你好，我是莊坌但。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUVj7qRvPG
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI19Zlzrais
等等，你現在一定「噗嗤」的笑了出來，然後想著這是什麼白痴名字啊？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUGeAshKZo
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwY26KlHwa
對，我也覺得這名字很白痴，尤其這還是我爸整整一年叫我兒子，終於在我一歲整時，去找個算命師特別算出來的名字，據說是九五之尊的好名字。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo21idooB9j
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Yy1gRN1vl
我覺得這應該是九五加滿的屁名字，九五個屁。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyT010dH0tU
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3BimC4ZCs
再說說當我爸第二天再帶我去找那個算命師時，那個算命師竟然被警察抄掉了。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZk6LpU2war
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZnW5TPgTe
媽的，在我面前被抄掉耶。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSlJIMhoom
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4xkwtgT3X
我想這件事絕對對我造成很大的創傷，不然我也不會把一歲發生的事記到現在了。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBssjcuIbd
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdcMsweWXP
更別說每次的自我介紹了，那簡直是地獄。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJZtT7DZrt
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXpPY65MQb8
「大家好，我叫……黑板上的就是我的名字。」我總是低著頭，不想看到班上同學討論我名字的嘴臉，那會讓我不小心上社會新聞頭版。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XpWUXOURo
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmHTSJw8ix8
小學一年級，同學看不懂我的名字，還有種「你好屌喔」的感覺。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLntGvoX6fG
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0ib2aoHme
到了小學六年級，那真的很恐怖。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTlFvqrNLZ
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRKLOWOWa0
「喂，那叫莊什麼但？」一個看起來長大會拿刀跟別人問好的同學，轉頭問一個年紀輕輕就戴了看起來和戴起來度數都超深的眼鏡的同學。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScLMOfsuLU
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIE2UWR0FCt
「坌，念起來就跟笨蛋的笨一樣。」戴眼鏡的同學想都沒想就講出來。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNBgdyRALF
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡROve8pSE3n
全班開始爆笑，我只能站在台上傻笑，一直笑，不然我會想掐死那個戴眼鏡的同學。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnOUZfzcjY
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKVwIuikm8
請把這個畫面重播，這也是我國高中自我介紹時，所發生的慘劇。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmaMgeXAasD
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0u1g0jVyS
而我的綽號，也一路走來，始終如一的「笨蛋」加上一個會心一笑。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqhlyHgow9
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡspvT4cn52k
大學聯誼時，我想我就像是在地獄被天使笑吧。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5hNUnhMZXT
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcXNt35fRSo
「你好，我是……」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rtXeBNJZm
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGwAcNiD8K
「他的名字叫莊坌但喔！超厲害的對不對？坌就是大坌坑文化那個坌，但就是但是的那個但，所以我們都叫他笨蛋喔，超屌的對不對？」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVs7x3cBZq
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9YhmFGmiX
室友真是幫我介紹的相當好……個屁！420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSluks0ct3r
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqtx5YE2Ogc
我就只能傻愣愣的笑，然後對面女生就摀著嘴笑。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqnQjAsuUt
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42zD4k3e9G
偏偏，我的長相比普通還普通，也沒有有錢的老爸，更沒有找男人屁眼的癖好，所以我一直沒有女朋友。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuiUAPZmtD
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gLcmiBZNN
畢竟，誰也不想叫「笨蛋的女朋友」吧？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKhGadoP2L
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliwi3bkLSC
再說說我的人生吧，這名字絕對是個詛咒！420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UwWw37UNk
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCaWQt4Cv9
從小體適能1600跑走就是我的惡夢，更別說在那段期間我身體的抵抗力還會自動升級一個level！420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlbGwTmmOD
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVebREV0bF
此時你一定會想，抵抗力提升有啥不好？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3MnPz16P7f
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfV50RjNBr7
不好啊非常的不好啊！420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdrwc6vafHP
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLavQBJ55Iq
感冒簡直跟我是好碰友，我家擺的藥也簡直可以開一間藥局了。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXaqB3VuvnE
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe120JKsXYN
而體育老師的規定，只要身體不舒服就可以不用參加，前提是，他會陪著你去保健室。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1958o4Zywp
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXOIxAeozY
但是，就算測體適能前一天，我的鼻子還在被鼻涕強姦，只要一覺醒來，我就能夠用鼻子呼吸，然後痰也會自動消失，肚子痛什麼的也一併痊癒！420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7eUt8b2mKn
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡophSp2n6Ta
然後我當然只能哀怨的等著老師點到我的名字，接著緩緩的跑完1600……或是走完。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtgcZNOoG2
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrluZMuQHQ2
出了社會，總是得找份工作。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtHduzlostp
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BhJtA4M4H
我自己買了台50CC通勤。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeWTDYtdsK
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlMUk5lgaX
但我想它跟我一樣，體弱多病。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmP9yMI3qzM
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9fc89AdpX
常常停個紅燈後，它就不想動了，所以我得一個月去車行一次，不然我就只能走路去上班。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHoRlDte6R9
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoPeMoQ298
而且我想，它是台只要載別人就會很威猛的50CC。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfyyNRE5xo
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfNvyAt46v
「坌但我今天坐公車來，等等載我回家喔。」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoKcPPNqx8
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnS5X1F6bEc
「喔，不過我的50CC很爛，有可能一半就掛了喔。」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ79Hq0QALM8
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9qDn78nkN
「哎呀，沒差啦，真的掛了再說。」420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmq2MwNRY5l
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjEI6SR2ey
然後，我很順利的將同事載回去，而我家的50CC在路上連熄火都沒有。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCtOEmG2vK
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCH69SGEBvS
「沒很爛啊，聽它引擎的聲音感覺很猛咧。」同事在他家門前這樣說。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOgTb1JdiX
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgeKabrnKs
我發動50CC，然後同事關門。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9G0KV0Dpg
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbDkxIiDTb
它熄火，我傻眼。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjX0hUa7YDz
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmFE6nJAsX
好險我跟我同事回家的路是同一條，所以我一邊緩緩的牽著它回家，一邊罵著它這台竟然給主人熄火的50CC。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lqskbmbFg
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0cF30QiNJ
當然，出了社會還是沒有女朋友。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWxuWGGt62
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLICf8PwAz
畢竟誰也不想當「笨蛋的女朋友」乃至於「笨蛋的老婆」吧。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGdeQnXNSS
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SljmoMWZI
但叫坌但又不是我的錯！420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jwq8nElsn
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87gf1pwBCs
我無聊環顧著新租來的房子──前一棟因為地震垮了，隔壁的房子頂多家具壞掉，偏偏就我的整棟垮掉──看到了我目前用不到，以後可能也用不到的雙人沙發。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wEJGiiEto
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qsHbQ5fyq
我打開筆電，百無聊賴的看著日本的動畫，也許我還是希望能夠像裡面的主角一樣，開個後宮吧？420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNtFc1KxpJ
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmklWnJsxdx
不過那就叫「笨蛋的後宮」了，想到這裡，我竟然不自禁的笑了出來，笑到眼淚都飆了出來。420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaU6iM8quG
420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCgNIB2lNP
混帳，一個人的人生哪是名字能夠決定的啊！420Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpZBo9FBN9
笨蛋與殺手
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