Friday. Afternoon. 4:00 pm41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuo14ge6At
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This was absurd. How did I end up in this position?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rJTHqW3Uv
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Earlier today, I was prepping myself for our first study session. And now, I was left standing in front of a door. With this guy standing at the entrance, messy hair, eyes that could cause nightmares just by looking into them, and that less prominent darkness just below them. Less prominent than yesterday at least.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyNxGodWzz
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He just ambushed me with a question.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoXm3K93Eq
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Solve x squared minus six x plus five equals zero. By completing the square.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLncsRgIgZ
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Why?
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Was this supposed to be a code that I needed to answer before I could enter? Was his apartment supposed to be a sacred room?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQu91yPZxqk
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I gripped my own hand.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvCEHqtF0h
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“I…” I hesitated, all I could do now was guess. But I didn’t know what to guess.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbY6ZVJ4CIR
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“Five seconds.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7lbKvROv2
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“I… I don’t know,” I finally said. I thought it was better to be honest. Because maybe if I gave the wrong one there would be a consequence. “I’m sorry.” I dropped my gaze to the floor.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhg3i4TSSaN
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“Did you read the notes?”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLuvwIIzuE
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My eyes went lower than the floor.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpGSpYPYHZ
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I did read them. But I only read the parts where the practice exam questions were. If I had known, I would have read further.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCwt2IDXfE6
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I sighed.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckacGgRQFs
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“I did,” I said, quietly. It was true that I did but… “but… I haven’t gotten far.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNJBr8pHYe
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After he wrote those notes for me… I should have done better.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0SHeJPYKs
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But something clicked in me.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUTAweXWuO
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Because after all… he could have asked me any question. Like he could have asked me English, science or even Japanese history. And I only had a night to read all of the notes. And there were nine of them in total. Sure, six was what he said we were going to use to study. But still…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw72rC2ieLW
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I frowned.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI27CThsMuy
I felt my eye twitch a little.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpTnAMMjXA2
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Then I immediately stared into his eyes. Fierce. Brave.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmiDKIkfHM
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“Besides, why are you ambushing me with a question before you let me in?” I asked, firm. Very firm, as firm as my voice could sound. “Is this how our first study session will be?”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHM2Ej205k6
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I confronted him. I never confronted him before. I had never even considered that this situation would even happen in the first place. And now I was here, studying his face, looking for some weaknesses.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMii1r7a7ve
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I only found his usual stern look. His look that never changed.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3B08vfJye
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“Fair,” he said. “Come in then.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Q2Zk3kKTd
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He turned around and left the door open.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxSKLgqlln
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I just looked at him.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6YePFhv5c
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Then I closed my eyes, bit my lip and tightened both my hands.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QSdXPcLrm
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Breathe, Runa breathe. Positive thoughts, positive thoughts.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZHoTvu0bbp
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I wanted to say more. I wanted to ask him why he was trying to become like a warden that presented a hero’s trial letting only the worthy pass through.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAEoWVVBLI
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This was already making me exhausted, and the whole study session hadn’t even started yet.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKe8hwCTV3
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I entered, closed the door behind me, took off my shoes by the entrance and placed them neatly close to the center.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJcMtxnHFt
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This was my third time coming here. But this was only the second time that I got in.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJUV9sQLXQ
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I bowed.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8DitWU2Akt
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“Excuse me.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHDIz3vU40
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Then navigated the whole way towards the living room.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAkrJ0Ctg7A
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Inside, I chose to sit at the end of the longer sofa near the smaller one, just like last time.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHxOUonJBX
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And just like last time...41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2mxHG9QAw
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“Water, soda or orange juice.” He asked from the kitchen.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCexz1ruZh3
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“Soda.” Why?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgItXLvQ7Kl
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I wanted orange juice. Did I really like soda that much that I had to request it twice?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7vbtgicTz
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I really don’t understand myself, I wasn’t nervous this time.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTnANSQlN1k
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He came back with a glass— soda, ice— placed it on the table with a fabric coaster beneath it.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLf7ThbcFs
