This entire blog came to be because I had started to explore parts of myself and decided that I was asexual, and I became comfortable enough with it I thought the world should know it. Now, I've been exploring a different part of myself and the world--gender.
Now, I am definitely cis (and female), but lately I've been questioning what that means to me. Certainly, it's different than how most people think being a "girl" is. I'm not that pink, fashion, make-up, cheerleader, "the captain of the football team is so hot!" stereotype. But I'm not one of the down-and-dirty, "one of the guys" tomboys either. I'm not very masculine, or feminine. And isn't that what most people associate with gender? I'm a girl, not a guy. I'm comfortable in my own skin (save for periods, but I'm going into mini-labor during that, so that doesn't count.) I don't feel I was born the wrong gender. I like shopping for clothes, but in addition to blouses and jeggings I'll also be interested in guy's suits and clothes as well, for conventionality as well as just my tastes, but I never want the clothes as a guy. I want them as a girl who likes wearing guy's clothes because, hey, sometimes they look even better than girl's stuff. (3-piece suits...I'm trying to find my measurements so I can get an old one from a thrift shop for cheap!)422Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfE0jqb4V1
I'm not your typical girl. But people don't see me as a guy; they say I'm a girl and leave it like that, but everything that entails just isn't...me? I don't fit into any conventions. No one does, I know, I know. But I feel like I only fit one or two things on each category's list, and for the most part the most defining reason I'm a girl for me is my body. I don't want to be another gender besides a girl, I don't feel like the term girl isn't completely right for me--I just feel like society's definition of girl is nowhere close to what I am. Does that mean I'm not a girl? Or that I'm just so comfortable in my skin I've moved beyond what people expect me to be as a girl and decided I should just be...myself, boy or girl or whatever people say I am?
I don't know. It kind of scares me, to be honest. I'm just...me. An asexual teenage girl with some serious mental disorders because I'm always deficient on my vitamin D intake. I'm who I say I am because people say certain parts of my body make me a girl? And if I were born a boy I'd be more or less with the same attitude I have now--fine being a boy, simply because people say that's what I am...
Just so we're clear, I don't want to be a boy. I've grown accustomed to the female body, and the change would be quite a shock to me if I woke up one morning and...poof! But...if people called me a guy, I really wouldn't be as irked as I may have been when I was little, just an awkward laugh, a gentle correction and it would be like it never happened. I'm open to anyone's thoughts on this, and I may write more about it later. Just...needed to get this out from my skull where it was bouncing around at lightning speed.
ns 172.70.130.214da2
and then Add to home screen.