My fingers skim quickly and effortlessly over the keys of the piano, the sound of the music resonating throughout the entire house. Music is an outlet for emotional hardships, like ice to a bruise. It allows you pour your soul out.478Please respect copyright.PENANAp1q32AdWSW
Today, I feel disconnected; no matter how hard I try, no matter how many dynamics I use, I still can't bride the gap between my emotions and the music. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAK0inx2P4Fn
It's been a week.478Please respect copyright.PENANAXzuKMarhcf
One entire dreadful week.478Please respect copyright.PENANAcXfoKLbGem
A week since I came across a dead man's body.478Please respect copyright.PENANATnp9Ns3KFN
A week since the inside of my head has become a living nightmare.478Please respect copyright.PENANAQfOHgKPIzG
A week of being completely incapable of sleeping — not that I was sleeping well before.478Please respect copyright.PENANA2pWG4Z2AwV
Every time I close my eyes, I see the boy's body hanging from the tree, his eyes half-open as if he is still trying to see the world, not yet ready to let go.478Please respect copyright.PENANAPe8HJVTh6D
It is the most horrific thing that I have ever experienced in my entire life.478Please respect copyright.PENANAWXeXWsOlao
It is probably the most horrific thing that I will ever experience.478Please respect copyright.PENANAMeTHejpqmp
Frustrated, I bang my fists against the keys, as if it's the instrument's fault that I'm having a psychological crisis, causing chords of dissonance to echo from the piano. The sounds seem reflect my current state of mind: inharmonious, harsh to the point of being painful.478Please respect copyright.PENANADuHX2BCiTB
I'm looking down at the piano keys, the ivory and ebony complementing each other, when the doorbell rings. Slowly, I raise my head, looking up from the keys towards the front door when the doorbell buzzes again. Briefly, I wonder who or what could be on the other side of that door; I have no family here in Wake Forest, North Carolina, and I generally keep to myself. I don't like interacting with others.478Please respect copyright.PENANAQsFUYe8uei
"Coming!" I shout, scrambling to get up from the piano bench, and walk briskly to the door, my exhaustion causing me to trip over my own two feet on the way. When I wrench it open, my eyes are greeted by a young police officer standing on my porch, wearing a crushed uniform two sizes too big for him, and with dark bags under his eyes which I am sure I have as well.478Please respect copyright.PENANADqyKSp9UmU
"Good morning, sir," I say to him, closing the front door behind me.478Please respect copyright.PENANA4Dtnezk8fy
"Hello ma'am," he introduces himself with a southern drawl. "My name is Officer Calvin Tiller, and I'm investigating the death of Antoine Mackenzie," he says, holding up his badge so that I can see it.478Please respect copyright.PENANAEF8hGYmTMb
"Reina James," I state, taking a seat in one of the rocking chairs on my porch, and gesturing to the other, an invitation for him to sit as well.478Please respect copyright.PENANAwpB4nIRD9y
He puts away his badge and sits carefully in the chair before looking up to stare into my eyes, deep, oceanic blue into pale brown. It's unnerving. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAcOwZciutbF
"I presume that you would like to ask me some questions, officer," I state lowly, breaking the uncomfortable silence.478Please respect copyright.PENANA94oe68y20p
"You look tired," is all he says in response.478Please respect copyright.PENANAue1YeyJmqc
Well, I haven't been able to sleep for a week.478Please respect copyright.PENANAx1R500M29n
I close my eyes and exhale loudly. I don't enjoy being analysed, and that is exactly what this boy is trying to do.478Please respect copyright.PENANADvzm8KUOyj
"The boy died a week ago; why didn't you come sooner?"478Please respect copyright.PENANAfNYx5CbA3X
To be honest, I've been waiting for them to show up, to ask questions; I expected them to come later that day, or the next day. When two days turned into three, I figured that they didn't need me. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAwf6gmpOOnG
I guess I didn't wait long enough.478Please respect copyright.PENANAUjdvL1W3w1
"My Captain didn't think it was necessary."478Please respect copyright.PENANAG20Ejyk18n
"And now he or she does?"478Please respect copyright.PENANAkK8Qy3SXZr
Suddenly, he looks very uncomfortable. Something isn't right.478Please respect copyright.PENANAPyNgu70KvY
"Look, I'm just trying to do my job — get justice for that boy. You're the one who found him, you're the one who called that operator, and you're the one who was there when the police arrived, so right now, you're in the best position to help me."478Please respect copyright.PENANAS1O9vEKgTi
"I found a young black man hanging from a tree. That's all I know, officer, that's all I saw. It brought back some not so pleasant memories. Made me feel unsafe. What else do you want me to say?"478Please respect copyright.PENANAxIcXUY7qIL
He looks at me intently and leans forward, and instinctively, I mimic his action.478Please respect copyright.PENANACpjgoF0qjd
"Did you see anything suspicious?" he asks in a low voice. Drag marks in the dirt? Clumps of dirt or leaves anywhere? Anything?"478Please respect copyright.PENANAGKHAv3z38p
"I'm not a detective. I didn't look. I was shocked. Afraid. No, not afraid. Terrified."
