事情要回到幾個月前。406Please respect copyright.PENANAvMAWSIUjMF
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「豺姐,我想跟妳道歉。」406Please respect copyright.PENANAuxc4FrW180
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聊著聊著,他突然傳來這樣的訊息。406Please respect copyright.PENANAgEGGfX5KEJ
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「幹嘛道歉?」406Please respect copyright.PENANAjAjE9PEK1B
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「前一陣子,是不是有人密妳的skype,問妳想不想穿高跟鞋踩他?」406Please respect copyright.PENANAcwp5dbZNIO
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我想了一下,好像有這麼回事。406Please respect copyright.PENANAfoX9UIT7ll
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「那個人就是我,但我應該馬上就被妳封鎖了吧?」406Please respect copyright.PENANAwhNrBHN2Nc
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「呃,因為skype是個常常會被陌生人亂加的程式,所以看到奇怪的訊息,我都是直接封鎖啊。」406Please respect copyright.PENANAl5iGYU06xH
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「拜託妳現在不要封鎖我。」406Please respect copyright.PENANA2mRdCGijKI
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「不會啊,都是朋友了還鎖什麼,不過你是在惡作劇嗎?」406Please respect copyright.PENANAE9fyqEAcDq
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「不是。」406Please respect copyright.PENANAtq8p7Q3sft
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然後,他開始和我說起,他的秘密。406Please respect copyright.PENANACBTCgFxkmm
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作為一個M,又稱「臣服者」(也有人說是「受虐者」,但我不喜歡這個稱呼),加上「戀物」及「戀足」,他從很久以前,就知道自己的喜好及性傾向,但沒有讓人知道,包括以前交的女朋友。406Please respect copyright.PENANAXzuGUdqHhW
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看到高跟鞋會興奮,產生被虐的幻想;女孩子只要稍微兇他,他也會心癢,更別說是聽到一些汙辱謾罵的詞彙了,那只會讓他更高興。
在他意識到自己的性傾向時,還是個小孩。他下意識的覺得自己不正常,隨之而來的厭惡自己及沮喪情緒很快吞沒了他。406Please respect copyright.PENANAM6aDxEhwvH
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所以他掩飾、逃避,逼自己過「正常人」的生活及性生活。
直到過了幾年,進入資訊爆炸的時代,Google大神開始顯神威,在網路上發現同好的時候,他才漸漸接受自己。406Please respect copyright.PENANA0MsFyaLZsh
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「只是接受了自己,不代表別人肯接受這樣的我。」406Please respect copyright.PENANAgGsQ62LZMA
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所以他還是持續隱瞞這件事,也許是過於刻意隱瞞,在戀愛的過程中,他反而像個大男人,所交到的女朋友,也都是小女人類型的,這讓他更不可能坦白自己了。406Please respect copyright.PENANAxkFKDsXW4M
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那天晚上,我幾乎聽完了他到目前為止的人生。406Please respect copyright.PENANAubn01j8tj2
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「壓抑」,若要下個結論,就只有這兩個字。406Please respect copyright.PENANAvoF32AXRLE
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「為什麼告訴我?」
不過是朋友的朋友,一群朋友一起出去過幾次,我真的不認為我們有那麼熟。406Please respect copyright.PENANAgstPyOIyfK
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「我信任妳。」406Please respect copyright.PENANAq182P81B5o
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「噗,你也太容易相信別人了吧,萬一我是大嘴巴咧。」406Please respect copyright.PENANAJxeu2yWgI3
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「妳應該不是。」406Please respect copyright.PENANACPMFCZcPDh
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「這麼有信心?」406Please respect copyright.PENANAstDqHQ6WcR
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「有一次去唱歌,那個誰不是在說某個人的八卦嗎,說她和哪個歌手有一腿,還墮胎怎麼的。」406Please respect copyright.PENANArrnm0bIajX
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「嗯?」406Please respect copyright.PENANAXysQsYqtYS
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「妳本來在跟大家聊天,聊到這個就自己喝起酒來,也不搭話。我記得那個當事者跟妳有過節。」406Please respect copyright.PENANAtEsdLM8kew
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「是有一些無聊的過節,你怎麼會知道?」406Please respect copyright.PENANAAR0pNJe4k0
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「因為別人是大嘴巴。可是妳當時什麼都沒說,也不參與話題,所以我信妳。」406Please respect copyright.PENANAzFxg0PmSIQ
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竟然被偷偷觀察了啊。406Please respect copyright.PENANAZiYIKuivuO
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「說不定我只是口渴了想喝酒啊。」406Please respect copyright.PENANAncGbXoCuO6
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「妳是大嘴巴嗎?」406Please respect copyright.PENANA9w7yUwDHIp
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「我不是,但你的故事可能會成為我的創作題材。」406Please respect copyright.PENANANQkQ7DJJNq
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「哈哈哈。」406Please respect copyright.PENANA1FCrgOUPYz
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「哈哈。」406Please respect copyright.PENANAFFqzS9qkpa
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他捧著高跟鞋,或許是我的錯覺,他的手彷彿在微微的顫抖。406Please respect copyright.PENANA4eYeKssiX8
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我看著他小心翼翼的,將自己的臉側過,慢慢的貼在鞋頭的鞋面上,一秒,兩秒,三秒,然後離開它,看了看鞋,抬頭,盯著我。406Please respect copyright.PENANAlB3eIV4yGB
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他放下高跟鞋,頭低著,對我伸出手。406Please respect copyright.PENANAnetydYery8
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我有點緊張,所以動作也很遲鈍。406Please respect copyright.PENANAsLmgXDUslb
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把右腳放進他手裡的時候,我意識到自己的雙手緊捏著床沿。406Please respect copyright.PENANAODK845oJeX
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他微微抬頭,眼神落在我的腳背上。406Please respect copyright.PENANA6MS3kIACQ0
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就像電影裡演的紳士,在女士的手背親吻那樣,他也這麼做了,只是把手換成腳。406Please respect copyright.PENANAtmZMHSkaf1
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他輕輕地吻了我的腳背,就一下子,沒有停留,沒有聲響,我也沒有感到不舒服。406Please respect copyright.PENANAw7SMhqtufY
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他拿起高跟鞋,從我的腳尖套上,再合上腳跟,確認高跟鞋穿好後,放下我的右腳。406Please respect copyright.PENANAnBEEEeZKbg
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接著,換左腳。406Please respect copyright.PENANAIB5dJ3e0Ey
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因為他的動作一直很溫柔,所以我的緊張感消失了大半。406Please respect copyright.PENANAIfGIWj5hSy
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同樣的模式(或儀式)結束後,我的雙腳都穿上了高跟鞋,而他恢復了原本的姿勢,低著頭,跪著。406Please respect copyright.PENANAtYi3QeN0N9
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「頭抬起來。」我說。406Please respect copyright.PENANAQeTRHkRBj8
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命令的語氣。406Please respect copyright.PENANAEdJYykzeGh
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待續。406Please respect copyright.PENANAHQCdMhJCZj