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“We’ll use this table,” he said without looking at me, “we start after you’re done resting.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WZLBrhftT
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He walked around the small table to sit at the opposite end of the longer sofa where he sat last time. And like last time he pulled the book he left on there, sat, then started reading.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBidsXNY9ry
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I thought about it for a moment.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIusi55syMJ
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Was that why he ignored me last time too?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUG0QjOenw
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“We’re studying math today,” he said.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMytASlESH
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I paused. Then silently sighed in relief.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOE53b7tMWP
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Thank god I took math with me today. If he had said another subject other than math, science, or English then I would have ended up scratching my head.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0YyVHCLZi
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I stood up, took my bag with me then sat and tucked my feet under me in front of the table. Behind me was the smaller sofa.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduHIbFn4HA
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My hand carefully reached inside my bag and took out the math notebook. I took a pen out too, just in case.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZ6MYDUn1c
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I felt the surface of the table first. It felt smoother than it looked. The wood seemed rough but I guess it was just the design. It looked quite expensive.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WyzskgoWs
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I gently placed the notebook on the table.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9spJqOJWr
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For now, I would put the pen beside it.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6ejZsnA0p
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I stared at the math notebook for a second.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjXKSt1WfY
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He wrote this for me. He wrote this and did not sleep for a night.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMPTkGXIfT
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Am I really worth making these notes for?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvzBN3LhLO
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Although he said it was to help me, but somehow I couldn’t accept such a simple answer. But I had to accept it. So I guess… I would just accept it.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDKMgJbqzH
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I flipped the cover of the notebook and no matter how many times I had already seen it, it still mesmerized me. His handwriting was neat. Unlike his hair. His marks and labels were colorful. Unlike his personality.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxE55xHxhLo
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I giggled a bit.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdRI5UChtA
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Then a thought popped in my mind.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtA8gEPVUAg
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Oh yeah, we were not going to start yet.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wQY3HuH02
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I stretched my feet under the table and continued to drink the soda.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnB7nDM2szo
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Then it felt awkward.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxX8cnBgjv
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Why was I being comfortable in someone else’s house?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOV0HsmjadC
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I hurriedly stood up, grabbed the glass of soda with me, took a few steps toward the smaller sofa and sat down.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxS9SOzTVeG
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What was I doing? I felt like I was doing so many unnecessary things just now. Standing, sitting in front of the table, standing again and walking towards this sofa.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUPJHMyw7e
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I stared at my soda, it was almost half empty. I held it with both hands this time and placed it on my lap.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OCyqaSdp2
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My head then looked up without me meaning to.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBy84BeAnqn
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The ceiling again. It looked the same as last time.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡElD7sscpof
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I closed my eyes, and chanted the words inside my head.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMBjoV2gl8
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Focus… Just focus…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mm1A976YS
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I resolved myself. I was ready. I brought myself here. All I needed was to focus, learn and study. There was no doubt in me anymore, no more anxiety building up, and I shouldn’t let hesitation take over me.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTKO6DqhfN
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I had to. I needed to. I didn’t need any distractions. I didn’t need anything consuming my mind away from my goals.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqukSGEjJv
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Even about that…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfs8eutO8hP
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I paused. I didn’t want that to surface. I had been burying it inside me for the past two days and I didn’t want it to come out at this moment.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0It3rjCLn
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Not now… Not later… Not yet…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD15N4e69tv
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I kept my eyes closed… then waited…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ruFYAYLlA
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Five minutes have passed…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeY3kpfvt6D
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I took a deep breath.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgQNvpylMp
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Eight minutes have passed…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PBxS2n300
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I opened my eyes.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPjQ4Ubtc6
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The sweat from the glass of soda had started to soak my uniform. I almost didn’t notice.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡorqCODjXNn
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I lifted the glass, there was no more sound of the ice cubes hitting it, and the soda had already mixed with them.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeICB2UtCHq
