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夜晚的運動場總是比較熱鬧:深紅色跑道上那相伴散步的老人家、起勁跑得汗流浹背的男男女女、聽著音樂輕鬆慢跑的中年人士、餐後打算慢步輕鬆聊天的三、四人行……被跑道包圍的淺綠大草地上,那些邊踢著足球,伴著高呼聲和青春氣息的熱血球隊……294Please respect copyright.PENANA2yybcXDMjs
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場上打得光亮的燈光,讓每個人的臉龐身軀都清晰可見。294Please respect copyright.PENANACAKck0WyJS
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半個月前開始,每到晚上九時正,就會有一位穿著深藍色麻布長裙、披著淺灰色針織冷外套的女生步入運動場,默默一個人沿著跑道散步。294Please respect copyright.PENANA8aMTmhVbME
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藍色長裙,深紅色跑道,蒼白的臉容。294Please respect copyright.PENANAlAm9KDBhnI
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她的眼神總是迷離地注視著遠方,思緒總像飄往他方,落入沉思中。不知她的思想處於哪方,反正不會是此時此刻當中。294Please respect copyright.PENANA5UvUSICRXn
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其他運動場上的人總會納悶這個女生為什麼不換上運動服裝,而再穿上和運動場格格不入的長裙子。離奇的是,每當她走完一圈,她步伐經過的地方,總會遺留下一串細小的物件:第一天是卡通小本子、聖誕卡、鎖匙圈、毛公仔、便利店印花……第二天是某日本餐廳的卡片、台灣抒情女歌手的舊唱片、蠟筆繪畫……第三天是都市愛情小說、木梳子、羽毛球、筆袋……294Please respect copyright.PENANAYg9bWfvdZV
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往後的日子也是如此,每天物件偶爾會重複著……只要旁人觸摸到物件,物件便會消失。294Please respect copyright.PENANAjGWd2krvzm
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長裙女生叫柏甯。294Please respect copyright.PENANAJ6YIJ4K9RX
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柏甯會去運動場散步,只是她覺得有時候晚上待在家時,像被困在一個無處可逃的空間裡,會略感沉重無力,心口像有東西壓著,卻不知如何拎走。294Please respect copyright.PENANA4TSpV3oaWK
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她覺得,她需要走出外面的世界,她想走路,一步一步的向前走。伴著沒有星星的夜空,走著走著,帶動著思緒,她覺得心會開朗一點點。於是,她開始萌生去運動場散步的念頭。她沒有運動服,也不打算買。她本來也糾結穿著長裙去運動場會否很奇異,但她覺得別人最多只會瞄一眼就轉臉經過她罷了,別人也不會多花心思在她身上,每個人最著緊的都是自己。294Please respect copyright.PENANAFiCfN5zcv1
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不過,散步時,心裡變得舒暢的同時,柏甯裝著一連串回憶的腦袋,和蘊釀著情緒的心,也開始一小步一小步解放起來,記憶與情緒會交錯浮現,如河川氾濫著……294Please respect copyright.PENANAunIjwO0Urz
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今天是她決定持之以恆散步的第16天。每走一步,長裙都再次搖曳著她的記憶:被人嫌棄的卡通小本子、小時候總會計算收到的數量的聖誕卡片、青春時期曾沉迷閱讀的都市愛情小說、瘋狂買東西而儲下的便利店印花、中學時期與同學一起買下的同系列筆袋、在日本餐廳被以為是接納她的好朋友責罵起來、想要模仿朋友而跟隨買下的毛公仔……294Please respect copyright.PENANAgTUT3hGxVu
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回憶的片段總是零碎而無法收攝心神去處理。294Please respect copyright.PENANAHu1EExgmoO
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突然,柏甯身後出現一個瘦小的青年男子,男子輕輕拍了柏甯的肩膀一下。因為男子看到柏甯身後掉出一個手錶,他好心想提醒柏甯拾回手錶。294Please respect copyright.PENANAD9qdsZg90M
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柏甯回過頭來。她回頭了。294Please respect copyright.PENANA8hfpjumzKz
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突然,好像有一道像玻璃反光的閃光在腦海中頻繁地閃爍著,每閃爍一下,就好像有一下疼痛在頭中敲撃起來。於是,模糊的記憶也漸漸清晰明亮起來……294Please respect copyright.PENANARn04ulthkw
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那一晚,柏甯與一位舊同學聚餐,她一直不自覺地很崇拜這位朋友。她好像每個成長時期,心裡都會藏著一位很崇拜、又很依賴的朋友。柏甯自己會模仿那個她的眼光及品味,將那個她完美化,同時依賴著那個她的一言一行。294Please respect copyright.PENANAqlRj0zUFfL
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她和她,都穿著深藍色的長裙子。294Please respect copyright.PENANAkdcmctFOJ0
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柏甯以為這位朋友也是真心對待著她,直到那一頓晚餐,那個柏甯以為的好朋友冷冷地吐出真心話:「妳就是什麼都不知道。不直接告訴妳就什麼都不知道。妳有什麼是知道的?妳有什麼都可以給別人欣賞的?」294Please respect copyright.PENANACdKoESoBpe
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那時,柏甯整個人都僵硬了,她到那刻才醒覺,自己的「不知道」原來是可笑的,原來做人並不可以「不知道」事情,否則就會被人取笑嫌棄。原來,她不是真正被朋友喜愛著。294Please respect copyright.PENANABasZ3jmghf
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柏甯忍受不了,可是她怕惹來朋友的反彈,她壓著生氣地回嘴:「妳可不可以不要一直嫌棄我?」她仍然冷靜又無情:「那妳說妳有什麼是可以給人欣賞的?妳什麼都不懂。」294Please respect copyright.PENANAx2XLzVS958
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柏甯臉上依然維持平靜,但她不知如何是好,心裡只懂恐懼,眼神卻靜悄悄銳利起來。她提意結帳離開。294Please respect copyright.PENANALS7N6At2Kl
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因為回頭,她記起了……那個紅燈的刺眼光芒;那架黃色車子;那手掌推出去的力度;那道尖銳的叫喊;那手指被捉緊被拉出去的剎那間;那片紅色;那架白色車子……那指著九時正的手錶……294Please respect copyright.PENANAr925NPEGfe
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柏甯記起來,她應該還躺在白色床單上沉睡著……而另一個她,柏甯不記得她最後怎麼了……柏甯記起自己,但她不知道如何可以回去,如何可以醒來……294Please respect copyright.PENANAxtwodBnJHk
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最後,之後的日子,每一天她都只有晚上九時的一剎間,她能做的,只是繼續不斷地散落自己,一步一步再向前走,沿著跑道輪迴著……294Please respect copyright.PENANAq7EKqaX7ke
文: 譚嘉燕 FB PAGE: https://www.facebook.com/katetam1228/294Please respect copyright.PENANAB0k3jcGueb
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*圖片取自網絡294Please respect copyright.PENANAD2cIgOWjMz