你好，我是莊坌但。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhxHdPSEKbf
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDeTEKl4gW5
等等，你現在一定「噗嗤」的笑了出來，然後想著這是什麼白痴名字啊？449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfPECPkUDz
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJt9qgI1c2
對，我也覺得這名字很白痴，尤其這還是我爸整整一年叫我兒子，終於在我一歲整時，去找個算命師特別算出來的名字，據說是九五之尊的好名字。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrW4OzdCE0q
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTglMakW3p1
我覺得這應該是九五加滿的屁名字，九五個屁。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zA0ejEVzQ
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthruJqdLPA
再說說當我爸第二天再帶我去找那個算命師時，那個算命師竟然被警察抄掉了。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Z0SvSAdhs
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXwy1Uxqdk
媽的，在我面前被抄掉耶。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfH3J1ls2JC
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQFQTANWt7
我想這件事絕對對我造成很大的創傷，不然我也不會把一歲發生的事記到現在了。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkQjosfZh4
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJO9ntfxors
更別說每次的自我介紹了，那簡直是地獄。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjP81hKaqW
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEttQz8AgV
「大家好，我叫……黑板上的就是我的名字。」我總是低著頭，不想看到班上同學討論我名字的嘴臉，那會讓我不小心上社會新聞頭版。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYlexIobaw
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixncBjmMaT
小學一年級，同學看不懂我的名字，還有種「你好屌喔」的感覺。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbS3ekktxC
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmV4CeDtKX
到了小學六年級，那真的很恐怖。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdj3K09qZya
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTU7yU2YXqd
「喂，那叫莊什麼但？」一個看起來長大會拿刀跟別人問好的同學，轉頭問一個年紀輕輕就戴了看起來和戴起來度數都超深的眼鏡的同學。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITsMFEsIyt
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4creWuCLku
「坌，念起來就跟笨蛋的笨一樣。」戴眼鏡的同學想都沒想就講出來。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MCC2rn6Jm
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTX7BXvARGd
全班開始爆笑，我只能站在台上傻笑，一直笑，不然我會想掐死那個戴眼鏡的同學。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbbCCAzgx7
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSevGBNWwxY
請把這個畫面重播，這也是我國高中自我介紹時，所發生的慘劇。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgpbr4tabGr
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSH2jNVi5W4
而我的綽號，也一路走來，始終如一的「笨蛋」加上一個會心一笑。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXdRHxzxeX
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5DGFI3HpU
大學聯誼時，我想我就像是在地獄被天使笑吧。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxrH1XRrxn
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIBkXKTxBj
「你好，我是……」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNL7oaYtN8R
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKZhlAQ7Pi
「他的名字叫莊坌但喔！超厲害的對不對？坌就是大坌坑文化那個坌，但就是但是的那個但，所以我們都叫他笨蛋喔，超屌的對不對？」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnbJnjJwzRI
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMlxrYQXE5
室友真是幫我介紹的相當好……個屁！449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb67Q71iT1G
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8I7pKAa3c2
我就只能傻愣愣的笑，然後對面女生就摀著嘴笑。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuh5buH2Ht
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW20FLnFXck
偏偏，我的長相比普通還普通，也沒有有錢的老爸，更沒有找男人屁眼的癖好，所以我一直沒有女朋友。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1gkYvR2us
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibKZRksTSz
畢竟，誰也不想叫「笨蛋的女朋友」吧？449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JKjjCyLUh
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtp58yyZXNv
再說說我的人生吧，這名字絕對是個詛咒！449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WGmaAE7iI
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufZK1OwSPB
從小體適能1600跑走就是我的惡夢，更別說在那段期間我身體的抵抗力還會自動升級一個level！449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2u7BGMaT3
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3BxWOhT58
此時你一定會想，抵抗力提升有啥不好？449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUh14FADCMK
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHe0RkFbpqK
不好啊非常的不好啊！449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡey8ZHw8UGQ
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCw27DqoWU
感冒簡直跟我是好碰友，我家擺的藥也簡直可以開一間藥局了。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCd4QRYDE6J
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YSMdPdSFI
而體育老師的規定，只要身體不舒服就可以不用參加，前提是，他會陪著你去保健室。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0B380izlD
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9Hk5Tpi5f
但是，就算測體適能前一天，我的鼻子還在被鼻涕強姦，只要一覺醒來，我就能夠用鼻子呼吸，然後痰也會自動消失，肚子痛什麼的也一併痊癒！449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGW4KQagh1A
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02ZB6BFE9S
然後我當然只能哀怨的等著老師點到我的名字，接著緩緩的跑完1600……或是走完。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfukV8ogJ6
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0JqTMjszR
出了社會，總是得找份工作。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODOsteXrDX
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡijc1XGaYHk
我自己買了台50CC通勤。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9O8BueXRQs
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBa4gLciaC
但我想它跟我一樣，體弱多病。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyyOecAKJy
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDLxtanwoE
常常停個紅燈後，它就不想動了，所以我得一個月去車行一次，不然我就只能走路去上班。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQbDKepQ52
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQ1r4slxbX
而且我想，它是台只要載別人就會很威猛的50CC。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0S3IOuVwTE
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNqruCcl7E
「坌但我今天坐公車來，等等載我回家喔。」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxISrUq5gWh
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDrAYYd8bg
「喔，不過我的50CC很爛，有可能一半就掛了喔。」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmj6lJO725
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG85VtckbS
「哎呀，沒差啦，真的掛了再說。」449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7aYnLe53O
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSAaSPIUvA
然後，我很順利的將同事載回去，而我家的50CC在路上連熄火都沒有。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEzx8012fL
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKBsUunkUnD
「沒很爛啊，聽它引擎的聲音感覺很猛咧。」同事在他家門前這樣說。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZigqqFicC
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKHitYTXod
我發動50CC，然後同事關門。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGXBg3AQQe
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUlk3ACdHc
它熄火，我傻眼。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZZoYsfGZs
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRQp3iZOkx
好險我跟我同事回家的路是同一條，所以我一邊緩緩的牽著它回家，一邊罵著它這台竟然給主人熄火的50CC。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡox3xPMQQXm
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbXHqPMEiF
當然，出了社會還是沒有女朋友。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡor1ICwfGFF
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrTHLeeAy8
畢竟誰也不想當「笨蛋的女朋友」乃至於「笨蛋的老婆」吧。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBapiZKF74
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0VSNN0hwF
但叫坌但又不是我的錯！449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTy7SnOWznH
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxUbLM354j
我無聊環顧著新租來的房子──前一棟因為地震垮了，隔壁的房子頂多家具壞掉，偏偏就我的整棟垮掉──看到了我目前用不到，以後可能也用不到的雙人沙發。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7figYPrOj
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQvKYghBUh
我打開筆電，百無聊賴的看著日本的動畫，也許我還是希望能夠像裡面的主角一樣，開個後宮吧？449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRElZM2dWaN
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6xGsJPikli
不過那就叫「笨蛋的後宮」了，想到這裡，我竟然不自禁的笑了出來，笑到眼淚都飆了出來。449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGb85gt1AR6
449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMU68FjnjF
混帳，一個人的人生哪是名字能夠決定的啊！449Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xAOlBtbbh
笨蛋與殺手
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