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“Are you done?” Kuroiwa asked.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2h6iAUqf2
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Did he notice me?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxSwZJMJQ6
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I looked at him. He was still reading.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCSZOWBybbl
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“...Yeah,” I paused for a fraction of a second before I replied.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTtUuFhOps
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“Then let’s start.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHw4leuakl8
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“...Okay.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrIa6CeesS
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I looked at the ceiling one last time before standing up.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzAAuT5Bsg
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And again, I took another breath, shallower this time.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPF45gOUh5
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I walked towards the table, knees first on the cushion I just sat on earlier, tucked my feet under me and sat. Then I carefully placed the half empty glass of soda on the coaster where it was earlier.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHeOZjzmBPN
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Kuroiwa stood up,41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbqp5A6h0q
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“Wait here,” he said as he walked around the table.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ193QLBan6Y
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He picked up the glass of soda.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZ0zU2usKD
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I flinched. I didn’t mean to.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeMc9Mxw5d
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I looked at him but he continued to walk towards the kitchen. I was guessing it was to put the glass in the sink.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf008lQTIsA
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He was still his slow and unhurried self. Just taking his time. Strolling around his house.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoT3aymt4J
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Though I was glad he didn’t notice me flinch. I mean, wouldn’t that be rude to him, just because he got near me I had to slightly jump back.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdqLiOoV1k
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Like I was…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sqtX6jYLB
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I held that thought. I held it deeply. Pulled it in deeper.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzVy1Y5um5
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I was too into my thoughts that I didn’t realize Kuroiwa had already come back and was sitting at the opposite side of the table… in front of me.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcHPEukgXp
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He had two notebooks placed on the table.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZ2YNpY9le
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He slid them to me carefully.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcqFPnuyfX
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“What are these?” I asked.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhb7jKQQrVZ
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“The one on the left has equations to be solved,” he said. Without gesturing or pointing. “The one on the right is a blank one, where you write your solutions and answers.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6015On6us
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I pulled them closer to me and inspected what was inside.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoSGbUN7jh
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“The first page of the equations notebook is where we start, you open the blank notebook too,” he continued. “Also open your math notebook to page five.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0Jp2Vasq4
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I did all of it.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDZfgIweps
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When I opened the equations notebook, I wasn’t familiar with what was inside. The problems written in them were different compared to the ones that I was trying to solve last night.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtdGPJpMdr
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I took the math notebook.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0LAvhCyaZ
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Page five, okay…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsIZ78JRMTb
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As soon as I turned the pages, I saw similar problems written on the equations notebook.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHK0vGrfrN8
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While I was looking at them carefully, I started to remember, these seemed the same as what Mr. Tanaka had taught us yesterday. How could I have forgotten?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWNCi4aEia
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGX3deAu2sd
“What we are going to study is about solving quadratic equations,” Kuroiwa said.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpJiv9ansv
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6TAIb2IW6
I almost thought I was sweating. I should know this. We just learned about it yesterday.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgxBPv24Yl
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9X6xg38N1k
“Umm… uhh… so… what’s a quadratic equation?” I couldn’t resist asking.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWzDuwRxflR
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He definitely thought I was stupid for not remembering the lecture.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEX41wOp10n
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRndBzws8k
“Quadratic equations, in the textbook, is a second degree polynomial equation that can be written in a standard form as ax squared plus bx plus c equal to zero. Where a, b, and c are real numbers and a is not equal to zero,” he said. His voice calm, he explained everything precisely, and patiently.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMvPRRk0h75
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I blinked.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH2l8DUN8bn
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I was a bit surprised. Not because I didn’t understand one thing of what he said. Yes, I didn’t.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfuXTcx1TW
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuH5DhQoQy6
But because he was patient. I thought he would be sarcastic and annoyed because it was already explained to us yesterday. But he wasn’t.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjks7KTAeeC
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtrKFGrukT
I stared at my notes. All the intentions of focus gathered in my eyes.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1FvIm6czh
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sDOmb2Eel
“The textbook’s definition is quite long and confusing,” he continued.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqczsDthIx
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I nodded slightly in agreement. I would nod more and profusely but I didn’t want to look silly.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCs00hserS
