I came out at my church 2, maybe 3 or 4 weeks ago. I was absolutely petrified. You see, I come from a very conservative family, go to a very conservative church, despite being in a fairly liberal area. And...well, I didn't get excommunicated, which is awesome! The friends I had already come out to congratulated me on being brave, the others smiled at me and continued as if nothing had changed, since at its base, nothing did.
But there was one woman, who was leading our Sunday School class with her husband that week, who really helped me feel confident in my skin. I had explained in class more or less what asexual meant for me. I didn't fantasize about having sex with someone because of how they looked (because that would be about the extent of my sexuality were I anything else due to my beliefs, and that's about how well I can sum up sexual attraction), and for most people that was enough. Not for her. No, she wanted to hear more. She was genuinely curious on my outlook of the world.
So when class had ended and we were waiting for the service to start, we talked in the lobby, about my sexuality, what it meant for me, how I wanted a husband and a family one day, I simply didn't want to bed anyone because of their looks.
And she understood.
Without me going over it several times, or explaining it in more ways than would be strictly necessary, she understood where I was coming from.
I had asked, that fateful day, how we are supposed to interpret grey areas in the Bible, or topics that never even came up in it. Because it is quite terrifying to be a sexuality not strictly "approved of" in the Bible, but instead being left up for interpretation, most of the time being deemed "sinful". So you can imagine how terrified I was to hear the answers.
And you can imagine my relief at the thought that no one thought God was going to damn me or the pastors would excommunicate me.
The woman explained to me that she understood teenagers had a hard time cut out for them, trying to find who they were, their preferences in food, jobs, (people) and so many other things. And she understood that not everyone was straight.
Now, I did say my church was conservative. It is. There are Bible verses that talk about homosexuality and how God sees it, and most people nowadays want to fight against that. So the term "struggle" did come up. As in, people have different struggles throughout their lives (one of them being sexuality, yeah, I'm a libertarian, for the record. I wouldn't have sex with someone of the same gender as myself, but I won't impose my religion on you, because, frankly, I don't have the emotional strength for that heated debate) and we have to learn how to deal with them. She said she had to struggle with anger throughout her life, but that didn't mean she didn't love God or that God didn't love her.
I struggle with pride. And depression, and anxiety. And occasionally I worry about relapsing anorexia or suicidal thoughts. So I have a lot on my plate. And I explained that to her. I explained I chose to see my asexuality as a gift, because I wouldn't be lusting after others in addition to everything else I have going on. You know what she did?
She brought up an example from the Bible of something just like what I was going through. The apostle Paul, apparently, never dated or married a woman. To use an exact quote from the discussion, he had "the gift of singleness" thanks to God. And it allowed him to work on other things, like his ministry, like my asexuality helps me in my life, by keeping my number of problems lower and allowing me more time to enjoy non-sexual activities that I love.
Another girl from my class joined our discussion, and generally it was acceptance all around. Which was more than I could have ever hoped for, coming from my church.
Not everyone may be accepting, but it's nice to know I have a whole class of Christians backing me up that just because I'm asexual, doesn't mean I'm going to Hell. Which is awesome. And it means if you're asexual and religious, there is hope yet! Acceptance is out there, you just have to be brave enough to ask.
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