事情要回到幾個月前。448Please respect copyright.PENANAeGa3eIdW9U
448Please respect copyright.PENANA8mlt1ALiUN
「豺姐,我想跟妳道歉。」448Please respect copyright.PENANAe1rq0OjsMr
448Please respect copyright.PENANAZlzNzvuxiD
聊著聊著,他突然傳來這樣的訊息。448Please respect copyright.PENANAHxyrno6rnE
448Please respect copyright.PENANAuRaXqLXZVE
「幹嘛道歉?」448Please respect copyright.PENANAecfzg921Dk
448Please respect copyright.PENANAG8Aq2CTtu2
「前一陣子,是不是有人密妳的skype,問妳想不想穿高跟鞋踩他?」448Please respect copyright.PENANAB6gdSkGHeo
448Please respect copyright.PENANALcuLVb43Kd
我想了一下,好像有這麼回事。448Please respect copyright.PENANAztjgSXqgaq
448Please respect copyright.PENANAib00CLPcOv
「那個人就是我,但我應該馬上就被妳封鎖了吧?」448Please respect copyright.PENANAVaPUFok8AI
448Please respect copyright.PENANAv697M4xuN0
「呃,因為skype是個常常會被陌生人亂加的程式,所以看到奇怪的訊息,我都是直接封鎖啊。」448Please respect copyright.PENANAybstE3K06U
448Please respect copyright.PENANAN7qrSRMRUZ
「拜託妳現在不要封鎖我。」448Please respect copyright.PENANAWTxrwY3rl6
448Please respect copyright.PENANAPNrcMdtyoC
「不會啊,都是朋友了還鎖什麼,不過你是在惡作劇嗎?」448Please respect copyright.PENANABzVC587Mws
448Please respect copyright.PENANAWEmUwY51kA
「不是。」448Please respect copyright.PENANAKPIYCovKAK
448Please respect copyright.PENANA5UxFWqzsLG
然後,他開始和我說起,他的秘密。448Please respect copyright.PENANAJjKzir04se
448Please respect copyright.PENANA83AdUtDaZ5
作為一個M,又稱「臣服者」(也有人說是「受虐者」,但我不喜歡這個稱呼),加上「戀物」及「戀足」,他從很久以前,就知道自己的喜好及性傾向,但沒有讓人知道,包括以前交的女朋友。448Please respect copyright.PENANAFObOJf9h9R
448Please respect copyright.PENANASBG8icerUj
看到高跟鞋會興奮,產生被虐的幻想;女孩子只要稍微兇他,他也會心癢,更別說是聽到一些汙辱謾罵的詞彙了,那只會讓他更高興。
在他意識到自己的性傾向時,還是個小孩。他下意識的覺得自己不正常,隨之而來的厭惡自己及沮喪情緒很快吞沒了他。448Please respect copyright.PENANAZiSZkhPhyw
448Please respect copyright.PENANAVmYytU0N0c
所以他掩飾、逃避,逼自己過「正常人」的生活及性生活。
直到過了幾年,進入資訊爆炸的時代,Google大神開始顯神威,在網路上發現同好的時候,他才漸漸接受自己。448Please respect copyright.PENANACLAojTQDVj
448Please respect copyright.PENANAtI50OBG8ac
「只是接受了自己,不代表別人肯接受這樣的我。」448Please respect copyright.PENANAeGXjD54zl3
448Please respect copyright.PENANAD2E1yp3zmk
所以他還是持續隱瞞這件事,也許是過於刻意隱瞞,在戀愛的過程中,他反而像個大男人,所交到的女朋友,也都是小女人類型的,這讓他更不可能坦白自己了。448Please respect copyright.PENANA0P6xLg7kbv
448Please respect copyright.PENANAPxxtSX8INP
那天晚上,我幾乎聽完了他到目前為止的人生。448Please respect copyright.PENANA55eT8GciNf
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「壓抑」,若要下個結論,就只有這兩個字。448Please respect copyright.PENANA8aQa78MQeT
448Please respect copyright.PENANAJ2h1dFgCOd
448Please respect copyright.PENANASNejScBDZZ
「為什麼告訴我?」
不過是朋友的朋友,一群朋友一起出去過幾次,我真的不認為我們有那麼熟。448Please respect copyright.PENANA78jRw6Z6R3
448Please respect copyright.PENANAFmZzbB8x9L
「我信任妳。」448Please respect copyright.PENANAOEKUvqF4mx
448Please respect copyright.PENANAAWdnoEa4TV
「噗,你也太容易相信別人了吧,萬一我是大嘴巴咧。」448Please respect copyright.PENANAC2u7w1EK13
448Please respect copyright.PENANAAttYFELb3m
「妳應該不是。」448Please respect copyright.PENANA3OXY8T3uii
448Please respect copyright.PENANA0sqQrMF6WS
「這麼有信心?」448Please respect copyright.PENANAm1Je5eIwjM
448Please respect copyright.PENANAkQ56t5ic7R
「有一次去唱歌,那個誰不是在說某個人的八卦嗎,說她和哪個歌手有一腿,還墮胎怎麼的。」448Please respect copyright.PENANAXQ4vfSkBmJ