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBb0w4gEYw
“So just think of it like this. If the beginning of the equation starts with a number and the x beside it is in the second degree.” He pointed towards the equation notebook he gave me, which I placed above the math notebook leaving enough gap between me and it.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKYtylb5G0
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I wasn’t bothered. Why would I be bothered?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eWPtxMMix
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoQLOW4a1N
“If you see this, then it’s most likely a quadratic equation.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1rB85MUtA
I stared at where he was pointing. But I was careful not to get too close.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmPAsqRbBj
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmXXpMuxED
“Okay, so if the x has like this tiny number two above it, then it means it’s a quadratic equation?” I asked.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3ZKWyrLih
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“Not a definitive yes,” he answered.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSfgerC1hx
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“Why?”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWJGojROB6
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“Because there are equations that begin with x squared but could not be written in standard form, and also if the number beside x squared is zero then it is not a quadratic equation.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbz9lr8hTOO
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEccuNxCmyc
“Hmm?” I tried with all my brain cells to make sense of what he said. “It’s so confusing.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCbhBh5aUB
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvWkr1eY9W
“It is, but let me give you an example.” Kuroiwa leaned forward towards me, slowly pulled the blank notebook that I placed on the left side of the math notebook.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdeo58XLQF
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYfLw97Nb8
But then he tried to grab the pen I was holding.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8n8z60l7U
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My body moved on its own.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Lroonrh30
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I leaned back, placed my hand on the floor to support my weight… then… my vision narrowed.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTPTg2wEjL
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My stomach fluttered, and slowly, I was pulling back even more.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJimkcCAqY
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kVQxBW7Jj
At that moment, I couldn’t hear anything. He might have called my name but it didn’t register to me.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7osaD8wD4g
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrX4utxG9Ul
I never intended to do this, I tried to resist. But my mind kept spiraling down to the words I had been avoiding since last night, since the night before and the night before that. The possibilities. His proximity. The way it was hard for me to understand every explanation he said just now.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5L3b2QEVYi
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Everything made the words become real…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpC2d3S4TlU
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Condition.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQooJJi2mG
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Touch.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkLD0F84OT
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Five minutes.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJvGzOZFOo
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I pulled back further… and further…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTizsdA7sO
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And the fluttering started to creep in deeper… and deeper...41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUl27EBsq7z
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His hands. It was all that I could see right now. And the more I saw it, the more I moved.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9aq1EmXKHR
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“Miyase-san?” Finally I was able to hear him.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfdeO56V2v
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyGLbGxmwI
“Ah.” My voice was shaking but I managed to steady it enough to form words to say. “I-I’m sorry, I-I was… just… surprised.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmxbLqzmIi
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I wasn’t lying.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwIbuCOSJS
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He sat back to his side of the table. Straight. Then looked at me carefully.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTwg29iwaB
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I avoided his gaze.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhdA5C02k9
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“Miyase-san.” His voice still sounded the same as he always sounded.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09of6unrL3
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmydKM82h1
Even at a time like this.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94F6HxC831
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No… why would I even think that?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCU745Kdqyw
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Why am I bothered?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡednSiaXmDr
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“Do you need a break?” he said.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHraTNz3eXx
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I didn’t answer. But I leaned further back to realize I was already hitting the smaller sofa behind me.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2JLrPfNO1
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But…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtqZ2Lg55D
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It hadn’t been ten minutes since we started. Why would I need a break… why? I need to concentrate. I need to study… If I fail…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtu0D6SgcCz
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No… please stop thinking.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXYmFLZI63
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I closed my eyes tight… very tight.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLeTzB8Xwn
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Then I felt him stand up.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8cmvh19pm
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I jumped. I took my bag and placed it on my lap and curled myself into a ball.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMeIbbVUQF
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5G2jbhOMpi
“Let’s take a break,” he said. And I felt him walk away from me. “Wait here.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLocVqB0Tiy
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFuTEehkUgU
I remained as I did. Never moved. Not even a finger.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ne4rVmdQi
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I tightened the grip of my hand on my knees.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FaRiBNRsz
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Why today? Why did I have to be like this today? Why couldn’t I just focus? Why couldn’t I just concentrate? Just study… just stay still and not make things complicated. Everything was already complicated enough... and I was making it worse.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYV7JDSLVGN
