I don't think I've ever met anyone quite like her.
She comes from a life that has been harder than most people realize. She's carrying pain from past relationships, disappointments, family pressures, financial struggles, and the weight of a future that often feels out of her control. Sometimes she talks about it like she's already tired of fighting. Sometimes she sounds so hurt that she seems numb. And the thing that breaks my heart the most is knowing how much she wants a life of her own, yet feeling like she can't see a path toward it.
I wish I could make things easier for her. I wish I could take away even a fraction of what she's had to endure. But I can't. And that's one of the hardest things I've ever had to accept.
She tells me that I'm a green flag. Once she told me something I'll never forget: that she asked for water, and everyone else gave her apple juice, soda, or coke, but I gave her water. To me, that meant she felt understood. It meant that, in a world where people often saw what they wanted to see, I saw at least a small part of who she truly was.
What she may never fully realize is how much she changed me too.
Before her, I was complete on my own. I was happy by myself. I wasn't looking for someone to save me or fill a void. Then I met her, and somehow she awakened a part of me I didn't know existed. She made me realize that beneath all the thinking, analyzing, and self-sufficiency, there was also someone soft. Someone capable of loving deeply. Someone who could be vulnerable, clingy, emotional, silly, and completely unguarded.
She brought out the child in me,the part that felt safe enough to be seen without pretending to have everything together.
She's my first love, and because of that, everything feels bigger. The care, the worry, the admiration, the heartbreak. Sometimes I cry because I see how unfair life has been to her. Sometimes I cry because I know there are battles she has to fight that I cannot fight for her.
I don't want anything from her that she cannot freely give. I don't want to pressure her into loving me. I don't want promises. More than anything, I want her to feel loved - truly, honestly, and without conditions. Every day, I pray that life becomes gentler with her. I pray that she finds peace, happiness, freedom, and a future that belongs to her.
And if all I can ever be is a friend, then I will be a friend. If life becomes difficult and she needs someone to listen, I want to be someone who listens. If she needs understanding, I want to offer understanding. If she needs kindness, I want to offer kindness.
Of course, somewhere in the smallest corner of my heart, there is a quiet wish that she loves me too. Not through grand declarations or dramatic confessions. Just in the simple sense of feeling cared for and connected. But whether that wish comes true or not, what matters most to me is her wellbeing.
Because loving her has never been only about wanting her.
It's also about wanting life to be kinder to her.
And no matter what happens, I will always be grateful for her- for helping me discover how deeply I can love, how deeply I can care, and how much of my heart I never knew existed until I met her.
I can never possibly stop loving her, even though she was never once mine and never will be.
I love you, Jennie !!
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