448Please respect copyright.PENANAeCBClOHLqX
「嗯?」448Please respect copyright.PENANAPUmmgtMfYH
448Please respect copyright.PENANAh5YUhSxWKJ
「妳本來在跟大家聊天,聊到這個就自己喝起酒來,也不搭話。我記得那個當事者跟妳有過節。」448Please respect copyright.PENANA6npkGs0tU9
448Please respect copyright.PENANAF4AoZVLfeZ
「是有一些無聊的過節,你怎麼會知道?」448Please respect copyright.PENANAkYnSTwCZr1
448Please respect copyright.PENANAUeU2pGnaGB
「因為別人是大嘴巴。可是妳當時什麼都沒說,也不參與話題,所以我信妳。」448Please respect copyright.PENANANTcK3Lhw6i
448Please respect copyright.PENANAJcgZ9j6bko
竟然被偷偷觀察了啊。448Please respect copyright.PENANAASu1Etm8tb
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「說不定我只是口渴了想喝酒啊。」448Please respect copyright.PENANAhOmjLY2jue
448Please respect copyright.PENANA9LjCsjTr5V
「妳是大嘴巴嗎?」448Please respect copyright.PENANA0VFa45YYkZ
448Please respect copyright.PENANAG5wbhwnw3u
「我不是,但你的故事可能會成為我的創作題材。」448Please respect copyright.PENANAzxOdbpK3o8
448Please respect copyright.PENANASF4Xr1Bf7Y
「哈哈哈。」448Please respect copyright.PENANAJr164fxXZu
448Please respect copyright.PENANAIpF9gpUgQ5
「哈哈。」448Please respect copyright.PENANAXvLyiEBNMw
448Please respect copyright.PENANAdOYsGep6oY
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他捧著高跟鞋,或許是我的錯覺,他的手彷彿在微微的顫抖。448Please respect copyright.PENANAe03ymXySXq
448Please respect copyright.PENANAIpvsmWVOke
我看著他小心翼翼的,將自己的臉側過,慢慢的貼在鞋頭的鞋面上,一秒,兩秒,三秒,然後離開它,看了看鞋,抬頭,盯著我。448Please respect copyright.PENANAxTY1tVI3Li
448Please respect copyright.PENANAwmTiAqoRFQ
他放下高跟鞋,頭低著,對我伸出手。448Please respect copyright.PENANAulWS8Aj9XU
448Please respect copyright.PENANAkGHlgf4TEJ
我有點緊張,所以動作也很遲鈍。448Please respect copyright.PENANATa93yhVj14
448Please respect copyright.PENANAA7Ts4ASqPE
把右腳放進他手裡的時候,我意識到自己的雙手緊捏著床沿。448Please respect copyright.PENANAkQjeTVZpl5
448Please respect copyright.PENANAZkGvNnuBf4
他微微抬頭,眼神落在我的腳背上。448Please respect copyright.PENANA5PxyWFvnBq
448Please respect copyright.PENANAD2LVHSmupD
就像電影裡演的紳士,在女士的手背親吻那樣,他也這麼做了,只是把手換成腳。448Please respect copyright.PENANAnQNuqTq64B
448Please respect copyright.PENANAoCo5cAgjE7
他輕輕地吻了我的腳背,就一下子,沒有停留,沒有聲響,我也沒有感到不舒服。448Please respect copyright.PENANAVzQaoM26lz
448Please respect copyright.PENANA6e5sWYzimF
他拿起高跟鞋,從我的腳尖套上,再合上腳跟,確認高跟鞋穿好後,放下我的右腳。448Please respect copyright.PENANA3hI6SkxE2y
448Please respect copyright.PENANAd4ded1fWG9
接著,換左腳。448Please respect copyright.PENANALuxmCGhVa2
448Please respect copyright.PENANArfOovdFogw
因為他的動作一直很溫柔,所以我的緊張感消失了大半。448Please respect copyright.PENANAxZZMHSll7o
448Please respect copyright.PENANAcbRZHDeJHc
同樣的模式(或儀式)結束後,我的雙腳都穿上了高跟鞋,而他恢復了原本的姿勢,低著頭,跪著。448Please respect copyright.PENANAwBImjuJ8xj
448Please respect copyright.PENANAJfxjwoegoq
「頭抬起來。」我說。448Please respect copyright.PENANAy6hb93RMk4
448Please respect copyright.PENANABv6GtxCBao
命令的語氣。448Please respect copyright.PENANAtZ4IL2KTQh
448Please respect copyright.PENANAkGbiQ13H5r
448Please respect copyright.PENANAtRHxNl6ypw
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待續。448Please respect copyright.PENANA1hyqPBgf98