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So, it was this that troubled him...?
Xiao Meng thought to himself.
In an instant, his thoughts flew back to the imperial study, to a conversation he’d had with Emperor Xian.
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To be honest, the young emperor’s enthusiasm for conversation had somewhat stunned Xiao Meng. But he understood that, for an emperor who had grown up deep within the palace, opportunities to speak freely with someone were rare, perhaps only a handful in a lifetime.
Since Xiao Meng was there to seek help on Lü Bu’s behalf, the topic inevitably turned to Lü Bu. Emperor Xian seemed quite curious and interested in Lü Bu, asking how Xiao Meng had met him and how they had lived together.
As Xiao Meng told his story, the emperor seemed to imagine Lü Bu as a rough countryman, often smiling with fascination. Naturally, the emperor also asked how Lü Bu first managed to escape death, and Xiao Meng answered truthfully.
He did not hide the episode where Lü Bu begged for mercy.
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Xiao Meng considered whether he ought to preserve Lü Bu’s dignity before the emperor. However, this young emperor was no fool—he could easily tell whether Xiao Meng’s story was incomplete or insincere.
And Xiao Meng was not used to, nor good at, lying—especially not to someone he regarded as a friend.
He also knew that, at that moment, the emperor’s trust and support were far more important than Lü Bu’s pride. Unexpectedly, after hearing the story, Emperor Xian showed no contempt—instead, he slapped his leg and exclaimed, "Good! That is what a true man does!"
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The emperor’s eyes shone with admiration.
He slowly stood, hands behind his back, took two steps toward the window, then turned and said, "People say a hero does not fear death, since without life one has nothing, and life is therefore most precious. Only those who can give up what is hardest to give up are true heroes."
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The emperor walked to the window, gazing out at the storm.
"That’s the opinion of the mediocre. What they don’t understand is that the precious thing is not life itself, but what can be accomplished in a lifetime. Life is important because it gives you the chance to realize those things."
He turned back, eyes bright. "Vitality can be used in a thousand ways, but once it’s gone, all is lost—the key is how you use it, not just that you have it. Lü Bu understands this, so he dared to do what he did."
Xiao Meng gazed at the emperor, surprised not just by his admiration for Lü Bu, but by the burning fire of life in his eyes.
It felt familiar.
Because he had seen that same intensity before—in Lü Bu’s eyes.
Xiao Meng had always thought Sima Yi was a man of extraordinary wisdom. Now, he realized he had overestimated him. Compared to this young man’s vision and spirit, there was no comparison. At the very least, Xiao Meng knew Sima Yi could never have spoken such words.
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He was moved to the core.
Perhaps noticing Xiao Meng’s emotion, Emperor Xian couldn’t help but show a bit of youthful pride and said boldly, "Honestly, I did hesitate for a while—after all, the opponent is Cao Cao! But now I’ve decided—I’ll do everything I can to help you, don’t worry!"
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"Of course not."
Back in the present, after Lü Bu’s question, Xiao Meng’s memory flashed by and he quickly composed himself, answering with certainty, "You may not be a good man, but how could you ever be called pathetic?"
Given the situation, Xiao Meng guessed that Lü Bu was not one to just sit and wait for death—he must have been preparing to escape the city, though he would never let his men know his plan.
It was just that Cao Cao had outmaneuvered him, bribing Hou, Wei, and Song, and struck before Lü Bu was ready, with the army closing in secretly.
He saw Lü Bu’s silhouette behind the screen tremble, as if he’d straightened up a little.
"But… but I really did abandon my subordinates who died for me. I admit… I was afraid to die…" Lü Bu clenched his fists and bowed his head, voice low.
Xiao Meng leaned forward, his slender, strong arms resting on the bath’s rim, giving Lü Bu a meaningful look and even teasing, "Afraid of death? I heard the Lü family fears nothing."
As he spoke, he wondered what Lü Bu’s face looked like at that moment.
"True, you’re not a good man."
He continued to gaze at Lü Bu’s back.
"But you’re using ‘afraid of death’ incorrectly. If you really were afraid, you’d have always been timid, avoiding all danger. How would that have led you to defy Cao Cao?"
Xiao Meng stared at the tall figure, shrouded in mist, almost entranced.
He took a deep breath in the bath and continued, "With your ability, you could have been a fine general under any lord. But you—just couldn’t stand being subordinate, and that’s what led you here."
