The days I spent holed up in my quarters were bad. I could hear some of the others on the common channel when they passed by, I did not want to be anywhere public to feed their thoughts and gossip. I tried to think of a way to keep Lao’k and the others out of my mind, but I had no idea how to do that, nor did I have anyone to test it with, so I gave up. I want to be a normal human again.
The silence of those days were torture. My interactions with Lao’k replayed over and over, through the day and night, the only respite I got was when Kishna and I talked. Maybe I overreacted, he had been careful and affectionate with me, he also didn’t take his eyes off me often, not even to glance around the room. I thought he was a direct person, but the memories I replayed didn’t support that. He was always looking at me, only me. He said he’d never considered Alyssa, he probably never looked at her. And I threw a tantrum like a child because of my own insecurity. I wonder, if he was human, would I have been more open to his advances or just ignored him.
This trip to Mars was my project, we need Mars to work, I need Mars to work. My parent’s have been bringing up retiring, my brother works at the forestry lab and helps out part time, while I, I have nothing else. The farm is everything to me. We’ve had a few bad years, things are stable for now, but if things take off on Mars, we’d be more than stable. I’ll be on Mars for the next decade, by the time I return to Earth, I won’t have children.
Lao’k was right, I was thinking of Kishna. I didn’t mind having a child if it was with him. I had imagined what life would be like, me, him, our child. He’s one of the most loyal, hardest working guys I know. I’ve known him for ten years, and have never seen him date anyone. He always talks about wanting a wife, but he never takes a woman out more than once. He said he’d know when he found “the one”.
Lao’k had never been with a woman, those images of us were his fantasies. I replayed them too, but ended up feeling sorry for myself. He said he wouldn’t have another woman. If he does love me, I’ve pushed him away. He’s been straight forward with me, I must have hurt him. I miss the smell of him. I wonder, will he forgive me? I was so trapped in my thoughts I didn’t know when Kishna entered or left.
One day I fell asleep at the desk. I dreamt of Lao’k, how lonely he was all those years, how affectionate he was with me, him rejecting my apology. A kiss on my neck jolted me awake.
Lao’k?
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“Kish, hey.”
When I stood up to stretch he stepped closer. He smelled of earth and sweat. We stayed like that, unmoving, our eyes locked on each other. His breath tickled my skin. I don’t know who moved first, but our lips locked in a rapid engagement. He tasted like honey. Our chests heaved when he broke off.
“God, I’ve wanted to do that for years.” He whispered breathlessly as he leaned his forehead on mine.
“I thought you didn’t like me, you never said anything.”
“I was afraid you’d reject me.”
We kissed again. I was burning, my unmet need from before hitting me harder. Kishna’s hands explored me, shaping my breasts, cupping my buttocks, pulling me closer to him. I could feel the bulge in his pants. He wanted me. I wanted him. He lifted me to the desk and trailed kisses down my neck, Lao’k fantasies poured into my mind like a flood.
I pushed him gently. “Kish, stop.”
He didn’t, he got more aggressive as his hands slipped under my shirt.
“Kishna stop!” I pushed him from me. “This isn’t like you.”
“Isn’t it? Knowing you were alone with that alien annoyed me. The gossip on the ship made it worse. Then you show up in the bot-bay with him. I tried to send him a message, to stay away from you. I made him see how comfortable you were with me touching and brushing against you. Instead he makes a spectacle by kissing you, and you indulged it! When you wrapped your arms around him, I thought I lost you. I was so happy when you cut ties with him. And that kiss, Alei I know you want me.”
I felt my world shatter, was I so ignorant of the things around me? I replayed that day again and again, I remembered Kishna’s hands on my waist as he stepped around me. It was so normal I didn’t think anything of it, or the way our hands touched as we checked the bins, or him resting his chin on my shoulder while we were looking at read outs. I was angry at Lao’k for his display, while I was oblivious to Kishna’s. I looked at the man standing in front me. He didn’t look like the Kishna I thought I knew. There was masculine desire in his eyes.
“Kish I’m sorry. I’m...really confused right now.” I couldn’t look him in the eyes as I said it.
He stepped back, I jumped down and fixed my clothes. I couldn’t file for a change of lodging, the only free spaces are on the lower decks, where the labourers and crew bunk and it would be unfair to have Kishna move there.
“I don’t want things between us to get awkward.” I reached out to touch his arm.
He turned away from my reach. “A bit late don’t you think.”
“Kish, you are the closest friend I have, and the only person I trust on this ship.” I silently pleaded with him to look at me, to see how conflicted I was. He didn’t. “Yes, I did consider being with you, but I am a mess right now. What just happened... I won’t think of it or bring it up again. I need you to do the same if we are to keep living and working together.”
He walked into the bathroom without a word. His silence hurt. I left the room, I couldn’t face him again, not yet, I needed to calm down and sort my thoughts out. I went to the viewing room on the side of the ship where I wouldn’t see the Alythe vessel. There was one other person already there, so I hid as far away as I could from them and the door.
The hum of the ship and the sight of stars passing by helped me relax. I replayed my memories of Kishna over the years, of Lao’k, of everyone I remembered interacting with. I was tired, everything felt like a lie. An ache burned in my chest. It was dark and heavy and felt like it would drown me. Maybe if I didn’t have a heart, if I couldn’t love, or have feelings, things would be easier. I pushed my emotions down as far as I could, distanced myself from their sting. Nothing will shake me again. I didn’t want to feel that pain again. I’ve had breakups before, but they never bothered me, these past few days feel like they’re breaking me.
I returned to the room a few hours later, when I was sure Kishna had gone to bed. I stayed up all night reading journals and running simulations. The next morning Kishna left without a word. I kept working until mid morning when there was a buzz at the door.
It was Klein, the Luna negotiator and another politician. They wanted to talk about what happened in the bot-bay. Klein’s tolerance for me was eating away possibly as fast as my own for him. He wanted me to indulge Lao’k until an alliance was finalised. I still haven’t sorted myself out and now this.
“A stranger, AN ALIEN shows up and claims me to be his wife and you think I should drop everything and accept him?”
“The government’s interests are always for the people, but the people need to support the government for the good of all.”
I turned away from Klein in disbelief. “There must be other men on their ship, if they can find another companion you can continue your talks.”
“Council Master Mal’k is adamant his brother remains in contact with you.” Said the Luna negotiator.
“While I understand we’d benefit from their technology, the government does not control my personal life. I won’t let you use me for your promotion.” I said the last bit more to Klein than the others. Klein’s jaw hardened and his eyes twitched. I’d hit a nerve.
“Deliberately hindering the UEG’s efforts is a treasonable offence.” The negotiator warned.
“Look, my life has taken upheaval—”
“As have all ours.” Klein cut me off.
I went cold still as I held his gaze. “If I died, would they still refuse to talk?” I saw the subtle change on Klein’s face.
“Perhaps we should be concerned about your health and have the doctors evaluate you medically and psychologically. Even keep you under—
Alei.
“twenty-four hour watch. For your safety of course.” Klein finished smugly.
I had never been happier to receive a telepathic message before. It was Mal’k. Maybe I could talk him into continuing negotiations. Mal’k, you need to continue your talks with Klein, please.
I need your help. He sounded unsettled.
What is it?
It’s Lao’k,
My chest tightened.
you need to come aboard our vessel. I’ve spoken with Captain Ruiz, he and Mr. Klein will accompany you.
What’s happened?
He’s entered eternal sleep.7Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPQjZvgz0l
and then Add to home screen.