I Knew a Girl - Poem

I knew a girl

with a cracking log-fire for a tongue,

who held the smoke in her lungs,

a pariah, a revolutionary,

harsh spoken and incendiary,

determined to make it fucking happen

determined to to free, to be smart, to win.

She told me that her inferno frightened her,

And her anger shook her back down into her bones,

And resonated with a deep-seated guilt, an unbreakable defense mechanism,

So that she could face anybody but herself.

I knew a girl

of a saccharine grace,

with an angelic face,

who knew people and places,

and wore many faces,

who spoke easy in the crowds,

and kept her nose turned up to the clouds.

She told me that the high road had been hell,

And she had spent years painting on a mask, every morning,

And she wasn’t sure if she had truly ever stopped painting.

I knew a girl,

who never went to sleep,

with all her secrets to keep,

who drugged herself up,

with a smoke and a cup,

who felt that she must get out of the now,

and that sleep might lag her mind down.

She told me that she couldn’t let the night terrors come back,

And she saw her only solutions in coffee and loud music,

She never slept until she passed out, her body shaking.

I haven't seen her around.

I knew a girl who who refused to slow down,

and saw opportunity in every round,

who always took the second chance,

and failed at every happenstance,

with a smile on her face,

and a promise to be better in the next case.

She tried to swallow out the hole in her chest, junior year,

With a bottle of old medication as forgotten as she felt,

And bags underneath her eyes at school only weeks later, acting.

I guess there’s only so many next times a girl can take

I knew a girl,

who stayed out late,

a new date with every passing date,

and told me that she was tired,

and that her brain was wired,

for self-destruction and manipulation,

in which she held every negative connotation.

She told me that she had some help calming down,

In the dark, with a partner and a bottle, drowning,

And that she ruined every good thing that ever came to her,

Because she thought it would hurt less for them than being with her.

I knew a girl,

Who loved to laugh,

In gusts of critically acclaimed gurgles and coughs,

She never cared what anyone thought of her smiles,

Said that she'd seen too much for such turmoils,

She could solve any equation,

She could come to fit any occasion,

She told me that she was worried about me,

That we'd been growing apart, and she couldn't see,

I couldn't tell her that I was in love with her.

I knew a girl,

who was of unwatchable comprehensiveness,

though she never escaped apprehensiveness,

and whose voice shook in front of adversity,

though she let it be her own personal peculiarity,

an angry-crier, a happy-crier, always a crier,

who swallowed her emotions in order to get higher.

I saw her writing frantically in a notebook, throughout the day,

I saw down next to her and smiled, and she beamed,

Upon asking what was in the book, she said,

“It’s just thoughts..people"

She said, "I'm afraid to forget."

I started writing frantically in a notebook, at the throughout the day,

We sat down next to each other, and smiled,

She asked me what was in the book, I said,

“I don’t want to forget any of them, either”

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