Lü Bu gave a bitter laugh, sounding a little exasperated, "Go on, keep scolding me. I already regret it enough."
"Regret? But I don’t want you to regret it."
Xiao Meng said, "Because if you weren’t that way, even if you’d lived a smooth life, with children and grandchildren, dying old and satisfied, in the end you’d feel—you never really lived! And we only get one life. Besides, if you weren’t like that, today…"
He paused, his voice turning especially gentle, "I wouldn’t be here, saying these things to you."
Lü Bu, who’d been hanging his head, was shaken, and couldn’t help but turn to look at Xiao Meng through the screen.
Through layers of thin silk and steam, Xiao Meng’s skin still glowed pale as snow, his long hair soft and jet-black, his features delicate and luminous.
Lü Bu no longer wanted to look away.
Especially as Xiao Meng had more to say.
"Actually, you’re less afraid of death than anyone. You just love life more than anyone."
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With fingers like young bamboo, Xiao Meng brushed wet hair from his face and looked down at the golden peony shining in the corner of the screen.
"Most people cling to life because they fear death; those unafraid of death simply have nothing left to live for. I’ve never seen anyone like you, who can separate the two so completely."
"Lü Bu…"
Sunlight through the screen fell on Xiao Meng, but to Lü Bu, Xiao Meng himself was the source of all light.
"You know, that day, I originally didn’t plan to save you. I was going to wait until you died, then kill Cao Cao, and die myself."
Suddenly, Xiao Meng looked Lü Bu straight in the eye, his gaze blazing through the screen.
Lü Bu’s heart pounded.
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"Because you don’t know—long ago, I already wanted to die! You don’t know how much I always felt my existence in this world was entirely dispensable!"
Xiao Meng felt his eyes growing hot, his whole body burning, especially his heart, which was blazing with heat.
"It was your actions that day that completely changed me!"
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"Please, grandfathers, spare me!"
"Lü Bu doesn’t want to die!"
"Don’t want to die!"
…Don’t want to die…
…I… don’t want to die…
…I don’t want to die!
—I. Don’t. Want. To. Die!
Not only Lü Bu, I too did not want to die.
For the first time in his life, Xiao Meng felt his own desire.
A raging desire!
And desire is like a flame, so seductive.
So beautiful.
In the end, a single spark became a wildfire, burning Xiao Meng’s old world to ashes.
And the spark that ignited this great blaze was Lü Bu’s will to live.
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"So, if you hadn’t begged for your life that day, you would have died, I would have died, and neither of us would have survived until White Gate Tower collapsed. But because you did what you did, we both lived. So, it wasn’t me who saved you—it was you who saved me, and yourself!"
Tears fell naturally.
But Xiao Meng didn’t want to wipe them away, because now he felt an unprecedented happiness. He had once believed happiness—even in dreams—was something he was unworthy of.
"Because I lived, I could meet you again. I could finally see myself clearly, and realize how foolish all my old pain was! I finally know… just how terribly wrong I was!"
Xiao Meng’s face was wet with tears, his voice trembling, but he had to go on.
He was determined to pour out all his tears, joy, emotion, and love, like a river rushing toward the sea—all of it, for Lü Bu.
"Because we both lived, now I… can be with you! It’s because I’m with you that I know… I am so worth living for, my life is so precious!
I know I am worthy—
So worthy—
No one else in the world—
Deserves it more than us!"
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The bathhouse returned to silence.
When Xiao Meng finished, Lü Bu said nothing. The air was filled with silence and suppressed breaths.
Now Lü Bu was facing Xiao Meng, separated by only a screen.
He lowered his head, fists clenched so tightly his knuckles turned white.
Lü Bu’s emotions surged—Xiao Meng’s words had just brought a storm to his heart.
In the bath, Xiao Meng also hung his head and shrank into the water, utterly drained by what he’d just said.
He didn’t even have the energy to wonder how Lü Bu would react; he just felt a deep, peaceful stillness.
He was only waiting…
"Xiao Meng…" Lü Bu called softly.
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…Of course, it’s always him who breaks the silence—maybe that’s why I can be so calm, Xiao Meng thought mischievously.
As the thought arose, Lü Bu suddenly stood, walked silently around the screen, and came before Xiao Meng.
Xiao Meng looked up, and the instant their eyes met, he felt his breath stolen by the heat in Lü Bu’s gaze.
Before he could react, Lü Bu knelt by the bath, cupped Xiao Meng’s face in his hands, and, as Xiao Meng felt the warmth and roughness against his cheeks, Lü Bu kissed him deeply.