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEu2gBpBILW
Why?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuerW88hMOq
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUbRqfoUhP
…
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…
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But why did he even make such a condition? Why every single time I met him he was being unreasonable? Why couldn’t he just be normal? Why couldn’t he just not be weird? Just be regular… just teach me as a regular person and not make things complicated. He was the one who planted all these complicated thoughts and feelings in me… and it was getting worse.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvuDk7RWGh
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr7OQvvJTwU
…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBTRwOSFrM
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…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAJRL2Fboh
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Why?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dzg8bctXW
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydn3tRxc2G
I shouldn’t have come here… But I failed my practice exams…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VoEvO2njg
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkD33dt5Eb
I shouldn’t have agreed… But he said he wouldn’t let me fail…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1JpQWA5sE
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdxCth1Rum
I should’ve just let Mika, Hina and Yui teach me again… But I don’t want to burden them anymore…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRp3RGRo3D
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3wcEI6TZ8
I shouldn’t have… But…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGO7Nasz5Dd
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I… I don’t know…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ392Z0vYbxW
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I—41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfC1r9qtlp
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“Miyase-san!”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIeCqehu8S
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2laDbGoTfp
I slowly opened my eyes. Reluctant. Careful.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg0tqZW0l9W
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He showed up far away from me… to his side of the table… sitting41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcg6aKOJth
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“Water,” he said.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKS1BDbqJOL
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I saw the glass of water that was carefully placed on my side of the table. A fabric coaster under it. Away from the notebooks.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZrGUHCmr3
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGb1MWcLSib
“Don’t worry,” he continued, “I didn’t get near you.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatYVSdamTm
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpeykgijYB
My mouth opened. I wanted to say something… But what was that something?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWj7NIKect8
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“I’m sorry…” I just whispered.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzgZNQfmet
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“About?” he asked, I was surprised he even heard me, but I was more surprised he asked.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4oKNKqszM3
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“Because… I—”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdP4NnLz5Dz
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“I’m used to it,” he said.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv3hyuAqlhe
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Huh?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhP0WGpS5X
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“Ever since I was in elementary school, everybody seemed to avoid me. So I’m used to it.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimWwPJIYfh
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No… You’re wrong…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvuCZ9I6uK
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“It’s my fault that I got close to you without warning. I should’ve been more careful.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDXE3rZG95q
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEA3pmcXebC
That was not…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlQmhvYBU0
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“I went to my room to get an extra pen and notebooks. I also made sure that when I got back, I didn’t get near you. And also I placed the water at your side of the table without getting close to you. I also put your pen back to where it was.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPIExPVYt3
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCxh218tZR
He bowed in front of me… His forehead almost touching the table.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfTZiImwpV
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTTxEffVIz
“I apologize… Sincerely.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXL9EgsyKvu
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB5nmX4bzQP
I was looking at him… then slowly… my gaze turned towards my knees.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNZLvXKqaH
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKgklQ2mwO
I didn’t say anything. I just let the sound of the ticking clock fill the living room.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4rQZKdP3w
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One second… Two seconds… A few more seconds…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAUyBO36I2
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“C-can I use your bathroom?” I finally said.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmuBqaRFQJ
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“Sure, on the main hall, right side from the living room.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtJpfEzxLq
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“Thank you.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHCsehShBI9
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I stood up. Steady. I tried to gain my balance. Then headed towards where the bathroom was.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrgRP9rWga
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Friday. 4:36 pm41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkr93AlbA63
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Inside, my tears just kept flowing.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFSEuBpodo3
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I was trying to dry them with my hand, fanning them like I was about to be interrogated, just like in the detective drama I watched with my mom last week.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pPVYX88Qw
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I didn’t want to ruin my makeup. I didn’t want to still feel overwhelmed.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1uWpAWiyOk
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I didn’t want to cry.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUBkXfH5zy
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But they kept pouring… tracing my cheeks… dripping down my chin…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8O88wugQ2c
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Breathe, Runa just breathe.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLewDzUbOt
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I did, multiple times.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwv1g9lUOnO
