2026 年 10 月 23 日。週五黃昏。北角春秧街。60Please respect copyright.PENANAsXfaNDbv0F
60Please respect copyright.PENANArOUwS6JfTd
電車叮叮聲在狹窄的攤檔間迴盪,阿敏剛從中環下班。她沒回家,依然穿著那套剪裁俐落的會計師行政套裝,高跟鞋踩在濕滑的地磚上卻步履生風。她右手提著裝滿報表的公事包,左手拿著銀包,正準備在熟悉的檔口挑選晚飯的食材。60Please respect copyright.PENANA9XK2Cm3yhB
60Please respect copyright.PENANAeaza97c5f0
林嘉嘉今天剛在附近的七姊妹道旗艦店巡視完,正好遇上採購中的阿敏,便一臉乖巧地跟在身後。她第一時間從阿敏手中接過兩袋重甸甸的生果,隨手往後一遞,轉交給跟在後面的私人助理拿著,自己則空出雙手,殷勤地在阿敏身邊討好道:「敏姐,這檔的鯇魚不夠肥,我們去前面那檔看看?」60Please respect copyright.PENANAFm6PATYqtS
60Please respect copyright.PENANAmnxTLKveBD
阿敏微微點頭,正享受著這難得的「專業助理」服務,街市尾端卻傳來一陣極其刺耳的喧鬧。60Please respect copyright.PENANApSjisBdKpQ
60Please respect copyright.PENANAsGO6SeYhjH
三個穿著螢光背心、掛著「地區和諧巡邏隊」名牌的男人,正野蠻地推倒了一個菜檔的籮筐。領頭的男人留著幾根稀疏的羊咩鬚,神情猥瑣地一腳踩在檔主的青菜上:「阿嬸,強哥話依家要整頓市容,妳無交管理費,我哋好難保證妳啲菜唔會『自動腐爛』喎!」60Please respect copyright.PENANAO1wREjVuJ4
60Please respect copyright.PENANArmMzUErgUJ
周圍街坊原本都想幫口,但見對方腰間掛著對講機,一副「有後台」的架勢,只能低聲咒罵。阿敏停下腳步,冷眼觀察了幾秒,確信這是一場針對底層的勒索。她把公事包往林嘉嘉手裡一塞,扶了扶眼鏡,眼神瞬間冷如冰霜。60Please respect copyright.PENANAF1Uk7EqeW9
60Please respect copyright.PENANA2q6jRuIJoT
「嘉嘉,睇住啲嘢。」阿敏語氣平淡,卻帶著一股讓人不寒而慄的威壓,轉身踏入風暴中心。60Please respect copyright.PENANArkQs9ZZc3y
60Please respect copyright.PENANAhtaKLHDYPe
「喂,你三個。」阿敏開口,聲音不大,卻讓嘈雜的街市瞬間安靜。60Please respect copyright.PENANAuhSmqZD3Tk
60Please respect copyright.PENANAIt22ZXbKnm
第一階段:情——擊碎人格與家庭尊嚴60Please respect copyright.PENANA9tr4tNaf43
60Please respect copyright.PENANAk4cN7ZPzMi
「你老母生你出嚟係等你有機會投胎做人,唔係等你在這裡做強哥隻狗呀,X你老母!」阿敏一開口就是石破天驚,連林嘉嘉都聽得屏住呼吸,「你睇下你個死樣,著件螢光背心就當自己係執法人員?你件背心嘅螢光度仲黑X過你老母塊X呀!你阿媽生你個腦出嚟係用嚟分泌智商,唔係用嚟裝屎呀。喺度蝦女人?你返去有無照過鏡呀?你全家祖宗十八代嘅陰德都俾你呢兩腳踩光晒呀!你呢種生出嚟就係社會負資產嘅廢物,連做肥料都驚污染土地呀,冚家鏟!」60Please respect copyright.PENANAngob4EO6DC
60Please respect copyright.PENANAoGu19Ysw6D
「妳……妳講乜X呀!」羊咩鬚男人老羞成怒,正要反駁。60Please respect copyright.PENANAeJXZ0Lq0y1
60Please respect copyright.PENANAwcSI7Apqcz
第二階段:理——拆解邏輯與商業謬論60Please respect copyright.PENANANta6ORDHXZ
60Please respect copyright.PENANAYshMTW1m0g
「駁嘴?你憑乜X嘢駁嘴呀?」阿敏推了推眼鏡,冷笑一聲,「講整頓市容?你個樣就係對北角市容最大嘅污染。講管理費?你呢間所謂嘅『巡邏隊』有無商業登記?有無獲授權在公眾地方代收行政費用?你依家呢種行為喺經濟學上叫『掠奪性尋租』,喺市井語言叫收保護費呀!你強哥想選區議員,第一件事竟然係製造地區動亂再出嚟收場?呢種橋段連九十年代嘅古惑仔電影都唔拍呀!你以為街坊唔聲係驚咗你?大家係驚咗你嗰種噴出嚟嘅口臭污染智商,你呢個腦殘智障外判殘次品!」60Please respect copyright.PENANAQ5zNcM5FKl
60Please respect copyright.PENANATdaTAPs9j7
「妳唔好亂講!我哋係服務社區……」另一個壯漢想上前理論,林嘉嘉立刻踏前一步擋在阿敏身前,眼神凌厲,隨行的高大私人助理也同時壓了上來。60Please respect copyright.PENANAKY8koReS8f
60Please respect copyright.PENANAwLg1EapHKB