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Their breaths mingled, entwined in the steamy air of the bathhouse.
Lü Bu kissed him fiercely, only letting go when Xiao Meng felt he could hardly breathe.
His breath still trembling, Lü Bu gazed at Xiao Meng with infinite tenderness, gently tucking his hair behind his ear, then kissed his forehead, as light as water.
"Xiao Meng, you always surprise me," Lü Bu said.
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Lü Bu admitted to himself he was a little selfish—he had opened up this old wound to Xiao Meng not to be judged, but because he wanted comfort. He wanted comfort from Xiao Meng. It’s what every wounded man seeks from the one he loves.
But Xiao Meng never simply comforted him; he shook his very soul.
During their days together, Lü Bu had pondered a question:
What does it mean to meet the right person at the right time?
Thinking back to their first meeting in Luoyang—he was Lü Bu in his prime, and Xiao Meng was the dazzling Diao Chan.
But between them there was only deception and opposition.
They met again in Xiapi.
By then, both their fates were in decline.
Yet it was exactly because of their failures that Xiao Meng had been willing to approach him—whether out of sympathy, pity, shared misfortune, or mutual support.
He thought, if he hadn’t harbored such wild ambition, maybe his life would have gone smoothly and successfully.
In that case, Xiao Meng would still be Diao Chan.
Diao Chan would have been just a flower drifting by in his dreams, a fleeting beauty.
But because he failed, Diao Chan became Xiao Meng, and his world was forever changed.
Perhaps it was all destined.
Even their meeting in Luoyang was no accident.
Because, at that time, fate had already prepared the road he was meant to walk.
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"Xiao Meng, these past days, I’ve come to understand…"
Lü Bu looked at Xiao Meng with deep affection. "Everything I experienced in the first half of my life was to make my remaining days something I could share with you. Maybe our meeting, everything between us, was never by chance. And Xiao Meng, do you know…"
He gently drew Xiao Meng to his shoulder, caressing his hair with his wounded right hand. "A person must cherish what remains of their life, and all that remains to me—is you. So…"
Xiao Meng didn’t speak; all he could do was bury his face in this man’s shoulder and silently weep.
"Xiao Meng, I only ask that you cherish yourself. Because cherishing yourself is the same as cherishing me."
Xiao Meng was beyond words, sobbing uncontrollably.
But he listened—every word Lü Bu said, he took deep into his heart; every syllable left a mark.
He knew that, no matter how long he lived, when he drew his last breath, he would always remember what Lü Bu said to him today.
Xiao Meng didn’t want to say "thank you" anymore.
For some reason, he wanted to say "I’m sorry," but held back.
At last, Xiao Meng found the one thing he most wanted to say now.
He knelt, hugged Lü Bu, and said, "Bu… I understand now… I really do."
Lü Bu was taken aback.
Then he gently rubbed Xiao Meng’s head and softly said, "That’s all I ask."
He reached into the bath to check the water temperature, then whispered in Xiao Meng’s ear, "Come on, the water’s cold now."
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Lü Bu pulled a chair over, carefully lifted Xiao Meng from the bath, sat him on the chair, dried him off, dressed him in a warm robe, carried him to the bedroom, and tucked him into bed.
"Be good, Xiao Meng. Get a good sleep."
Seeing Xiao Meng’s pink cheeks, soft as petals after the medicinal bath, Lü Bu couldn’t help but gently brush them with the back of his hand.
From the moment Lü Bu lifted him from the bath, Xiao Meng simply closed his eyes and let himself be cared for, even falling asleep on Lü Bu’s shoulder as he was carried to bed.
Lü Bu thought: This little one really is acting like a child now…
Xiao Meng opened his eyes just a crack, murmured "Mm," smiled faintly, and closed them again.
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Lü Bu sat by Xiao Meng’s bedside, listening to his steady sleeping breath, unable to help glancing at the secret letter in his hand—a letter bearing a most intriguing name: Guo Jia.
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End of Chapter 30
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The Burning Dream Chronicle Chapter 30: "Flames of Desire"24Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5w76f4ZfxB
Written by Jing Xixian (King Heyin) (Vampire L), all rights reserved.24Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcQMQ3YS81
No part of this work may be reproduced, copied, adapted, transported, translated, or used commercially in any form without the author's written permission.
© Jing Xixian (King Heyin) (Vampire L), All rights reserved.
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