你好，我是莊坌但。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccsnMAJizp
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKveXuKTGM
等等，你現在一定「噗嗤」的笑了出來，然後想著這是什麼白痴名字啊？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT87vk2eXgS
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYhJD8CfxC
對，我也覺得這名字很白痴，尤其這還是我爸整整一年叫我兒子，終於在我一歲整時，去找個算命師特別算出來的名字，據說是九五之尊的好名字。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJIGPWbPTJ
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7kkXr2gthN
我覺得這應該是九五加滿的屁名字，九五個屁。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhHqXtPiVq
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClOf2IAomc
再說說當我爸第二天再帶我去找那個算命師時，那個算命師竟然被警察抄掉了。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcKLuXQupJ
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9c9HNeF4BR
媽的，在我面前被抄掉耶。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMhbjkFPac
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHZ3gg9OPh
我想這件事絕對對我造成很大的創傷，不然我也不會把一歲發生的事記到現在了。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJ2Pn3hjLU
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoCA4j6U4M
更別說每次的自我介紹了，那簡直是地獄。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCStL9VCrF
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMcAspCf1Y
「大家好，我叫……黑板上的就是我的名字。」我總是低著頭，不想看到班上同學討論我名字的嘴臉，那會讓我不小心上社會新聞頭版。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AAjIMhX7Q
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpsxNE1Xlmv
小學一年級，同學看不懂我的名字，還有種「你好屌喔」的感覺。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSum62NJVOu
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiVygynJX0H
到了小學六年級，那真的很恐怖。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuT5sEPxebB
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaILpR8eubs
「喂，那叫莊什麼但？」一個看起來長大會拿刀跟別人問好的同學，轉頭問一個年紀輕輕就戴了看起來和戴起來度數都超深的眼鏡的同學。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iIJJRqzng
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTaTpExSy1
「坌，念起來就跟笨蛋的笨一樣。」戴眼鏡的同學想都沒想就講出來。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3n3XY8Ne8
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2e2DBEfVjJ
全班開始爆笑，我只能站在台上傻笑，一直笑，不然我會想掐死那個戴眼鏡的同學。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1Nof9Jbgb
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiFp7K58kr
請把這個畫面重播，這也是我國高中自我介紹時，所發生的慘劇。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvyUA8L9sN
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡILD4UzwRH4
而我的綽號，也一路走來，始終如一的「笨蛋」加上一個會心一笑。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjT2iA1lQY
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZ2ngBs3gv
大學聯誼時，我想我就像是在地獄被天使笑吧。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgypkKvEVSQ
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4hYdljfQl
「你好，我是……」481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJ0ShrgFpU
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgB75AS3X32
「他的名字叫莊坌但喔！超厲害的對不對？坌就是大坌坑文化那個坌，但就是但是的那個但，所以我們都叫他笨蛋喔，超屌的對不對？」481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwQvwKvrFt
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47tshvLnM8
室友真是幫我介紹的相當好……個屁！481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVp7zeqnOk
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxplSaUTJ8
我就只能傻愣愣的笑，然後對面女生就摀著嘴笑。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7m374F27b8
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jNCScUtHO
偏偏，我的長相比普通還普通，也沒有有錢的老爸，更沒有找男人屁眼的癖好，所以我一直沒有女朋友。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBs46zK15OH
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaPVoPmv3IM
畢竟，誰也不想叫「笨蛋的女朋友」吧？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHvsHxa9FX
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMwNZEwSXn
再說說我的人生吧，這名字絕對是個詛咒！481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkAGFXPQA8
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKAVtGXaqJ
從小體適能1600跑走就是我的惡夢，更別說在那段期間我身體的抵抗力還會自動升級一個level！481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlCrihUMQa
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3sLNkpnC7z
此時你一定會想，抵抗力提升有啥不好？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eC4UwQYEa
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLauGbjKGV
不好啊非常的不好啊！481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IYCo9Mh9t
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPSWvA01eW
感冒簡直跟我是好碰友，我家擺的藥也簡直可以開一間藥局了。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Na6iyCZS1
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Pk9VTM0Ej
而體育老師的規定，只要身體不舒服就可以不用參加，前提是，他會陪著你去保健室。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDOppgkJgM
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BiGLzSCtc
但是，就算測體適能前一天，我的鼻子還在被鼻涕強姦，只要一覺醒來，我就能夠用鼻子呼吸，然後痰也會自動消失，肚子痛什麼的也一併痊癒！481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vZUdL1lTS
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pGo9eS55C
然後我當然只能哀怨的等著老師點到我的名字，接著緩緩的跑完1600……或是走完。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vfUpvJXDg
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKEkvcA4QD
出了社會，總是得找份工作。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYW4dZOzcC5
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1258OrRfw
我自己買了台50CC通勤。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZrUf9yfiw
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL899Zis9eC
但我想它跟我一樣，體弱多病。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLgBYBaaba
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhibkUIMew
常常停個紅燈後，它就不想動了，所以我得一個月去車行一次，不然我就只能走路去上班。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFFE9ofjVj
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHq8Ajvi8VD
而且我想，它是台只要載別人就會很威猛的50CC。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡst7uF2Fu5z
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJU64zRhyZD
「坌但我今天坐公車來，等等載我回家喔。」481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡER018wEM6K
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJK4KPc2EmR
「喔，不過我的50CC很爛，有可能一半就掛了喔。」481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKczGpMiSRm
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVK10nT87w
「哎呀，沒差啦，真的掛了再說。」481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt2KBkB4htQ
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLOhexfbbW
然後，我很順利的將同事載回去，而我家的50CC在路上連熄火都沒有。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRInkFmyySz
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YRFYJeVkU
「沒很爛啊，聽它引擎的聲音感覺很猛咧。」同事在他家門前這樣說。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFI6QXldXR
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuT5iyvCVr
我發動50CC，然後同事關門。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcX4aecI5b
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ6EKsXjSZT
它熄火，我傻眼。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUq3NHOhqT
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKU9zZINIR4
好險我跟我同事回家的路是同一條，所以我一邊緩緩的牽著它回家，一邊罵著它這台竟然給主人熄火的50CC。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCPsJyVh7K
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZyebXTfLQ
當然，出了社會還是沒有女朋友。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfzG2YdfhH
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbSwUySB4i
畢竟誰也不想當「笨蛋的女朋友」乃至於「笨蛋的老婆」吧。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2Q2FmMuQG
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwDN6nKlmge
但叫坌但又不是我的錯！481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhLsGwiyO3
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3RR9NkpXf
我無聊環顧著新租來的房子──前一棟因為地震垮了，隔壁的房子頂多家具壞掉，偏偏就我的整棟垮掉──看到了我目前用不到，以後可能也用不到的雙人沙發。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SaT3ZHein
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy8JoKY7pPv
我打開筆電，百無聊賴的看著日本的動畫，也許我還是希望能夠像裡面的主角一樣，開個後宮吧？481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZpgXEeVPNJ
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXNZCoyVzW
不過那就叫「笨蛋的後宮」了，想到這裡，我竟然不自禁的笑了出來，笑到眼淚都飆了出來。481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡANYO6NPUu4
481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQJyIGG06b
混帳，一個人的人生哪是名字能夠決定的啊！481Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWtXVYjwMC
笨蛋與殺手
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