第三階段:法——法律定罪與終極清算60Please respect copyright.PENANAUquCZMd582
60Please respect copyright.PENANATSVdb41oYe
「服務社區?好,我依家就同你講法律。」阿敏拿出手機,螢幕上閃爍著法典條文,「第一,根據《簡易程序治罪條例》第 4A 條,你們現在是在公眾地方造成阻礙;第二,根據《盜竊罪條例》第 24 條,你們這種帶威脅性嘅索取,法律定義叫勒索!我依家手機全程直播,幾百個街坊睇住你哋呢個衰樣。只要我撳呢個掣,稅務局、廉署、商業罪案調查科聽日就去翻你哋強哥間福利會啲爛數。你要唔要賭下,你哋強哥會保你哋三個坐監,定係直接將你哋當成『壞帳撇除』,等你哋去死?你呢三個連強積金都無嘅勞工,同我談管理?X你老母!」60Please respect copyright.PENANAX0ShucT4uP
60Please respect copyright.PENANAcXmhmfWJ6i
這一連串「情、理、法」三段式連續轟炸,配合阿敏那種專業人士特有的冷靜與市井粗口的爆發力,直接把那三個男人轟得面如土色。60Please respect copyright.PENANA5A76KCukVJ
60Please respect copyright.PENANAQ5Bh8I1rWJ
周圍的街坊原本被嚇住,此刻見狀紛紛爆發出雷鳴般的噓聲,有人吹口哨,有人大喊:「躝啦!垃圾!」「返去話俾強哥聽,嚟度唔歡迎佢呀!」排山倒海的喝倒彩聲比磚頭更沉重。60Please respect copyright.PENANAElCTCL4OiH
60Please respect copyright.PENANA0rlvJDPeMd
「走……走!返去話畀強哥聽!」三人狼狽地推開人群,連滾帶爬地逃離春秧街,連背心勾破了都顧不上。60Please respect copyright.PENANAGwf4HhYfDq
60Please respect copyright.PENANAvtanq6Ps9N
「敏姐……妳剛才嗰句『黑X過你老母塊X』,真係好有層次。」林嘉嘉一臉崇拜地遞回公事包,心裡感嘆這才是真正的「文鬥宗師」。60Please respect copyright.PENANAHfpka0E0YH
60Please respect copyright.PENANAopeZP7awPa
「嘉嘉,攞好啲嘢。」阿敏淡定地撿起地上的青菜,遞還給驚魂未定的檔主,順手塞了幾張銀紙過去,「阿婆,呢啲菜我買晒,妳早啲收工,下次佢哋再嚟,妳直接去沈姐天台搵我。」60Please respect copyright.PENANA2LtELZ4app
60Please respect copyright.PENANA5JsmuVPY8W
阿敏轉過頭,看著直播鏡頭,冷冷地對著空氣說了一句:「強哥,我知你睇緊。北角呢度,唔係你有錢玩啲低級手段就可以亂嚟嘅。想玩?我同你慢慢清盤。」60Please respect copyright.PENANAUpnBTLbcLQ
60Please respect copyright.PENANAYyC3B1B0a9
那一晚,北角各個社區群組瘋傳這段「封神」影片,標題統一為:【北角皇太后單殺強哥三走狗】。60Please respect copyright.PENANAj0yhjjWsHD
60Please respect copyright.PENANA7OHPIrEPAq
阿初在家看著影片,默默地給自己吸了一口凍奶茶,看著手機螢幕上太太那殺氣騰騰的眼鏡特寫,忍不住打了個冷顫。他知道,這場戰爭已經不再只是天台的小打小鬧。60Please respect copyright.PENANAb5ZW0F7CRn
60Please respect copyright.PENANAiONVi6gbLN
【編劇夥伴吐糟】60Please respect copyright.PENANAKdQnO4laAA
阿敏的「封神三段式」:阿敏呢種「情理法」加「粗口包裝」嘅戰術簡直係核武。佢先用粗口激發對方嘅憤怒令佢哋失去理智,再用經濟學邏輯拆解對方嘅行為,最後用法律條文判死刑。呢種降維打擊,強哥嗰班外判仔邊度受得住?60Please respect copyright.PENANALkm2uofLiC
60Please respect copyright.PENANAuEhRIr7jt5
嘉嘉的「專業跟班」修養:嘉嘉真係好識做,提袋生果都知要轉交俾私人助理,等自己可以隨時幫阿敏擋架。佢依家對阿敏嘅崇拜係真心嘅——佢發現原來唔使動手,用口都可以將對方「滅門」⋯⋯是學壞了⋯⋯60Please respect copyright.PENANAf6lg3FSBrv
60Please respect copyright.PENANAcLVzIZRf5A
強哥的「壞帳」危機:阿敏最後嗰句對住鏡頭講嘅,直接將強哥擺上枱。強哥依家肯定頭痛緊,原本想透過地區騷擾嚟增加籌碼,點知遇到個「專業核數師」逐筆帳同佢計。60Please respect copyright.PENANAxHYqAFZSdE
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我們都不是英雄
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ISSUE #56
皇太后北角登極
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