Standing there, all alone in my own troubles, I felt a hand touch my shoulder.
Upon looking up to see who it was, I froze.
Seeing Yuna looking at me with pitiful eyes, I knocked her arm away quickly, taking a couple steps back at the same time. It wasn’t hard or fast enough to hurt her, but it was enough to make it clear I didn’t want to see her.
“Ren...” She calmly said,
My fists clenched at my sides. I wasn’t angry with her nor did I want to hit her. I was angry and sad with myself.
Without further words or conflict, I turned and walked away.
I could hear voices behind me calling out to me, but I knew it would hurt more if I stopped.
My phone vibrated endlessly in my pocket as I wandered throughout the city.
There were plenty of messages, concerns, questions, and worries, but not a thing from Yuna or Haruto.
I laughed bitterly at the thought of them not reaching out, but before I was able to put my phone away, my phone rang.
Daichi.
A friend I met pretty recently that paid for a lunch of mine one time when my card wasn’t working.
I answered the phone, expecting another question about why I left, where did I go, or why I acted the way I did.
But instead, he asked “Can you talk right now?”
~~~
A small café became my refuge from the rain that started to drop.
I sat alone at a booth until the door’s bell rang when Daichi and a friend of his opened it, covered in water.
Without a word spoken, the waitress came up to our table, asking what we’d like to order.
Daichi ordered two chocolate-peanut-butter milkshakes while Hikari ordered a strawberry one.
The waitress asked me but I shook my head as I stared at the rain tapping softly against the window beside me.
I stared outside for a while, totally forgetting where I was or why I was there.
But after not too long, I heard a quiet sliding noise to my side, but when I looked, I found one of the chocolate-peanut-butter milkshakes in front of me.
“Ren.”
I looked up.
“I know attachment can keep people tied to things they shouldn’t be attached to.”
I stayed silent, staring with all the focus I could gather.
“But that’s not everything, is it?”
I felt like a tiny burden was lifted off my shoulders, small, but noticeable.
“I wanted to give her another chance.”
The words left my mouth before I could understand what I was even thinking.
I realized how stupid it sounded but that was the only thought I’ve been stuck on when it came to the reason I stayed.
Daichi sighed, “I figured.”
I silently placed a straw into the milkshake, then tried to enjoy it in the silence.
Daichi leaned in and pointed at Hikari, chowing down on his milkshake with his eyes closed, “We’re going to the arcade tomorrow with some friends and Mio if you’re free, it would be great to have you.”
I stared at him blankly, not because I was upset or disappointed, but because I forgot the sensation of fun when it came to being with friends.
“Sure, just text me the time later.”
~~~
The next day, everyone met at an arcade.
Daichi, Hikari, Yang, Iori, Mio, and myself.
While our time together was short, I remember feeling better.
Because for the first time since everything happened, I laughed.
Not a fake one. Not a forced smile. An actual laugh.
I remember how we played racing games, fought over claw machines, and even how we spent too many tickets on prizes that weren’t worth it. Like a plushie of a hamster and a rubber dinosaur the size of my pinky.
Everything felt fun. It really helped me get my mind in a better place, even if it was only for a few hours.
Daichi waved to me, “I’m going this way with Iori, see you guys next time”, with Hikari and Yang walking a different way, leaving me and Mio wandering down the streets.
I stared ahead, not knowing what to discuss but I felt a nudge on my shoulder.
“This beats crying, doesn’t it?” Mio said with a smile.
I remember looking at her and laughing, “Yeah, it really does huh.”
I looked down at her hands, “You going to sell those when you get home?”
“Pfft, all of these-” Mio looks down at the pile of plushies in her arms, “I’m keeping all of them.”
“But they’re sort of ugly.” I added.
“But look at the little hamster!” She loudly mentioned.
We stop on the sidewalk as I bend down, taking a closer look, “It doesn’t even look like a hamster.”
“It’s cute though!” She said, smiling, “and it’s got a little hat.”
I stood back up, “... fair point.”
After walking for a little longer, we got to an intersection where we had to part ways, “I’ll see you next time Mio.” I said, attempting to wave while carrying the large bag of weird goodies I won.
Mio looked at me with a wide smile, “Thanks for hanging out with me!” she said, turning away and walking down her street.
~~~
Later that night, Daichi called me up, “Keep this between us” he said, but little did he know that I began sweating anxiously.
“What?” I asked.
“That Mio girl...”
He paused, leaving me curious and scared at the same time.
“I think I fell for her.”
I moved my phone away from my mouth and stared at the call, “Wha-”
“She’s just so pretty man, her eyes are gorgeous, and the way she laughs gets my heart beating.” Daichi added.
“You’ve only known her for a few hours Dai, you sure this isn’t a small flutter?”
“It was love at first sight. She laughed with me so much, it has to be fate.” Daichi said, sounding like he was contemplating proposing to her at this point.
