I go to my father's village, and I take on a subordinate position collecting herbs and plants. My mother does not come for me; perhaps she understands loss. She has known it much in her lifetime. In the evenings, I sit in a tree and look over the landscape. Vegas joins me. Perhaps he pitties me. We speak of his God. We speak of his land. It is a much-appreciated distraction from my own world, and he makes me laugh. Though sometimes Vegas and I sit without saying anything, quiet and in our own thoughts. His company is unfamiliar and strange at first, but then, my evenings feel very lonely when he is not there.237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEz3iNCYoUn
When I return home after four weeks or so, my mother and Aunt Genevieve are there. When I come into the house, Aunt Genevieve turns on me. She throws a vase at my head that shatters into a thousand pieces like my mind, like my heart.
"Get out!!!" she screams. "It is your fault."
My mother seems in her own daze, and she does not defend me; but she turns to her sister to comfort her. She looks at my grandmother, and my grandmother escorts me out. I feel lost.237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iSpUtu3D8
"Grandmother...I did not mean to"
"Child, I know it is not your fault. Sometimes, when we lose someone, we lose ourselves and all sense of what makes sense."237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzYtFFHe7UQ
"I lost someone too!" I scream.
I storm off to my horse and slip onto her back. My vision is blurry, so I let the mare go wherever she wants. She finds Vegas.
"You're still here?" I question.
He nods. "You're crying."
"My aunt blames me, and I do not blame her...it was my fault. I should have been watching out for her. She was younger than me. It was not her time to go. She was all my Aunt Genevieve had. It should have been me."237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyvJtCnzLs
"Don't you dare say that," he murmurs, jumping out of the tree.
He puts his hands on my shoulders. "I have to leave now to meet the princes; we are returning to the Distance Colonies. However, I want to give you something."
He takes off a bracelet with a little fish to slide up my arm. He smiles at me. "My mother made it for me when I was very young. Maybe you should keep it now. It has guarded me through so many hard times, you know? It symbolizes when Jesus split the fish and the seven loaves of bread to feed a great multitude of people. Now, it will be there to remind you that Christ can bring you through anything. Just lean on him." He smiles.237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2jYQP092e
"I couldn't... your mother made this for you."
"What if I do not believe?...I do not believe in anything right now..."
"Someday, perhaps you will."
"I..."
He squeezes my hands in his, "I insist. Maybe you will give it back to me."
"When will I see you again?"
"I will come back for you," he whispers.
I close my eyes; my voice is shaky. "We cannot be together. You know that, don't you? I am future Queen."237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftmCEtq71g
"Yes, you are strong and confident and brave. But what I love about you is your vulnerability. Your mother is a master of facades. She puts up a constant front to hide her emotions, but emotions, sympathy, feeling...is what makes us strong, able to connect with others..."
I think my mother lost that part of herself a long time ago...with Richard...love makes us weak, and that is why I cannot fall in love.
"Vegas." But there is something about him. "How can you say 'love'?"
"Love? I am not sure. I do not know much anymore, but I think I have loved you from the first day that I saw you. Is that possible?"
"Maybe, maybe it is possible, but I am not sure I believe in love-at-first-sight."
He smiles. "Neither do I, but I know that I am fond of you. That means something, doesn't it? All of you. Your beauty, your intelligence, your heart...I think I love you. Does that mean something?"
"It does." A thousand thoughts go through my mind. What Kimberly and Popplar must have felt, and I have been avoiding him because I do not want to deal with his grief on top of my own.
He takes my hand and kisses the knuckles, gracing my fingers with his thumb.
"I hope that you will love me too one day," he murmurs. "I promise I will return."237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtW4wRGk2P
I do not speak. Twiddling the bracelet, I watch him go to his horse. He hoists himself into the saddle and looks back to me. I want to say something, but my throat is dry. My voice is gone. Instead, I just wave. His smile does not change; at least he does not seem offended.
As he rides away, avoiding the water, my heart races and explodes against my rib cage. Avi lands on my shoulder. He caws, questioning my apprehension with concern.
"It is nothing, Avi," I reply. "Just...I think I love him too." He turns his head to the side, preens his feathers a bit, and settles.
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