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評《悲》 - CHAPTER 5 - 格格不入 | Penana
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評《悲》
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評《悲》
ISSUE #5
Author:
評《悲》
Author:
ISSUE #5
CHAPTER 5 - 格格不入
No Plagiarism!nqBqnkT8NRVyQZeT5cVsposted on PＥNAＮＡ

第四句的 「嗯」 給人感覺稍不正式。

此外大致上沒有問題。

總體來說，只能突出孤單、格格不入，並未能突出悲的感覺。

且全文只是單一的抒情，沒有轉化，沒辦法讓人有感觸的空間。

而且過度容易被人所理解，反而少了趣味性。

可以改善的地方是：

多加一些轉折、抒情的元素。

將個人的孤單，提升至所有與眾不同者的孤單。

完。753Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbJqCVWFkC

216.73.216.86

ns216.73.216.86da2
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評《悲》
Essay
Last updated: Dec 29, 2017
Total word count: 1,079
Total reading time: 4 Minutes
評《悲》
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