I look at him — really take a good look at him for the first time since he's come here, and see that his eyes are begging me, pleading with me. 478Please respect copyright.PENANAgIxCiLpPaI
I am so confused.
"Why are you asking me, anyway? Wouldn't the cops have seen this by now?"478Please respect copyright.PENANA05hDy1dvZG
He looks down, avoiding eye contact, but says nothing.478Please respect copyright.PENANAH3eLoSxIpz
"Officer?"478Please respect copyright.PENANAoEqO8J3KmB
When our eyes meet again, I don't think I've ever seen someone look so defeated.
"They've closed the investigation."478Please respect copyright.PENANArAhoIVVHvO
"It's been a week," I state, just above a whisper, torn between confusion and anger.478Please respect copyright.PENANABddYO9fm4i
"I know," he replies, unable to keep the frustration out of his tone.478Please respect copyright.PENANAhtWjju6Fyi
"So how the hell did they close the investigation so quickly?"478Please respect copyright.PENANAcCTGB5bpfA
He purses his lips, then answers me.
"They say that it was a suicide."478Please respect copyright.PENANARLq5qHtk2Y
"How the hell did they come to that conclusion?" I ask angrily, raising my voice. I found this boy; there are so many ways for someone to kill them self, but he was hanging in a goddamn playground. That seems like a sign too strong to ignore. 478Please respect copyright.PENANA1o8codAYmD
And they want to close the investigation after one week?478Please respect copyright.PENANASKj8t1dgdI
"They didn't bother to look," he answers.478Please respect copyright.PENANAZI7oF1adfP
"You're one of them; why are you telling me this?" I ask, skepticism dripping from my every word. I don't trust him.478Please respect copyright.PENANATTkk4SreI2
He bites his lip, as if trying to decide on whether or not to tell me the truth.
"Because I don't think he killed himself, and I don't think you do, either."478Please respect copyright.PENANAwGHDjxqz0g
"So you want my help," I deadpan after staring at him for a few seconds.478Please respect copyright.PENANAL7Dw5PYOB9
"I was just wondering if you heard or saw anything else."
"No, officer, I didn't."478Please respect copyright.PENANA6oPsbGLSa4
With that, he sighs and gets up, and I rise with him. He turns to me and hands me a card.478Please respect copyright.PENANADzlLwJJPxW
"If you find or remember anything at all, please contact me."478Please respect copyright.PENANAbMrVZpqPaM
"Are you allowed to do this?" I ask him. When he looks at me in silence, I have my answer.478Please respect copyright.PENANAanIEqSdMos
"I'll call if necessary," I tell him. "Goodbye, officer Tiller."478Please respect copyright.PENANArS9RZnQoZ8
"Thank you Miss James," he says, before turning and walking off of my porch.478Please respect copyright.PENANAmQA23daUxJ
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