2026 年 8 月。星期日,正午。海洋公園。61Please respect copyright.PENANAaOWKbud4GO
八月的烈陽灑在海洋公園的大門口,但黃家的氣氛比南極館的碎冰還要冷。61Please respect copyright.PENANAsYylWEwrRh
十四個人的「聯軍」剛走到海洋列車站附近,就遇上了這場混亂的引信。那是幾個穿著昂貴潮牌、頸掛粗金鏈的壯漢,身邊帶著幾個濃妝艷抹、穿著高跟鞋在主題公園行伸展台的「三陪式」女伴。這班男人顯然想在女伴面前攞威,公然在排隊動線上打尖。61Please respect copyright.PENANA6oyBAAWwCp
「讓開啦!我哋趕時間呀!」其中一個的「粗金鏈」猛地一推,差點撞倒了正提著暖水壺的黃老太。黃大錘想伸手去扶,卻被另一個壯漢用膊頭狠狠撞開:「阿伯,行路睇路呀,跌親唔好賴人呀!」61Please respect copyright.PENANAoumWcKmZkh
這句話,成了整場爆炸的導火線。61Please respect copyright.PENANA0MqRhh1lsx
阿初原本正彎腰檢查輕便傘車的輪鎖,看到老竇被撞,眼神深處那股社畜的忍耐力終於徹底熔斷。他抬起頭,看著這群仗著人多、恃強凌弱的白痴,心底那句「好好哋唔得嘅」變成了某種震顫。他沒有放開車,而是右腳一踩,鎖死傘車的腳剎,確保車子穩如泰山。61Please respect copyright.PENANAoOH4JIp6mp
「老婆,」阿初看著這班人,語氣出奇地平靜,「啲筋骨有啲硬,我想鬆一鬆。」61Please respect copyright.PENANAV8hl7ieQFl
阿敏推了推鼻樑上的金絲眼鏡。即使懷裡繫著四個月大的阿斗,緊身的運動上衣依然勾勒出她作為「眼鏡系美熟女」那優雅而知性的曲線,只是那雙隱藏在鏡片後的眼神,此刻正閃爍著足以凍結盛夏的寒光。61Please respect copyright.PENANAfpRIYUOjZL
為了阿斗的人身安全,她雙手護著孭帶,一步都不會踏入戰圈,但她的聲浪足以覆蓋整個廣場。61Please respect copyright.PENANAsSaIzEQhEF
「阿初,」阿敏冷冷地開口,金絲眼鏡在陽光下折射出一道銳利的光芒,「既然佢哋老母生佢出嚟嗰陣漏咗個腦喺醫院,你就幫手補返課。唔使同佢哋講道理,直接當垃圾清理就得喇。」61Please respect copyright.PENANAXSEzGMf17R
那群壯漢見這對穿著運動衫、揹著大背囊的「中產阿叔阿嬸」竟然敢出聲,其中一個學過兩年泰拳的傢伙獰笑著走上前,在女伴面前擺出個架式:「講法律呀?我依家就係法律!妳個臭……」61Please respect copyright.PENANAI7EG617G40
「臭你個頭呀臭!」阿敏猛地爆出一句中氣十足的罵聲,氣勢之強,震得對方個架式當場僵住,「你聽住!呢度係合家歡場所,你帶住呢班整容整到鼻影都歪晒嘅女人喺度打尖,仲要恰老人家?你以為自己學過兩招花拳繡腿就好威?你連入我哋北角街市做劏魚佬都唔夠資格呀,你個死垃圾!生仔無屎忽呀你!」壯漢被噴得老羞成怒,一記橫拳揮過來。61Please respect copyright.PENANA1RM60f8mXp
阿初動了。61Please respect copyright.PENANAvWzUyThWKQ
他沒有大開大合,更沒有鬆開背後沉重的背囊。相反,他利用了背囊重量作為「壓艙物」。他身形微側,動作在圍觀者眼裡就像是因為背囊太重而站不穩、隨意擺了一下身。61Please respect copyright.PENANAm3xnGT0qYq
「依家教你咩叫『禮貌』。」61Please respect copyright.PENANAYTSrfxMgxG
阿初貼近第一個壯漢,沒有用手打人,只是順著對方的衝力,肩膀連同厚實的背囊帶輕輕一帶。八極拳的「抹掌」化作一種圓滑的引導。那壯漢一拳打在阿初厚實的肩膀墊上,感覺像打中了一堵花崗岩牆,整個人失去重心,狼狽地向後踉蹌了幾步,最後一屁股坐在地上,正好跌在垃圾桶旁邊。61Please respect copyright.PENANAVbpnclchMU
「喂!你……」另外兩個壯漢衝上來。61Please respect copyright.PENANANGdU7Z3F5O
