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星期六下午沒事幹,阿幼獨自一人即興的走進戲院,打算一個人看戲。第一次一個人去看戲時她還會感到一點尷尬,特別在買戲票,戲院職員最後還會跟強調是否只購一張戲票時,阿幼都會渾身不自在。401Please respect copyright.PENANAgjHyUYosIn
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但後來阿幼慢慢習慣了,反正看戲的重點是專注在銀幕的內容裡,身邊有沒有人在旁並不重要,也體驗到獨自一人做事的自由和樂趣,起碼不用受制和依賴別人。401Please respect copyright.PENANARx0jiY9U3l
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在挑選影片場次時,阿幼發現4號影院下午3:15場次的電影介紹很特別。只限一人觀看,那些屬於自己腦袋裡的幻想畫面。可能是填補現實缺口的美好幻想;可能是自編自導自演的劇情幻想;可能是誇大情緒來滿足自我的不自覺幻想;可能是不斷重複自製的發笑畫面;可能被困恐懼中的危難幻想等等等等……401Please respect copyright.PENANAhXPK0uZQEv
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阿幼非常有興趣去一探自己腦袋裡的想像空間,反正她就是想像力過剩的人,最後她買了那場次唯一的電影票。401Please respect copyright.PENANAQTWJDxbUsv
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阿幼也買了每次看戲都會買的焦糖爆谷及汽水,她很喜歡這甜甜的味道,也是她喜歡到戲院的原因之一。401Please respect copyright.PENANA9VnPG8ZQ3S
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由職員帶領,踏入4號院,阿幼彷彿進入了一片寧靜星空宇宙中。地方也沒有了牆身和線條的限制,她也像浮站在空中似的。「好美!好神奇!」阿幼在心中讚嘆!被一片星空包圍的感覺很震撼,那些日常瑣碎煩惱彷彿再微不足道。401Please respect copyright.PENANA4eY0Jz6QEY
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一片「星空」中懸掛了一個白色大銀幕,沒有了一排排的紅色椅子,阿幼嘗試坐下來,她發現還是可以感觸到戲院實質的地板。401Please respect copyright.PENANAkcwPZFPOqU
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「小姐可以隨意選擇躺下或坐下,片長時間由您個人操控決定,完結時職員自會打開門,請您細心欣賞影片,祝您旅程愉快。」職員笑容可掬,態度親切,但說完話很快就掉頭走了。401Please respect copyright.PENANAQjdI8PnhsU
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「吓,等等……」如果我想中途離場去洗手間怎樣?沒有阿幼詢問的空間,職員已快步走人,並關上門。401Please respect copyright.PENANAAR8Wr1e36v
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在職員大力關上門的同時,銀幕立馬開始播放光影……401Please respect copyright.PENANAxFw9BeOdcE
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影片不斷在阿幼小學和中學時期穿梭。透過畫面阿幼再次記起學生時代的她,每次學校旅行之前的幾天,她都會非常緊張和怯慌。401Please respect copyright.PENANA8WOdUJSl0J
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「啊,好害怕。」小五學校旅行前一天,上著英文課的阿幼,緊張得手心冒汗。同時她天真地想著,長大後的她,未來那個遙遠的她,應該會變得比現在勇敢,不會再害怕了吧?401Please respect copyright.PENANAsiX7gunqs7
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「好怯。我會不會就此死去?」中四學校旅行前一天,上著物理課的阿幼,恐慌得神經發呆,眼神散亂,身體彷彿動不動不了。401Please respect copyright.PENANAmClcNNnJEb
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現在阿幼透過大銀幕看到的,是一幅幅當時深刻掠過她腦袋的可怕影像:那些在報章和報紙閱讀到的,再一幕幕印在心田面對著恐怖死亡的災難畫面,還有那深層害怕死亡的恐懼感……401Please respect copyright.PENANAQGvdLEGRE9
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現實還未發生,已在腦內上演,「恐懼感」好像真實得叫人手軟腳軟。人死後到底是什麼狀態?虛無得無法形容。她最害怕的,是那來回的車程,和其過程中的未知數……她會不會也……401Please respect copyright.PENANA8ChHMF6uIx
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不等阿幼感受到感覺,下一畫面,很快跳到就是每次阿幼到快餐店排隊買餐時,都會心不在焉地想著待會去水吧拿完餐的她,可能會捧著盤子地摔個大踉蹌,食物全部飛散開,然後尷尬的她就只能一直趴在地下,站不起來。401Please respect copyright.PENANAH2jiTh2rCg
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「喔,還好現實中都沒有真實發生過。」阿幼用左手摀住自己的雙眼。她覺得跌倒的自己太狼狽了,連只是在想像裡都難以忍受。到底「無緣故摔倒」的念頭從何以來?其實現在她也追究不到。401Please respect copyright.PENANAWaicys4wpZ
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再下一秒,阿幼看見的不是過去的自己,而是現在的模樣。但那模樣也不能說是真實的她……401Please respect copyright.PENANABnPSyv0XRk
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現實世界裡的阿幼,身型有點肉地,五官不算精細,衣櫥裡只有黑色和灰色的衣物,也沒有在人群中特別亮眼……401Please respect copyright.PENANAJnzLKkcp1i
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但那銀幕裡的她,身型瘦削,衣著打扮色調鮮艷,染了一頭淡粉綠色的頭髮,說話自信,勇敢無懼……401Please respect copyright.PENANAzn3IC2vMOt
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「嘩!」阿幼看著看著,雙眼閃閃發光,如一顆星星。銀幕裡播放的那個影像,有著現實裡的她沒有的,卻深切渴望擁有的一切一切。401Please respect copyright.PENANAj6PATTEQev
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這種理想的想像也算是一種很內心的小秘密吧。不過阿幼知道,很多人都是這樣,一直藏著和獨自暗暗享受著這個小秘密。401Please respect copyright.PENANA7jZH7iARjM
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就這樣,阿幼在4號影院已過了兩天,她只有偶爾吃吃一開始帶進場的爆谷和汽水。影院那道門口沒有打開過,阿幼也痴迷的沈醉銀幕中,由自己所創造、虛構的世界……401Please respect copyright.PENANAawfJbRnASG
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但現實裡4號影院沒有因她而停滯,仍然開放著,每天接待一位客人進去……401Please respect copyright.PENANA8r925PU85E
文: 譚嘉燕 FB PAGE: https://www.facebook.com/katetam1228/401Please respect copyright.PENANAiG9kosBUuZ