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I really needed to solve myself first before solving any equations out there.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3vETNTgQk
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Inhale… Exhale… one more… and one more…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSzRdxo8I9b
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It hurts… it hurts that I had to be this way. That I had to be so out of focus like that, when he…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0rHb4nI6O
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He was not even thinking about them. And I was there… Drowning in the depths of each of those words.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7482H0Sof
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnMFG0aKCwc
I stopped my hand. And I stared at myself in the mirror.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmG1ciQ75ZR
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What a mess… I was such a mess…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEkhu0n769
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I wanted to laugh, I wanted to hear myself going crazy.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6T1M1vZNtZ
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…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixMbXTwc1g
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But I couldn’t, there was still some reason left in me.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8flF5rYFl
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I remembered what Hina said this morning, I remembered how I saw Kuroiwa slip and fall during gym class.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3Aw6fFFDQ
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDt4Rcke5K
He’s only a human being. I shouldn’t keep acting scared in front of him. No, I shouldn’t even be scared of him even when he wasn’t there.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlcpoVhrXga
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Condition?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOdb8wnCavZ
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So what!?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxeOxJtyf6
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If I failed, then it was his fault. I came here. I showed my resolve. And he said he wouldn’t fail me.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQu44IPK0fr
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I would keep studying. He should keep teaching me.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lWY6E2zV2
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And if I failed. There was no reason for me to comply.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUavtuGXVZk
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I did not promise. He didn’t even want me to say that I accepted his condition. In fact I did not say I accepted. I just came here.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKAmxCcEfu
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Because I believed the things he was trying to sell to me. And I wouldn’t let him scam me.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ESxSLZh2T
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If it came to that. If I really did fail. Even just one subject.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaD6xDzpjsl
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I stared at myself in the mirror again. Then slapped my face with both my hands to both my cheeks. I was careful not to leave a mark.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfXXFmw3gI
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Wake up…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQXGsKaQV5
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If I did fail. Then it was his turn to be slapped.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFlWYUTLovr
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“I will be fine.” I told myself.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHWWdnMUWP
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I would always be fine.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgGs33ugZh
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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ067xdscVq9
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Friday. 5:02 pm41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdXiMHNIAp
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I messed up.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQBUilN0hK
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It took long for me to calm down. It took longer for me to reapply my makeup.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKOPMQm6ZF
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Luckily I took my bag with me when I went to the bathroom. Otherwise, if I didn’t, my face would have looked horrendous.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHNhJWmjCU
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I wouldn’t want anyone to see me without my make up. I was fine if my family and friends saw. But I would die if anyone else did.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHg3niarwBv
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I braced myself. Took a long breath. Then opened the door to the living room. I saw Kuroiwa scribbling into the notebook he got for himself.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSqCsKsC9E
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“I’m back,” I said.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwwqrrKo62i
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He stared at me then nodded.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaxYE1k5Xbp
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I went back to sit in front of the table, opposite of him. Then I gently placed my bag beside me.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGugIA0r7Z
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“I’m sorry about earlier.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTnT4y1hFE
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“It’s fine.” He paused. He probably was trying to be careful with his words. “Are you okay, now?”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZhEZpt9yK
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His voice still sounded like he always did though.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3agnfFw624
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I smiled a little bit.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXevLtXgSq
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He didn’t waste any time and started.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbFOd4Enhp
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“So let’s start from the beginning—“41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2P8DwUPWJU
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Did I hear it right? From the beginning?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqBqvfC7YS
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“The textbook definition of a quadratic equation—“41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6PsYlcGfio
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Word for word.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBnRUdFwEp
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“It is confusing, but if you think about it like this—“41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlbxXQZSNv
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Seriously?41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdKq9QqXJj
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I ended up just staring at him.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6jxDYNRW3
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I sighed.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xM6Ff0Wcr
