who I was before

Who was I

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I was a happy girl before I turned 6

I was only a kid

Now I’m 14 sad and well broken

I still have a childlike hope for a family

But I know I won’t get that

If you know me In real life

You know I’m very immature

That’s because I had no childhood and I’m living well in the past

Trying to be a kid again

Wanting to be carefree

But I’m stuck in these chains

Of lies and crime and broken and sadness and hurt

No one feels like I do

But before all this

I was happy

Carefree innocent pure happy

The best one Free

I was free

Now I’m Stuck by these chains of lies and sadness

Stuck to roam my mind that is filled with trauma

Now what am I

A lost soul

When I look at baby pictures

I wonder

What happened to that little girl

But I already know what happened

Everyone left her to the monsters in her mind

Now she is destroyed by darkness

She was a very happy person with a smile that lit up a room

A laugh that made others happy

Now a smile is not seen without friends

But still she is scared to lose them

They don’t understand how fucking scared she is too lose them

The only people in her life that cared enough to stay

When she cried they stayed

When she broke down they stayed

She is so scared that history is going to come back and hurt her

She doesn't think that she gets happiness and always wondering

What she did wrong always in pain

No one knows what they did to her

She is so scared to say what those kids in the past did to her

They broke her down

Took her dreams and crushed them

Let her cry alone

Break her down with a touch

Made the worse worse

No one knows how deep the issues run

How broken she is now

She was a 37 year old at 6 grew up so fast

And now she is a 14 year old who is 7 at heart

Trying to relive what she didn’t get

A Happy start and better endings

She wishes all the time to start over

Be a better person

To make them stay hold them close

Be useful

But in the end she knows everyone was going to leave

Now She is 14 but her brain is 7 years old

Because she grew up so fast

With a brain that was 37 but only 6

Now that she is 14 she thinks about it everyday

But if they were to see her at home and see what she is like at school

That is too different people

At home there is not a smile in sight

Everything is quiet and sad and gloomy

But at school she has the brightest smile and happiest laugh

Like that girl before it all never left

But she did a long time ago

She knows that the people now aren’t so bad

They helped her

But her worse fear is to lose it all everything to a mistake

To be alone again

That is her biggest fear

Alone scared broken

The word that runs through her brain is

What’s born in darkness stays there you can’t change what is stuck in chains

But still I help others

Because it makes my life a little more better

The look on the peoples face when I help

Because in the darkness there is still light and with the light

If your born outside it ,it makes those memories special

Sure it’s not everything I should have

But it’s better than nothing

I still have a child like hope

For a better life

But then I think of my life now that I built

But still my past I can’t forget but I can learn from it

And I will help others who need it

So not only my life is better but the person I helped

Can see in darkness there is light and in light there is darkness

Not everyone is perfect we all make mistakes but there is a saying I like

We are human that is it we are all different and all think different things

I respect that Human is human is human and we all deserve respect no matter what

As humans we are great

I like that saying it helps me see the better in people

Even through it all I think no one is alone

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