你好，我是莊坌但。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvEZrXZMC0
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoGmeUd9e7
等等，你現在一定「噗嗤」的笑了出來，然後想著這是什麼白痴名字啊？619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jjHN3DAfW
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAIyJavOzeN
對，我也覺得這名字很白痴，尤其這還是我爸整整一年叫我兒子，終於在我一歲整時，去找個算命師特別算出來的名字，據說是九五之尊的好名字。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENVl77cuoR
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvkdbnC69i
我覺得這應該是九五加滿的屁名字，九五個屁。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5zjwDB5080
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMBxjlpDXI3
再說說當我爸第二天再帶我去找那個算命師時，那個算命師竟然被警察抄掉了。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uJjMx4lFt
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QDi2lJfCD
媽的，在我面前被抄掉耶。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9cGOHjwO5
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0v42KGJDJ5
我想這件事絕對對我造成很大的創傷，不然我也不會把一歲發生的事記到現在了。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrRLfZyUpi
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwPcfPLSnn
更別說每次的自我介紹了，那簡直是地獄。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4xMkmJONT
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngTAhK7qAZ
「大家好，我叫……黑板上的就是我的名字。」我總是低著頭，不想看到班上同學討論我名字的嘴臉，那會讓我不小心上社會新聞頭版。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZlVjQrpts
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaS5U5y8UeF
小學一年級，同學看不懂我的名字，還有種「你好屌喔」的感覺。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwk9hmTCD3
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFwP63nCak
到了小學六年級，那真的很恐怖。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDeIS7cMuoj
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnG2mfulXz
「喂，那叫莊什麼但？」一個看起來長大會拿刀跟別人問好的同學，轉頭問一個年紀輕輕就戴了看起來和戴起來度數都超深的眼鏡的同學。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6bbG9FjIc
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqhH4dOErt
「坌，念起來就跟笨蛋的笨一樣。」戴眼鏡的同學想都沒想就講出來。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxV3fCkGxm
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUeXYZtDvK
全班開始爆笑，我只能站在台上傻笑，一直笑，不然我會想掐死那個戴眼鏡的同學。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1RJrHibU7
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFibIBjF6b
請把這個畫面重播，這也是我國高中自我介紹時，所發生的慘劇。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4Yp0U7tzB
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkg9yveBS3g
而我的綽號，也一路走來，始終如一的「笨蛋」加上一個會心一笑。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSS5WC3EeJ
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9LghsrbiP
大學聯誼時，我想我就像是在地獄被天使笑吧。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQd57UoSUS
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDEa50fon5
「你好，我是……」619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvkmw78Dnr
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpM2EiUN1z
「他的名字叫莊坌但喔！超厲害的對不對？坌就是大坌坑文化那個坌，但就是但是的那個但，所以我們都叫他笨蛋喔，超屌的對不對？」619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61wEsJAsoo
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qSofLnamA
室友真是幫我介紹的相當好……個屁！619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2qRsPFFH6
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jLCAMeEDk
我就只能傻愣愣的笑，然後對面女生就摀著嘴笑。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdK4Aj5RVFj
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv16KLUt8qL
偏偏，我的長相比普通還普通，也沒有有錢的老爸，更沒有找男人屁眼的癖好，所以我一直沒有女朋友。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqBsn2S3ez
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0izDIs7C2
畢竟，誰也不想叫「笨蛋的女朋友」吧？619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvlhyxOaBw
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMlW8h3F4C
再說說我的人生吧，這名字絕對是個詛咒！619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5k8EIPjp7l
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTinZot9QXR
從小體適能1600跑走就是我的惡夢，更別說在那段期間我身體的抵抗力還會自動升級一個level！619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1T8UvPSQb
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9uGJZc0Lt
此時你一定會想，抵抗力提升有啥不好？619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9h2ALvhvg8
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhf3w0ALc7
不好啊非常的不好啊！619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucsNgN3Ey1
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9TtfEdPDf
感冒簡直跟我是好碰友，我家擺的藥也簡直可以開一間藥局了。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImfOyJulVw
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9ZnSFa7gB
而體育老師的規定，只要身體不舒服就可以不用參加，前提是，他會陪著你去保健室。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOVgVbPATm
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Fbv5fqlOs
但是，就算測體適能前一天，我的鼻子還在被鼻涕強姦，只要一覺醒來，我就能夠用鼻子呼吸，然後痰也會自動消失，肚子痛什麼的也一併痊癒！619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ850SA5xeL
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTM7l2HdR5j
然後我當然只能哀怨的等著老師點到我的名字，接著緩緩的跑完1600……或是走完。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0FJyKhwex
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAFcsEUDLAn
出了社會，總是得找份工作。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92iSfMKOfl
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4XfDZQdqv
我自己買了台50CC通勤。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1qgqUMizA
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3TsFSjPWT
但我想它跟我一樣，體弱多病。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaVNghERDx
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8iKaiADfH
常常停個紅燈後，它就不想動了，所以我得一個月去車行一次，不然我就只能走路去上班。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0irFw5465a
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIQWuBSB1e
而且我想，它是台只要載別人就會很威猛的50CC。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ngujH76yV
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgqEzY4cAqt
「坌但我今天坐公車來，等等載我回家喔。」619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80yAPoZl9f
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQq9oHzhN7
「喔，不過我的50CC很爛，有可能一半就掛了喔。」619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSIymNZEykP
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjGQW2SYzm0
「哎呀，沒差啦，真的掛了再說。」619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VCTAxaPYw
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirzT1TD3Ng
然後，我很順利的將同事載回去，而我家的50CC在路上連熄火都沒有。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibRiS7cyPB
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafQOA9f77x
「沒很爛啊，聽它引擎的聲音感覺很猛咧。」同事在他家門前這樣說。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmAbLkArhO
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7bMAUzXYV
我發動50CC，然後同事關門。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeGJJpgG2x
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡey0wCrGPCX
它熄火，我傻眼。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CZ98QL8f1
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeFx1oRIYJ
好險我跟我同事回家的路是同一條，所以我一邊緩緩的牽著它回家，一邊罵著它這台竟然給主人熄火的50CC。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jzqXQNGHz
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Y00HXy992
當然，出了社會還是沒有女朋友。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQgAM3RHcW
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxHiVyFC6q
畢竟誰也不想當「笨蛋的女朋友」乃至於「笨蛋的老婆」吧。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMdRIiqHTF
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFLvFCOmZw
但叫坌但又不是我的錯！619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP3zLPMuoV6
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKrVtRJx7l
我無聊環顧著新租來的房子──前一棟因為地震垮了，隔壁的房子頂多家具壞掉，偏偏就我的整棟垮掉──看到了我目前用不到，以後可能也用不到的雙人沙發。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcytwXKPxfi
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyOf7hO5prV
我打開筆電，百無聊賴的看著日本的動畫，也許我還是希望能夠像裡面的主角一樣，開個後宮吧？619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8CIcJE868
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hq5sPqcNU
不過那就叫「笨蛋的後宮」了，想到這裡，我竟然不自禁的笑了出來，笑到眼淚都飆了出來。619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPt2IZDHb0
619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYGhQ4lfr4d
混帳，一個人的人生哪是名字能夠決定的啊！619Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSnTbybtfI
笨蛋與殺手
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