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“Were you listening?” he asked.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcF1fzouWbn
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Honestly, I wasn’t.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5dAa1WIct
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“Sorry,” I said.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DNduy36OX
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“It’s fine. Let’s start from the start. This time make sure you listen.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnMx9rYDPl
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I opened my mouth. But I guess I had no choice so I listened.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMALblL4KZi
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Every word, every sentence, the way he told them. Ended up always the same.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKP0GT5sc4
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I asked a question from time to time. But every time I did, we started again from the beginning.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZhQEdEWpF
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That was quite exhausting… a bit annoying… but it’s different…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0Wk5Jrv7K
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Maybe there’s something to this difference. I don’t really know. But every loop got me focused more and more.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZAbWw97k8
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He looped a few more times. I listened intently.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEjlPGCeyQ
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And then...41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1AZCvKLifa
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“So, what is a quadratic equation?” he asked.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNITucO0bDv
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I blinked.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsq0m25cIKN
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“Umm... A quadratic equation is an equation that starts with an x that has a subscript of 2 above it and also the number beside the x with a subscript of 2 shouldn’t be a zero. Also the next part of the equation has a negative or positive number that is beside an x with no subscript and then a number that is either a positive or negative or a zero.” I answered. “Oh, and also the number beside the x with no floating 2 on it could also be a zero and if that is the case then I don’t need to write it. Also… also… an equal sign and a positive or negative number or a zero on the other side of the equal sign.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHIr5L4Xpd
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I got that from my memory. Everything he said jumbled up and mixed together. And I was able to say that. It was longer than I remembered him describe it but… I think I did get it…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOEu1b1E7xS
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I looked at him for approval.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1RG2Icgvw
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“You’re right,” he said.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUfG7gIPoXh
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My eyes widened.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjGp7bbQIp
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“So let’s move to the next part. Open the equations notebook on page one and I’ll show you how to solve it.”41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnw8AVWpJi7
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He taught me patiently.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxoPzrMJv1
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He would write down the solution to his notebook, slide it carefully towards me and then I copied it…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwF9UsIVGQ7
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The way he wrote the characters was larger so that he could point it to me from where he sat and I would be able to see them with no problem.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡItse8dDRBD
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To be honest… I almost copied the exact same sizes of the letters and numbers that he wrote.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3BBxgEZLF
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He explained to me about factoring. Taught me how to divide the equation into two parentheses. Taught me how to determine the right numbers next to it inside the two parentheses. And then how to find the value for each equation afterwards.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7UzQ9nQWL
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We repeated. Multiple times. And it felt heavy on my head. But then it would become lighter each loop.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ14NgRDiHgd
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When he made me solve an equation. He did the same. I asked a question. Repeat. I made a mistake somewhere. Repeat. I got the right answer but I struggled along the way. Repeat.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcG8cW8epKB
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Every. Single. Time.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCIll5hM2t
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But when I looked at the notebook that once had blank pages when he gave me, now filled with solutions that I was slowly starting to get. It made me keep going. I felt I was on the right track.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCL6JCRdAt
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One equation later… three equations later… then finally the fifth one…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5oMPcSWaR
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I smiled.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzU9Uz0Mde
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I smiled with all my heart. It was the first time ever that I was able to solve an equation without anyone’s help.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuUq3DsqIyk
41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SWz9VeWms
The fifth equation, I did by myself. And when I was done, I showed it to Kuroiwa. Sliding my notebook towards him. I tried to analyze his face. Then he showed that look that means I was right.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINyMGnERoo
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I didn’t even need him to tell me I was right.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DH26hClBM
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His expressions almost always never changed. But since we had been doing this for, who knows how long now, I started to learn the difference between his normal face and the subtle changes in his expressions whenever I got things right.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGJe8ijVT4
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So far, that’s the only subtlety I had found out about him… For now, at least.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwKHfwQCHe
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But before I could even celebrate he already told me to solve another equation.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtpdx6RQl1
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I groaned… In my thoughts… Like always.41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKunGTHyKnu
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But still… All these equations…41Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwhWUGv1xxD
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I was glad I was finally able to understand how to solve them now.
and then Add to home screen.