should have tried….I, I should have done something.”
“Don’t blame yourself. It was an accident.”
“But…how?”
“Please…just let me go.”
The look in her eyes…I knew what she was said was true. I understood. Shaking, I released her. As soon as I did, I watched in horror and disbelief as her skin crackled and crumbled into a heap of ash.
Hot tears stung my eyes, and I could only stare ahead for a moment, completely speechless. A gust of wind came through, carrying what was left of her with it.
Caitlin was gone….completely gone.765Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQo7VIMnEX
I suddenly felt compelled to look behind me and turned to see Caitlin had miraculously reappeared. She looked completely normal, and was slowly walking back to the house. She got to the door and gave me one final loving, peaceful glance before she disappeared.
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