“That's insane dude. You've only known her for a day.” I added.
“You’re just jealous I found true love before you.”
I paused after hearing those words, without knowing what to say.
“Well, I got to go, got work in the morning.” Daichi quickly added after, ending the call right after.
~~~
A few days later, Hikari shot me a text while I was at work, “He confessed!!!”
I quickly went into the break room and called him, “What do you mean he confessed?!?”
“Daichi confessed his love to Mio last night when they met for dinner at the restaurant where I work, it was crazy to watch.” He said with a cringey laugh.
“How’d it go then?”
“She didn’t reject him, but something about asking to go slowly since she'd only been single for a short time.”
For some reason, hearing that made my chest feel strange without a further explanation of why.
“Well, give me an update when things progress, I got to get back to work” I added, without knowing how to continue the conversation.
“Same same, see you later dude.” Hikari added, hanging up.
Later that night after work, I shot Mio a text, “How are all the prizes you got working out for you? I remember you brought home a lot of plushies that one night.”
To my surprise, she responded rather quickly, “I put them all in my bed with me, though they still smell like the arcade.”
I replied, “LOL, well, that’s what you get for getting so many.”
“Hey! They were just so cute I had to get them all!” She added.
Silence followed after her text, and with the desire to keep the conversation going, I blurted out, “Oh, just letting you know, I’m staying with Yuna.”
I knew my message wasn’t the best to see, but I didn’t really have a choice I figured.
If we broke up in the end, the friends we had would have to pick a side, or at least struggle with being both of our friends, and those thoughts made me feel more guilty.
No texts were sent for a little under an hour.
“I’ll support your decision.” She said.
A small pause lingered.
“But I don’t think it’ll work.”
“It’ll be fine, and if not, then oh well, you know?”
She responded with a thumbs up emote before us both ending the conversation.
~~~
Ever since that day, the messages became shorter and drier.
As the weeks went by, there eventually came entire days that passed by without a single message exchanged.
I got a few texts from Hikari, Zak, and some other friends I kept contact with.
Hikari would talk about how Daichi and Mio stopped talking.
Apparently, he used me and Hikari to get closer to Mio because she seemed ‘easy’ to get with.
And with that, I realized I lost both another friend and someone I thought understood me a little.
A few more days passed, and my phone rang from another text while I was at work.
“I’m disgusted with you for staying.”
Mio’s first message to me in a few days was something I didn’t expect but I needed to be told.
It hurt, because I knew she was right.
Another message followed soon after, “Please don’t talk to me anymore.”
I kept rereading the message over and over again.
Nothing but sorrow filled my mind, but I knew it’s what I deserved for what I said and the outcome I chose.
As the night at work got busier, I think I was finally able to put my mind at ease, at least for the time being.
At the end of our shift, me, Zak and our co-workers Yama, Daila, and Taro stood in the break room.
When everyone was checking out, Zak walked up to me and whispered, “I can drive you back if you aren’t feeling up to the task.”
I looked at him, “Yeah... today just isn’t a walking home day for me...”
A few minutes later in the car, I couldn’t help but stare out the window, watching the cars drive by.
“What happened?” He asked, looking forward towards the road.
“"Just... stuff," I replied.
“Well, I’m here if you want to chat about it.”
I lowered my head, “Thanks, just got a lot on my mind right now.”
“I get it, you’ve been going through it, so don’t worry about it, but we should have a day where we chat it out since you seem like you’re bottling it all up.”
I flinched before looking at him, “That would be... nice...”
He reached his arm out and patted me on the back, “How does next weekend sound?, We’re both off.”
I nodded, “Yeah, I’ll buy some snacks.”
“We can play cards too or whatever, I’ll even buy some alcohol” Zak added as he stopped the car at a red light.
I nodded and smiled softly, “Are we getting hammered in the morning or at night?”
He looked at me with a confused expression, “Morning obviously, it’s going to be our ‘Rise, Shine, and Drink’ day. You’ll probably feel better after it all.
After getting dropped off at my place, I took my usual bath, ate a snack, had some water, and laid down, scrolling through my phone until I felt my tiredness starting to take hold.
A few days later, I found myself lying in bed, staring at my ceiling and feeling empty.
Not happy, sad, angry, or lost, but simply, empty.
I glanced at my phone and realized it was already July 31st.
I didn’t remember much of what happened the last couple weeks, they were mostly uneventful and not worth remembering.
As I felt my eyes shut, my phone’s vibration on the bed woke me up, I picked it up with one eye open, the brightness of the screen nearly blinding me.
I saw a notification in my conversation with Mio. When I opened it, my phone immediately started ringing.
Mio was calling.
I sat up quickly, seeing a message attached to the call.
“Please pick up... I need you.”
ns216.73.217.39da2
and then Add to home screen.