「阿初,左邊嗰個想打人呀!右邊嗰個想亂衝呀!同我清咗佢哋!」阿敏站在後方,金絲眼鏡後的目光如雷達般精準掃描場景,語氣如同判官。61Please respect copyright.PENANAgpkSlw4XXs
阿初身形一矮,像是一台笨重的載貨卡車在窄路轉彎。他躲過一記笨拙的泰拳掃腿,腳下使出一記輕柔的「震腳」。地面微微一顫,阿初使出「抱虎歸山」的變體,雙手扣住對方的腰眼,腰力一送,直接將人像搬運過期藥丸一樣,「順勢」將他塞出了排隊區,疊在第一個壯漢身上。61Please respect copyright.PENANA9ectNbmUY7
剩下的領頭「粗金鏈」見勢色不對,剛想轉身逃跑,卻見阿敏已經護著阿斗擋在了另一邊。阿敏沒有動手,只是舉起 iPhone Pro Max 猛拍,金絲眼鏡透出一股不容置疑的專業壓迫感。61Please respect copyright.PENANAaBTjcDcAPG
「想走?你個衰樣依家全世界都見到喇!仆街!」阿敏用那種如刀般的眼神盯著他,大聲喝罵;大漢一愣,阿初已經轉過身來。61Please respect copyright.PENANA17tdDj051N
「依家教你咩叫『常識』。」61Please respect copyright.PENANAYOvmDocGL9
阿初雙手環抱,一招「挨山靠」的變體,用脊椎那股最厚的勁道,連同背囊的重力輕輕一撞。大漢只覺得自己被一輛無聲的載貨卡車正面擦過,整個人重心全失,騰空半寸,卻又被阿初在空中順勢一拉,沒讓他撞向人群,而是直接讓他一頭栽進了旁邊寫著「塑膠回收」的黃色垃圾桶。61Please respect copyright.PENANAAZoLHiselY
前後不到五分鐘,三名大漢像疊羅漢一樣狼狽不堪。周圍的遊客雖然沒拍掌,但都紛紛避開。61Please respect copyright.PENANAcbSqTmXg4O
「外父、外母、老竇、媽。」阿初拍拍手上的灰,轉身看著一臉崇拜的黃子軒和黃樂瑤,恢復了憨厚的笑容,「路通咗喇,我哋去坐海洋列車先啦。」61Please respect copyright.PENANAoInKYU1Ewk
阿敏伸手推了推眼鏡,理了理孭帶,確保阿斗沒被吵醒。她對著看呆了的阿婕和阿朔冷淡地說:「睇咩呀?呢啲叫『清理垃圾』,平時喺街市常見啦。阿初,行啦,再遲啲阿斗就要飲奶喇。」61Please respect copyright.PENANA0rInjPy3mY
黃大錘看著兒子的背影,摸了摸鬍鬚,對陳生說:「親家,我個仔呢手『物流搬運術』,好似進步咗喎。識得用個背囊嚟加重個底盤,醒目。」61Please respect copyright.PENANA8wjB72xWUo
阿初走在隊伍最前頭,推著那架掛滿重物的傘車,感覺剛才那幾下發勁,讓他這幾個月來的鬱結一掃而空。61Please respect copyright.PENANAaT40IudhKW
61Please respect copyright.PENANAjqkCZg5ztk
【編劇夥伴吐糟】61Please respect copyright.PENANA6ZostF9r8I
眼鏡系美熟女的壓迫感:阿敏嗰種「知識分子」嘅外殼下包裝住「北角街坊」嘅戰鬥力,反差感爆棚。嗰種眼神穿透鏡片直射壯漢嘅感覺,簡直比八極拳仲傷人。61Please respect copyright.PENANAGOxZHKGpm8
61Please respect copyright.PENANAbajR9klsgL
背囊物流拳法:喺海洋公園呢種地方,你大開大合咁打人一定會被報警;但你「因為背囊太重而擺動身軀」,結果對手自己撞埋嚟跌低,呢個叫「物理慣性」,警察嚟到都無得執。61Please respect copyright.PENANAn7M3VfLK4M
61Please respect copyright.PENANAK76hFouTJP
阿初的發洩:其實阿初唔係想打交,佢係想透過呢幾下「震腳」同「抹掌」,將呢幾個月湊仔、搬屋、對住十四人聯軍嘅壓力全部排走。打完之後佢個笑容,先係真正嘅「解脫」。61Please respect copyright.PENANAk60B88RTae
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ISSUE #41
禮貌的抹掌
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